Monday, October 18, 2010

HCwDB of the Month

Only one more HCwDB of the Month left after this one to determine our finalists at the 2010 Douchie Awards in December, and our crowning of this year’s HCwDB of the Year. This is one tough contest. Make it count.

Here are your finalists:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Mister Liptatt and Holly

One one singular pic for The Liptatt o ‘Doom and Ms. Holly.

But one pic was all we needed.

With chin pube, ‘bag hand gesture #41, stupid tatt and nuclear goggles they do nothing, Mister Liptatt is all that is semi-employed at The Gap.

Holly’s superlative curves are race-track gnaw.

Together, they order top shelf and bill it to the room.

But enough to win a Monthly? There’s certainly enough signifiers present. But we got threes more to go:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: The Kleenexer and Nicola

From the Canadian hinterlands of Toronto comes this hottie/pooey club disaster that Bob and Doug McKenzie would bemoan with a brew.

Check the run of toxic phlegm: run of party douche, Kleencrotch #3, Woody Woodpanel, and The Kleenexer, Nicola and Some Ninny.

Contasting with Liptatt’s southern ass-scrotery, The Kleenexer wipes Nicola with northern club bling and ‘tude, harshing many a kitten’s mellow.

This is classic pro douche. Paid by the sneer. Setting the template for amateurs the world over to follow in hopes of scoring hottie suckle thigh.

But should we vote pro? Or amateur? Next up:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Vlad the Inhaler and Natasha

Vlad and Natasha’s win/loss was really a two-part flip book of wrongness. First, the pic you see here, and second Licky Nip.

Vlad brings strangely bizarro Eurodouchery to the game. Shirt over head. American Eagle pokey underwear.

And while many have criticized Natasha for being too zaftig of body, I would argue her plumpness is curvy goodness that brings an extra serving of Pear, and should not be easily dismissed.

But can their two pic run of licky nip defeat the pros from Vegas and Toronto?

There’s one more finalist to consider:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: The Crustie Brothers and Karen and Sue

Oldbags hitting on young PTA divorcees who go by their American names, Karen and Sue.

A development so crappy, Robin Williams and John Travolta just signed on to star in the movie version of the Crustie Brothers on a wild vegas adventure, “Old Shite.”

Yup.

I have no idea what I’m saying.

But what I’m saying is not important.

What is important is your vote. Which of these four slices of tardy/nuzzle deserve Monthly status and a slot in the 2010 HCwDB of the Year at the Douchie Awards in December?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
7:36 am October, 18 Bag Margera said...

Holly’s body is so perfect, it looks like it was engineered in a lab. And liptatt is on par with fish slap. All he needs is a series of pics in which he continues to douche it up as a constantly expanding cold sore. Lipherp FTKITN!

7:56 am October, 18 ehcuodouche said...

Some very good quality hott in the monthly, and consistently mockworthy douche.

Vlad gets fourth place for a very punchworthy face, but not so punchworthy that it distracts me from Natasha’s badonkadonk.

Crusties get third for Sue’s quartasian hottness – that always gets bonus points. However, the Crusties’ only left me with minor itching, not the burning and peeling around the eyes that results from viewing DBoTM quality.

Liptatt gets a close second for lip tatt, and Ms. Holly’s wonderful assets, but that’s not enough to defeat…

The Kleenex. He’s got the bling, the hand gestures, the overly tight v-neck, tatts, orange. He’s also sadly got Natasha – whose aura raises the temperature of the Great White North by ten degrees and is probably melting the polar ice caps.

But more than anything, he deserves the monthly for being a club promoter, fostering an environment where douchebags can mingle, thrive, and grow out of control. The other douchebags might just be spreading their infection partner by partner. This guy is up in a crop duster blasting paraquat over thousands of acres.

Worse…he’s from Canada. Most Canadians I’ve met are rather modest, subdued types. On a relative scale this guy is off the charts powerdouche. I’m embarrassed to have Canadian friends now, and I have to put some neosporin on my eyeballs.

8:05 am October, 18 the douche is alright said...

Liptatt

8:06 am October, 18 fatness said...

Kleenexer and Nicola.
.
Because Nicola is all sorts of nocturnal emission hottness and Kleenex douche makes me want to bomb Canada, England for settling Canada, and France for poking their nose in too. And kick a puppy.

8:09 am October, 18 Maxim Kovalenko said...

The Kleenex. Track record is the best indicator of future doucheosity, and this guy has that nailed. Besides, that goddamn sneer makes me want to take an egg beater to my eyeballs so I don’t ever have to see it anymore.

8:11 am October, 18 boatbutter said...

Holly. And whatever what’s-his-name is.

8:15 am October, 18 Wedgie said...

Holly Body FTW; everyone else is playing for second.

8:19 am October, 18 Et Tu Douche? said...

FTW I’m going to have to go with Kleenexer & Nicola. The Bag is strong with this one and more importantly it is an all encompassing, narcissistic lifestyle for him. While the other candidates are worthy they are merely part timers trying to earn their merit badges compared to Kleenex, who revels in his baggery and unfortunately profits from it at the expense of a mindless populace being inundated from Madison avenue media pop culture idolization.
.
On another note kudos to South Park and their recent episode mocking the Jersey Shore.

8:20 am October, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Holly gives Wood but God save the Queen. And by Queen I mean Kleen. Kleenex for the win and a picture beside douchebag on the Illustrated Encyclopoedia Brittanica.

8:22 am October, 18 Bag Margera said...

FYI It’s been established that Kleenex is from New York. Any way you look at it America, all the things you blame other countries for directly stems back to your own ass-hattery.

8:23 am October, 18 massengill said...

Holly Goodbody FTW

8:28 am October, 18 smackdouche said...

I would vote for anything that involved Holly. Her bathing suit screams, “oh, Oh, OH!!!”.

8:31 am October, 18 Eliza Douchecoo said...

If we were simply voting for hotts then Holly wins hands down. But alas, the douchiest guy in the monthly is the Kleenex. He oozes filth, ten seconds with this guy and you’d slit your wrists. You just know he thinks he’s the shit, Natasha is way too good for his dumb-ass.

8:32 am October, 18 Eliza Douchecoo said...

^Natasha, Nicola…whatever.

8:43 am October, 18 Deltus said...

This is a very close race between Kleenex/Nicola and Liptatt/Holly. The smell of douchepoo is very strong with both, with a slight edge to Kleenex for particular toxicity. The hotts are both *STUPID* hott. Truly ridiculously high levels of OMIGOD I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. But the edge, and a slightly wider margin than the choad side, goes to Holly. It’s the difference between *knowing* that Nicola is perfection, and outright *seeing* that Holly is perfection. So it’s Liptatt and Holly FTW, but just by a nose. My nose. Sniffing anywhere and anything on Holly before security throws me out. And it’d be worth it. Because I love her.

8:44 am October, 18 Justin said...

Holly has the most insane body since the hourglass…maybe better. Lipshat has all the right moves…stupid hand gesture, crappy tatts, bling, shaved everything-except for the stupid little booty duster on his lower lip…he sucks. Check out the obnoxious head-bonk he’s giving her. Lipshat and Holly hottness FTW. Vlad and Kleenex tie for second.

8:45 am October, 18 End the Haberdouchery said...

The Kleenexer makes the other brothers look about as douchey as Woody Allen.

8:50 am October, 18 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Good Golly Holly Body…FTW

8:52 am October, 18 Tony Ventresca said...

I vote for Holly, who is #1 in so many ways. As for the douchbags, I have no particular opinion. What? You people actually visit this site for the douchebags?

8:55 am October, 18 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Old Bags FTW. And by “win” I mean that “I’m going to go volunteer at the animal shelter to castrate puppies and kittens”. Yes, Old Bags, your win will cost many critters their parts.

9:02 am October, 18 CBS said...

i just woke up so Holly body ftw but if i get out there into the world and remember hate then i might change my alignment toward something douchier than lipherp…nah he’s pretty douchey. and i always have hate for kleenex ass wipe faggot…but…well it’s close.

tough decisions call for tough solutions, so here’s two tough SOBs ready to enter the zone – BUZZSAW and DYNAMO!!

yeah kill those douchebags! woo hoo.

since i know kleenex wipes his ass to this video, stimulating the freakishly overgrown anal glands and secreting stink grease all over the hotts… kleenex lummox and lil nicky ftw. his movement must be stopped…preferably by a barbed buttplug from HELL!

9:02 am October, 18 saulgoode42 said...

Liptatt- his girl’s the hottest and he’s got epic moobs in the making. Plus, the liptatt itself looks like a strangely-placed third nipple.

9:05 am October, 18 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Kleenex is a professional ‘bag. Literally. As in he gets paid to be a douche and to promote all things douchey. He is an endorser of credit card debt and mortgage foreclosure. He is style over substance. He is grease in the cogs of the douche machine.
.
He gets paid to treat angelic hotts (see Nicola) as if they were six pound watches; to cloud their thinking with faux-fame, garish bravado, and hair product fumes until they lose their cognative abilities altogether.
.
He’s pure evil. Like the villain in Time Bandits.
.
Kleenex FTM

9:07 am October, 18 Nancy Dreuche said...

Since this is for the big money, I must vote wisely. Its a tough one this week. Like my Aunt Mildred used to say “So many wankers so little time.” (She was kind of a whore, but she’s with the angels now, whoring it up there I’m sure.)

As for my vote in the monthly, it must go to Lipshitz Tatt and James Bond Bikini model Holly. Lipshitz still enrages me with his How-To-Pleasure-My-Neck-Area Craptoo and Holly looks likes she farts chocolate covered strawberries. And as you all know, I love chocolate!

9:11 am October, 18 Fenton Hardy said...

Kleenex is the shit hatters.

9:15 am October, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Mister Liptatt and Holly FTW even if Holly took off those shades and had a pair of detached retina floating her eyes in different directions , she’d still be HoH worthy.
.
Liptatt is too cool for the room, but only if that room is a Porta-Potty in the parking lot of a Kenny Chesney concert

9:20 am October, 18 H. Sapiens said...

^ Cool, Fenton’s back for another beating…
.
Since he can’t edit i’ll fix his post: “Kleenex is a shit hat.”
.
Fenton’s wearing it.
.
Anyway, back to the vote: Kleenex and Nicola in a wet, messy crotchful of my spooge.

9:22 am October, 18 Wedgie said...

More pics of Holly please. With or without this month’s winner.

9:44 am October, 18 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

The Kleenexer and Nicola FTW. The part of my brain that comes up with pithy comments died at the mere sight of the Kleenexer.

9:44 am October, 18 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

So that was the best I could do^^^

9:47 am October, 18 tall guy said...

I’d considered then reconsidered my vote twice now. Liptatt ticks all the boxes and I, too, echo every previous comment regarding Holly’s outstanding hottness. But Kleenex really is the fly in the ointment. Plus, as was also previously mentioned: Kleenex is enabling douchery on far grand a scale than Liptatt’s stupid kissylip tatt. Liptatt’s vacant space is certainly one to watch. Preferably with a nail studded club, all the better to beat a bit of sense into him. But Kleenex so clearly climbed the craggy mountain of taint before him and emerged top of a foul smelling, scumbag heap.
Kleenex FTW.

9:51 am October, 18 Bangladouche said...

Kleenex. He brought it all month long. His douche-ness out crapped everyone.

Holly for Hall of Hot.

10:34 am October, 18 Condouchious said...

Holly is HoH worthy, but I vote for Kleenex because his douchiness goes beyond materialism and tats and facial expressions, it is a way of life and a state of mind. It is the reason for our spiritual war against all that is scrote. Also Nicola is easy on the eyes.

10:39 am October, 18 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Holly FTW with Mister Liptatt riding her hott coattails – “Hotttails” – to victory. Behind every great douchebag is a smoking hott Hott. ‘Nuff said.

10:48 am October, 18 Freddy said...

Kleenex, the bling alone would fill the coffers of a Spanish Galleon.

10:49 am October, 18 Douchey Smurf said...

Mister Liptatt and Holly. By the way. What the fuck is that tattoo across his chest? A luck dragon? A peacock laying down? It confuses me.

10:50 am October, 18 The Goob the Bag and the Pudly said...

I don’t think anyone this month remotely reaches the depths of douchedom that the human bowel movement that is Kleenex does. He will continue to suck the goodness out of life every time I see his smug, sneering face, until the moment I see it being concaved by a well-aimed mallet.

11:00 am October, 18 Wedgie said...

One more vote for Holly. Can I do that?

11:04 am October, 18 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Crusty Oldbags are gross, but at least have found a night of happiness (or an hour– whatever they can afford) in the Asian Delight Happy Ending massage parlor, and I don’t anticipate their douchebaggery spreading far and wide, since there is a limit to the amount of Levitra the human body can safely tolerate.
.
Vlad is certainly a sneering stain on humanity, and deserves none of the delectable curvaceousness Natasha presses against him, but he does ultimately seem like a poser compared to the top-tier entrants.
.
I hate seeing or thinking about Kleenex and despair for Nicola, but not to the point where I am ready to dole out violence upon innocent animals. I think that I can simply ignore his existence and vow never to visit Toronto to rid my psyche of the pain that imagining him and any woman together would surely bring.
.
But Liptatt evokes the douche-loathing in me like few choads on this site ever have. Hell, he should get it just for going shirtless with that oozing peacock feather tattoo and sagging moobs. His physique isn’t any better than my own , and I barely even try to stay in shape! Holly’s exceptional figure and daydream-inspiring navel are woefully wasted by being in the same vicinity as this scrote.
.
Liptatt for the monthly– tragedy that he is.

11:10 am October, 18 Nancy Dreuche said...

If Holly doesn’t make it into the Hall of Hott I will make a grocery list. Tear it in half. Give one half to my blind neighbor and the other one to a rabid racoon and tell them to work it out amongst themselves about who gets to push the cart. Again, do not test me on this. I hate shopping for groceries!

Holly for HOH.

11:21 am October, 18 Douchie Arnaz said...

Coldlipsore for the win; Holly for the Hall.

11:23 am October, 18 Tom Choad said...

I’m on the Liptatt and Holly bandwagon, too. Though I’d rather just be on Holly.
.
Liptatt ought to have a special category created for his test-pattern plaid shorts.

11:24 am October, 18 dbBen said...

Kleenexer
.
For he genuinely believes that his club endeavors make a significant contribution to society. When things go sour, and we’re scrapping the gum off subway seats for the last semblance of nourishment, no one is going to be asking where the next DJ ScroteFace appearance is going to be. We’ll just be longing for the Days of Pear.

11:33 am October, 18 Too Short said...

Holly’s body for hall of hott. Does Liptat have enough to complete the combo? At first glance, no. Upon further inspection every part of this photo has something duchey. Garish tats, pink wrist band, douche face, douche hand signal, douchey glasses, douche hair gel, chest shave and douchey plaid shorts.

Fuck liptat

11:33 am October, 18 CanuckSmacker said...

Liptatt FTW.
Holly for the Hall.
Simple as that.

11:43 am October, 18 clam fist said...

Holly gets my vote. Stackhouse for the yearly.

11:45 am October, 18 Stephanie said...

Holly is in her own group,that few people get to breath in. She just doesn’t have any sense of right or wrong.
Kleenexer is so greasy gross he’d be good as the joker in the next Batman movie.

11:55 am October, 18 Mr. Biggs said...

Guys I think I’m gonna sit this one out. Not here to distinguish between garden variety Vegas douchebags.

But if I were to go on hotts alone, it would be Holly and Liptatt.

11:57 am October, 18 Mr. Biggs said...

FYI I’d like to propose the Liptatt as a possible 2010 trend. I saw it on another guy and instantly branded him as a douchebag. Correctly too… within 30 minutes he was telling everyone how his pregnant fiance likes when he eats pineapple.

12:04 pm October, 18 jonezy said...

I love Holly.
.
I hate tatts of lips on the neck.
.
Winners! (Losers)

12:13 pm October, 18 Blinded by the Shite said...

Having voted for every single one of these mountebanks in the weeklies a tip of the hat goes to Kleenex Mafia. See you at the end of the year, Kleenexer, in front of my steamroller. See you at the court hearing, Nicola.

12:20 pm October, 18 anonymouse said...

I gotta go with the Crusties for scoring real-world milf Hotts and for being old enough to know better. Young douchebags may still right themselves with age and wisdon, but old douchebags are douchebags forever. That, and Sue. My god, how I lust after Sue.

12:23 pm October, 18 Little Douche On The Prairie said...

If that be one of them big city Toronto Commie faggots then I’z got to go with Kleenex the corn-holer.

12:27 pm October, 18 Stackhouse said...

My vote for Kleenex. He can’t wipe my windows in the yearly. Get out of your parents basements ya quuers. I’m crushing. You crying.
Get Some.

12:37 pm October, 18 Bag Margera said...

Stackhouse voted. You should too. Shit stack for the yearly.

1:26 pm October, 18 Troy Tempest said...

Kleenex – because Nicola knows better. She’s just slumming with Kleenex and will soon find her way out of the douchetastic mambo fist miasma she has unwittingly wandered into.

Wings on fire.

1:38 pm October, 18 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

When Holly closes her eyes and cups one of Liptatt’s budding breasts in her soft, lotioned hands, feeling the weight of it in her palm, squeezing the nipple just enough to elicit a startled squeal. When she places her warm, moist lips around the other, her tongue rolling up and down, sucking the plump, unyielding nipple until it’s so erect it seems ready to burst in a mini orgasm of oral torture. When she grinds her wet and engorged pelvic mound up and down against his silky smooth thigh, a shudder racking her entire, tight, beautiful body, she’s thinking back to her freshman year at Texas Christian University where her roommate, a two-time Miss Fwipfinger County Dairy and Beef Products Curd Queen, introduced her to an altogether more satisfiying approach to sexual relationships.
.
Mr. Liptatt and his natural breasts for the win; Holly and her bad taste in women, err men, for the loss.

1:54 pm October, 18 One for the Choad said...

The Kleenexer and Nicola get my vote because he’s in the best position to score the most hotts courtesy of his job, and therefore must be mocked in order to dissuade future Nicolas from posing with this, um, poseur. Wow, that’s all I’ve got this week? Time to go back to bed.

1:56 pm October, 18 Chaz said...

Big Vlad barely wins by the hairs of his people’s eyebrow!

2:08 pm October, 18 Doucheasorus Maximus said...

HOLLY FTW!!!!! Is there a douche in the photo? didn’t notice.

HoH material.

3:31 pm October, 18 I douche, therefore I am said...

Kleenex, for making douchebaggery his business… plus ridiculous bling, CSR, tatts of poo, smirky smirkface, and last but not least, a rather sweet hott.

3:33 pm October, 18 soy bomb said...

Mister Liptatt and Holly for the win. Him: gross boobs, disgusting liptat, laughable facial fung, insufferable facial expression, played-out hand gesture, generic faux hawk. Her: Absolute Perfection.
.
.
.
Words simply cannot describe how angry this coupling makes me.

3:50 pm October, 18 G said...

Mr. Liptatt and Holly for the weekly…with that chin fungus and her wearing Mr. Liptatt’s domineering master’s cock rings around her waist, I don’t see any other choice.

4:11 pm October, 18 Devon Wheatcakes said...

I vote for Vlad the Inhaler because he causes grown men to chuckle, little girls to cry and C. Everett Coop to choke down a carton of Marlboros, whenever he enters the room.

4:32 pm October, 18 DarkSock said...

I really REALLY despise Kleenex but I would eat the ass out of a week-dead army mule just for the privilege to inject her cat’s hot fresh shit into my veins just in the hope that one of her hand molecules was contained therein from petting the beast.

4:47 pm October, 18 wolfram74 said...

I have to go with Kleenex Douche . National pride & all that

4:48 pm October, 18 Justin said...

I agree with douchey smurf….the neck tatt detracts from Lippy’s ridiculous but noteworthy chest tatt. WTF is that?! An amoeba wearing a feather boa? An octopus showgirl? A giant snail vomiting in a houseplant?

4:59 pm October, 18 mr.reeve said...

Mister Liptatt and Holly FTW. Holly is HoH hott and Liptatt is face to fist punchable.

5:30 pm October, 18 Night of the living choadwanks said...

I got to vote for Kleenex. While Liptatt may exhibit a full house of douche signifiers he is merely a symptom of the problem. Kleenex on the other hand is the Typhoid Mary of douche. Holly is looking like a forerunner for hott of the year.

6:30 pm October, 18 Englebert HumperDouche said...

the tat on liptatts chest looks like a dick with fins, the hotness of holly makes me want to murder this serial douche,they get my vote.

6:58 pm October, 18 Medusa Oblongata said...

I had a tough time. Really tough. As in, I’d like to hit them all in the face with a manhole cover. But I can’t, so I’ll just vote. For his ability to affect the widest swath of GV-1 infection in a single evening, the award goes to Kleenex. These other three are merely followers of douche, Kleenex is a merchant of douche, an agent provocateur of pudwackery, a purveyor of all things deserving of cocck punches. He is the P.R. Arm of the Douchebag Agenda, marketing this mindless pap by referring to it as *gag* a “Lifestyle”. By that he means living like the other three entrants here. I, frankly, would sooner tie a boulder around my neck and push it off PH-1. Kleenex FTW, humanity FTL.
.
In more cheerful news…the magic of cropping and a little imagination takes some of the sting out of Vlad’s licky nip.

7:33 pm October, 18 onan the barbarian said...

Liptat ftw, indubitably. The self inflating tatt speaks volume about his misguided self-confidence.

9:28 pm October, 18 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Sorry, my fellow hunters. However, I must defend my homeland and preserve any worthy vestiges of The Dominion of Canada. I am going to go with Kleenex and Nicola. We have already quantified the extent of risk with Kleenex. Liptatt and Vlad most likely will never get out of their rent controlled apartment or mother’s suburban basement, but Kleenex has fooled the unwitting masses of young Torontonians that he is a legitimate socialite. He can act as a douche agonist, binding itself to receptors of those neophytes trying to develop taste, yet he probably half aware of his effect. Hell, with his cocky, ridiculous sardonic smirk, he is like the twin roided sub IQ brother of Max Zorin who sent him on “special mission” to Toronto, so he couldn’t screw up Max’s plans to destroy Silicon Valley. Little did Zorin know that Kleenex would inadvertently start succeeding, and now, Kleenex is celebrating that he does not have to do “mouthy mouth” with his male entourage any more.

Nicola fits the bill as a lustful bond girl in distress. Unfortunately, rather than being caught in a web of sophisticated intrigue, she is caught in what looks like a Douche version of Kids In The Hall sketch and thinks that Kleenex will be the key to that coveted position of host at Entertainment Tonight Canada. She must be snapped out of that scrote trance and rescued James Bond style. Still, this is Canada; I suppose we will have to send in Rick Moranis, Paul Gross, or Guy Laliberté can send in some non douchey men from Cirque du Sol–err okay, maybe not. Got any CIA agents to spare?

9:30 pm October, 18 Sir David Douchenborough said...

*he is probably

I can no well write

9:46 pm October, 18 Architeuthis Douche said...

Kleenex is the sort of plague that settles deep within the tissues of the affected hot chicks. His snotty smile blows noses and various other things. I bet he likes being boogered by big-nostrilled mules.

9:53 pm October, 18 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

VLAD and NATASHA.
They deserve each other, but mine eyes do NOT deserve them

11:08 pm October, 18 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Oh, and Liptatt and Holly for the WIN. Sorry, I got carried away with VLAD and Natasha.
Holly iscurvy HOH in pure white against bare flesh.

11:53 pm October, 18 Baron Von Goolo said...

Holly is so ungodly hawt that she could be standing next to the farmer from ‘American Gothic’ and I’d still give them my monthly vote.
.
And no, I won’t make a link to the ‘American Gothic’ farmer. Because you should know what I’m talking about. And if you don’t, the terrorists have already won.

2:55 am October, 19 Wedgie said...

James Deen voted for Holly.

5:22 am October, 19 justadouchalo said...

The quality hot this month made selection a process of elimination based on douchewankery.
The Kleenexer is professional Santorum and therefore does not have amateur standing and is ineligible to compete despite his obvious dismerits which don’t dim Nicola’s Sheryl Crow/Carly Simon smokiness.
The Crusties are South Beach gaybags and get a pass. Honorable mention to Vlad for obvious reasons and Natasha’s badonkadonk.
So it’s Mister Liptatt and Holly (oh, Holly) FTW.
A great month all in all.

5:30 am October, 19 system of douche said...

I’m torn. I need to dismiss Liptatt and Holly, as hard as it is to do, because he is merely annoying, and though she has one smoking bod, I can’t see the eyes. What if they were Tori Spelling eyes?

So Kleenexer. Professional douche, yes. Punchworthy? Absolutely. On his own he stands to be tarred and feathered. But here, he is sporting a gentle smile, as if under all that ‘baggery, there may be a little boy lost. Nicole is yummy, but I need to see more of her body of work to make a confirmation. Take out some words and it waters down to I need to see boobages.

The Crusties. Ridiculous. Pulling Thai ladyboys. But I feel a fellowship with these gents, as we are likely around the same age. Wrap ‘er up well, limit the reach arounds and fantasize about real women. That’s how it’s done.

Ah, Vlad. You were my favorite for the weekly, and you, good sir, are my favorite for the monthly. What can I say that hasn’t already been converted to murderous thoughts? To have a vivacious, curvacious hott slobbering all over you and yet you still feel the need to smirk and preen for the camera? You think it’s Dr. Evil time? Good Lord. Vlad FTW.

6:45 am October, 19 Brian said...

If it is truly to be HOT CHICK w a douche bag, there is none hotter than Holly, with the understated smile, perfectly tight bod that is not too gym sculpted, and that OMF’ing G bikini bottom, O! O! O! all the way to the Hall of Hott!

And while many have pointed out the more obvious points in Kleenex’s douche baggery, can no one else see liptatt’s full frontal shave job? He must spend the better part of a day cleaning up everything from shoulders to knees for a look worthy of a eunuch.

That combination of Hall of Hott Holly, and, what shall we call it? E-baggery, does not need multiple entries.

7:17 am October, 19 DarkSock said...

Baron, the the terrorist won in 2008 I believe.
For those of you who (sadly) don’t know what American Gothic is, below is what I believe to be the Goolo-approved version to be:
asdfff

7:30 am October, 19 Mr. White said...

I’d love to post excellent commentage, but sadly, I’m getting slammed at work, and doubly sadly, said slamming is being done by Medusa.
.
I’m throwing down my vote for Kleenex with Nicola, although Liptatt and Holly are as close to the top spot as the crabs are to Lip’s genitalia.

7:32 am October, 19 Dicy said...

Holly and Liptatt FTL.

Kick ass body next to a pud with stupid tats. Makes my soul weep. Holly has some signs of bleeth in her accessories but seems like a nice person still. There is some hope which is why we must mock the disease next to her!

8:08 am October, 19 Istandouche said...

At first look of this month’s select candidates, I thought it would be a hard choice. And how could it not be? After all, Holly’s body (and let’s not forget the bikini effect) is out of this world and Sue posing with the Oldbag Crustie Brothers is all sorts of sweet Asian hotness. The bags in those pictures equally deserve to be smacked for 24 hours straight. Yet, one more look at the Kleenexer made it all easy. This guy is clearly a major infector of the Grieco virus and a serious menace to society. Nicola’s hotness is more than enough to help this couple get the coveted Monthly.

8:26 am October, 19 ElderDouch said...

I have to go with the hotest bod we have seen in a while Mister Liptatt and Holly FTW

8:54 am October, 19 Tom Choad said...

Darksock, I have to say, as a native Iowan, that rendition of American Gothic both appalled me and made me laugh till my sides hurt.
.
The blood running down the pitchfork handle and collecting between the farmer’s fingers was an especially nice touch.

8:55 am October, 19 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

The sight of Liptatt still upsets my digestive system and makes my bowels discharge oily stool. That idiot is foul. Holly hurts my soul, she’s that hot. This pic is simply the most perfect description of a super hott with a loathsome douche deserving of all the Mock that we can thrust upon him. Liptatt/Holly FTW all the way.

9:06 am October, 19 dblpits2teste said...

Gotta give it to the Kleenex Krew. They win for taking themselves way too seriously and creating an entire industry from nothing but poo. And for posing with luscious party girls

9:10 am October, 19 Chixdiggit said...

I defy you to find me a woman with a better body than Holly’s.

9:20 am October, 19 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

I’m going Liptatt, the guy is flexing his non-abs so hard that I just crapped my own pants. Sorry douche-nozzle, seven minute abs isn’t going to help much when you guzzle Bud Light Lime and drunkenly inhale carne asada fries on a daily basis. And Holly is so fine that I’d let her pee in my butt. Twice.

10:54 am October, 19 douche bagel said...

tough one….
but kleenex wipes up the win due to liptatts lack of pictures. and by that i mean holly’s lack of pictures. send her to HOH and send liptatt back to his mall kiosk.
kleenex is much too douchey to walk away from this one, he earned it. nicola is some fine expensive swedish trim and i hope she drains his bank account

11:08 am October, 19 Wheezer said...

Kleenex and Nicola FTM. When I run out of TP, I can use Kleenex for the same purpose and I still want it flushed.
.
But Holly’s going to have to win a Douchie for “Best Curves” or “Best Use of Cockk Rings” or something, so she won’t disappear. That’s how we win.
.
For the others, Vlad’s just a party pud and looks almost like a pre-tatt Liptatt. The Crusties disgust me with their douchery, but they look old enough to have real jobs and can support themselves – they’re just choading it up on weekends a la the dorky old guys in Hardbodies.
.
Liptatt clearly kicked beyond his coverage with Holly, so we know she won’t stick with him; she’s just in her badboy-lovin’, daddy-pissin’-off phase and will grow out of it once she hears the cha-ching from rich married men.
.
But the Kleenex choads do this as their job. Yes, they are professional douchebags, but they are also professional douchebags. They want this lifestyle and are willing to work their whole lives for it and around it. That’s the kind of dedication we need to see…..and mock mercilessly. And they just might be able to supplant Stackhouse, who I would advise to start churning out some more verse if he wants to be remembered.

11:14 am October, 19 Blair said...

Mr. Liptatt (if you’re nasty) gets my vote. At least he’s showing me exactly where to aim my righteous karate chop of anger. I’d like to kiss him right there with a boat anchor.

Holly, on the other hand, can kiss me anywhere she damn well pleases. Yes, even there.

12:20 pm October, 19 Hapich said...

Liptat & Holly FTW

2:00 pm October, 19 Bob Mcadouche said...

Really thought the Kleenex booger would win in a runaway. But looking at Liptatt reminds me why I don’t book trips to Vegas anymore. Liptatt gets my vote.

2:15 pm October, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The Kleenexer and Nicola FTW! Why? Because being a douchebag is how he makes a living (along with his slow friend Short Bus Bennie). There isn’t a single thing about him that isn’t douchey. Face, check. Hair, check. Car (I’m surmising here), check. Friends, check. The list is almost endless. AND HE BELIEVES HIS OWN SHIT! Nothing short of the cocckvein exploding on his forehead would stop him. Hell, I’ll bet even his blood is douchey.

2:41 pm October, 19 tballou said...

By far the strongest lineup in ages….each candidate definitely worthy of unending mock. Hmm….Holly is about as hott as they come, but so is Nicola, and Natasha – she thick! And what a bunch of douchebags!

In the final analysis, I have to go with the Crustie Brothers and Karen and Sue – after all, they are old enough to know better!

4:21 pm October, 19 100 said...

100

4:26 pm October, 19 Wedgie said...

I wonder if there is another website anywhere that I can visit to see American Gothic, one of the most reproduced paintings in our history (thank you Mr. Wood; Eldon, Iowa will never be the same), and also catch the phrase “she’s so fine, I’d let her pee in my butt. twice” (props to Sarge) all in the same thread.
Every day on this site is an amazing journey of higher learning. Thank you all, from the bottom of my black little heart.

4:27 pm October, 19 Wedgie said...

^101. Must be time for a shot.

4:58 pm October, 19 army (ret) douche said...

Because the douche is so close i must vote for the tie breaker hott. Thusly i choose mr liptat and holly. for nothing complements boobage better than a white bikini, excuse me while i find a mop for my saliva…

6:25 pm October, 19 Poultry Turd said...

When Vlad’s grandma checks out this site, and finds out what he and Natasha have been doing in her dining room, there’s going to be hell to pay.

7:20 pm October, 19 Dex said...

I am going to cast my vote for Kleenex and Nicole. While all the others are one-hit-wonders (with the exception of Vlad, but it doesn’t count if his second pic was taken twelve seconds later), the Kleenex Mafia is setting up franchises. They are spreading to new areas and infecting them like the human virus Agent Smith drones on about.
It’s the smell. I feel… saturated. By it.
Oh Nicole. I know without a doubt that whatever accent spills from your ready lips will catch me by the pleasant surprise, and though I won’t pay enough attention to your words to come up with a witty response, my eyes will tell you all you need to know.
Call the police and get them to drag me away in cuffs, or I am going to butcher that goblin you’re clinging to.

8:15 pm October, 19 08ArmyDoc said...

I gotta put the dime down on the darkhorse Vlad – he’s the real meal deal: punchable kissy face, rare teeshirt over head pull, moobs, AE undies poke, ciggie, appropriately spiked hair. And you know he has a tatt somewhere – I think it’s the one on his nads that say “punch here”

8:56 pm October, 19 Douche Springsteen said...

Dorfman, I’ve thought long and hard about this….

I narrowed it down to Liptatt and Vlad. Now if Natasha were clad in a pair (pear?) of low rise jeans with the top of her thong peeking out of the top, that would be a no brainer for the monthly. Alas, she is not. And Vlad has the “what’s going on here?” look I usually see on guys I feel about getting mad at when I have to repeat simple questions to. Liptatt on the other hand is fully aware. You don’t get a soul patch and a tattoo of a lipstick kiss on your neck by accident. But apparently you do get a tall drink of hott whose white bikini is barely keeping her womanly assets in check on your arm. And while Holly’s front is only visible to us, the curve of those hips promises a lovely ass pear on the backside. So my imagination, Holly’s curves, and the singular douchebag known as Mr. Liptatt for the monthly.

9:13 pm October, 19 Steve L. said...

as much as it pains me, i’m going to have to vote for the Crustie Brothers and their exotic milfs. they are a true reminder of the dangers of the Grieco virus. no one is safe from the Grieco, regardless of age or intelligence. no one.

5:30 am October, 20 Constantine IX Monodouchos said...

And the king was acclaimed by the traditional ”Oil! Oil! Oil! Long live to the king Vlad!”

5:35 am October, 20 Douchelips said...

Hope I’m not to late to vote for Holly. The circles of glory lead me to the Golden Palace of the Himalayas where I will rest on the golden globes.
.
Oh and Mister Liptatt is an autodouche for tattooed kissy lips!

5:38 am October, 20 Motorcycle Parts said...

I know without a shadow of doubt that, whatever the accent spraying out of the lips are ready to take me a pleasant surprise, and even if you do not pay enough attention to what you say to find an intelligent answer, my eyes will tell you everything you need to know.

6:43 pm October, 20 Anonymous said...

Mister Liptatt is horrifying. Holly is all that is good and true in this world.

8:42 am October, 29 nix nash alan said...

If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.

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