Monday, February 7, 2011

HCwDB of the Month

And now I turn it over to you, fellow ‘bag hunters and huntresses.

Which of these four toxic hottie/douchey couplings is most deserving to call itself HCwDB of the Month and earn a spot at the 2011 Douchies?

It’s our first Monthly of the year. Here’s your noms:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Ronnie the Rivethead and Woo Girl Kelly

A number of astute regs have talked me out of claiming that Ronnie the Rivethead also showed up as Ronnie the costumed Swami douche, noting discrepencies of pec sag, so this is our only pic to consider for the monthly.

Here we find classic Party Boi clubturd ‘tude.

Mixed in with Woo Girl Kelly’s haunting eyes of ethereal femininity, and the combo is all that is toxic and pooscrape about Poughkeepsie.

Did I mention rivets in his head? Almost five years of HCwDB and this look is a new one. Points for innovation.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Carla and The Bros ™

Carla is pure sexy/porny Vegas trashiness, and The Bros ™ are classic crypto-gay party clowns. Together, they are hottie/douchey distillation.

Adding to their chances in the Monthly, The Bros ™ Comments Thread Whine, followed by Trips to Mexico.

Follow all that up with Carla going out with Guy on the Left Bro ™ for a creepy artificially staged beach picnic, and you’ve got all the combos for a serious shot in the Yearly.

And lets not forget that The Bros ™ are Canadian.

Our neighbors to the north continue to take American douchebaggery and refine it in the worst sorts of ways.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: The Stay Puft Pantywankers and Assorted Arizona State Slutty Woos

Another Vegas Rehabgasm of screaming douche-face and party piddle, The Pantywankers are all that is greaser in Griecoland.

So what’s holding the Stay Pufts back from being favored in this Monthly contest?

The Assorted Arizona State Slutty Woos.

A significantly unbalanced hottie/douchey dialectic due to the ladies’ dark turn to The Tramp Side. But still gnaw in that regrettable Vegas way.

Still, this is classic Vegas piddle. But enough to win? We have one more coupling in the fight:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Gynochin and Brunette Rhea

Here’s a case where the purity of the Ubergnaw Tasty Expensive First Date drinkable beauty of the hott carries a punchworthy douche-face from a Weekly finalist to a credible Yearly contender.

But lets not forget Gynochin’s other forays into uberdouche: Gynochin with Perky Peri. And Gynochin bothering Ambiguously Brunette Rhea with Penis Nose.

That’s a quality run.

But is doucheface and douchehair enough to topple Ronnie the Rivethead and Tasty Woo Girl Kelly? The club spectacle of Carla and The Bros ™? And the viral infections of the Stay Puft Panty Wankers?

This is a tough, tough vote.

I do not envy you your task.

But the lineup is set. The hotts and douches are in cohabit.

Which rises to the top (bottom) enough to earn our very first slot at the 2011 Douchie Awards in December?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
7:24 am February, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Gynochin must be recognized for his impressive body of work. And Rhea must be recognized for her impressive body.
.
Ronnie makes me reach for the flusher…. then I realize he is not actually in a toilet. But Gynochin makes me reach for a length of two-by-four with a few spikes pounded through it.

7:33 am February, 7 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Gynochin FTW!

In my mind this douche is by far the most punch worthy.

7:37 am February, 7 Blind Squirrel said...

Carla and the Bros ftw.

They are a walking plague of douche.

7:41 am February, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

It’s gotta be Ronnie. He’s really taken a shot at it. And by shot I mean like the hillbillies shooting at Bugs. She looks like the most likely not to have a pap smear/STD test done biweekly by Dr. Rotten Crotch. She would have sweet enthusuastic relations with me while giggling and singing Kei$ha tunes.

7:59 am February, 7 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Carla and The Brows™ FTW. Mostly to piss off Sabio the Sabot, and there are hotter Hotts (like Brunette Rhea and Woo Girl Kelly).

8:12 am February, 7 KingBadger said...

#4

8:12 am February, 7 Guns-N-Douches said...

Let’s break it down:

Rivethead isn’t douche enough, though Kelly certainly is HAWTTT enough.

The Pantywankers are generic Rehab pool scrapings (and therefore quite douchey) but their bleethy escort chickies aren’t hot. Unless you count their body temperatures being a tad high from fighting off those STD’s.

That brings us to the Bros (Aka Canadian Wanksters) are without a doubt the douchiest gaggle of choad seen so far in 2011. These hundredaires are fond of bragging about their rented multimillion peso crib in Cancun, while their website offers them up as vain he-whores with little more to offer then enlarged ‘roid tumors (they might call them muscles, but we know better), fucking retarded ink and more preening and primping than Pamela Anderson gives her bikini area. Sabio and his buddies are clearly douche to the core, but bottle-blond bolt-on Carla just aint that hott a hott.

Gynochin brings the chin pubes, the hair, the expression, the sunglasses at night and wears a penis on his nose, so he is douche… but what helps him get to the top of Mount Choadwank is Rhea. Rhea is all that is good in this world, like puppies, rainbows and open bar at a wedding where all the bridesmaids are hot, single and in need for some serious deep dicking. In this monthly, a vote for GynoChin is really a vote for Rhea.

8:14 am February, 7 Guns-N-Douches said...

Duh, so after all that, I give it to Gynochin. Fucking monday.

8:24 am February, 7 Mr. White said...

The Rivethead is compelling, but not as compelling as Rhea and her hypno-eyes/hypno-boobs. She’s like a hott version of The Hypnotoad. All hail Hypnotoad!
.
Gyno and Rhea FTW.

8:24 am February, 7 Mr. White said...

^All hail HTML fail!
.
I meant Hypnotoad.

8:37 am February, 7 UFO Destroyers said...

Ronnie the Rivethead is either a PTP (why would somebody pay for that I’ll never know) or at an ambiguously gay party. Or overtly gay, I don’t know.
.
The next two sets of pics show me what a cluster of syphillis-infected hemorrhoids would look like. Now Carla (quite fetching) and the ASU woo-hooties(wouldn’t be fetched) just aren’t doing it for me today.
.
But now for the Gynochin and Beautyful Rhea. He makes watches stop when he plays in traffic and she makes angels sing when in her presence. They get my vote for the monthly.

8:38 am February, 7 Southern Scrotic said...

Gonna have to go with the superhott Ubergnaw and Ditchwater Gynochin FTW.

8:41 am February, 7 Collaz B. Popped said...

Gynochin and International eye candy Brunette Rhea for the monthly.

8:44 am February, 7 Wedgie said...

The Chin for the win. Wolverine’s retarded cousin cannot be ignored.

8:50 am February, 7 Antony Scrotus said...

Gynochin and Rhea FTW. Gyno looks like such a big toolbag. I laughed when I saw him. Rhea is fine beauty. The other trash girls don’t even come close.

8:59 am February, 7 Anonymous said...

Got it give to Sabio and his merry band of cum guzzlers.

9:08 am February, 7 Mr. Biggs said...

Gynochin. Is there even a contest?

9:15 am February, 7 Douchesquire said...

Heatmiser Gynochin and Rhea for the win. He fuels the ire as I would stoke a coal furnace to warm the cockels of her heart. And by heart I mean Boobies.

9:16 am February, 7 Douchelips said...

Gynochin and Brunette Rhea FTW! He’s the most original by far. Plus he looks like he spends his life looking down a hairdryer.

9:20 am February, 7 Mr. Biggs said...

I mean, seriously, if DB1 were to make a HCwDB book sequel, which couple would be best suited to grace its cover? Which carefully coiffed and rehearsed scowl best offsets the innocent hott smile in a perfect nihilistic symmetry?

Really, the rest are just douchy club photos.

9:43 am February, 7 smackdouche said...

Gynochin is unquestionably a douchebag, Rhea is absolutely a Hott. The others are trying, but it comes naturally for Gyno/Rhea. See what I did there? Gyno/Rhea?

9:50 am February, 7 Luis Douchuel said...

Gynochin looks like a winner, but for me, he’s just not douchey enough. And while Rhea is easily the tastiest of the bunch, I still cannot tilt the decision in their favor. In the end, I have to go with Carla and The Bros, because despite Carla’s blandness, and despite The Bros’ gaybaggery and probaggery tendencies, they have demonstrated true douchiness, that is, douchiness of the mind and of the written word. And isn’t that the root cause of all douche?

10:05 am February, 7 jonezy said...

I don’t think I could stand to see the Bros again and the PuftWankers are too soft and puddly to inspire all the rage that a monthly contender usually musters.
.
So between GynoChin and Ronnie I ask myself who is the more despicable. I really want to continue seeing Kelly’s barely legal gaze shine into my dark isolated world (here in my grandmother’s basement where all us regs live for the sole purpose of jerking off and being hatters), however Ronnie’s questionable sexuality aren’t going to be enough to carry a monthly, so I wish to cast my vote with a potential HCwDBoY winner (loser).
.
Gynochin’s hotts are certainly lust-worthy and very expensive and I think we all hope his “career” as Guy Pearce’s stand-in will lead to many more fruitful nights explaining to his dates exactly what a stand-in does before more intricately explaining why said “career” doesn’t enable him to pay for her portion of the expensive meal they just consumed.
.
Gynochin by a stubble…

10:09 am February, 7 shawk said...

Gynochin and Brunette Rhea.
Better tits.

10:14 am February, 7 Douchble Helix said...

The woo sluts get it by a mile.

But this *may* be even more Gynochin:

http://img5.imageshack.us/img5/9795/112017371×499.jpg

from:

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2010/12/most-expensive-first-date-hott-princess-lickmah-from-the-quizzical-hemorrhoid/

10:16 am February, 7 Douchble Helix said...

No idea what the problem is with the above link, but I tested this one. Sorry.

http://img5.imageshack.us/img5/9795/112017371×499.jpg

10:21 am February, 7 the douche whisperer said...

gynochin reminds me of a kid i went to college with. and he was the biggest douche i’ve ever met in real life.

@rhea: why?

10:25 am February, 7 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Carla and the shirtless shitless Bros.
I thought it was cold in Canada?

10:25 am February, 7 soy bomb said...

Gynochin and Brunette Rhea for the monthly.
I wonder if there’s some physical deformity that Gynochin suffers from that makes it look like he’s gargling ballsac. Doubtful, due to the fact that he has managed to surround himself with a tasty collection of hotts, so I’m going to assume the absurdity of his facial poses are the result of douchebaggery. As for Rhea, her perfect posture suggests that she’s never had to perform any physically taxing labor whilst her doe-eyed, vacant stare suggests that she’s never had to perform any mentally taxing labor either. I love her anyways.

10:31 am February, 7 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Carla and the Bros FTW.
.
They plague our people at every turn. But from this day out, they shall plague us no more! Let it be known, that the hand that tries to strike stupid justures shall be swiftly cut down!

10:32 am February, 7 The Dude said...

Gynochin has a face that should be nailed on Mt. Douchemore, and I’d like to nail Rhea. FTW

10:51 am February, 7 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Ronnie the Rivethead is all I love about HCwDB…by which I mean I love to look at super hot, perky (Debby Reynolds-in-her-heyday) hotts being humped from behind by barely pubescent pudwacks who keep their underwear on during their aforementioned anal adventures.)

And yes, I worked Debby Reynolds and anal sex into the same sentence/thought. Wouldn’t you? http://www.theoldpicturecompany.com/images/Debbie-Reynolds_401.jpg

Ronnie and Kelly FTM

10:57 am February, 7 ehcuodouche said...

Imma go with gynochin. Brunette Rhea is supermodel hott. Gyno has the punchworthy face, while ronnie looks like he absorbed automatic weapon fire already. Woo girl Kelly just went out with him out of pity.

10:58 am February, 7 Hermit said...

According to the ancient Biblical text:
.
” Sampson slew a thousand men with the jaw bone of an ass.”
.
Recently uncovered scrolls, along with the above photographic evidence suggest that Gynochin was the ass who lost his jawbone.
.
.
According to Brunette Rhea’s text:
THIS DOOD S SUCH A LOSER LOL!!!!!!

11:02 am February, 7 Scooby Douche said...

This Monthly reminds me of one of my favorite old jokes: If you have a bus with a driver and 55 nuns, how many people are in the bus? Answer: One, all the rest are nones.

Rhea, for the win. All the rest of these females are bleethed-out nones.

11:03 am February, 7 Medusa Oblongata said...

I would lick melted butter from between Rhea’s toes. However, I must cast my vote (read:shart) for Carla and the Bros, based purely on the Douche Per Kilo ratio. The Bros are oversaturated. And as molecules will move to a less crowded area, those innocent people nearby are being infected with the douche that has saturated its host area and needs to move elsewhere. I smoked too much weed in high school to remember the proper terminology for that. Carla isn’t all that, but on pure douchery, this photo is dripping with it. Carla and the Bros FTW.

11:06 am February, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

If you are wondering where you have seen the hairstyle before:
.
http://ferdyonfilms.com/pinkdvd6.jpg

11:15 am February, 7 shish kebag said...

For me It’s Gynochin, it always was… The Canadian Bros and Carla just look plain stupid… The taller Pantywanker is douchey and all, but not monthly material… maybe Most Trashcan to the head worthy… Ronnie looks like a big diaper wearing asshole… But Gynochin brings it all : the kissy lips, the fake tan, the ”I do my hair with an electric plug and fork” style… and of course the beautiful hott. I would have raging squirrels run through my pants for hours just to get the chance to massage her body for days, then for her to tell me she prefers my brother !!! Gynochin for the win and by win I mean : he loses !

11:38 am February, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Rhea wants your vote! She also wants to know who snuck all the W’s into her bag of M&M’s.

11:44 am February, 7 Deltus said...

Gynochin and Brunette Rhea, without question. She is the purest babealicious hott, and his besmirchment of her the most tragic, the most anger-inducing.
.
Gynochin and Brunette Rhea FTW.

11:49 am February, 7 Wheezer said...

Rhea leads all the hotties by a (Gyno)chin, but the amount of pure stank gives this Monthly to Carla and The Bros™ even though they all prefer men. None of them are yet willing to admit the latter part of that.

11:53 am February, 7 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Gynochin FTW (loss). He makes me want to hit him in the face. Plus he doubles down on the gynochin with the sucky-cheeks expression that is a close cousin to the kissy lips expression that is auto. I feel pity for Rivet Head and the other standard douches, I feel abject hatred for Gynochin.

11:55 am February, 7 FoghornLeghorn said...

I’m voting for Carla and the Bros. Sure Gynochin is a fantastic douche and Rhea is . . . well, Rhea, but the sheer number douches in the Bros out weigh them both. If Carla had somebody look into straightening her cervical vertebrae, I think she could even challenge Rhea.

12:17 pm February, 7 Architeuthis Douche said...

Carla and Co. are effing toxic. And copyrighted.

12:41 pm February, 7 Taiwanese MILF said...

@hermit 10:58 and the Dude 11:38 FTW

Gynochin. Because he looks like my roomate crossed with

http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3750074624/tt0196229

Didn’t anyone tell him Blue Steel is, like, so over? Don’t worry. Carla will. With a garbled Facebook post the next morning. Then she’ll unfriend him.

12:49 pm February, 7 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

After reading my post it is obvious that I am an illiterate troglodyte.

12:54 pm February, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Choad TDS

……..”…underwear on during aforementioned anal adventures.” What a bizarre tought? I must smoke and contemplate why somebody would do that. It’s perverted. And by perverted I mean the underwear.

1:19 pm February, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I say, “Gynochin and Rhea for the monthly cycle, er win.”
He pouts, puffs his gelled hair like a cockatiel, and puts on airs, which is enough to brand him as an original douchebag with a ‘tude. After all, it’s that ‘tude which sets them so apart from average turdwanks, of which there are so many these days we rish being labelled “Mocking-Turds” for all our efforts..
Rhea, well, she’s a hott attribute. And by “hott attribute” I mean boobies. On a shelf bra, under a low-cut bodice, trimmed in delicata white.

1:20 pm February, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

And if I were sober, I’d say “risk being labelled.”

1:41 pm February, 7 army douche said...

I cast my hard earned vote for the bros. Scratch that. Gynochin and rhea. She is just too hot to vote against!

1:54 pm February, 7 Et Tu Douche? said...

By process of elimination the first to go is Ronnie the Rivethead & Kelly, this smacks of some costume party gone wrong and while she is somewhat cute the two do not meet the HCwDB criteria.
.
Carla and The Bros ™ They don’t get my vote because from what we’ve learned about them is that this is a business for them. They get paid to behave like the cypto-ghey party clowns they are, and thus not a threat to a real Hott which skanky Carla is not.
.
The Stay Puft PWankers and assorted ASS Woos to me warrant a laugh and a WTF? and not much else.
.

Which bring me to my vote for the first monthly winner of the New Year. Gynochin and Brunette Rhea. For as long as I can remember the HCwDB was always a conundrum to me. I used to think was I the only one who let this get to me? And it wasn’t until I stumbled across this great site that I realized I wasn’t alone. That being said the criteria is fully met with this coupling. Rhea with her mesmerizing eyes and her exotic, worldly beauty is the type of girl who is Hott and needs to be saved. Gynochin is all that is DB, the preening, the practiced smile, the coif, the habadouchery etc; This is a pure unfettered example of HCwDB that in 15 to 20 years in the future aspiring Cultural Anthro students, while researching the cultural demise of modern society, can look back on and see what the fuck was going on.

2:45 pm February, 7 the douche is alright said...

Gynochin

2:48 pm February, 7 The great Bagdini said...

Gynochin for the win, he personifies the ‘bag without being over the top. And by top i mean ridiculous hair and penis glasses.

4:57 pm February, 7 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Normally, I’d vote for the Bros, simply because they had the nerve to write in pretending to be female “fans”, but the pure magnificence of Rhea’s twin magnificents makes me vote for Gynochin.

6:10 pm February, 7 Troy Tempest said...

Gynochin. Because just looking at him puts my brain in stirrups and a speculum in each of my eyes.

7:41 pm February, 7 Andy Capp said...

.
The Bros will give your GF chlamydia during that night she goes out “with the girls”. She’ll blame the blender drinks. She will tearfully confess to you after the test results come in.
.
Gynochin will steal your gal with sensitive “tragically hip” raps, then break her heart down the road with his fecklessness. When she dumps you, she’ll blame you for your lack of “sensitivity.” After dumping you, she will tearfully phone you in the middle of the night every other Saturday night for three months, frustrated that Gyno isn’t as deep as she thought, until she utlimately decides to leave him.
.
My karmic puzzler…which is worse?
.
The Bros are douchiest. Rhea is hottest. Split my vote.
.

7:49 pm February, 7 bob said...

rhea and chin and rhea

8:02 pm February, 7 massengill said...

Gynochin FTW

8:12 pm February, 7 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Brunette Rhea’s bodacious boobiage is almost enough to win alone, but a DB is needed. Carla and The Bros ™ have more than enough douchey/hottie to win, but it is like Olympic rules in the 1970’s: no pros. The Bros ™ are pros – professional Douchebags, that is. So Gynochin wins in a default decision, augmented by Rhea’s augmentations.

8:52 pm February, 7 Grand Douchemeister said...

I’m in favor of real world douche whenever possible. Ronnie and The Bros are too douche-for-pay to be serious threats.

Gynochin, however, is wild douche, untamed and on the prowl.

9:44 pm February, 7 anon said...

Gynochin. He’s like Manimal–remember that show? Only the only thing Gyno can turn into is a horse-faced motherfucker with kissy lips.

9:52 pm February, 7 DarkSock said...

Gynochin makes me want to tear out my eyes and with hitching wet sobs stitch hairy bear assholes in their place so my world is seen through twin bear scat filters….OH DAMN YOU G-CHIN, LOOK WHAT YOU DONE TO MY CHILDREN’S DADDY NOW
.
and I want to sodomize Rhea’s cast-aside torn leather jacket victoriously retrieved from a lugubrious dumpster behind her apartment complex; said jacket is a garb that Rhea’s dumped boyfriend blew $400 on at Victoria’s Secrets last Valentine’s Day, just so I may know him better and smell his finger if he’s cool with that.
.
I would also strangle her neighbor’s dog just to see her come out to the street in a man’s button-up shirt used as a nighty, Mary-Ann in the Professor’s work shirt as sleepwear style, just to see what all the crying was about, as I furtively snap night-vision shots of the sordid scene.
e

3:53 am February, 8 Steve L. said...

Ronnie the Rivethead came from the post-Douchepocalypse future to inform the public about how douchebaggery has evolved in the future. true story.
.
and by evolved i mean… festered.
.
Ronnie FTW.

5:29 am February, 8 creature said...

Gyno’s the juan, mang!
.
.
.
.
son

7:57 am February, 8 tall guy said...

For me it’s Gynochin and Brunette Rhea. That look on his face is either one step beyond kissy lips or one step towards. Whatever, it’s a look of resemblance that needs to be stamped out, preferably with hob-nailed boots. Rhea is brunette plushness, though probably quite dumb, which isn’t always such a bad thing.

Gynochin and Brunette Rhea FTW!

9:40 am February, 8 dbBen said...

I dunno if I missed the window, but “The Bros”. Because they have broken the fourth wall.

10:44 am February, 8 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Carla and The Bros ™. And John Candy wasn’t funny.

11:14 am February, 8 One for the Choad said...

Woo Girl Kelly makes me tingly. Rivethead Ronnie makes me stabby. Ronnie and Kelly FTW.

12:44 pm February, 8 MoeDouche said...

Carla and the Bros FTW.

Just to goad them on to come back and make asses of themselves again.

2:08 pm February, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Gynochin and Brunette Rhea FTW!

3:30 pm February, 8 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Gynochin because if there is one thing that our fair Lisa, who is just trying for the bar exam, did not expect was the sheer depth and angle of Gynochin’s would induce such mental nightmares in which Jay Leno was giving an extreme gynecological examination. There are just a few things in life that needs to be halted: Any physical legacy of Jay Leno, and the douchification of actual decent clothing. If this keeps up, wearing barrel would be more tolerable if it meant distinguishing myself at a party from those goons.

3:33 pm February, 8 Douchey McDouche said...

Gynochin and Rhea

3:34 pm February, 8 Business-Casual Douche said...

It has to be Gynochin. The combination of the incredibly punchable face with THAT HOTT. HOLY BALLZ THAT HOTT.

3:40 pm February, 8 Ted said...

Gynochin and Brunette Rhea. This was not a tough one at all. I just punched my monitor.

9:05 pm February, 8 Stephanie said...

I’m developing some severe hate for gynochin. But it’s like a car accident you must look at when you pass by it.

1:58 am February, 9 teh_abominable_snowdouche said...

Excellent spread. But as I scrolled down and saw Gynochin, something inside me faded. Like that fuzzy thing right behind your penis. *sigh*

Gynochin FTL.

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