Saturday, May 21, 2011

Colonel Slanders – Bag or NottaBag?

Behold. When confronted with a full court (boobie) press by Darla and Mindy, this young man had a choice. He could have:

1.) bellowed “YARRR”, grabbed these ultra-hotts like pirate’s wenches, and burst through the bar’s greasy storefront window, flailing hornily into the foggy night, or

2.) He could have rocked an involuntary Clint Eastwood squint and prematurely besmirched his zipper area, which his cocker spaniel would later sniff as the trousers lay crumpled on the living room floor, discarded on his futile trip to make beer yodels into the mouth of the porcelain dragon…but nope.

He picked 3.) Rework his silly ass white tie into a Colonel Slanders string bowtie and serve up a bucket of original recipe Stage 1 baggery.

I would have, of course, picked option 2.

What say you all? Does the Colonel stand in judgment of proto-baggery, or is he just like one of us: a hapless victim of Thursday 2-for-1 beer specials and a miserable Friday work hangover? It’s a slippery slope. Firm slopes…supple…erm, be right back…I seem to have besmirched my zipper.  Which took some mad yogurt slinging skillz, since my pants are across the room.

# posted by Bagnonymous
1:56 pm May, 21 Wedgie said...

Notta

2:02 pm May, 21 tall guy said...

I say notta, but the face fungus and reworked tie do not ensure him permanent inclusion within notta universe.

2:05 pm May, 21 Mr. Belvadouche said...

notta going to give these ladies his secret recipe..that’s for sure

2:06 pm May, 21 Hermit said...

I’m gonna’ have to go with #1. Because that would be cool as shit.
.
Or, he could have excused himself, like a gentleman, and continued scraping that door frame in preparation for a primer coat.

2:07 pm May, 21 Mr. Belvadouche said...

That tie choice was inspired by Tony

2:16 pm May, 21 idfma said...

Anyone who would wear that shirt and that tie deserves to be choked to death with the tie.

I don’t know about bag or notta, but he’s definitely a fucking dork.

2:20 pm May, 21 Mr. Belvadouche said...

I’d lay my wrinkly sack right on her cheek bone

2:24 pm May, 21 creature said...

he shoulda honked those hooters like a circus seal on bicycle horns, said, “Yowza, Yowza” like Jimmy Durante & then vacated his bowels because it reminded him of the last time he was so lucky…that time he found a $20 in the mens room stall, bent to pick it up, & well, you know…”Yowza, Yowza”

2:24 pm May, 21 Hermit said...

I think it’s a regular tie, but he was so hammered, that was the best he could do.
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I don’t wear ties myself, on special occasions I adorn my neck with a freshly skinned ermine or electrical tape.

2:35 pm May, 21 Luis Douchuel said...

Darksock-
.
I sent a bunch of pics to DB1 last week, but I’m guessing he hasn’t forwarded them to you. If you want em, let me know and I’ll send you an email.

2:37 pm May, 21 Hermit said...

He could have squatted down, hiked up their skirts, and given an honest assessment of their relative levels of yeast infection.

2:49 pm May, 21 Hermit said...

Luis, I’d be careful, I sent DarkSock pictures of my Mom on a stripper pole, and he still hasn’t given them back.
.
.
.I don’t know what he’s doing with them.

3:08 pm May, 21 Nancy Dreuche said...

^If your mom has horse like features you’ll never see those pics again Hermit.
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He should have removed the tie completely and unbutttoned the first to buttons.

3:09 pm May, 21 Wedgie said...

hottie on left

3:10 pm May, 21 Nancy Dreuche said...

With that stupid bowtie I just want to hand him one of those giant lollipops and a pair of shorts with knee high socks. Then I’d drop him off in front of the local NAMBLA chapter.

3:10 pm May, 21 Wedgie said...

Hey look, a fuccen gravator showed up. And no missiles were launched today (as far as I know).

3:10 pm May, 21 Mr. Belvadouche said...

@nancy

then he’d be kettlehead

3:11 pm May, 21 Wedgie said...

Oops.

3:21 pm May, 21 Mr. Belvadouche said...

wait….could that be Kettlehead’s happy flamboyant half brother???

3:22 pm May, 21 Nancy Dreuche said...

I said 2 buttons Mr. Belvedouche. Kettlehead unbuttons at least 5 and waxes his chest to a blinding sheen. The same wax that you use on the silverwear of that family whose basement you’re masterbating in.

3:27 pm May, 21 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Mr. Belvadouche, you mean Lil’ Shittlehead?

3:34 pm May, 21 Mr. Belvadouche said...

@nancy

I’ve blown so many wads in that fucking families basement…..and you don’t want to even know what that wax is really used for….

3:40 pm May, 21 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’m going to go with notta, ass clown yes, bag no.

3:49 pm May, 21 Stephanie said...

I think he’s in some kind of crappy country western band, that plays oldies at a bar,and “Chubs” is his name,and that’s his get up,sometimes he gets local chicks to get close to him. and then it’s picture time.

3:59 pm May, 21 Douchble Helix said...

The pocket snaps are the give away. He’s a country bumpkin in over his head. But he’s got a great picture and a story.

4:01 pm May, 21 Douchble Helix said...

But those sure are some purty girls. I’m even willing to overlook left blondie’s Palin/Snookie-like hair bump.

4:26 pm May, 21 Ted Brogan said...

Notta. For sure.

4:37 pm May, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d double down on the chicks.

4:47 pm May, 21 DarkSock said...

@ Luis:
.
If I get hard up (well, for pictures anyway) I may give you a call; but there’s enough residual pics in mine and the reg’s hands to wheeze us into Sunday if need be.
.
And teh whole interweb’s full o’ Pear…
qwer

4:54 pm May, 21 DarkSock said...

^I don’t know what a tangas is but I aim to get me some.
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And some pocket snaps.
.
Son.

4:55 pm May, 21 DarkSock said...

I thing a “tanga” is that inverse negative space holy triangle, as evinced in the photograph above.

4:59 pm May, 21 Hermit said...

^ I think it’s a 4×4 used to hold up a falling privacy fence.

.
.
.
But, I might be wrong.

5:01 pm May, 21 Hermit said...

Sorry, but for me, the fact that she’s armless makes it that much better.

5:02 pm May, 21 Hermit said...

It’s kind of like if Rubber Johnny had a real nice ass.
.
.
. .

And bathed………

5:09 pm May, 21 DarkSock said...

Hermit, now you’re just trying to cultivate man-chubbies…
.
She puts the “armless” in “harmless”.

5:13 pm May, 21 Hermit said...

Her favorite book:
.
.A Farewell to Arms

5:13 pm May, 21 Hermit said...

She lost the arms race.

5:14 pm May, 21 Hermit said...

To her the second amendment is just a pipe dream.

5:44 pm May, 21 Wedgie said...

Well….I guess a reach-around is out of the question.

6:12 pm May, 21 Medusa Oblongata said...

Snot rocket.
.
Two Girls, one Schlub.

6:26 pm May, 21 Medusa Oblongata said...

Well. It’s 8:30 pm GST (Gorgon Standart Time) and I apparently was not raptured. So I think imma get rape-tured. Gotta get Mr. B. all hopped up on espresso, that’s how i get him all aggressive. Have a good one, my fellow rejects from Jesus’ Honeycomb Hideout.

7:40 pm May, 21 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’d like to tangle with her tangas and I don’t even know what they are.

7:41 pm May, 21 Et Tu Douche? said...

Here’s hoping all the regs with fair to decent memories remember this week come awards season cause DarkSock is killing it!!!!!.

7:58 pm May, 21 Nancy Dreuche said...

^I’m pretty sure that might be just you and me Et Tu. I will not forget the greatness that DS hath besmirched uponst this site. I WILL NEVER FORGET!!! I will however forget where I put my keys and to pay PG and E.

9:31 pm May, 21 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Dammit DarkSock, it just isn’t in good taste to post an adult thalidomide victim, even if she has great asspear.
Oh, on the thread photo…NOTTA with 2HOTTAS.

9:42 pm May, 21 schlicht bindenburger said...

the JPL guys git all the boobie!

2:11 am May, 22 Steve L. said...

the deliberately theatrical nature of Colonel Sanders’ –
.
.
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well damn. my irrelevant opinion to the original question posed by this thread was just rendered even more irrelevant by yet another installment of Supertangas.

9:42 am May, 22 idfma said...

Et tu makes a great point. Dark, you are doing a damn fine job: more material more regularly, and you are one funny motherfucker.
.
Sure, you’ve had some help from the other regs (it takes a village, dammit), but you are hooking it up, my man. You have a regular job too, right? Et tu, I’ll remember.
.
This has been an impressive week. It’s like DB1 back in 2007…

4:25 am May, 23 Collaz B. Popped said...

Notta…he probably just did his second kareoke set of Hits from the 70s,,,,,,,but just look at her jawbone/structure on the right…..FWAP!

4:26 am May, 23 Collaz B. Popped said...

And that is one of the roundest asses Ive ever seen,,,,,

D. Sock’s hits just keep comin’.

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