Monday, June 6, 2011

HCwDB of the Week: Clifford The Big Red ‘Bag

While Emperor Hairoheato and the ubergnaw Stephanie gave Clifford and the Tonya Twins a run for the Money, in the end inflated red douchery with two sexy sweet, if pouty, twins from Hibbing, Minnesota, was too much to overcome.

Simply put, way too tight jorts, stupid mandana, and douche-face in presence of brunettes is a winner (loser).

And anyone who claims irono-baggery, think again. You don’t wear too tight jorts like that on a whim. That is learned douchery. And thus, a worthy mock.

Additional noteworthy pics last week included Krista’s Poor College Life Choices for offering tasty collegiate suckle thigh, and the surreal, Guggenheim Show inclusive Douchebags on Boats, both of which may be in the running for 2011 Douchie Awards.

But this was Clifford ‘Bag’s week to horrify the masses through sperm-altering groin tightness and red nips. And both of the Tonya Sisters are gracefully moving into “Sexy Young Mom” territory, and are to be celebrated as such.

Together, they make a worthy Weekly winner as we build towards the next Monthly in a few weeks.

# posted by douchebag1
7:41 am June, 6 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Wearing shorts four sizes too small like those, over time, could give you a set of nads as shriveled up as those sported by Peter Pumpin’Head

7:54 am June, 6 Anonymous said...

Is this Man a Christian? I can’t tell from looking at his shorts. Must be the steroids.

7:55 am June, 6 Anonymous said...

Wait, I’ve got it. He’s wearing a Prince Albert and the string that is attached to the ring pulling back his junk is connected to the head band.

8:32 am June, 6 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Those shorts are so gay and so 70s Gregg Brady wants them back.
.
.
.

8:34 am June, 6 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Those shorts are so gay and so 70s they came from Mart Crowley’s closet.

8:35 am June, 6 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Those shorts are so gay and so 70s Magic Johnson once wore them.

8:43 am June, 6 army (ret) douche said...

Not even wilt chamberlin could pull the hotts in those shorts

8:47 am June, 6 I R A Darth Aggie said...

And both of the Tonya Sisters are gracefully moving into “Sexy Young Mom” territory, and are to be celebrated as such.
.
Why am I the last to know? I’m not saying nuthin’ until the paternity tests come back…

8:58 am June, 6 creature said...

what is Big Red? is the question to the Jeopardy answer, How high can you stack poo

9:04 am June, 6 Doucheywallnuts said...

This douche looks like Will Ferrell in the hoops movie, “Semi Hard.”

9:32 am June, 6 Et Tu Douche? said...

Jon Heder’s career hasn’t really gone anywhere since his breakthrough performance as Napoleon Dynamite. Seen here after ingesting too much HGH his decision to bulk up can be seen as an unwise move, on par or worse then his decision to don those Jorts with the denim, tie off style belt, contraption fail.

9:34 am June, 6 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Doucheywalnuts

I think the movie was “Semi-Pro”, a horrible Will Ferell movie that was tough to watch.

9:58 am June, 6 creature said...

candidate for a tuna flogging…btw, not a euphemism
fuck fish slap!

10:15 am June, 6 Mr. Biggs said...

Yeah, this represents everything that is wrong and flushable about the hipster generation. Good call, DB1.

10:18 am June, 6 tall guy said...

Wait, I don’t get it. So this douche is making some sort or ironic statement? Sheesh!

10:47 am June, 6 Medusa Oblongata said...

The expression on his face makes no sense….until you look down at his shorts. Oh. My condolences to your sperm count. Eh…..maybe it’s all for the best.

10:50 am June, 6 Hermit said...

If his jorts could somehow be pried off of him with a skinning knife or the jaws of life, his color might eventually return to normal.

11:05 am June, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

He is so gay he makes the drummer for the Chili Peppers look straight.

11:11 am June, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I now know how many times the census takers attempt contact before a pair show up at the door while you are transplanting trees. The answer is 9.
Best response today by Rev Chad: Taxes. I dont file no stinking taxes. Canada is a laugh dudes.

11:13 am June, 6 schlicht bindenburger said...

he is an regular gay bar speaker dancer that tours the continent looking for that perfectly greased ass!

11:25 am June, 6 creature said...

Big Red looks like he has to fart

11:39 am June, 6 DarkSock said...

Remember the Louis CK gag about what does a bag of dicks look like? One answer being a plastic sack of chicken parts?
.
replace plastic bag with tighty jeans on a bag…

12:29 pm June, 6 DoucheyWallnuts said...

@Et Tu Douche?
You are correct good sir…I was distracted by the bulge in Clifford’s Village People-worthy cut off jean shorts.
.
http://www.fasthack.com/images/weblog/2007/10/semi-pro.jpg

2:36 pm June, 6 DarkSock said...

I think that bulge are his butt-nuggets being forced to the front of the garment by their ever-arriving brothers.

9:21 pm June, 6 Sir David Douchenborough said...

I never thought gay nineties Cali hustler would attract females. Is this just an echo of the shallow fascination with that Queer eye show all the ladies enjoyed in the middle of the last decade?

5:16 pm June, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

We have a worthy winner here, although I’d be careful about insulting Clifford and his big red bag.

5:18 pm June, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I meant big red boner..uh, er, BONE.

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