Monday, September 26, 2011

HCwDB of the Week: Tommy Pak, Giggle Ladies with Daddy Issues, and the Hand of the Collective Unconscious

While last week was a notoriously toxic week for douche tatts, what with The Skin Show, the creepy neck hitting on innocence of Coprophagia, yet more from Crazy Eyes Killa (1/2 of the Greasepitz), and the heinous Tatticus Finch.

Yech. Seriously depressing realities of our overstimulated, overtatted culture.

THen there was D.J. Assholio and Random Pocahontas Girl, the Greek myth of Pecopoulous, the jaundice of Old Man Liver, and the great news of Bankrupt Preppiebag.

But none were more poisonous to the ecosystem than this unholy pairing.

Maria and Consuela hate their father, Mario, for uprooting them from Uraguay and moving them to Arizona.

Tommy Pak is uberpudwack. The Hand of the Collective Unconscious speaks for all of us. And adds a delightful touch of the surreal to this kinetic mess.

Chalk this classic Vegas Clownpud and tasty latina burritas for the next Monthly.

And your hungover narrator for early morning HoHos and milk. Cuz I’m healthy like that.

# posted by douchebag1
7:19 am September, 26 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Sadly, Maria and Consuela are as attractive as they’re ever going to get. Soon, a train of successive grease monkeys will roll on top of them, stinking of cheap tequila and dirty fingernails, and they’ll start spitting out bambinos (and gaining forty pounds) faster than you can say “dos cervezas por favor.” In five years, you’ll be able to catch their act changing beds and cleaning toilets at the Luxor.
.
.
Tommy already works there parking cars. I toss him a fiver if he’s quick about it, but usually keep it to a deuce because it’s important not to give him hope. In five years, he’ll still be there…and in twenty.

7:23 am September, 26 DarkSock said...

Here’s the inspiration for Tommy P’s hair style, which ironically can be found in his hair:
assses

7:32 am September, 26 Capt. James T. Douche said...

@ Choad
Truer words have never been spoken. Having dipped my churro in a Latina or two nothing causes sideways expansion of south of the border hotties than child birth or slipping an engagement ring on her finger; its like poof she goes from looking like Sofia Vergara to the lady that shot Selena, Aye Chihuahua!!!

7:42 am September, 26 Mr. White said...

I’d like to tongue-punch Consuela’s Montevideo.
.
And so ends the only Uruguay-based humor I can offer.

8:24 am September, 26 Et Tu Douche? said...

I still feel bad for the couple, entering in the background.

8:37 am September, 26 Hurl Scheibe said...

Ay Chihuahua!! Pobrecitas las mamacitas. If they were smart, they wouldn’t let this turd perform oral sex (of course provided his idea of oral sex isn’t blowing a hot twink). As Mr. Sock has pointed out, some of his hair get might find its way to the Promised Land.

9:06 am September, 26 Vin Douchal said...

An arm has come out of his own asshole to reach around and give him the finger . Thank you, arm out of his asshole

9:20 am September, 26 Chingame said...

What’s it like having Daddy issues? Probably pretty shitty. Me gusta mi Pappa. It’s so lame that he paid attention to me growing up. That means I have no excuse for being a major asshole. Oh well, I blame Canada.

9:39 am September, 26 Vin Douchal said...

I gott figure out how to make this costume, but I am going as Al Davis on Halloween:
.

9:58 am September, 26 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The Crypt Keeper in Silver and Black. And I applaud the choice of the weekly winner.

11:11 am September, 26 tall guy said...

DJ Assholio was robbed! Perhaps it was his look of steely determination. Who can say? Dunno. Maybe Pocahontas girl.

2:32 pm September, 26 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

@Tall guy – I tend to agree with you about Assholio….although his consorting with Pocahontas “hott” of middling quality probably scotched his chances for true fame and glory on this site.

6:01 pm September, 26 Jeff said...

I like to tell girls that are not Hispanic that I wish they were. Its sort of a thing I do. And then I tell Hispanic chicks that I wish they were European. Ahhhh yeah…the Jeffster is the man.

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