Monday, December 12, 2011

Douchiest ‘Bag Who May Be a Lesbian in Drag: Troll Dog

Wedgie hands out the 2011 Douchie Award:

——
Fellow Baghunters, this year’s category of Douchiest Bag Who May Be A Lesbian In Drag was chosen by me because I thought this would be a no-brainer. It was going to be 4-Prong, and then everybody else a distant second.

Then, I remembered that Mr. Reeve gave the 2010 Douchie to this marvel of evolution, thus eliminating him/her from my consideration.

Not that there’s any rule on it that I know of, but to avoid the mocking of my peers, who would have (correctly) pointed out my abject slovenliness. And while sloth is my favorite deadly sin, I don’t want to be guilty of it in this case.

That said, here’s your contenters, in no particular order:

From September, Wiggas & The Pear. Nothing like twin dykes to get your motor running.

From August, The Time Traveling Blintzes (Left Blintz Only). Wasn’t this guy once married to Sylvester Stallone?

From May, Between A Schmuck & A Soft Place. If that thing on the left isn’t a former East German Pole Vaulter, I don’t know what is.

From April, Dieter. And Dieter’s Lips.

Also From April, Poindouchester. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

Valid entries, every one. With honorable mentions to November’s Douchepug (Duh) and Karen’s Mom, that bull dyke who will no doubt be suing us all as soon as Brooke’s lawyer gets around to it.

But this year’s winner, and my personal favorite, has to be March’s Troll Dog. The only challenger worthy of following in the footsteps of the great 4-Prong. Pat nods in approval. The rest of us are still asking ourselves “What the hell is that?”
——

# posted by douchebag1
12:36 pm December, 12 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

A very thorough tour through the swamp of gender bending douches who may or may not have clit-boners, labial scrotization, and manmary glands.

12:40 pm December, 12 Wheezer said...

I looked through all of those pics, and now all thoughts of an erection are gone forever.
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However, nice write-up, Wedgie! And a fitting winner/loser has been chosen.

12:54 pm December, 12 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Yes; a Tour D’ Force of Meat Substitutes. Nice job Wedgie!

12:58 pm December, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

Thank Job 4-Prong is so 2010. This new thing sucks.too. But we saw less of shim. So we’ve got that going for us.

1:09 pm December, 12 Doucheywallnuts said...

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it’s the bleeth on the right and not Dieter?

1:16 pm December, 12 DarkSock said...

Who bleached Oprah?

1:27 pm December, 12 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

After viewing these pics I feel especially unclean and need to take a shower with steel wool and engine degreaser.

1:28 pm December, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That was a tuff one Wedgie but this has some primordial Chaz to it. And it’s hard to put a song to this one. So we’ll split the difference and have chicks singing a dudes song. And by song I mean boner.
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My Facebook friends fron San Fransico playing this one at Johnny’s Rocking HIV Sores Palace on Haight. Put your hands together and scream for my newest Zepparella video, The Lemon Song.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdUX5XVXUnY&feature=related

1:33 pm December, 12 Hurl Scheibe said...

This picture appears in the medical literature as to what to show patients who present to the emergency room with erections lasting more than four hours. Excellent write up and I think it should be presented to the winner in a flannel shirt.

1:54 pm December, 12 DarkSock said...

Wedgie is a scholar; that was a lot of work dude.
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I’d just gotten to the point where I’d unseen this douchePAT.

1:55 pm December, 12 DarkSock said...

Is there a sub-category in the douchies for Most Metal-Sounding News Headline?

2:02 pm December, 12 Wedgie said...

Thank you, Obi-Wansocck.
It was an ill-chosen category, and I will not do it again next year. I want the boobies or hotties research next time. The scariest part: I culled that list from 43 contenters. That’s a lot of ambiguity.
I hope to be sleeping nightmare-free by next summer.

2:05 pm December, 12 Wedgie said...

Speaking of ambiguity, how many “d”‘s are in “contenders”? I miss word press.

2:25 pm December, 12 CB Popped said...

http://www.buzzfeed.com/sigmund/the-11-bestworst-vagina-tattoos-of-all-time-do-n

Speaking of, well,,,,vagina. I just checked this out at work and shouldnt have, but it might be the most thought provoking link Ive ever posted.

When a lady has Homer Simpson “Down There” she really doesnt give a flying fuck. Medusa/Dreuche/Steph any thoughts on the subject?

2:26 pm December, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That wasn’t the Lemon Song. I didn’t hear a heavy metal news headline. That wasn’t the Lemon Song. One of those chicks looks like Orangest Orange Deiter.
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Headbangers

2:55 pm December, 12 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Wedgie,

Nothing but sympathy for you my brother-in-mock. Like those hardened movie critics who screen Adam Sandler movies only to copy and paste “I want my NINETY MINUTES back!” from their last Sandler review, you stepped into the proverbial Loin’s Den for our team, asking the question that needed asking, “Is it Daniel, or Daniellle?” How many tears you cried cannot be determined. How many days before your next boner, nobody can guess. Many thanks for doing the un-doable, outing the unoutable, tagging the untaggable.
.
And no, I did not spell lion wrong.

3:10 pm December, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Lesbians , can’t live with ’em, can’t stick yer cocck in ’em. The only thing they’re good for is rewiring your house

3:35 pm December, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

@CB, way too much vag for this early in the day. And I would think twice about dating any dude that would want to put his peen or mouth in and on Homers mouth. There is such thing as being too much of a Simpson’s fan. So if she got this tattoo without any persuading by her dude, she doesn’t give a fuck anymore. If a dude persuaded her to get it, he’s ruining her for other men. Unless I don’t know what heterosexual men like, but I think I do and I’m pretty sure its not a cartoon dudes mouth on your wang. That last tattoo was the creepiest though. Best not mess around with those types gentlemen unless you like riding the crazy train. Handle with extreme caution.
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@DarkSock, if your lady tattooed a horses butt on her Chalchicha would you pee in it?

4:03 pm December, 12 Steve said...

Man, Goku/Vegeta look horrible in real life.

5:59 pm December, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ CB Popped–I’ve seen that a few times today, FB is my home for everyone sending me the same fuccen link about tattoos 1,000 times. Most of the pics on that site are fakes. #11-8 are real, #5 is real, the rest are ‘shopped. Same goes for that one about the girl suing her ex for tattooing the steaming pile of poo on her back. It’s bullshit. As for tattooed vaginas in general…they’re already gross, why adorn them? They’re made for stuffing things into them and for little people to come out of them. And, if you’re clever, you can make the woman have an orgasm with them. Otherwise, they don’t need cute faces and shit on them. Quit it, ladies.
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Troll Dog needs a shock collar. Now, wouldn’t THAT make going to the club a lot of fun!
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Seeing how it’s Metal Monday on the Douchies…I know this isn’t the Orangest Orange thread, but…. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qx4NBq8qyNc&feature=fvst

6:19 pm December, 12 CB Popped said...

Good to know some of those were airbrushed…..whew.

Metal Mondays are great.

6:23 pm December, 12 CB Popped said...

East German Pole Vaulter, lol nice Wedge.

8:42 pm December, 12 Wedgie said...

Hey, I just noticed my second pic of Troll Doggie is the same as the first. Fuccen DB1, you screwed the pooch.
.
.
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Son.

9:33 pm December, 12 Blah said...

Sam Kinison’s evil twin macks while Jenna Jameson’s doppelganger looks on. A classic Las Vegas moment.

10:31 am December, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Wedgie
.
Take the rest of the year off. You deserve it. Recuperate by going back to every Friday’s Thoughts and Links and compile a library of pear pics. It just may make Dick Johnson stand upright again.

9:22 pm December, 13 Nostradouchus said...

Should also get the “Most likely to get style tips from Dragonball-Z episodes” award.

4:49 pm December, 14 Wolfram74 said...

That’s a dwarf or midget. I can never tell which is which.Needs to be tasered & belted with a seal club,repeatedly.

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