Friday, December 16, 2011

HCwDB of the Year

Bring it.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #1: The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World and Brittney

Knocking off the inflated grotesqueries of Peter Pumpin’head and Mary Mammtastic, , all is cohabit toxic for the finals in the HCwDB Universe.

The voters have spoken. TMIDITW overwhelms with the subtleties of douchery.

For this one pic, understated at first, contains all of the (un)holy toxic cohabit between tasty hot chick and narcissistic preening douchebag.

It may not blow you away with spectacle, but what it has is HCwDB at its most distilled and purest of impure essences.

Brittney is spankable spankleosity.

And TMIDBITW may not always make hand gestures… but when he does… they’re the Shocker.

Enough to take the prize?

Two more to go.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #2: Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Kate

Knocking off a tough challenge from both the Herpster and Poppa Squatter and Tendon Tina, The Lump was too Vegasy not to make the finals.

And lets not forget Joey Lumpcrustowitz Gives You the Finger.

Here’s a throwback to the purest of classic HCwDB in a putrified Vegas swirl of wrongness.

This is 2008-era douchebaggery with hot chickery.

A pure suckle thigh confused by inflated tattbaggery and assholery attitudinalness.

Toss in crusty hair in a pool area, and fingerbagging, and it’s all a slope of pukey puke.

And Kate is pure of confusion and wrong choice. And so the dialectic is legit.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #3: Gynochin and Brunette Rhea

Part of a three pic run, of inglorious douchitude in presence of uberhottness, The Gynochin’s douche face and Brunette Rhea’s hottness were destined for the finals.

And lets not forget: Gynochin with Perky Peri. And there was

Gynochin and Rhea and Gynopenis Nose.

Gynochin and Rhea are “upper class” douchery, fancy 19th Century Dandyism. Proust by way of Disraeli by way of Lance Burton’s 1997 Vegas extras wardrobe sale.

Brunette Rhea is weepy bedroom eyes of painful groinal submission.

Gynochin is punch face.

Okay, fellow hunters and huntresses, this is it.

Which of these three deserve enshrinement as our 2011 HCwDB of the Year?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
6:40 am December, 16 the douche is alright said...

I really can’t decide between Gyno and Lump. tough call. I’ll go with Gynochin and Rhea just because of the multiple examples of douchitude

7:05 am December, 16 YA said...

TMIDITW
Because of the bulgy veins.

7:08 am December, 16 Eponymous Douche said...

Couple #2 is DQ’d because of the advanced Bleeth stage of the “hot chick”.
.
Once again, I reiterate, poor Rhea has the sag throughout the rack of breast. Pity really, but what can you do?
.
Forty-four pound watch on TMIDBITW is the sealer of the deal. Not to mention the poochiness of Poochy Poochkins McPoochstein. Mmmmm, yummy.
.
Couple #1 FTW!

7:09 am December, 16 Ted Brogan said...

While Gynochin’s face is definitely fistworthy, my vote is for Joey and Kate. Their attire leaves less to the imagination, solidifying the hottness and douchebaggery. Kate also is causing something else of mine to solidify, if you know what I mean…

7:09 am December, 16 Ted Brogan said...

The Play-Doh sculpture that I made. At least, I’m assuming it’s Kate that did it.

7:10 am December, 16 Eponymous Douche said...

You just know that behind the bug-eye glasses Li’l Pooch is giving hardcore Maya Eye. She’s all about the Eye of Coitus.

7:12 am December, 16 Mandouchian Candidate said...

The best analogy: If I was walking in my backyard and stepped in 3 piles of my beloved douchepug’s turds; which one would scrape off the easiest, and which the hardest.
*
If I stepped in a pile of MIDBITW- probably would require some water and a stick, maybe even a brush to get the veins and black shoes off. A little effort, but he would soon be history. Or deported back to whatever eastern European Nation he hails from.
*
If I slipped into a greasey patch of Joey, I would probably have to put forth a lot more effort, maybe even the use of tools or a pressure washer, but he would soon be acid washed from my memory, or found dead in a sauna in Thailand. (Too Soon?)
*
But If for some reason there was a steamy pile of Gynochin and I was unfortunate enough to come in contact with it, I would incinerate my shoes and probably burn the skin off of my feet for fear of further infection. He may not be as Douchemarked as the rest, but that is why he needs this award. he achieves so much with so litlle help. He is Douche Au Naturale and thereforethe I must cast my vote for Gynochin.

7:17 am December, 16 Douchble Helix said...

The most interesting…. is my choice.

Man, this is nothing like last year’s competition. Just sayin’.

7:20 am December, 16 Nancy Dreuche said...

This is Hott Chicks with Douchebags, emphasis on the hott chick. LadyDoctorChin FTW.
.
@MD, solid work, unlike the feces you probably stepped in.

7:22 am December, 16 Eponymous Douche said...

The thing about the Gynocerous is that he clearly wishes his intials were “B” and “J”. This isn’t gaybags with sag chicks, is it?

7:24 am December, 16 Istandouche said...

Gynochin and Rhea.

7:26 am December, 16 Charles Douchewin said...

All three are deserving.
.
But have you ever been bitten by a silent dog?
.
Dogs that that bark and froth, like TMIDBITW and Joey, are mostly just about the sound and the fury.
.
The silent dog that attacks without warning, attacks because it decides and carries out its mission with stealthy single-mindedness.

This picture suggests the gynochin is that dog.
.
To whit, if the gynochin had a facial expression more like Happy Skippy, he’d likely get a generous goinpeace.
But no. You don’t need to be Paul Ekman to see the douchy facial expressions are the tip of the douche iceberg that is the gynochin.
.
Perhaps the most dangerous douchebags in the world – don’t always look like douchebags.
.
Plus, Rhea isn’t bleethy.
Thus exemplifying the HCwDB dialectic.

7:36 am December, 16 Et Tu Douche? said...

It’s got to be Gynochn and Rhea. They encapsulate the entire spectrum of HCwDB. She’s Hott not bleethy and or skanked out like Kate & Brittney. Joey Lumpcrustowitz is with out a doubt a tool and classic D-Bag so is TMIDITW however and I’m not defending Europe, his theme is relatively common and he probably doesn’t even realize what a tool he looks like or for that matter care.
.
Ahh but you Gynochin you revel in your smirkiness. Your the kind of dick who takes at least an hour to get ready before you go out making sure your stubble is just right, just the right amount of gel in your hair. You try on multiple shirt & pants combinations gazing at your self, in a narcissistic fashion, practicing your smirk, in front of one of the may mirrors you have in your squalid apartment. Your the kind of douche who calls his Bro’s™ while getting dressed asking them what are they wearing tonight so you can have a better idea of what fashionbaggery your going to unleash at Da Club. You have the innate abilty that the moment you walk into a club, bar etc; that the immediate inner monologue response from both men & women is “What a fucking dick” or many variations of.
The rage doesn’t really get going until a Persian beauty of Rhea’s quality falls for your schtick. While some of the blame for rage goes to Rhea for buying into your vibe it’s not until you flash that fucking ridiculous smirk of yours that says so many things and by so many things I mean “I’m an Asshole”. Fuck you Gynochin and your ilk the gambler in me says you will win this award and for that I guess your worthy.
.
Rumor has it John Largeman got his tire situation rectified, picked up an ill fitting suit and is heading straight for the awards ceremony at which point he will be handing out this award and along with an over hand right fist to your mouth. He DOESN’T approve of you or your smirk.

7:51 am December, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

It’s so hard to decide because they are all fucking douchebags. Different douchebags. Kind of like snowflakes when you think about it. They are all dressed up and so diverse. One can never be exactly like the other.
.
As my Granny Kroeger used to tell me “You can pick your nose and you can pick your ass but you don’t wanna be picking shit.” Since we are all here in a community of shit-pickers I have to go for TMIDITW because his shit is Euro, and his body misproportionate. But As I recall Granny was always stoned.
.
No I changed my mind I pick Gynochin for he hot and the hair and the ridiculous pout. I went and done picked shit. I miss you Granny.
.
There’s nothing more I have time to say about these turds so let’s get to it with a great show starting live from Toronto with Lee Iacocca’s Rock Concert.
.

.

7:54 am December, 16 Sophie L'Huilé said...

Joey. Because Kate is Hot, and Joey is pure Douche. The watch, the semen mohawk, the shitty tattoos, and the snear. He’s a dserving weiner.

8:07 am December, 16 Douche Springsteen said...

I have to go with Joey Lumpcrustowitz & Kate. Joey is the Perfect Storm of Douche. The watch, the hair, the shades, the finger, the shades, the sneer, the ink. Good G-d, the ink. As I mentioned back when took the monthly, Joey is marked as ‘bag for life and robbed himself of the quiet dignity that Death brings us all as his shriveled body will still bear tribal flames and Jesus bling.
And yes, Kate is a Bleeth, I won’t argue. But take a look at the Lumpcrustowitz gives the finger pic and tell me that the Mayan Eye of Coitus on her face as she looks into, nay, confronts the collective male gaze through the camera’s lens doesn’t make your blood pressure rise.
Joey & Kate for all the marbles and a celebratory red cup of a 2011 vintage of MD-2020 and sugar-laden snack cakes for another year of mock.

8:08 am December, 16 Medusa Oblongata said...

Oh, shit, Joey L versus Gynochin?! How am I supposed to choose? They’re both equally offensive, but in two different ways. Joey L. Is that guy who shoulder-rams you as he passes you in the grocery store. He doesn’t say sorry, and if you make any noise or say anything, he gives you the finger over his shoulder as he keeps walking away. Gynochin is like that guy who walks up to you and takes something off the shelf quietly, and lets out a silent fart as he does it. a second later, he is gone and your nostrils are swirling with the most foul odor of fermented cabbage turds, and the stink clings to your nose hairs for the rest of the afternoon. What’s worse? Temporary, high-level pissed-offness, or a low-level simmering rage that lasts for hours?
.
I consulted Mr. Biscotti on this one. He looked at Joey and Kate and said, “Eh, dey kind of go together, kind of couple, matching you know.” I scrolled down to Gynochin. “Yeah. DAT one. No way, dat’s totally focking douchetarded.”
.
So, my suspicions were confirmed. simmering rage wins, and Gynochin and Rhea are the wrongest coupling. I guess if both of us are in on it, make that two votes for Gynochin.

8:10 am December, 16 Nostradouchus said...

What a year. Judging by this line up, it looks like the Italia-bots took down the Ironi-cons in an epic Doucheformer battle of the ages….

Lumpy gained some mad street cred by icing Herpster. Capone-style, bitch. The battle of the chest tattoos was tense, but Tattooine Jesus came through for ’em brah!

TMIDITW showed us that body fat percentage, like age, is only a number….and that number can be zero…even if you don’t work your legs out…and you wear white socks with black shoes.

Gynochin is the Einstein of duckfacing, and his hair has turned hundreds of years of physics knowledge on its head.

It’s time to crown our Optimus Prime, and I gotta go with Lumpy FTW. The combination of old school-Vegas ‘baggery and the ability to stave off (for now) the plague of herpsterism is deserving of its proper recognition.

8:16 am December, 16 tall guy said...

Just as I suspected Gynochin’s inclusion has all the makings of bringing a knife to a gunfight. Perhaps he does, as Charles Douchewin alludes to, give us cause to radically rethink the douche devolutionary process. Personally, I couldn’t dislike any contender more. But is being repulsed representative of a detached, objective? or does it boost this cheese eating surrender monkey into the Douchesphere? Well mark the sequel (or the prequel): Gynochin (w/Perky Peri) in a shirt that really ought to shut down or at least nullify his contorted trademark Kissy Lips, but instead he wears it like a mash-up of plagiarised mixed metaphors that says: “What I say goes now, bitch!” We need to alert ourselves to this. We are entering a new Douchenium. Remember, it has a penis and naturally demands its pounding of flesh thus assuring survival of its species. And while Rhea appears 9 parts dumb who’s into immature, sexually compulsive men she is 95.05% hott. I smell poop and bad decisions.

8:25 am December, 16 ehcuodouche said...

This is one competition where everyone’s a winner, or loser. I sat catatonic for an hour trying to decide. They’re all perfect examples of douchebags. You’ve got greasy punchface douchebag 10-pound watch poolside with toxic levels of gsr. You’ve got prototypical overpumped blown out flippin off 10-pound watch jerzbag who does not need to wear jewelry cause its tattooed on him. Then you’ve got greasy blown out punchchin two finger drink holding Eurobag with the least bleethed hottest hott of the bunch.

I went back and forth and hither and yon until it hit me: while two of these may have the mark of the bag projected onto them, only one would actually wear the mark as a fashion accessory. The penisnose pushes Gynochin over the top (and hopefully over a cliff) for DBOY.

8:28 am December, 16 FoghornLeghorn said...

Wow, this is really hard. It’s like asking, “Who is the best Bears linebacker ever?”. Butkus? Singletary? Urlacher? I wish it was an easier question like, “Who is the biggest dope dealer in Bears history?”.
.
These spuds are all worthy, but I have to go with Joey L. and Kate. Mostly because of her breasts and pool eyes.

8:28 am December, 16 Douche Springsteen said...

@ Medusa “Joey L. Is that guy who shoulder-rams you as he passes you in the grocery store.”

Oh wow, you are spot on here. I’m sure he also mutters “fuccen faggit” under his breath while doing it.

8:31 am December, 16 Fyodor Dostedouchesky said...

The selection is meant to be difficult, so once again let us apply the process of elimination, as has served us so well in prior years.

TMIDITW undoubtedly fills me with rage, but there’s a little too much self-awareness in his pose…an immediate disqualifier from the highest reaches of douchebaggery-dom. And Barbie is too dime-o’-dozen for me to really care, she’s all yours bud.

Gynochin’s sense of entitled buffoonery should have made him a shoo-in for most ‘trashcan to the head-worthy’ (Ed. — did I miss that)?, and Rhea brings sufficient hott to make the running (and BONUS for the Kristin Davis hott in the last pic who I believith ith Rhea nott). Worthy contenders, but for….

JOEY and KATE, who win by losing (or lose by winning). Kate is seriously underrated as a hott due to her bad abdominal tatts, but I prefer to see them as an astral road map to nirvana. And the fakies don’t hurt in my opinion.

As for Mssr. Lumpcrusto-shite — HE HAS A CROSS ON A CHAIN TATTOOED ON HIS CHEST. I know we’ve seen abominations here that shall not speaketh their name (and delicacy prevents me from reciting them here), but c’mon – Gyno can theoretically shave, stop sneering, quit the male escort service and become a contributing member of society. Joey is on an irreversible path littered with broken dreams, dead-end non-jobs, meth, and an ever-expanding beer gut.

Moreover, for the consistent middle finger alone, the guy is an irredeemable DB.

I rest my case.

8:33 am December, 16 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Gynochin and Rhea FTW.
G-Chin has a complete Douche-Game, a 5-Tool tool of the first order.
– Grooming
– Wardrobe
– Gesture/ Duck Face
– ‘tude
– Hott

Nuff said.
.
.
.
motorboaters
.

8:38 am December, 16 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Joey & Kate are immediately discarded. These two idiots deserve each other, and will go on to make really stupid babies together that I’m sure I’ll be reading about in the Darwin Awards mailing list in 2037.

Then we’re down to Interesting and Gynochin.

The former has a lot of the signifiers of schmuckery. The watch. The grease. Stupid tat. And shorts designed for a 6 year old. However, Gynochin brings a smugness not seen since the Bag Islander. The pure idiocy of the expression on the face, combined with a haircut by Sikorsky puts him ahead by a nose.

Gynochin.

8:46 am December, 16 melvil_duchi said...

Gynochin and Brunette Rhea

8:46 am December, 16 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Joey is so utterly foul that he could contaminate a cesspool.
One day, Joey, those tattoo’d blue flames will turn into a real conflagatory fire of Purification – the gods will not permit your scrotewankery to contaminate humanity forever.
Viewing these candidates has been traumatizing, I’m going to cry the rest of the day………

8:47 am December, 16 tall guy said...

I’m not sure if my hard hitting analysis constituted a vote. But to be sure I will recap: Joey Lumpcrustowitz is more to be pitied than censured. In no way does that mean he’s scores a notta. He’s ‘Bag to the power of repulsiveness X 10; clearly still a man whore except he also is fast becoming a parody of all he represents, which means that as each tick of the clock sounds and extinction looms on the horizon like a debt collector/repo man combo, he becomes both less and fewer of anything relevant, which, incidentally, adequately sums up hoopy ear ringed Kate. Who, plain and simple, is a massive sluzza. The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World nearly brought it home for me. Brittney, while annoying is highly poundable and if vascular bulge ever becomes an Olympic event, folks… We have a champion! Until that dark day though, I say let us make hay while the sun shines and shut down this excrescence. Look, once again time, and what really ought to be a limit on words, beats me: Gynochin and Brunette Rhea FTW!

8:48 am December, 16 RAPETIME said...

The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World and Brittney. He has tree roots in his abdomen. She giggles after sex.

8:51 am December, 16 Doucheosaurus ex said...

It has to be Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Kate

8:54 am December, 16 Doucheosaurus ex said...

Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Kate. Joey is taint. Kate smoulders.

9:03 am December, 16 CB Popped said...

Joey is even giving a subtle finger in the main pic, which is infuriating. However, he is standard cookie – cutter fodder. I also doubt he would wear penis glasses. Too “macho”.

Gyno is a diabolicaldouche. A breed of insidious douchedesign aimed at pulling all stops to be the dick in his surrounding area as Et Tu pointed out.

Rhea qualifies as unblemished hott.

Gyno and Rhea.

9:06 am December, 16 Douche ex Machina said...

Gynochin and Rhea. I actually think the Kristin Davis-esque hot in the penis sunglasses photo is more of a hot (not that Rhea isn’t; I’d hit it so hard whoever pulled me out would be King of England), but Gyno brings it in every photo. I think he sees his hots as accessories, which is just wrong, wrong, wrong. That plus the ducklips closes the deal for me. Gyno/Rhea FTW.

9:08 am December, 16 Dan said...

I’m not entirely sure how these three made it through as each have obvious weaknesses. Most Interesting’s Hott is the most impressive of the three, but I just don’t see him as that mock-worthy, not for Douchebag of the Year honors. Yeah ya got GSR, but the tats aren’t nearly as bad as most, its a normal beard, not tri-vag or some such. Too small shorts is douchey but overall he’s not so much Most Interesting as Not-Really-That-Bad douchebag.

Joey is classic ‘bag but she is so bleethed that there is nothing to redeem them. Hot chick cannot be bleethed out skank, at least not as far as I am concerned.

That leaves us with Gynochin, whose doucheface belongs on Mount Douche-more, and Rhea, who is Persian perfection the Ayotollah wishes was his heavenly reward.

Gynochin FTW.

9:17 am December, 16 army (ret) douche said...

gynochn and rhea, as many have pointed out 2 bleeths give only one choice

9:18 am December, 16 Steve said...

Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Kate FTW/FTL. Gynochin may be all of the things said by Et Tu Douche, but he’s not displaying them in the picture, so that doesn’t qualify. I’m honestly shocked he got this far. Must be Rhea and her coked out eyes that are so, so dreamy.

9:25 am December, 16 Bret Easton Douchis said...

It’s all about the punch-worthiness. They all deserve one.

TMIDITW is disgusting, but one must allow him some credit for that gym & ‘roid bod of his. Strip off the ten pound watch and the chain and he’s just another aging gym rat, feeling the ‘road rage, and sensing that his stones are reducing to pebbles. I’d punch him square in the nuts.

Joey Lumpcrustowitz got caught in the photocopier one afternoon (he fails the Brian Setzer tattoo rule…never where a judge can see it – on the hands)…and the wedge hair is now simply a cliche, not a “rage point”. Kate is his psychic equivalent….just another mall whore (spent teenaged years giving blowjobs in the parking lot to buy the latest hot clothes) gone to seed. I’d punch him in his future employability.

The pompous punchface of Gynochin will haunt my dreams for eons. He’ll steal your girl, your credit card, and your good name, without a thought. He feels entitled to all these things. Brunette Rhea is in the process of falling into Bleeth-dom. She has not hit bottom yet. I’d punch her, as a way of communicating her fall. I’d hoof him in the head.

Gynochin and Brunette Rhea for the title, though. Only because I’d ruin the shine on my brogues on Gynochin’s hair products…

9:31 am December, 16 troy tempest said...

This is tough. All three are worthy, because they come into the douche equation with different variables. These people are poo. All of them, except Rhea who looks too stupid to know she’s an idiot, and making fun of retards ain’t right.

The first bunch I kick out would have to be The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World and Brittney. She’s just a typical bottle blonde inflate-o-bleeth. Not worth the time or effort. And he has a great future managing the frozen food aisle at the Encino Safeway during the week and starring in faux-amateur DIY porn on weekends, which is how he met Brittney – she was on her knees for a bukkake festival in Fresno. She has a voice like a grackle and uses giggles as a form of speech. So, they suck. Stay home.
.
That leaves us with Joey and Gynochin. Joey is a truly stellar Vegas bag. The tattooed Jesus bling. Fuck – he has his name (Brandon) tattooed on his chest!!!! what a complete fucking idiot. He is an absolute equal to Gynochin, just on a very different wavelength. And Gynochin – he is the reason house pets dash in front of cars – they can’t bear to live on the same earth with him. So, it comes down to the hott chicks.
.
Rhea vs Kate. Kate is a hopeless bleethy skank. She is a princess among cheap sluts. And doesn’t Rhea count? Well, only to ten, and then only with assistance. Rhea is so freakin’ stupid she doesn’t even know which numbers to dial to get 911… But, judging by the softness of her eyes, one can tell that she’s not some hard bitten brassy cynical bitch, like Kate.

So, assuming they can both do it well, the question is what to do afterwards. Kate will just sit up in bed, stoke up a benson and hedges, and then yap about what kind of a jackass Joey is.

Rhea would just snuggle a little closer and drift off dreaming of unicorns fucking in honey drenched fields. Rhea is the better bleeth. So, It has to be Gynochin and Rhea FTW.

9:44 am December, 16 Hurl Scheibe said...

Ring Around the Rosies, pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes we all fall down!!

Joey L’s tattooed rosary is a blasphemy along with all of his douche attributes. And he has the ALL. And Kate is so perfectly bleethed out. She repels and arouses at the same time.

The perfect douche/bleeth comingling. And they are like the plauge in the little song that started my comment.

Joey L for the WIN!!

9:49 am December, 16 Douche of Hazard said...

Gotta go with the Chin.

9:50 am December, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Since all the Hotts are equally hott , let’s look at our Douchebags. A baseball analogy:
.
The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World is like Dave Kingman, a prolific slugger that would lead the league in strike outs every year. His powerful swing would produce feast or famine results. He would have 5 games in a row where he’d strike out every time, then pop 3 home runs the next time out.
.
The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World’s prodigious power exists occassionally and against this competition it’s Golden Sombrero time, swing and a miss
.
Gynochin is a slap hitter along the lines of Wade Boggs. Boggs was slow of foot and although a lead off hitter that led the league in batting average many times, he was more widely celebrated for his massive Miller Lite consumption and taking a Who’bag on the road with him while his wife stayed behind watching the kids and household.
.
Boggs toiled in failure with the Red Sox, eventually selling out and joining the Scrote Wagon that is the Yankees. They won a World Series and Boggs road like a bitch behind a cop on a horse, circling the stadium and waving to the crowd with a twinkle in his eye.
.
He never looked gayer. No athelete has ever looked gayer. Gynochin could not look gayer. He’s got the gay I tell ya
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Joey Lumpcrustowitz is like Paul O’Neill, a big goofy asshole that thought every called strike on him was wrong, every ground ball he half-assed legged out was a lucky catch that should have gotten through the infield and led his Yankee career with no-class and constant whining.
.
O’Neill was one of those players that if he was on your team, you loved him (examples: Lenny Dykstra, Dustin Pedroia, Ricky Henderson) but if he was on the other team he induced red raged hatred. Now he tortures us on the YES Network’s Yankee telecasts with his idiotic insight and drooling analsys.
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In the ’96 playoffs, John Marzano of The Mariners kicked Paul O’Neill’s ass after he cried about getting brushed back. It was awesome and led to a Mariner’s sweep of the series
.
Joey Lumpcrustowitz induces that rage. What he has done to his appearance and the constant middle finger posing displays the knowledge that he knows he’s not well liked. He’s a follower, a part of “The Group” that hang. He’s fitting in
.
For crimes against any thinking persons sensibilities Joey gets the nod. He’s a douchebag that will find himself friendless and lonely when the chips are down becuase he doesn’t care now. It will pay off for us later.
.
And it pays off now: Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Kate for the win. What an asshole

9:52 am December, 16 Vin Douchal said...

opps, ^ that didn’t look that long when I wrote it

9:52 am December, 16 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Six pound watch? Check.
Excessive tribal tatts? Check.
Crusty over-greased blowout? Check.
Only one finalist has all these classic signifiers of ‘baggery complete with Jesus bling…that’s TATTOOED AROUND HIS GODDAMN NECK!!!
.
Joey Lumpcrustowitz.
.
And he’s not just flipping off the camera whilst chillaxing in a watery toxic sludge of pumped up ‘roided scrotal seepage, he’s mocking civilization itself. And so we must mock back. Fuck you, guy. You’re a ginormous douchebag.
.
Kate has soft curves, a most paddleable tum-tum, and sleek dark hair, which I would delicately caress and braid while she tells me about how this one bitch on facebook talked some shit to her friend Amanda and so she totally threatened to go all psycho and fuck her up and how pathetic she was and this bitch had the nerve to call HER a bitch and so she blah blah…and so I tune her out, and ooze a little in my shorts each time my knuckle brushes across her ear.
.
Bleeth? Most likely. Would that stop me from taking the ol’ kidney prodder to tuna town despite the inevitable post-coital guilt, shame, and burning pee? Probably not. Though I’d disrespectfully airdrop my nut napalm on her on her chin while her slightly chubbier and uglier friend with cottage cheese thighs plays nut valet, like a total asshole.

10:13 am December, 16 Wedgie said...

I don’t really feel the level of disgust for any of these three that I should in crowning this year’s big winner. I fear we have made a mistake my fellow hunters & huntresses.
Shit.
Well, this is my pick. The chin for the win. I want to punch him the most out of these three, plus his chick is taller than him, which is a pet peeve of mine. Date in your own class, you little fuccer.
#3, and he’s an overachiever.

10:14 am December, 16 Fyodor Dostedouchesky said...

“he is the reason house pets dash in front of cars – they can’t bear to live on the same earth with him”

May be the best line I’ve read this year.

10:21 am December, 16 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

When batman goes to bed, he is wearing TMIDBITW pajamas.
.
Joey’s insipid toxicity is so prodigious, the cast of the Jersey Shore called him to let him know he’s getting to be a bit over the top. Joey Porsche sent him a telegram that just said “dude what’s your problem?” And the Gator wept bitter salty tears when he first saw the jesus bling tattoo.
.
But there has never, since the first primitive daguerreotypes to the latest multi-mega pixel digital imagery, been such a beautiful, vacuous hotty captured in presence of such a smug, punchable smarm-lord as Gynochin. And don’t forget the this human proto-slug has left a slime trail across several other brunette hotts. Gyno FTW.

10:25 am December, 16 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Troy, the phrase “drift off dreaming of unicorns fucking in honey drenched fields” made a tear come to my eye.

10:32 am December, 16 Düsseldouche said...

Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Kate.

I usually go for the hottest chick, which Kate definetely isn´t, but this guy just pisses me off so instinctively.

10:32 am December, 16 CB Popped said...

This thread is hysterical…..

10:33 am December, 16 JK said...

Mr. Gynochin will win!

10:46 am December, 16 Anonymous said...

Gotta go with Gynochin.

11:06 am December, 16 Rhea said...

all u guys sayin you want to punch Bryce-his real name- should manup and try it Bryce is a green belt and will nock you in ur ass and i will laugh at u and Bryce is not very short he is 5.7 if u mesure over hair and he is rly sweet to me and not a douchebag at all

11:17 am December, 16 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Joey L. Because he is far more dedicated to the douche life than any of these wankers. He has inked himself stupid with tribal tats and goes so far as to put permanent Jeebus bling on his chesticles. Oversized watch, overly quaffed hair hair, stupid tough guy/Jersey Guido/ retarded silver back gorilla facial expression, flipping the bird.. etc. etc…etc… the douche signifiers run on into douch infinity. He’ll be a douche til he dies then his douchebag spirit will come back to haunt the Jersey shore and for 5 days out the year pools and clubs in Las Vegas.

R.I.P. Christopher Hitchens

11:34 am December, 16 Tom Choad said...

I love it when someone comments pretending to be the individual in one of these photos. The fact that “she” posts using the pseudonym DB1 gave her makes it all the more amusing.
.
.
Anyhow, I vote for Stackhouse.
.
What? He’s not in the finals this year? I figured he would simply be grandfathered into every HCWDB of the Year voting from now on, based on his setting the asshole bar so high last year. Shouldn’t everyone have to face the champ in order to step up to the top podium?
.
OK, fine– I’ll restrict my vote to one of these actual finalists. Gynochin’s uncanny knack for pulling achingly sensuous brunette hotts, aside, I can’t vote for him because he just doesn’t trigger that much rage from me. I do like to imagine that the menacing bald guy in the background garrotted him with a shoelace shortly after that picture was snapped, though.
.
TMIDITW looks like one of those old-school 11-inch tall G.I. Joe dolls with the fuzzy head and cheek scar that was posed (by a kid denying his own homosexuality) next to his sister’s Malibu Barbie (which is what the kid really wished he looked like, anyway). He’s irritating, but I could live out my days without ever wondering why someone hadn’t yet stomped “Interesting” to death with ski boots. So he’s out.
.
But Joey Lumpcrustowitz so naturally summons the douche-hatred in me, it’s really no contest. He sucks away a little bit more of my dwindling faith in humanity with every picture. This is a guy so self-obsessed, he couldn’t bear to ever be without gaudy bling, so he had it etched onto his skin with an electric needle. Believe me, there hasn’t been a visitor to this site that has seen his face and NOT wanted to rip off a hearty swing at it with a solid hickory ax handle.
.
Joey Lump for the title.

11:37 am December, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

This collection of dudes deserves a big shout out by Canada’s pride of douchebags. A nation apologizes, and by nation I mean Granny Kroeger.
.
This is really awful and douchey. Just sayin.
.

11:43 am December, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Canadian YouTube is run by Soviets

11:44 am December, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Fuck.
.

.
Reallly bad.

11:46 am December, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I see what I’m doing here, eh.
.

.
So bad I have vertigo.

12:01 pm December, 16 Charles Douchewin said...

I agree with CB Popped.
.
This thread is hilarious. The collective contemplation on images of societal loss has resulted in terrific literary win.
.
@ McCrudeshoes; the phrase “When batman goes to bed, he is wearing TMIDBITW pajamas” – has me picturing flesh-colored pajama tops with airbrushed veins and a wristwatch printed on the left sleeve.
.
Brojamas

12:18 pm December, 16 Mr. Biggs said...

I’d have to say Gynochin barely beats out Lumpsrtotowicz. Or however the f you spell it. For the pure douchebaggery revelling in its own self importance, matched by hottie stupid WTF innocence, this picture captures the very zeitgeist of HCwDB.

12:22 pm December, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

“The Lumpz, the Lumpz, the Lumpz is on fire,
He don’t need no water let the other douches learn
Learn, other douchebags, learn
.
Hello my name is Joey Lumpz and I’m a dumb white guy
I’m not old or new but middle school, fifth grade like junior high
I don’t know mofo’ if y’all peeps be buggin’ give props to my bleeth ’cause she fly
.
The Lumpz, the Lumpz, the Lumpz is on fire,
He don’t need no water let the other douches learn
Learn, other douchebags, learn…”
But I can take the heat ’cause I’m the other white meat known as Joey Lumpz…

12:34 pm December, 16 hermit said...

Gynochin, because he has a vagina-like chin, and Rehea because she has a vagina.
.
.
.
.
And a chin.

12:36 pm December, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

May I be the first person on this thread to call Rhea a cunt?
.
Vagina Dentatas

12:37 pm December, 16 Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabbadouche said...

It’s getting to the point that overly tattooed jerkoffs don’t even faze me anymore. But overly styled hair, plus a look of pure assholery, that still bothers me. Gynochin and Rhea, for the win.

12:42 pm December, 16 icame isaw idouched said...

Gyno Chin FTW. What a fucen apparition!!

12:43 pm December, 16 DarkSock said...

“Gynochin is the Einstein of duck-facing”.
.
I can’t top that.
.
Those of you that wasted your votes must have sped-read past Et Tu Douche’s 7:36am lack-of-character-sketch of Gynochin, as well as Troy’s savage damning with faint praise of Joey L. and his bleethe versus Gyno and his doe-eyed dripper of honey upon the love-pancake that is DarkSock’s womb-prong.
.
rather than raising my blood pressure unnecessarily with flared nostrils as I write some flailing slander about Gynochin, or Paul from New Hampshire, if you will, perhaps I should simply cut to the chase: Gynochin, with his tongue-push wish-u-wur-me platypussss of a mug fills me with 7.5 times more rage than this fucking hipster:
adgsfddfs
And Rhea…I would jump anus-first onto a 5-story ungreased flagpole with the top filed to a needle and a 2-foot base covered in broken Maker’s Mark bottles for the privilege to eat the pus-laden scabs out of her great grandmother’s labial bedsores.
.
Look at it….LOOK AT IT.
dsffds
I give you the EINSTIEN OF DUCKFACING…The Ayatollah of Ass-a-Hola…The Farcist Narcissist…The Sultan of Schmegma-Smug…the Walterest of Mondales and Newest of Hampshirians…The Me-Firstiest of the Gimme-Gimmies…and most sadly, the Prince of Rhea’s Poon-Tang-Chew Province.
.
Gynochin and Brunette Rhea FTW, and a bonus frozen turkey fired out of a civil war cannon into Gynochin’s adam’s apple from a crass trajectory as best determined by indignant Slavic bog limnologists and bandy-legged Ukranian disenfranchised centrist psephologists.
.
.
.
.
Bung-Chinnians.

12:52 pm December, 16 DarkSock said...

BY THE POWER OF GYNOCHIN…MAY THIS THREAD HEREFORTH BE STRICKEN DOWN WITH BOLD TEXT!!!
.
THE POWER OF CHIN COMPELS YOU!
.
THE POWER OF CHIN COMPELS YOU!
.
THE POWER OF CHIN COMPELS YOU!
.
.
.
.
.
.
OK seriously I don’t know what the fuck I did. At least I didn’t rend the wormhole open to the alternate comments universe again.
.
hackers.

12:56 pm December, 16 Wedgie said...

^I could have lived without seeing that gayhipsterbagalah Mr. Sock.

12:57 pm December, 16 Wedgie said...

Hey, this is pretty nice bold text. Maybe for an encore you can change is to italics and bold.
To celebrate the fact that it’s almost time for Canada, aka “America’s Hat”, to begin their annual winter festivities by lighting Nickelback on fire.

1:03 pm December, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I second James T’s RIP of Christopher Hitchens.
.
http://youtu.be/TmxAGhC-gLU

1:08 pm December, 16 army (ret) douche said...

america’s hat… now that’s a nickname i can get behind!

1:22 pm December, 16 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Billy takes the sting of the paperclip slapping into the back of his neck the same way he has every other one that’s flown across the cubicle at him for the past two years. He slouches his large frame further down into his chair, focuses on the screen in front of him, and continues trying to sell a Holiday Inn hotel room to the business traveller on the other end of the phone.

“Hey Billy!” comes the nasal shout that always follows each paperclip, “Hey. Hey! Hey Billy! Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy!” He tries to ignore the verbal assault as it washes over him. His cubicle mates try to ignore it as well, but the growing sense of discomfort becomes almost palpable. All around curious heads begin popping up like Arctic Seals through small holes in the barren polar ice sheet, desperate for a breath of air but ever vigilant for lurking Polar Bears. Just as quickly and silently they drop back out of site.
.
“Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy….huu-u-u-u-u-ugh…Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy!”
.
“WHAT?!” Billy finally shrieks, spinning around so quickly his headset pops from his ear and flies to the end of its rubber lead before slapping back against his swollen belly, “What do you want Martin? WHAT IS IT? What is so darned important that you’ve got to torture me with paperclips and your dorky face? What?”
.
Martin leans his six-foot-two-inch frame against the shared cuble wall. His shirt sleeves rolled up to reveal orange, hairless arms and a watch that could be read with ease from the far side of the reservation floor. Martin’s hair is pushed up from his forehead, perfectly sculped as it is every day into a shape that could easily withstand being used to inseminate an Asian Elephant. Martin’s massive jaw works up and down furiously, abusing the gum within with all the passion of a Penn State football coach serving community time at a rural daycare center. He chews so quickly, so aggressively that the cleft in his chin is now a blur, looking more like a rotted and tattered vagina than the normal round bunghole that Billy visualizes putting a bullet in every goddamn day.
.
Martin stops chewing long enough to flash Billy a wicked, laminate smile. He raises his arm up from his side of the cubicle and holds aloft a small, shining trophy. Billy can just barely make out what looks to be a reflief of a very large set of tits on the side of the gold-colored plasic bowl.
.
“Hey! Hey Billy!” Martin crows extending the trophy skyward while Billy the finger with his other hand, “First place muthafucka! That’s right! First fucking place. So just suck. On. That. What d’you got fatboy? Huh? What do you got? You got a trophy huh? I don’t fucking think so. What d’you got”
.
“Martin!” comes a booming voice from across the sea of cubicles, “Put your goddamn headphones back on, stop wagging your face balls, and take some goddamn calls before I write your monkey ass up again.”
.
“Yes Sir Mr. Pilsniak sir,” Martin says lowers the trophy quickly. He gives Billy one last look, mouthing “Number One” and faking giving a blowjob before disappearing back to his work station.
.
“Fucking douchebag,” Billy mutters to himself as he turns around to his own computer.
.
Fucking douchebag indeed. Gynochin in 2011. The one and only highpoint of Martin’s life unless you count not getting cyphilis that one time when he was in Brooklyn.

1:29 pm December, 16 Scooby Douche said...

First, I worship at the feet of Vin Douchal. Probably the best-reasoned and argued analysis of douchedom of all time!

Second, damn you Choad for stealing my sentimental vote for Stackhouse! Notwithstanding that mine is not the first, I vote for Stacky! I agree that you must beat the champ to be the champ. Just cause Ali retires doesn’t make Randall “Tex” Cobb the champ.

Third, Dark Sock, ya gotta post a warning of some kind before you just splash that photo right out there on that page like that. I choked on my tuna fish sandwich, and had to call the paramedics. I’m sending you the bill, man.

Now to my commentary. As I see it, this category is about the biggest DOUCHEBAG of the Year. The focus here is on the doucheness, the dirt, the slime, the disease, not the coupling of douche and hott. This is like handing out the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor: it doesn’t matter if the rest of the movie was shit, it’s all about that person’s performance. So while still taking a moment or two for drooling over some of the boobies and suckle-thigh, that does not influence my vote. I can look past tits (well, no, not really).

Most Interesting Douchebag? Hardly. Just over-pumped. And obviously gay. This photo was taken so he could send it to his NaNa, who knows he’s gay, but he desperately wants her to think otherwise so she’ll change her will back.

I like to think that poor Gynochin just wasn’t quite ready for the click, thus the stupid duck face. Victim of circumstance. And no other real douche signifiers. No tatts, no big watch. Even the tux is OK. Could use a shave man, but that’s just tacky, not douche.

Which brings us to Joey. I must first echo the brilliant comment of the ever-wise Fyodor Dostedouchesky: “HE HAS A CROSS ON A CHAIN TATTOOED ON HIS CHEST.” Imagine the “thought process” that went into that decision! This dick actually thought of permanent Jesus-bling, then said to his own tiny brain, “Yeah dude, that’s a gonna be so fuccen sweet!” Then he went to some back alley dive and paid good money to have it done.

But that’s not all, then he had flame tats installed running down his arms, put his boyfriend “Brandon”s name on his pec, bought the dumb watch, and spiked the hair. Not yet satisfied with his coolness, he has to slip a subtle finger into the picture, just to show he’s a hard ass.

This, my friends, is a hard-working, full-time, 24/7, dyed-in-the-skin, committed, douchebag. He must be honored as the biggest ass-clown of the year. Joey FTW, and the auto crusher.

1:37 pm December, 16 douchebag1 said...

Excellent, epic thread already, and it’s only the afternoon. Fixed the “bold” problem, and oh yeah, forgot to mention the 2011 Douchies are carrying into early next week since I can’t schedule anything and am usually drunk.
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– management
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.
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<<>>

1:38 pm December, 16 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Gynochin will be staring in his own reality series on TLC this spring, Little Person Big Douchebag. It’s a pivotal move for someone who has struggled to find acceptance since being estranged from his family, who disowned Gyno when he refused to follow his father’s family into the hyper-glacial toymaking trade or his mother’s family into the sub-arboreal cookie making trade. The final straw came during Gynochin’s toymaking internship, when he replaced GI Joe’s kung fu grip with The Shocker.
.
Well, while somewhere in Sheboygan, there is a Bratz doll that is at once surprised and a little feeling a little naughty (not to mention Beth and Timmy Keegan, whose parents are sending them both to 6 months of therapy), back at the Pole Santa wasn’t feeling quote so jolly when he said, “sack that fuccing fuccer with the chin already!”
.
But things are looking up for Gynochin if the show gets good ratings. Expect a chilly reception up at the Pole, though. The locals are still infuriated by the self-serving documentary several years ago about the crypto-gay Elf dentist who, like Gynochin after him, flipped the proverbial finger to the man in red and the toymaking trade.

1:40 pm December, 16 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

^I cant proofread for shyte

1:51 pm December, 16 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World wants you to know that white socks go with black shoes, and black socks go with white shoes. Once you get the gist of that through your hyper-encephalitic craniums it’s time for the advanced material. Brown shoes: no socks, blue socks: no shoes. Learn it, live it, love it. Don’t make him come to your house for a remedial lesson, because that usually involves snapping your feet off and stapling them to your head like antlers.

2:03 pm December, 16 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World wants you to know that there are no clocks on the Soyuz space station. When they want to know what time it is, they look out the portal and read it off his watch. Now here’s the kicker, so put one your big boy pants and listen up: A man’s watch, by definition, should be viewable from outer space. Anything smaller than that is a girlie piece of jewelry, and if you want TMIDBITW to treat you like a girl, you better stock up on Vaseline and tissues to dry the girlie tears from your girly eyes.

2:07 pm December, 16 Baron Von Goolo said...

For a decision this momentous, I must call upon my MY DARK POWERS OF THE OCCULT! BOOoooOOOOooooOOOOO!!!!!
.
Just let me hunker down here
.
.
.
.
.
Okay.
Right.
My divination skills are a little rusty and even at the best of times it can be tough to read dried apricot fart residue blasted across an FHM pictorial, so bear with me. Okay…that looks like a bell…and that’s an anchor…huh, when did I eat radicchio?…and that’s either a sunflower or Kurt Cobain…the answer…LO, THE SPIRITS REVEAL THEIR WISDOM!!!….
.
“Bryce”?
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Who the fuck is “Bryce”?
.
Fuccen faggoth spirit world.

2:28 pm December, 16 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

The Good Baron channels the spirit of Flyteeth. I’m not going anywhere near that fucking FHM magazine.

2:34 pm December, 16 CB Popped said...

^ Baron VG – – Bryce the green belt of course….snicker.

In Tae Kwon Do (popular Korean martial arts), green is roughly the 2nd or 3rd belt. There are 3 – 5 more serious colored belts and tests till anywhere near black.

Rhea, talk to me when Bryce jackhammers concrete sidewalks on overnight commercial construction – demolition jobs at McDonalds located in East New York, Crooklyn.
http://en.wikipedia.orgwikiFile:East_New_York_Abandonment.jpg

Think of him doing THAT next time you get into the Lexus and cruise the mean streets with your tough guy.

2:42 pm December, 16 eyedouche said...

Gynochin

2:44 pm December, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Glad it’s going on for a few days cause the finale is not together yet. Fuck Gynochin.

2:50 pm December, 16 Rhea said...

Bryce sais most people can stop at green even tho they are rly as good as a black belt cuz hes secur an thats jus how he rolss i saw him brake wood one time and he was super stoked an sayin yeah hell yeah Bryce also thinks CB Popped is puss but wont kick his ass cuz hes hands are weapons an doesnt want to maybe bust him up to much – Tami-my real name

2:59 pm December, 16 Sergeant Poop said...

Gynochin and Brunette Rhea.

They’ve got it all. Hot chick, tall hair, gynochin. All requirements met. Gynochin on his own may not be the douchiest specimen we’ve come across this year, but the hotness of Rhea brings him beyond levels that most of us can’t comprehend.

2:59 pm December, 16 Southern Scrotic said...

GynoRhea!
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GynoRhea!
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GynoRhea!
.
Believe in the burn!

3:07 pm December, 16 Anonymous said...

I’m hoping Champagne Katie, or hell, even Champagne Katie’s Mom will write in to cast their vote.

3:09 pm December, 16 army (ret) douche said...

i think “rhea” is an impostor! secretly from the joey camp attempting to secure victory through cunty impersonation!

3:12 pm December, 16 Anonymous said...

Gynochin FTW

3:24 pm December, 16 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Fyodor Dostedouchesky 8:13
You did indeed, and you were correct. I personally handed out that award myself. I won’t say “I don’t wanna brag” because I sure do.

3:27 pm December, 16 The Douche of Hazard said...

What makes a douchebag truly a douchebag is less the material signifiers and more the intangibles. Yes, Euro Speed-bag has the vascularity and the too-little to the imagination banana hammock. And yes, Gynochin has the hair, the doofus look and of course, the chin.

Both are certainly douchey. But you get the feeling that Euro Speed-bag, while hard-core vain, is probably compensating for various insecurities. Just below the surface, he’s still a scrawny twit at the mercy of the bigger kids and feral dogs on the mean streets of Bratislava. And Gynochin is clearly aware of his own limitations, hence the dumbass demeanor. He knows he’s out of his league.

Neither has the smug, self-confident-to-the-core douche-osity of Joey Lumpcrustowitz. Joey believes his own mythology. This is what separates the true douchbags from the pretenders: A deep-rooted belief in their power to charm. Joey is one of the douchebag elite.

As for the other side of the equation, Brittany, although hot, is clearly going the way of the bleeth. Rhea is beautiful for sure, but isn’t as hot as her two competitors. (Beauty and hotness are two different things – a topic for another post – DB1?). Kate may or may not be bleeth (contrary to some opinions, a few small tats do not a bleeth make) and she is undoubtedly hot – and it appears, naturally hot. Finally, unlike paid-to-pose Brittany and I’m-outta-here-as-soon-as-I-get-my-jacket Rhea, Kate looks like she’s actually with her polaroid partner.

And with that, I cast my vote for Joey L. and Kate, a perfect coupling of hotness and douchebaggery.

3:40 pm December, 16 Douchey McDouche said...

I’m not going to over-think this. If I could slap one face out of these three with a dead fish it would be that of Joey Lumpcrustowitz.

Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Kate for the win.

3:41 pm December, 16 Ich verstehe sie ist heiß said...

Wow, this is a sehr schwer decision as we would say in der Hiemat. On one hand we have TMIDITW who has it all: six-pound watch, Preparation H abs, silly tattoo, gay-boy panties with FUCCEN WHITE SOCKS and a hot level 7 bleeth. However his Euro pedigree positions him close enough to the gaybag category that he almost qualifies for an exemption.
Almost…
Next up is Joey and Kate. I won’t even bother to list the signifiers here, they have them all. And she is hot although her snatch would probably be of interest to the CDC. They don’t excite me in any way, so I just can’t vote for them. We have seen this all before. The only feeling I have looking at these two is hope that one day they will take a wrong turn on the way home from leaking their 23 STDs into the Rehab pool and wander accidentally onto the Nellis test range during ordnance training. An inert 2000 pounder dropped from 10000 feet or a couple of stray rounds from an A10 30mm cannon would do nicely, but I’m not picky. Just. Make. Them. Disappear.
Which leaves us with Gynochin and Rhea. Rhea is beautiful, not bleethy. And Gyno is scabies personified as well as a walking rectal prolapse. His hairspray is made from AIDS. His douche-power is so strong that it doesn’t even need any signifiers. Tattoos, six-pound-watches, visible underwear, z-axis hat-tilt, he needs none of this worn-out nonsense. He is a stealth douche, undetectable by radar but deadly in any dose and able to deliver punishing loads of offensiveness to all those unfortunate to wander into his killing radius (estimated to be as much as 100m). Gynochin FTW.

3:50 pm December, 16 Nancy Dreuche said...

I wonder how Sabio feels about all of this. I wish he would lend his two cents. Or Cam the Left Handed Jew Lawyer. I’m not gonna write in as Jeff anymore on account I can’t stand that idiot. But perhaps I’ll throw in a Plinky’s Mom somewhere down the line. Great thread with even DB1 chiming in. Dude, we get it. You have a problem with alcohol. And wait, does RevChad smoke the green? Guess what everyone I am a sex addict, but you don’t see me leading off every post with it. I try to sneak it in the middle or somewhere towards the end. Anyway, I just assume you’re all drunk or high anyway. So party on and happy Friday.

3:51 pm December, 16 The Welps said...

Gynochin and Brunette Rhea. The guy’s face just says it all. That look is the douche.

4:52 pm December, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Nancy
.
You would be correct. I’m having a great day drunk and stones. Plus a few calmers and nerve suppressants and painkillers the booze and pot justs helps to kill the endless pain. I’m in no pain and the moment.
.
As we lead our way out of the valley of the shadow of douche we have been immersed in for almost two full weeks now. I’ll present a happy guest with a happy song who will be around again the next day or two or three or four or five to end the Douchies.
.
Live from the same place they were at last time, the blonde siren with the hairy faced guy.
.

6:39 pm December, 16 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Fuccen Gynochin is the fuccenest fuccer to ever fucc a fucc. Please die now, you bastard.

7:04 pm December, 16 CB Popped said...

Rhea, Tami or whomever u are – –

I am a green belt, green belts hands are not weapons.

This is fun – at this stage – Id love meet Bryceboy at the flagpole. I got a bad attitude and a size 13 motorcycle boot that I would bury up his ass as you watched in horror.

Whatever. etc. 🙂

7:09 pm December, 16 CB Popped said...

DDdddrrreeuuuuuuuuccchhheeee……

ru Rhea? 😉

7:42 pm December, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

May I be the first person on this thread to call Rhea a cunt for a second time?
.
Green belt? Is that some kind of pussy environmentalist take on a deadly art? Give me the good old fashioned BLACK belt that Chuck Norris would use to garrotte pussies like Gyno into submission. “Oooo, I won’t mess with him, he’s a green belt!” Fuc off Rhea.

8:15 pm December, 16 Wedgie said...

Green belt is one level above some guy off the street. And that was a reg posting as Rhea, because her real name is Dina.

8:16 pm December, 16 Wedgie said...

But her last name is, in fact, Rhea.

8:54 pm December, 16 Douchelips said...

Gynochin and Rhea FTW! (loss)
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Why?
.
DOUCHELIPS always win.

9:03 pm December, 16 troy tempest said...

Dina Rhea? She must be a member of the all fecal people’s choir.

9:03 pm December, 16 troy tempest said...

and why is everything black?

9:25 pm December, 16 Tom Choad said...

@Troy, I see longer comment threads get all crumpled up and polluted with black bars if I view this site in Firefox, but it looks fine in Internet Explorer or Chrome. Or maybe you drank so much that you went blind, in which case this response will undoubtedly be lost on you.
.
@Scooby, I would have voted for Stackhouse last year in every category if I could (except the female awards). I called him the douchebag of eternity at the time, and I think he probably merits his own category. His 2010 HCWDB of the Year run was a defining moment in the history of mock. I read so many great comments in the Douchies last year I felt it necessary to lay off the public mock for about a year until I improved my game enough to show my avatar here again.

9:33 pm December, 16 Stephanie said...

Gynochin and Rhea. First off they are all turds and flushable.
And they would no doubt loosen the rest of the shit that’s caught in the drain.
Second of all,and most importantly, that
Gynochin head is over the top douche and I’d hate to see the rest. Just the head is bad enough. Then the girl he’s with is so pretty,she’s out-shined by that head. It’s awful. He wins my vote,because I think he has a mouth full of sperm too.

And WTF is wrong with this site,the comments are all on top of another. Anyone know how to fix this?

10:17 pm December, 16 troy tempest said...

Another reason for Gynochin – when I look at him, I think “he’s holding back a mouth filled with vomit.” and he so completely dosed with antidepressants, Goose, and laughing gas that he he can’t help but smile, so he has this weird duckface of squeezed grinning lips, squinty eyes of pain, and bulged cheeks of puke.

And I know that seconds after this was taken he just hurled all over his shoes.

At that point Rhea said “eeew. That’s like, uh, really, um… GROSS! That’s it – you’re like, really Gross! and…stuff!!!”

1:58 am December, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Jesus bling. TATTOOED around his FUCKING NECK!!!!.
.
Did anyone not notice that? Sure, sure. Gynochin is making the most horrific shit laden duck face of ass-fuckery that one can imagine, but a facial expression is transitory. Evoked for a moment just because a camera is whipped out, and then gone the next, replaced most likely with a pleasant smile and a respectful request for more pretzels from the bar.
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Who knows? You don’t, for we only have a few snapshots in time with which to deduce douchebaggery worthy of immortalized mockery. Doesn’t work. But a permanent tattoo of FUCKING JESUS BLING AROUND HIS DICK SHITTING ASS CRAP NECK?!?!?!?! That works.
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Sorry Dark Sock, but you are wrong, wrong, WRONG, WRONG, [BOLD] W-R-O-N-G!!!!!!! Gynochin sucks mule rectum, no doubt. But Joey Lumpcrustowitz fucked a peed in horse and gave birth to the mule, who’s rectum Gynochin sucks, out his nipple.

5:13 am December, 17 Douchble Helix said...

That gunshot to my cranial region you just heard was my response to – yet another – ELO video.

5:46 am December, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Sorry about that DH. But they are under contract to play three more. Here’s a palate cleanser for you the vocal of the ELO hating minority.
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An interludinous slideshow of a more peaceful Democratic time, not that I swing that way baby. I think a lot of people would like a return to the peaceful days. You guys and dolls got some fucking choices to make for next president. Black Carter or one of those other things. Sheesh! Call your senators and get ethical oil from Canada now.
.
No more politics Rev. Gary and Dave take me back to my first three speed chopper and grade 3 dirty thoughts.
And the man with the candy down the street that made me pee-pee in his mouth a lot. Good times.
.
An Ode to Bill and Hillary.
.

5:48 am December, 17 Mandouchian Candidate said...

“Joey Lumpcrustowitz fucked a peed in horse” … I believe is the funniest thing I have read in the past half hour.

5:54 am December, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^Or this may settle your cranium. A little ditty from A Foot in Cold Water live from the CCTV Calgary affiliate’s lunchroom. They hate douchebags,
.

6:19 am December, 17 Doucheywallnuts said...

Hence the new saying that will now be part of the HCWDB lexicon, “I wouldn’t fuck that peed in horse with Joey Lumpz’s dicckk.”

6:43 am December, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^Live from Burt Sugarman’s Midnight Special the Empress of Soul bringing the groove back to a troubled world.
.

6:54 am December, 17 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

I’ve been M.I.A. because I have a shitty job that I hate and it takes up too much of my time for the remuneration I receive. But, I didn’t come here to complain about work. Sorry for my digression. I came here for one thing and one thing only, to say:
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Gynochin for the fucking win!
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If baby seals looked like this I’d club them.
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If puppies looked like this I’d kick them.
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If my grammie looked like this I’d push her down the stairs.
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I truly hate this guy and can’t see how anyone could vote for anyone other than this d-bag.

7:15 am December, 17 Douchble Helix said...

Hell hath no furry like a hungover Rev. Chad.
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I don’t think HCwDB has to follow the Canadian Content laws the way CKLW – Windsor! is required to.

7:40 am December, 17 ChestBrah said...

It’s obvious to me all of you are jelly of The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World. We should all be mirin his aesthetic, well chiseled body and his 5.5% BMI instead of bashing him. I would go with Joey as a winner too but the tattoos covr up to much of his chest and that is shame. That other guy Bryce I can’t make a guess seeing as he’s clothed but based on his chiseled jaw line I’m willing to bet he’s buff.

7:41 am December, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

@CB Popped, no I am not, are you Rhea? This retarded mystery must be solved! I think the only other person I’ve written in as this week is Jeff. Gawd that guy is a dumbass. I promised everyone to try to just be Nancy, because people get really squicked out otherwise. It gives RevChad serious vapors.

7:44 am December, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

And for the love of all that is porch beef I have never been ChestBrah.

7:55 am December, 17 douche equis said...

OK dammit, if Medusa can brag, I can brag for the two of us. This is me, commenting on her selection of GynoRhea as Most Trashcan to the Head Worthy:
.
Dec 8, 2:47 I think Gyno and Rhea are coming on strong for the yearly here . . . because the more I see the guy, the more this whole trashcan-to-the-head thing seems like something I MUST DO. I sense a pair of winners here.
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Politely ignoring my apparent unwillingness to stop using the word “here,” and barring some unanticipated run of votes for Joey and Kate, that prediction is going to come true. Should one be proud that one can tell, early on, who the biggest douchebag is? I know I am. I’ll share this brag with Medusa – well spotted. Now to the nominees:
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This is a fine set of douches and hotts. Stackhouse rocked the house to such an extent last year that there was no stopping him, and although a few small voices in the wilderness attempted to argue that he was a sociopath, not a douche, the vox populi felt differently. And as I always say, vox populi, vox douchei.
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The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World and Britney are excellent contenders. Benefiting, I think, from a bizarre wide-angle lens shot, their natural douche/hot shines through. But no, they do not have that special something that wins the day.
.
Then there are Joey L. and Kate. I have to admit, it’s tough not to vote for these two. Kate is truly hot. I would pee in TEN horses just to have the opportunity to speak to Kate’s second grade teacher, while watching reruns of The Andy Griffith Show and ingesting a mixture of Drano and Citrucel, about what it was like to correct the homework of the person who sat next to Kate in penmanship class. And Joey brings a Smoot-like douchiness combined with the mindfucking double-douche-signifier of tattoed-on Jesus bling which yes, Jacques D, I do find amazing. The watch, the glasses, the tats, the muscle, the hair . . . the guy is a walking pile of Derridian (Sassurian?) douche signs. In almost any other year these two would be your winners.
.
But all falls before GynoRhea. What is it, exactly, that makes them the Hot Chick with Douchebag of the year?
.
Rhea is doe-eyed hotness. Rhea has impressive mammalian protruberances. Rhea has some bald fucker staring at her from the side of the photo. Rhea is everything that should not be hanging with a massive tool like Gynochin. (In another, non-Gynochinnian context, Rhea could have been the Hottest Girl Next Door Hott. Bad life decisions disqualified her from that award. But I digress.)
.
Gynochin is, I believe, a new kind of douche. No tats, no watch, no muscle, no red cup, no hat tilt, no bling (unless you count penisnose glasses, which I don’t), and yet with one ducklips expression he brings a boiling rage that endangers my relatively new monitor’s lifespan. The Most Trashcan to the Head Worthy category can be retired after this year, because there will never be ANYONE who brings that emotion to the fore like Gynochin. He is the anti-Smoot, the anti-Cheeto Man, the anti-HJBBAD, the anti-Stackhouse. He is a nothing who thinks he is everything. He dresses in black because he thinks it makes him cool. He makes a stupid duckface because he thinks it makes him cool. He glues his hair skyward because he thinks it makes him look cool. He holds a drink that he does not drink because he thinks it makes him cool. He lets revolting facial fungus grow like some sort of revolting facial fungus because he thinks it makes him cool. In short, he sucks.
.
Your winner, Gynochin. Your loser, Rhea.

10:55 am December, 17 DarkSock said...

I’m too hazed and drunk to remember if there is a comment o’ the year category, but if Mr. Scrotato Head’s screed above isn’t in the running with the various Von Goolo zingers and Hermit Screeds and Medusinal Rants then there is no justice, as Mr. White once said, NO JUSTICE, NO PISS.

10:58 am December, 17 DarkSock said...

Jacques Doucheteau, do you KNOW what happened to the last motherfucker that said I was WRONG?
.
.
.
.
.
.
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He was vindicated.
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Hell I could live in a world where any of this trinity won (lost).
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A rifle-sucking world of sharp cracking sounds.followed by wet thumps.
.
Cobains.

11:04 am December, 17 DarkSock said...

I vote that Douche Equis’ ” He glues his hair skyward” replace “It puts the lotion in the basket” in the national lexicon.

12:11 pm December, 17 creature said...

gynochin is the most dangerous of all dbags as he can comoflage as reg guy while retaining deadly douche virus…plus I would toe suckle all of china to smell rhea’s tooter!

12:49 pm December, 17 Tits McGee said...

This year, I’m going with Gynochin and Rhea. Joey and Kate personify the slimy over-obvious nature of the scum that this site serves to mock. BUT… there is just something about that face on Gynochin. Rhea is clearly the hottest hott, but Gynochin has what the French call a certain, “I don’t know what.” I wanna punch him more than anyone else. And that is good enough for a loss.

12:52 pm December, 17 douche equis said...

I point out that Gyno’s oeuvre extends to five appearances here, not merely three. Here is the rest of the Gyno-collage, including his first appearance on HCwDB. I pray to the gods of HTML that for once my links work the first time.

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2011/02/friday-thoughts-and-links-105/

And his first appearance, coming, as mentioned by someone above, back in post-Douchie 2010:

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2010/12/gynochins-havin-none-of-it/

3:14 pm December, 17 Douchble Helix said...

And DB1’s perhaps prophetic caption from December 20, 2010 – exactly 1 year ago, as per DE’s 2nd link, above:
“You people held a Douchie Awards show and I didn’t even get posted until after the awards is all over and stuff? Whatsup with that, homeboy? Lookit my chin! It’s like the rock that trapped James Franco in that movie where he cuts off his arm, yo! That’s gotta be worth sometin’!

Poor Perky Peri. All she wanted was to sip her Long Island Iced-T and have people tell her she looks like young Teri Hatcher. “

3:30 pm December, 17 Charles Douchewin said...

@ Rhea

Your use of grammar and syntax is puzzeling, unless you are an actual Rhea, in which case, nicely done.

3:34 pm December, 17 Justin said...

Gotta go with Gyno. He has the hottest hott, and by far the most punchable face. Everything else is pretty even across the board. Lumpy is a great “classic” ‘bag, with the hand gestures, huge watch, and terrible tatts. The Most Interesting ‘bag is all that is great (horrible) about euro ‘bags: tiny bathing attire, women’s glasses, etc…

BUT, Gyno gets my blood boiling…the face…it’s so…fucking smashable! Also, Rhea is legendary and deserves a spot in the HoH…total smear-lick-rubaliciousness.

4:32 pm December, 17 douche equis said...

Reaction of someone I know, as I scrolled down the yearly candidates, and completely unprompted by me:
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TMIDitWaB: . . . .
.
Joey F. & Katie: . . . .
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GynoRhea: oooooooooooooooooohohohohohoHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO
.
That says it all, I think.

5:57 pm December, 17 The Dude said...

To the disappointment of TMIDBITW, I must cast my vote for Joey Dumpcrustovitz and Kate. I also must confess to a strange fascination with Kate, and the possibility that her bikini top might be hiding a tittoo or two. And boobies.
.
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It took so long to read this superb thread, I alsmot forgot who I was gonna vote for.
.
huh?

5:53 am December, 18 Anonymous said...

It’s a no-brainer.

Gynochin. I wanna punch that smug mug. And he has the hottest hott.

3:17 pm December, 18 dhill0125 said...

though i am obsessed with rhea’s eyes and innocent look. and all are definitely worthy of the recognition (for polluting the world), lumpcrustowitz still brings out the most anger from within.

the smug look, the tatts, the finger, oversized watch, hair, etc.

lumpcrustowitz FTW

9:13 pm December, 18 Bob McAdouche said...

If you could somehow put Gyno’s penis glasses on Joey’s smug head, it would be so douchey it would destroy the entire planet. Just hope they are never in Vegas together.

But to vote for just one, gotta go with Lumpcrust. His stupid tatt’s and smug sense of entitlement will mean a lifetime of semi-employment and hanging out at over-priced pool parties.

1:46 am December, 19 Wheezer said...

“The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World” isn’t interesting(?) enough to win the Yearly, especially against these others.
.
Joey Lumpy Crust has an attitude problem, as does Gynochin. They both deserve smackdowns, though I have to believe Gynochin has been delivered a few more already. Still, Gynochin douches on with his freaky hair and cockk glasses, and that gives him a slight edge for the Yearly award. So give it to Gynochin and Rhea.
.
.
.
.
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Now, I think we need to think ahead to Douchebag of the Decade. Gynochin would’t last long against Stackhouse. Who would be your frontrunners?

1:47 am December, 19 Wheezer said...

That^ should read “…..wouldn’t* last,” which is not merely a reference to my mad proofreading “skillz.”

3:59 am December, 19 CB Popped said...

No more politics Rev. Gary and Dave take me back to my first three speed chopper and grade 3 dirty thoughts.
And the man with the candy down the street that made me pee-pee in his mouth a lot. Good times. – Rev Chad

I wonder how Sabio feel about all of this? – Dreuche

hehehehehe – some comments get lost in the shuffle around here. This site rules.

5:21 am December, 19 I douche, therefore I am said...

It’s a really difficult decision between TMIDITW and Gynochin, but in the end I find Gynochin merely… ridiculously chinny, while TMIDITW is completely repulsive from head to toe.

6:40 am December, 19 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Winner has to be the Most Interesting Douchebag in the World, because he is of course TMIDITW

6:53 am December, 19 Ol' Dirty Douchebag said...

TMIDITW because I just noticed he’s wearing white crew socks with what appears to be loafers. And rubber shorts.

1:35 pm December, 19 jonezy said...

joey and kate

3:00 pm December, 19 jonezy said...

just knowing that joey drops his meat hammer in Kate is that same sort of uncomfortable feeling I get when I have a really itchy asshole but I’m walking in public and have to pretend I’m checking something in my back pocket to adjust the swampassiness of the situation. He is that butt-hair or ringworm or whatever the fuck is itching the shit out of me. Fuck that guy.

7:35 pm December, 19 Anonymous said...

gynochin for sure

10:47 am December, 20 soy bomb said...

Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Kate FTY. This year’s crop (crap) of finalists is a rather weak one, which is a good thing. Kate is simply awesome while Joey is a completely self-absorbed motherfucker. Imagining what his chunder-worthy tattoos will look like all saggy and shitty when Joey is trolling his nursing home for dusty poon during his “twilight years” washes the thought of him ballz-deep in Kate from my mind like nourishing bleach.

10:47 am December, 20 the Big LeBagski said...

TMIDITW- Seldom do we have such a cosmic alignment. The Most hot. In perfect linear alignment with the Most Douchey. Not for another 76 years will astronomers witness the coming together of such universal douchery. Oversized glasses. Side tat. Rubber mankini. White socks with pool shoes. Oversized watch. Doucheface. And Grease. Lots and Lots of Grease. And how hot is the Hot. I would still go there even though one man, TMIDITW has already been there before. Warp speed to the waffle house with Brittney Mr. Sulu. Because I don’t often have morning after breakfast, but when I do, I have dos eggies. TMIDITW for the win. And the rest of us weep. Because of the grease in our eyes.

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