Thursday, September 6, 2012

The Wiggas Still Exist, Talk Hip-Hop to Aquahott

You might remember the Wiggas from our classic ode to Shel Silverstein in 2011, Wiggas and the Pear.

Or, more to the point, you might still be seeking out a brain bleach technique to make you forget you ever became cognitively aware of the exist of these white trashian suburban choadsucks.

But they do indeed exist. In all their wigga glory.

And therefore we must witness their sad and skeezy efforts to mack on the ladies.

That they’re now in the presence of taut drinksuckle Aquahott, she of the no-tatts and belly pooch, is only more grist for the godless among us.

And yes, even more pear.

# posted by douchebag1
12:07 pm September, 6 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Whoa, someone irradiated rightmost wigga… to which I say well done, sir. Sadly, he seems to have cockroach like survival abilities, to which I say you better nuke the whole block just to be sure. Even if it means the tragic loss of Selena Gomez aquahott.

12:10 pm September, 6 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Turns out that aquahott actually IS Selena Gomez:

http://img.musiquemag.fr/datas/artiste/s/e/selena-gomez/xl/selena-gomez-photo-4f72dd236e11a.jpg

12:13 pm September, 6 Ted Brogan said...

Nice research, DMC. I saw the Gomez resemblance, but couldn’t imagine why she’d be with these specimens.

12:14 pm September, 6 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

And for Vin, guess who this is on the set of that same flick which is an insult to 10,000 years of human accomplishment:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FcNpsxF0Pqw/T2J5C8VycJI/AAAAAAAAAI8/DWQ1EpuIeRM/s400/vanessa-hudgens-candid-bikini-snaps-on-the-set-of-2.jpeg

12:16 pm September, 6 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Now I’m all researched out and need a pint of absinth to calm my nerves.

12:19 pm September, 6 Vin Douchal said...

I need a pint of heroin to calm my nerves

12:21 pm September, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Get away from that spicy princess wiggas! I’d trade my 1999 Cadillac Escalade for the chance to be Selena’s toilet paper. And by toilet paper I mean crusty tampon. I miss the days of eating out teenage girls and their chunky menstruation discharge. I think the chunks were God’s way of flushing out the original sin after firstr hymen breakage. The feeling of getting the chunks stuck between my gapped teeth was heavenly. Tami, the only chick to get to Rev Chad’s heart and break it like a cheap drug store tumbler had great big chunky Italian meat ball and Sunday gravy flavoured red nectar. Now all I got is Mrs. Kroeger after a sweaty workout for smelly oral thrills the dried up barren prune

.

And John Roberts, Fox news National Political whatever agrees, in 1984. Son.

.

Malmsteens

.

12:25 pm September, 6 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I swear you can literally see the event horizon in this pear:

http://bullett.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/7_ATL_Twins_02-575×384.jpg

12:25 pm September, 6 Anonymous said...

WIgGaS gOtTeN oLD. iQ sTIlL NoT dOnE gRoWInG yEt.

12:31 pm September, 6 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

@Rev Chad for the win!

.

.

and I’ll never masterbait to Selena Gomez again….now that I know she sports an teeny tiny peen package.

12:41 pm September, 6 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I love the non-taut belly on this little Bang Minx. And by that I mean I’d love for her to caress my oogatz whilst I fill her navel with my creamy marinara sauce. Oogatz, I says. Ya mean?

12:56 pm September, 6 hermit said...

Rev Chad is a hopeless romantic.

12:58 pm September, 6 Superstar Paul Ryan said...

I banged Selena Gomez more than 40 times. Under 3, maybe 2 hours 50 minutes each time.

12:58 pm September, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I don’t know if the Giants won last night cause I was watching the magician Bill Clinton hypnotizing a nation.

Anyway I’m putting the first bet of the year out there to the regs. Straight up Giants repeat Superbowl win for $50 valuable Canadian loonies.

1:04 pm September, 6 Anonymous said...

I wonder how Justin Bieber feels about all of this?

1:05 pm September, 6 Superstar Paul Ryan said...

I golfed with Kim Jong il and shot maybe 75 or 80 under par… mostly holes in one. I miss that little fuccer.

.

I no longer do P90X, just so you know. I am the only non-bionic human doing P95Z.

1:06 pm September, 6 Superstar Paul Ryan said...

I can post so fast wordpress sent me a special message to slow down. I can post 40, maybe 50 times a minute… all of it comic gold.

1:15 pm September, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Of course they have matching head tatts. Of course. How have they managed not to die yet?

1:18 pm September, 6 Anonymous said...

On the set of the new twin comedy “Wigga, Wigga”.

1:18 pm September, 6 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Prob been asked before, but I’ll ask it again, who the fuck are these scrawny rat-faced little bastards again ? And how the hell are hanging around hott barely legal celebrity tang ?

.

.

And who the hell is our new poster, Superstar Paul Ryan, again ?

1:19 pm September, 6 Anonymous said...

@Super Star Paul Ryan, how much can you bench?

1:24 pm September, 6 Superstar Paul Ryan said...

@ Magnum Douche P.I., hi I’m Superstar Paul Ryan. Damn glad to meet you. You are probably wondering how I banged Selena Gomez 40 times. But I didn’t say that. I banger her like 28 unique times, but 40 altogether if you count the booty bangs, ATM, and autofellatio. No, not autofellatio, that other thing where you strangle yourself… uh right.

1:27 pm September, 6 Superstar Paul Ryan said...

@Anon, I can bench about 600 kilograms. That’s Eurotard for pounds, by the way. Maybe 40… at least 28 unique reps. This was all while I was younger of course, before I blew out my scrotum.

1:27 pm September, 6 Anonymous said...

She probably thinks they’re really sweet. XOXOXLOLs

1:30 pm September, 6 Anonymous said...

@Super Star Paul Ryan, tell us more about the autofellatio. I find your unique kind of math intriguing.

1:33 pm September, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

So do these two play homeless bums that Selena Gomez and her friends attack while high on bath salts in the movie because I’d paid to see that.

1:34 pm September, 6 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

If you deliver sandwiches to enough photoshoots you’re bound to end up in at least one good photo opportunity.

1:48 pm September, 6 I R A Darth Aggie said...

That “chick” has one hell of a cameltoe.

.

Or a little extra something. I’ll let DB1 find out…

1:49 pm September, 6 Superstar Paul Ryan said...

I did some bath salts when I was younger. It would be me, Wilt Chamberlain, Rip Torn, and Sonny Bono. We’d bang like 7 gram rocks and finish ’em, cuz that’s how we rolled. Sometimes Rip would think it was funny to invite K.D. Lang, and I’d be like, “Rip! No offense to K.D., but where’s the babes?! I don’t want this cocc blockin’ brute illing my chill.” But then you had to drop it in gear and get out of dodge, cuz K.D. could swing a mean sock full of quarters. And by sock full of quarters I don’t mean her man-sack, I mean literally a sock full of quarters.

2:10 pm September, 6 Rev Chad Getting Buzzed said...

Superstar Paul Ryan is not Nancy. I think.

2:25 pm September, 6 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev

I’ll take your bet, $50 right?. I loves me some gambling.

2:46 pm September, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Rev Chad

.

Watch out, Et Tu cheats. He was at the Champions League final making faces at Bastian Schweinsteiger so he missed his penalty shoot-out goal chance forcing me to send some premium bourbon his way. Or maybe his was waving his cocck in Schweinsteiger’s wife’s face. Either way I lost damnit!

2:56 pm September, 6 Anonymous said...

@Super Star Paul Ryan, you hang out with some hip cats. Heard you’re into Rage Against the Machine. Got any cool stories about when you hung out backstage with the band?

3:03 pm September, 6 Capt. James T. Douche said...

I see these two are still snowballin’ with each other.

3:09 pm September, 6 Superstar Paul Ryan said...

You should have taken the bet, Rev. Anyway, betting reminds me of this time I was hanging out in Monaco with Elvis and Bobby Fisher. Elvis had just pulled his death stunt, and Bobby was laying low for a while. His story was tax problems, be we all knew it was because he had banged Brooke Shields, and Brooke’s mom had vowed to castrate him. I met the lady once. She was not the joking type.

.

This was just after the ’84 Olympics and has won I think 2 golds, and Elvis says, “you might be like one of the X-Men, Ryan, with all the superhuman athletic ability, but Bobby here will always have the bigger noggin.” I’m sorry but you are wrong, Elvis, I said. Scientists have measured it, and my brain is 40 times faster than a normal brain. Even if Bobby is exceptional, I’m still thinking at least 28 times faster.

.

So the King just chuckles and Bobby has this obnoxious smirk on his face that he gets. OK, Elvis, I say. If I can beat Bobby at chess, I get to borrow your iphone and download all the nudie pics of Priscilla I know you have on there. Anyone who knows anything knows that Priscilla was preternaturally hot in the day. Funny, only guys that ever got to bang her were Elvis and Richard Nixon. Funny story, that.

.

Bobby finishes setting up the board and I tell him to go first. After thinking for a minute, he insults me by moving a knight. OK, Bobby I say. Mate in two. “No Way!” he complains.”That’s mathematically impossible.” Well, two moves later, Bobby is having a fit and I’ve got a collection of some of the prizest nudies ever taken.

9:58 pm September, 6 Guid is Good said...

Nice mound.

5:48 am September, 7 Charlie Smith said...

ZOMBIES !

11:42 am September, 7 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Is it just me, or do both these guys look like Skinny Pete?

5:59 am September, 9 ehcuodouche said...

Selena needs a mons reduction.

7:10 am September, 10 Stephanie said...

Those two bookends were beat with an ugly bat.

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