Monday, December 3, 2012

HCwDB of the Month: Mutato the Bug-Eye Freak and Sister Christie

It wasn’t a full month, so no vote, but Mutato’s inflated douche-everything and the perfect shoulder suckle of Sister Christie are a worthy final entrant in our 2012 Douchie Awards, which start in a week.

Get ready.

Bring it.

And if ya wanna write one of the categories and give out an award, drop your humb narrs a line.

# posted by douchebag1
7:55 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Domo origato Mr Mutato.

8:47 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

DOMO *domo* {echo’d gay keyboard riff}

8:54 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

In other urgent news: North Korean despot Kim Jung-Un is trying to compete with the legacy of Samurai Scrote:
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“North Korea Says It’s Found a ‘Unicorn Lair’” – US News
.
According to the tough-to-believe report, the Academy of Social Sciences “reconfirmed a lair of the unicorn rode by King Tongmyong, founder of the Koguryo Kingdom,” who ruled the area between 37 and 19 B.C.
.
The news is just the latest in a series of myths trumpeted by North Korean news sources: They had previously reported that Kim Jong was born beneath a double rainbow and that a new star appeared when he was born, that Jong learned to walk at three weeks old, and shot a round of golf that included 11 holes-in-one.”

.
If these facts are true…then Kim Jong is the fourth horseman of the douchepocalypse, riding abreast with Samurai Scrote, Xenu and, to a lesser extent, Chuck Norris.
Seems Legit

8:57 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un ingested a honey badger when he was 8.

8:57 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un invented coitus.

8:57 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un invented the spork, and finger-banging. At the same time.

8:58 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un can ride bicycles underwater for 7 minute stretches.

8:58 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un lactates Cherry Pepsi.

8:59 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un shaves his balls with a live gar.

8:59 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un can run faster uphill than Usain Bolt.

8:59 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un was principal songwriter for 4 of the BeeGee’s hits.

9:00 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un counseled Kurt Cobain to end his life.

9:00 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un punted a bear cub into low earth orbit.

9:01 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un downloads BJ’s from iTunes.

9:01 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has decreed that North Korean TV only broadcast reruns of “BJ and The Bear” until further notice.

9:02 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has had the toilets in the main palace compound replumbed with buttermilk in lieu of egg nog.

9:04 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un drives a ’94 Kia Sephia covered in smashed assholes.

9:04 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un uses mohair condoms.

9:05 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kim Jung-Un has a penis resembling David Carradine.

9:06 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un can hover in place up to 13″ above congoleum flooring if no one is looking.

9:06 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has a throwing cockk that he has killed 5 men, two transgender bartenders and 15 Hungarian goats with.

9:07 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

When Kim-Jung-Un deficates he doesn’t need to wipe.

9:07 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kim Jung-Un wants to date Bristol Palin so he can meet Sarah’s retarded baby.

9:07 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un can tear a New York City phone book in half using nothing more than a gas-powered log splitter.

9:07 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kim-Jung Un had the head of his penis re-shingled.

9:08 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un ice skates on the underside of the ice.

9:08 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

When Kim Jung-Un pulls out the cervix and uterus comes out with him.

9:08 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un’s favorite pair of speed skates is white babies.

9:08 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kim Slope-Un doesn’t do anal, anal does him.

9:08 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kim-Jung Un looks under his couch pillows for cocks.

9:09 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

The North Korean Air Force uses Kim Jung-Un’s 4th testicle as their aerodrome.

9:10 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kim Jing-Un looks at Stalin’s victims list and says, “I can beat that.”

9:10 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kim-Jung Un is a reincarnated glazier.

9:10 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un uses a 1964 VW Beetle as a cockk ring.

9:10 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un spent his youth as a bog limnologist.

9:11 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has successfully bred a line of cantaloupes with a clitoris.

9:11 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un’s favorite meal is raw toast.

9:11 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kim-Jung Un hired Elizabeth Berkley for his father’s last lap dance.

9:11 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kum Jung-In flosses with the tendons of his political enemies.

9:11 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un paints his toenails with his own stem cells.

9:12 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kim-Jung Un keeps his Elvis clones well fed.

9:12 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Every single one of Kim Jung-Un’s red blood cells has a tiny cock and balls.

.

Every single one.

9:13 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kim Jung-Un was once confused with a bucket of shit until the bucket was removed.

9:13 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kim-Jung Un takes his bodyguards temperature with his tongue.

9:13 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has Michael Jackson’s bleached asshole carefully preserved in a mason jar full of Taaka vodka.

.

He’s had it since 1998.

9:14 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un does not like potatoes looking at him while he is naked.

9:14 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un would hit it.

9:14 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un’s blood type is grout.

9:14 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kim-Jung Un fired a rocket at the moon, from his ass.

9:15 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kim Jung-Un’s played Po in the Teletubbies children’s television show.

9:15 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un’s safe word is “ManTitty”.

9:15 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kim-Jung Un knows that RUSH is the greatest band in the world.

9:16 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un is in a hardcore punk band called “The Skate-Nigs”.

9:16 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un’s thighs are embroidered with Naugahyde.

9:16 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kam Jung-Um played Short Round in the second Indiana Jones movie.

9:17 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un’s original name as a child was “Pu-Pu Di-Pah”.

9:17 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un can fit 4 light bulbs in his asshole.

9:17 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kin Jumg-Uun produced a version of The Karate Kid where he killed the kid and raped his mother with a jar of Kimchee.

9:17 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kim-Jung Un read the Atkin’s Diet and killed his doctor.

9:18 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has detachable throwing star nipples, and his asshole doubles as a garret.

9:18 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kim-Jung Un thinks Will Smith’s kids are cool.

9:19 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un’s small toes are actually transplanted dolphin clitorises.

.

Clitorii?

9:19 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kim-Jung Un puts the lotion in the basket or he gets the hose.

9:19 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kam Jing-Un hides precious Twinkies in the folds between his belly and his under-sized raisin cock.

9:20 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un developed the Ham Grenade for use against a possible Muslim invasion.

9:20 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un only fucks sheep that have had the full Brazilian wax.

9:20 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kim-Jung Un is building a super-satellite, to watch Canadian football.

9:21 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un plays golf with the Pope each Thursday.

9:21 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un made his dad into an ashtray.

9:21 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kim Jang-Un challenged Jackie Chan to a dance off and Chris Tucker said to both of them, “Don’t you understand the words that are coming out of my mouf?”

9:22 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kim Jeng-Un invented a Gatorade flavor that tastes like unborn babies.

9:23 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un had a new oven installed in his pantry.

.

It seats 50.

9:24 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un signed Grover Norquist’s pledge. Then broke it.

9:24 am December, 3 Vin Douchal said...

This is one busy dude

9:25 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kim-Jung Un will have to wait whike I go for pizza with a very stoned Lenny.

9:26 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un’s favorite meat is cancer.

9:26 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kim Jung-Un threw a dinner party for Little Kim, Kim Basinger, Kim Kardashian, Kim Catrall, and Kim Novak and fucked them all in a vat of Chicken and Poached Edd Soup.

9:27 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un’s preferred weapon in hand-to-hand combat is Moose Cockk.

9:27 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un can see through cellophane.

9:28 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has everyone bowel movement weighed, calipered and filed away.

.

Just in case.

9:29 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kim Jung-Un bought some Thai Stick from Lenny the Box and ate 14 boxes of Tastycake crimpets with butterscotch icing after.

9:29 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un’s favorite seasoning is toothpaste – minty gel.

9:30 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

How many women does it take to satisfy Kim Jung-Un?

.

Trick question, KimJungUn never satisfied.

9:30 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un can pull a Buick transmission using only a butter knife and a can of monkey dicks.

9:31 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

When Kim Jung-Un gives a woman head, it is usually the head of the previous girl he fucked.

9:32 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un once beat TV’s Patrick Duffy in a knife fight.

9:32 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kim Jung-Un’s favorite sexual treat is sodomy.

9:33 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un feels like a bar of prison soap.

9:33 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

When Kim Jung-Un is feeling particularly kinky he lets his partner live.

9:33 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un’s torso is one big cankle.

9:34 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un’s favorite chair is in Natchez, MS. He is unaware of this.

9:34 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un fertilizes his crops with kittens.

9:34 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has a team of scientist reverse-engineering water.

9:34 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kim Jung-Un plays real life Call of Duty against unarmed children.

9:35 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un uses grapeshot for crowd control.

9:35 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has dentures made from varnished cockroaches.

9:35 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has never made his own sandwich.

9:36 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has sent out assassins to finally reunite The Beatles.

9:36 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un’s milk shake is better than yours.

.

Damn right, it’s better than yours.

9:37 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has beard growth on his brain and spinal cord.

9:37 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kim Jung-Un’s navel smells like Camembert cheese, BO and human viscera.

9:40 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kim Jung-Un keeps chunks of his victims under his 3 inch long toe and fingernails.

9:42 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kim Jung-Un has a mole on his back that speaks 5 languages, can make a chocolate soufflé and is in the shape of Heidi Klum’s duodenum.

9:55 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un played bass in Cake during the late 90′s.

9:56 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un made a wallet out of his foreskin.

.

He is uncircumcised.

10:01 am December, 3 Captain Canuck said...

Why do communist tailors insist on hemming pants like it’s still the 1980s?

10:56 am December, 3 Troy Tempest said...

Kim Jung-Un has an army of fleas.

10:56 am December, 3 Troy Tempest said...

Kim Jung-Un’s peen is made of welded steel.

10:57 am December, 3 Troy Tempest said...

Kim Jung-Un knows all the words to the Star Spangled Banner, and sings it every time he has an orgasm.

10:58 am December, 3 Troy Tempest said...

Kim Jung-Un runs the only 7-11 in North Korea.

11:00 am December, 3 Troy Tempest said...

Kim Jung-Un is a genius at disguise. Normally, he is known as Brad Pitt, except on Thursdays he becomes Ke$ha.

11:08 am December, 3 Charles Douchewin said...

Kim Jung-Un’s favorite tire iron was signed by Tonya Harding.

11:11 am December, 3 Ich verstehe sie ist heiß said...

Kim Jung-Un’s alter ego is Psy. Perhaps you have seen his video.

11:12 am December, 3 Ich verstehe sie ist heiß said...

(Samurai Scrote / Kim Jong-Un) x Chuck Norris = 0

11:14 am December, 3 Ich verstehe sie ist heiß said...

Kim Jong-Un invented a super-cannon which can fire clones of Donkey Douche into Seoul once per second.

11:19 am December, 3 Charles Douchewin said...

Kim Jung-Un’s belts are all Möbius strips.

11:28 am December, 3 Charles Douchewin said...

Kim Jung-Un is the highlander, but Sean Connery still comes over for drinks every wednesday.

11:54 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un, because of his exposure to Sean Connery, calls his female assistant “Mish Munney-Penneh”.

11:54 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has 53 titties, and a bitch ain’t one.

11:55 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has a bicycle made out of mulattoes. Respect.

11:57 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un owns a cat shit mortar.

11:58 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un saves his ejaculate in a 3 liter RC Cola bottle.

11:58 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un can swim uphill.

11:58 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un owns the corpse of the actor that played Cooter on Dukes of Hazzard.

11:59 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has a pool cue made of ape shit.

11:59 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un MUST EAT GRAIN.

11:59 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un is currently leasing Indiana.

11:59 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has a uvula in his forehead.

12:00 pm December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un’s favorite porn parody is “The Vulva-Teen Hobbit”.

12:03 pm December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un is on a mutherfuccen BOAT

12:04 pm December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un’s favorite porn parody is “The Poon/Cockk Taints”.

12:57 pm December, 3 hermit said...

Kim Jung Un swallows aluminium foil and spits out transmission fluid.

12:58 pm December, 3 hermit said...

Kim Jung Un wears welding gloves and go-go boots.

12:59 pm December, 3 hermit said...

Kim Jung Un smokes method cigarettes during sex.

1:00 pm December, 3 hermit said...

Kim Jung Un never burps in public restrooms.

1:01 pm December, 3 hermit said...

Kim Jung Un uses vinyl siding for Christmas decorations.

1:03 pm December, 3 hermit said...

Kim Jung Un enjoys quiet, rainy afternoons among the company of well-educated antelope.

1:05 pm December, 3 hermit said...

Kim Jung Un played a minor part in an episode of Love Boat.

1:06 pm December, 3 hermit said...

Kim Jung Un has the entire Matlock series on VHS.

1:07 pm December, 3 hermit said...

Kim Jung Un calls his girlfriend “Juicy Lucy.” But never to her face.

1:08 pm December, 3 Charles Douchewin said...

Kim Jung-Un wears fur, expecting PETA will send naked activists to North Korea.

1:09 pm December, 3 Charles Douchewin said...

Kim Jung-Un may not be smart, but he is ugly.

1:11 pm December, 3 Charles Douchewin said...

Kim Jung-Un can see through his eyelids.

1:11 pm December, 3 Charles Douchewin said...

Kim Jung-Un can see through your eyelids.

1:19 pm December, 3 Charles Douchewin said...

Kim Jung-Un regularly prank calls Barack Obama with an Arnold Schwarzenegger soundboard.

1:20 pm December, 3 hermit said...

Kim Jung Un’s ringtone is the sound of one hand clapping.

1:23 pm December, 3 hermit said...

Kim Jung Un bumped into Patrick Swayze in WalMart and politely excused himself.

1:24 pm December, 3 Charles Douchewin said...

Kim Jung-Un refuses to recognize South Dakota or South Carolina as valid states.

1:25 pm December, 3 hermit said...

Kim Jung Un can’t listen to Red Sovine’s “Giddyup Go” without gently weeping.

1:45 pm December, 3 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un has a steel pole bath tub.

3:20 pm December, 3 Angel said...

Someone must post this on 4chan. A fantastic burst of creative genius on a site, unfortunately, past its prime.

5:13 pm December, 3 jonezy said...

Kim Jung-Un uses raccoon labia for bus fare

5:14 pm December, 3 jonezy said...

Kim Jung-Un requires honor roll students to donate skin grafts for his NATO Rolodex

5:15 pm December, 3 jonezy said...

Kim Jung-Un bowled a 400 once. In water polo. With darts

5:16 pm December, 3 jonezy said...

Kim Jung-Un delivers gifts to orphans every Christmas. The gift is execution.

5:17 pm December, 3 jonezy said...

Unless you’ve been naughty. Then they get dried seminal fluid. On the severed head of his latest mistress

6:35 pm December, 3 The Dude said...

Kim Jung-Un is the most interesting man in his world.

7:42 pm December, 3 jonezy said...

Kum Jing-Poon anchored the 1996 N Korean Bukkakee relay team. They placed dead flacid

9:17 am December, 4 DarkSock said...

Kim Jung-Un looks at Angel’s 3:20 pm post and says “Hi, Nancy…U mad, Bro?”
U mad

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