Thursday, January 10, 2013

HEAD SHOP: EVEN DOUCHEBAGS MAKE REZO…RESA…RESI…SELF BETTER PROMISES

The dawn breaks on 2013 and like the rest of humanity, douche and bleeth alike wipe the sleep from their eyes, put crayon to peeled beer bottle label, and resolve to get better. Douche plan to get better jobs. Bleeth plan to give better jobs. They will become self reliant. They’ll hit the books as often as the gym. They’ll pay their parents back all the money they’ve frittered away. They’ll trade in their club passes for bus passes. Instead of spending their hard earned cash on tattoos and tanning creme they’ll donate it to worthy charities. What ever it takes, they will become better people. Respectable, caring, giving people.

Oh who the Hell are we kidding? We know what their sole resolution is this year. It’s the same one every year. That’s what makes them special. And by special I mean shovel worthy.

(To the tune of Queen’s “Somebody to Love”)

Can, anybody

Find me-ee-ee-eeeee,

Some pussy tooo, cruuuuuuuuuuuuush?

Each evening I go out and hit the clubs

Mac on every ho-bag I see

Take a look in the mirror and sigh

Lord who would wanna be me?

‘Cuz I’m tatted and fake baked with bald berries

It only hurts when I pee

Lord,

Somebody, Oooh Somebody, can anybody find me,

Some pussy to crush?

I work out

Every day day of my life

I ‘roid till I’ve got no bone

At the end of each set

I deep fry a whole turkey, it’s just for me

I get down on my knees and I praise my bros

Till the spooge runs down through my eyes oh!

Somebody, oh somebody, can anybody find me some pussy to crush?

[He pounds bleeth]

Everyday day

Cuz’ I lie and I cheat and I prey

But all the hotties turn me down

They say I’m psychopathic

Well they just drink water in the clubs

They got no rich step dad they got no trust fund cash stash to bleeeeeed.

Oh dude,

Somebody, somebody, anybody fine me,

Soooooooooome pussy to cruuuuuuuuush!?!?!?

I slip them roofies

Ev’ry time I buy them drinks

It’s ok, It’s alright

How else would I get me some pink?

It puts the lotion…on its skin

Or else it gets the hose, lord

Find me some pussy to crush

Find me some pussy to crush

Find me some pussy to crush

Find me some pussy to crush

Find me some pussy to crush

Find me some pussy to crush

Find me some pussy to crush

Find me some pussy to crush

Find me some pussy to crush

Find me some pussy to crush

Somebody Somebody Somebody Somebody

Somebody shoot me!

Somebody find me some pussy to crush

Can anybody find meeeeeeee

Some pussy toooooooooooooooooooo

cruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuush

Find me, some pussy tooooooo crush

Find me, some pussy toooooo crush

Find me, some pussy toooooo crush

Find me, some pussy toooooo crush

Find me, some pussy toooooo crush

Find me, some pussy toooooo crush

Any jump off anywhere, anybody find me some pussy to cruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuush

Find me find me find me.

# posted by JeanClaudeVanDouche
1:19 pm January, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Iambic pentameter is a harsh mistress but you’ve lassoed it like Jesus bling around a glory hole doily tatt. Nice

.

Boing!

1:31 pm January, 10 FredN. said...

RIP Stackhouse.

2:25 pm January, 10 DarkSock said...

Mr. Scrotato Head just peed in Stackie’s Bud Light Lime.

.

.

.

Now I got that song in my head.

3:11 pm January, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Head Shop. I get it.

3:47 pm January, 10 bigphatnotadouche said...

regarding the VD Boing link – those millf mature titties don’t jump around like that on the pornhub website – maybe I need to get a new computer

Steve Jobs

8:08 pm January, 10 Jacques Doucheteau said...

http://jasonstackhouse.com/ seems to be fading away into the nothingness.

.

Then again, HCwDB just kicked off a weekly with yours truly, so it’s obviously not that far behind.

9:33 pm January, 10 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Been a long time since HCwDB enjoyed a Stack Attack.

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