Thursday, January 3, 2013

The End of All That Is Holy and Decent And The Rise of Douche Satan

HorridBag

And then this happened.

EDIT: Caption This Pic contest in the threads. Top three to be posted this afternoon.

EDIT #2: Your winners:

#5: “What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas. Except Chlamydia.” — Bag em, Tag em

#4: “Dr. Nick could never remember to put the valve stems on the INside of the chest cavity.” – Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche

#3: “Why can’t I get that hard?” – Dickie Fingers

#2: “As Tommy chomped on Cindy’s right breast she suddenly flew backwards over the horizon with a wet farting roar.” – DarkSock

#1: “With the assistance of a Kevlar banana hammock stretched tightly against his anus, Danny’s falsetto voice could make breasts swell until they burst. To celebrate his achievements, he tattooed on his chest the name of the school where he picked up his unique ability: the School for Wanking Young Donkeys.” – Jacques Doucheteau

# posted by douchebag1
9:42 am January, 3 douchebag1 said...

I’ll start it off since the site was down all morning.

.

“GoDaddy sucks giant inflatable nipple,” said the giant inflatable nipple, as he gestured at the large fake breasts to his left.

.

– management

9:50 am January, 3 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Yes, she has inflated melons. It would be much better if she were wearing your banana hammock and your scrote being infested with the fleas of 1,000 alpacas.

.

And yes, I would fondle those inflated melons even tho I’m not a fan of inflation…

9:51 am January, 3 Vin Douchal said...

“This hernia nut sling really helps me hit that high F#…. oOoOoOoOhhh…”

9:56 am January, 3 Capt. James T. Douche said...

…and that’s how Steve-O from Jackass died!

10:01 am January, 3 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Can’t remember the name of the thread this dick cheese was in last year but ‘SWYD’ tat is familiar… fake tits… can’t… concentrate… on… mock…

10:01 am January, 3 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Machmed coughs in agony from his ‘tightie whities’ being yanked over his head, while Balloon Squeak Babs remains unconcerned.

10:05 am January, 3 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Sorry Reggie, you’re still the biggest boob in the picture.

10:12 am January, 3 Bag em, Tag em said...

South Beach woman undergoes surgery to remove cancerous growth

10:14 am January, 3 Bag em, Tag em said...

Adam Sandler’s newest film to be released, titled, “Im Not Even Trying Anymore…Boobies”

10:17 am January, 3 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Such a surprising contrast from the 70 year old biker chicks he is use to.

10:22 am January, 3 Bag em, Tag em said...

What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas. Except Chlamydia.

10:23 am January, 3 Bag em, Tag em said...

Those are almost as big as her Adams Apple

10:24 am January, 3 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Still

With

Yellowish

Discharge

Pornstar size airbags make this losers decade before retunring to his shift at del Taco.

10:26 am January, 3 Bag em, Tag em said...

$1000!!!? I thought it was $350?

10:33 am January, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Surely

Will

Yodel

Dicks

10:34 am January, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

As his mother had always warned him “She’ll shoot your eye out! She’ll shoot your eye out!”

10:34 am January, 3 Ted Brogan said...

I knew I should have used the tire pressure gauge!

10:35 am January, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Dr. Nick could never remember to put the valve stems on the INside of the chest cavity.

10:35 am January, 3 Ted Brogan said...

Those are almost as big as my watch!

10:38 am January, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“Holy shit ma! Your shift at the Boobie Bungalow doesn’t start for another four hours and you’re givin’ me a renob!”

10:40 am January, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Somewhere, Earl Anthony weeps at the knowledge of where his first two bowling balls found a home.

10:44 am January, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

You want to touch my sisters vagine yes.

10:44 am January, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Bobby was so unprepared for the chest mitosis that Jenny was undergoing that he let the newly formed bikini babies hit the pavement with a dull thud.

10:45 am January, 3 Stephanie said...

Fake boobs? No way! How can you tell?

10:46 am January, 3 Hermit said...

Having never been breast-fed as an infant, Norton suffered from a host of personal and psychological issues throughout his rather sad and troubled life. The tattoos, the heavy drug use and the shoulder harnessed scrotum sling are all typical vestiges of a childhood devoid of the warmth and intimacy provided by maternal suckling. His epiphany occurred that glorious day at the beach and he now hopes to be on the road to recovery.

11:05 am January, 3 creature said...

yup, boob sling trumps ball sling everytime!

11:06 am January, 3 Vin Douchal said...

The moment Fred realized the seams of his sack swing was sewed with concertina wire

11:07 am January, 3 creature said...

submissions for human billboard advertisement ‘Got Milk’

guess which one is the winnah?

11:10 am January, 3 douchenozzle said...

After 7 straight months without changing his underwear, Bobby could now use the waistband as shoulder straps to hold up his marbles.

11:11 am January, 3 creature said...

Show

World

Your

Dick

11:13 am January, 3 creature said...

“I can’t tattoo those on my chest”

11:13 am January, 3 Dickie Fingers said...

“Why can’t I get that hard”?

11:15 am January, 3 Capt Canuck said...

I don’t have a caption but I’m confused by the shock of blonde hair which appears to be coming from his back (just visible beyond his right ribs)- does he have a mane?

Ted @10:35 – good one!

11:16 am January, 3 douchenozzle said...

Maybe if I puke on them, she will let me clean them off…

11:21 am January, 3 douchenozzle said...

Sam Waterson Jnr awestruck by her feather earrings missed the the bigger picture. If only he could have yanked his underwear up higher to clean off his glasses, he would have seen how out of season her bikini was.

11:23 am January, 3 Duck Duck Douche said...

Regina’s rear-impact airbag deployment has both shocked and awed Reggie…

11:23 am January, 3 Troy Tempest said...

Shouting at silicone never enabled it to hear any better.

11:31 am January, 3 douchenozzle said...

Bobby was left agog when he realized that it is in fact all relative when Sandy told him from her point of view his chest tat said SW and not MS as he always thought.

11:43 am January, 3 creature said...

smuggling melons in this fashion never flys under the radar

11:47 am January, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Gah! She has fake fingernails!

11:56 am January, 3 baffomet said...

Woah! I never knew a tranny could get that big?!?

12:01 pm January, 3 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Satan, as usual, went for the jugglers.

12:19 pm January, 3 creature said...

Skinny

White

Yak

Dung

12:22 pm January, 3 Dickie Fingers said...

“Sure, I’ve spent thousands on these stupid tatoos, but $76 is all I have on me right now”.

12:26 pm January, 3 DarkSock said...

Stan gawked in amazement as the small dripping man in white shorts emerged from Tina’s right titty.

12:27 pm January, 3 DarkSock said...

Stan, ignoring his acute lactose intolerance, came within touching distance of Tina and lapsed into a seizure.

12:28 pm January, 3 DarkSock said...

duck duck douche got to the deployed air bag bit first…dammit…

12:29 pm January, 3 Dickie Fingers said...

Slept

With

Your

Dog

12:29 pm January, 3 DarkSock said...

As Tommy chomped on Cindy’s right breast she suddenly flew backwards over the horizon with a wet farting roar.

12:32 pm January, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“Good God! Won’t anyone tell her she has two different shoes on?”

12:34 pm January, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“I’ve seen a lot of weird things i the club but those boob legs are REALLY unattractive!”

12:42 pm January, 3 Troy Tempest said...

Stupid

Wanker

Yanks

Dick.

12:49 pm January, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Nobody had ever bothered to explain to Tina that during a water balloon fight you’re supposed to throw them back.

12:52 pm January, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Stupid

White

Yokel

Douche

12:57 pm January, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I remember when “High and Tight’ referred to a haircut!

12:57 pm January, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Shave and a haircut, 2 bits. This here bleeth has big tits!

12:58 pm January, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

“I’ll take plastic surgery malpractice for $500, Alex.”

12:59 pm January, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Clint just remembered where he left his 100-pound dumbbell!

12:59 pm January, 3 DarkSock said...

Stares

While

Yanking

Dick

1:04 pm January, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Hey baby, don’t flash those high beams at me.

1:06 pm January, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Missile Tits tits have replaced Mistletoe now that the holiday season is over.

1:07 pm January, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

^ strike one of those tits…

1:08 pm January, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Here is Shauna modeling our new bikini line that was designed by suspension bridge builders.

1:10 pm January, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

This picture was the centerpiece of a study that showed men will completely ignore an overly tattooed douchebag when a blonde with cartoonishly large fake tits stands right by his side.

1:11 pm January, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

“But seriously ladies and germs her right tit is so big it needs a pair of legs to get around…Hey you’re a great audience. I’m here til Sunday. Try the veal special and don’t forget to tip the waitresses!”

1:13 pm January, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

“Wow, and I thought the guy who gave me these tattoos was a butcher!”

1:48 pm January, 3 DarkSock said...

Shawna’s breasts poke out

Since the Gyroscope was put

In her monkey hole

1:50 pm January, 3 DarkSock said...

I spent a year as f-buddies with a 6-foot tall Lana-Turner-esque blonde named Shawna who resembled the girl here, except Shawna had perfectly reasonable b-cups.

.

And by “reasonable” I mean “firm and supple”.

.

.

.

Mammary-Memory-Baters.

1:51 pm January, 3 Dickie Fingers said...

Small

White

Yogurt

Depository

1:52 pm January, 3 DarkSock said...

“THE ARISTOCRATS!!!”

2:23 pm January, 3 hermit said...

Swallows

Warm

Yak

Dung

2:26 pm January, 3 hermit said...

Speed

Whistles

Yankee

Doodle

2:34 pm January, 3 hermit said...

Sometimes

Wears

Yucky

Diapers

2:38 pm January, 3 baffomet said...

She

Wants

Yellow

Dick

2:40 pm January, 3 Vin Douchal said...

A chick with freakish large breasts

Put men to the ultimate test

They were hard as pavement

And invited amazement

“Are real ones or bolt-ons the best?”

2:42 pm January, 3 Vin Douchal said...

A bim with a cartoonish rack

And a constantly spasming back

Hangs out when it’s cold

Her nips loud and bold

Attracting the lamest Sad Sack

2:44 pm January, 3 DarkSock said...

Shawna, with mega-sized cans

Got stared at again and again.

Todd sat on her chest

He hoped for the best

But out sprung her duct-taped KickStand.

2:44 pm January, 3 hermit said...

Services

Wealthy

Yougoslavian

Doormen

2:47 pm January, 3 Jacques Doucheteau said...

With the assistance of a Kevlar banana hammock stretched tightly against his anus, Danny’s falsetto voice could make breasts swell until they burst. To celebrate his achievements, he tattooed on his chest the name of the school where he picked up his unique ability: the School for Wanking Young Donkeys.

2:47 pm January, 3 DarkSock said...

Kate whips out her pendulous sacs

Hung from her ribs like a rack

Douchebags come running

Spitting game and so cunning

With yogurt her boobs they shellac.

2:54 pm January, 3 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Jerry was so amazed at the taut, rubbery jugs before him, that he went in for a firm squeeze. And then this happened.

2:58 pm January, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Says she strips to pay for law school

Got three hundred bucks from this tool

She drops douchebag jaws

Studying up on Blue Laws

But, dude, really, that swimsut ain’t cool

3:01 pm January, 3 Vin Douchal said...

“Future Fox News anchor, Brandy Zeppelins”

3:03 pm January, 3 Jacques Doucheteau said...

John is so glad he borrowed mom’s Astro van

To score at the beach was the strategic plan

What put his Borat swimsuit under the most strain

Was a girl so ultimately materialistic and vain

She had plastic surgery courtesy of the Michelin man.

3:04 pm January, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Speaking of hot Fox News babes, I got a thing for that little Greek minx, Nicole Petallides. Operative word being “Greek”

3:26 pm January, 3 Douchble Helix said...

Another exciting feature for this site from The Chief for 2013: 3D House Of Boobs!!

.

Where’s The Baron??

3:28 pm January, 3 hermit said...

There was a young man from Bejing

who sheltered his balls in a sling

He asked her politely,

“Can I touch them just lightly?”

She said, “Yeah, but i won’t feel a thing.”

3:29 pm January, 3 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

No way is anyone reading the 82nd commentt, but I’ll give it a go anyway-

“EMS worker fired for refusing to remove atomic wedgie. Ruling overturned when alledged victim testifies”

3:41 pm January, 3 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Upon seeing these nipples protraction

Andy forthrightly sprung into action

While pointing the way

to Bleeth’s bulbous bay

His ‘nads were forced into traction

3:43 pm January, 3 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

I’m right with you ONETRUEDOUCHE, but if Hermit can jump on board, so can we…..

3:54 pm January, 3 Wheezer said...

[ 10:35 am

January, 3

Ted Brogan said…

.

Those are almost as big as my watch!]

.

.

.

That’s GOLD, Jerry! GOLD!

4:15 pm January, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m gonna get rolling on the first trial edition of the newest craze to hit the whebs. “ASK REVEREND CHAD” is an upcoming feature on HCwDB which will rival the new season of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”. And by rival I mean drinking and being fat and stupid..

.

As an experienced pastor and relative expert in all fields both sundry and more sundry, I will be answering questions from the readers and several fake readers., We will cover affairs of the heart, Darwinism, the lives of Captain Cook and Admiral Kirk. social issues such as teen sex, and general Walrasian Equilibrium. And anal issues of which I am an expert. And by expert I mean pervert. I got fucking answers for everything. Sports too I guess, but not those gay Euro sports like fucking socker.

.

Our first question comes from regular Et Tu Douche. .

Et Tu asks the ancient question: “At what point should one start paying attention to MILF” That is a fantastic question Et Tu.

.

I have studied MILF in it’s various forms. There are hooker MILFS. Doctor MILFS. MILFY MILFS. MY wife MILF. etc.

.

We will start with the basics.

.

1. MILFS must be over thirty years old to qualify. Similar age at which we may call the MILFs Cougars.

.

2. The MILF can not be a run of the mill mother but a truly hot chick who can wear yoga pants and have a hot ass you just want to rub your face in with a gusto of rimming excellence.

.

CASEFILE #1

.

I banged my first MILF in the late eighties. She was married to some dude, was an ex-stripper and worked as a greeter in a car dealership I worked while studying. I was about 23 and she was thirty or so. She had some kid and a fucking rocking ass that no man could resist. So she and I go for a few drinks and she tells me what a nice guy I am and she wished she didn’t marry biker, Iron-worker, and general big rough dude Jake. Nice guy? Can you imagine a chick horny for ya without peacockery and the shit we see here? I tells ya boys it was a different scene then. She quits and starts stripping again at a place near my leased house. She starts coming to smoke before work. Anyway the end of this story is a couple of times I fucked her and this other girl she licked on occasion. Good fucking times with Lacey and Tracey, the names under which they performed a convincing lesbian show. So there’s one scenario. Fuck strippers hard but don’t try tp pick them up while their in the club. I think I may have unique pheremones caause an inordinate amount of women are attracted to short stocky guys with big cocks. Lacey and Tracey are living together happily in Vancouver as artisans of some sort.

.

CASEFILE #2

.

The next one was Leah the Mulatto with the wiry bush that made my face break out. I was around 28, she 31 with a brand new set of tits, nice tits, not like Blonde Zeppelin above. We had a mutual friend who is one of two girls I’ve known who I never fucked (respect) We’re at a bar in Quebec drinking and shit and we go back to Laurie’s (respect) for late drinks. They sexual tension built as we looked at each other and she knew I was looking at her tits. A sidenote here: the MILF with new tits is dying for a guy to see them for the first time., This is applicable to post baby reconstruction as well as breast reductions. They want you to hammer those tits and almost die from having sex with a guy like me after a dry spell. Multiple orgasms, anal, they don’t fucking care. These chicks fuck like a Honey Badger on bath salts. She was the best one nighter I ever had. Laurie was mad at both of us for sneaking off to my place we had to stop the affair there. Laurie still wants me to fuck her, she a 45 year old MILF now but I can’t touch that, she’s like a sister. Has a great ass and tits for her age. Another nice guy in cocksucking distance and it was awesome. Ya gotta hit the MILF hard with pure self-confidence, nasty rimming and pussy sucking. Suck, don’t lick like a cat. Ya shove your face right in there and take sexual control. Hammer that dirty bush hard doggie-style. Leah is an administrator at Guelph University and my Facebook friend, one of very few.

.

CASEFILE #3

.

Nurse practioner MILFS are awesome. You find a good looking one, not one of those donut munching gossiping bitches. So I got this 50 year old as my Nurse for check ups and shit for my ailments. A note here as well, the MILFS start looking better as YOU age and you got some LOW-T and floppy dick syndrome and shit. So her name is Leanne and she was obviously stricken with my good natured banter and compliments. She was hooked when she found my very healthy prostate and stays in there a little bit longer than professionally appropriate. That continues to happen and I like it. Gonna bone her soon when her divorce is done. Another point, divorced chicks are slutty tramps. Older guy, younger guys, they don’t care. Leanne remains my primary prostate checker and her husband left her for the babysitter. These are all true stories.

.

CASEFILE #4

.

Mrs. Kroeger and I have been together for a long, long, long, long, time. She pretty hot and thin again. Guys are checking out her ass when she wears yoga pants. She takes it in all three holes plus the silly occasional titty fuck. But the reason I must see the occasional non-milfy teenager hooker is that the Mrs. won’t return my rimming and spends too little time on the lower shaft and my huge balls. She’s a lollipop sucker and as horny as all get out since the hysterical menopause when the last rotten girl was born. Mrs. Kroeger does not know of my encounters with young hookers and will soon be my boss. Never ever bang a super-egoed, non-ball licking woman who can’t cook, unless she maked lots of money and adores your manly essence.

.

So my friend Et Tu. it all comes down to hard rimming and new tits. I would say that the appropriate age to adore and soil MILFS with your sticky three ounce contribution is around 25. And it best if the MILF is drunk and in the morning you send her out on the walk of shame. Stay happy my friends and just go out and fuck em. Son.

4:40 pm January, 3 The Dude said...

The once was a Reverend named Chad

Who’d answer the questions you had

About certain topics

That involved gyroscopics

Inserted in monkeyholes, lad!

.

God grief, that one sure fell apart in the middle. I’ll smoke more next time.

4:48 pm January, 3 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Bravo Dude! Even your shitty limericks beat my good ones!

4:53 pm January, 3 creature said...

I am the reg who goes by creature

it it is clear to me to be sure

that I nominate

without debate

that Vin Douchal host limerick day on thurs!

4:54 pm January, 3 creature said...

…long lamented omission from routine!

4:56 pm January, 3 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Now you’re speaking my language, Rev. But go for the more than just the hot ass behind the yoga pants. Search for the 320 hour instructor certification to back up the hot ass. Jelqing is a great cock enlarging technique, but it’s even better when you find a vag that can do it for you.

.

If you know what I mean.

4:57 pm January, 3 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Dear Rev Chad,

.

.I have an enormous/attractive penis that women (MILFs especially) are very fond of.

.

.How should I handle this problem in public?

.

.

.Testicularly yours,

CTDS

.

.

.

5:22 pm January, 3 douchebag1 said...

Rev. Chad, you drunken shebeast, you’re supposed to EMAIL me the post. Not post it in the threads.

.

Castration.

.

– Management

5:57 pm January, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

I would also add that preferably The Rev answers these questions after he’s been out with Lenny The Box and or late at night. That was brilliant my man.

.

South

West

Yodel

Dork

6:01 pm January, 3 Ask Reverend Chad said...

@DB1

.

I’m just getting warmed up. And by warmed up I mean getting drunk and begging Mrs. Kroeger to suck my lower shaft and ball-taint area.

.

@Choad

.

You got no problems man. With your celebrity friends like Robin Leach and your lexicon of food goodies your large penis problem should be covered by attending tables with long cloths at night. Your large attractive penis can also be dipped in fois gras for daily outings where you flaunt your member in your fine city of sin and decadence. Let your freak cock fly brother. Son

7:23 pm January, 3 Douchble Helix said...

The Rev is worth the annual subscription fee for this site all by hisself!

.

Drunk motherfuckers.

7:24 pm January, 3 Douchble Helix said...

I’m LOL-ing here, for real.

.

Goddam! Is he funny.

7:25 pm January, 3 Douchble Helix said...

And I haven’t even read his advice column yet!

7:45 pm January, 3 Macsorley McScrote said...

The Goodyear blimps prepare to fly over an amazed Toilet Bowl.

8:25 pm January, 3 Jacques Doucheteau said...

What the…? I WON I WON I WON!!! YAY!!! Whud I win?

.

I liked Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche’s the best.

9:14 pm January, 3 creature said...

once again, Fonzi waterskis in leather jacket

.

sharkz

10:26 pm January, 3 Vin J Douchal said...

My fingers smell like twat, Fender Bullets, lime, salt and Patron.

.

That’s not a caption^.

.

.

Post coitus stank on the hanglow

11:14 pm January, 3 JustMC said...

Is that a Borat costume or is the scrawny kid about to get funnellated?

(Hey, I think that’s an anagram of un-fellated. Okay, not quite, but dude….boobs.)

11:49 pm January, 3 The Dude said...

Songtines, big fake boobs do the real work. El trabajo, I says. Now all I need is some twat, Fender Bullets, lime, salt and a nice chardonnay. What?

1:03 am January, 4 ehcuodouche said...

@James T. Douche

I, too, remember Mr. SWYD. And I remember there was a long thread about what it meant. Blocking it out of my memory somehow. Must have been bad and I lost a meal.

1:54 am January, 4 Douchble Helix said...

Might be the same broad. I can’t rule it out.

2:00 am January, 4 Douchble Helix said...

Seems like the Jacques Doucheteau stuff is pretty popular in these parts.

.

This here is from The Huffington Post. I didn’t click it, but don’t say you weren’t warned.

.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/03/photographer-yossi-loloi-nude-obese-women_n_2387825.html

4:19 am January, 7 Guid is Good said...

Borat “Scribbly” Djokovic now wishes he spent more time on the practice courts like his brother.

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