Wednesday, November 26, 2014

The Stuffed Turkwadius

bag 381

And as a nation sits down to celebrate ritual festivity and familial obligation, a lone Turkwadius greases his chin fung uponst the plump, fertile cranberries of a dancer known only as ‘Harvest Season.’ And by polio blankets, I mean the groin itch.

# posted by douchebag1
12:31 pm November, 26 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

Livin’ in a van, under a bridge, down by the river, is no way to go through life, Son.

12:38 pm November, 26 The Dude said...

Losing a day’s pay for taking Black Friday off work – $45
.
Plane ticket purchased seven months ago – $60
.
You’re flying home for Thanksgiving, and you find out Turkwadius is your pilot – priceless.

12:42 pm November, 26 The Dude said...

^- ‘Harvest Season’ is your stewardess. You order too many drinks and contemplate ditching your family to catch her at the Minneapolis Spearmint Rhino.

12:59 pm November, 26 Dickie Fingers said...

Well he didn’t show up empty handed, he brought lobster.

2:28 pm November, 26 Wheezer said...

Jebus, another Bonobag hipster scrotewank. He should be lucky she had an extra pair of stunnah shades for such a bright day.
.
.
.
.
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What is 2112 x 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494459230781640628620899 ?
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Errrrrrm…..the golden shower ratio?

7:04 pm November, 26 Dickie Fingers said...

Happy Thanksgiving! I’m leaving early, going to a party under the freeway on Route 9.

7:05 pm November, 26 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

Why can’t an airplane door conveniently open when this BonoBag is aboard and suck him out to become a stain on the landscape below?
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Scorpion, tribal, Hot Stuff… what did this bozo do? Go to the Tattoo Parlor, point to the wall and say “one of each”?
.
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13 AGAIN!!!

7:07 pm November, 26 Vin Douchal said...

If you look at ebola under a microscope this is the turd loving virus looking back at ya

7:09 pm November, 26 FredN. said...

“Pick up your trash” indeed.
She picked up the trashiest of trash.

9:55 pm November, 26 The Dude said...

‘Harvest Season’ is the theme for the Thanksgiving Party at Jumbo’s Clown Room this weekend.
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http://jumbos.com

4:36 am November, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Why the hell am I fucking around on Infowars arguing with racists on Thanksgiving? I suppose it’s kind of fun to troll their asses and get them all riled up. I got one guy super pissed off and hurling all sorts of empty insults at me with no direct provocation.
..
Seriously though. I’m now convinced every single one of Alex Jones’ followers are dogmatic, paranoid, militant white-supremacists pretending to be intellectuals. They are sooooooo not.
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http://www.infowars.com/moral-befuddlement-in-ferguson/

8:11 pm November, 28 hermit said...

Black Friday is the Friday following Thanksgiving. A day for fat, ignorant Amërïkäns to work off their Thanksgiving Day gluttony in an orgy of frenzied self-indulgence. Armed with credit cards and a false sense of entitlement, they wait in long lines, in frigid temperatures, to wrestle each other over some cheap, Chinese merchandise which, chances are, won’t be functional past April.
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The poor saps proceed to max out their credit cards, at a 20% interest rate, to save a pennies on shit they could have bought with cash weeks ago, resulting in a net financial loss and a complete abandonment of dignity.
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Slick, Madison Avenue advertisers watch from on high as the media instructs the Great Unwashed to wake in the chill of early dawn, and march zombie-like, to their local mega-retailer with all the intellect of spawning grunion. News programmers report this activity as inevitable, exercising their vested interest in inciting riots, knowing there’s nothing better for ratings than a burning police car or a pile of overweight, ignorant shoppers writhing in pain beneath a stack of discounted flat screens, smothering in a dog-pile of immediate gratification and cellulite.

11:43 am November, 29 Capt. James T. Douche said...

They put the TURD in TURDucken

2:23 pm November, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Beautiful expose Hermit. (Can’t blame it on Barry!)
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This guy looks like the spew I have after my Christmas night potato and gravy eating contest.
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Boxing day is the day that traditionally was used as my chance to fuck my beautiful cousins, living and dead (most respect dear Cathy); in empty homes as kin gathered at central locations for drinks and the frivolity of what used to be a religious experience. Boxing day is now the day when I get away from my coven of Jewesses and play snooker with Lenny, my drug mooch neighbour Steve, and a guy with the PTSD who wears the Canadian equivalent of the Purple Heart everywhere he goes and bitches about the government.
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No societal commentary about the day except that it is used by the Great White Unwashed as the day to bring the shit they bought you back to Wal-Mart so you can exchange it for more commie fucking slant-eyed gook shit. How the fuck do these people have such boring lives that they can stand in line all day with the receipt Meemaw gave them with the receipt so they can get a refund to subsidize the beef and cheese they just stole from Food Basics to go to French Harlem and trade for some Oxy’s.
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Everyone knows that the only reason you go to French Harlem if you are not a beef and cheese trader is to (historically) park with your cousin or go to A and F Billiards.
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Santas
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25th

5:10 pm November, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Thanks to Jacques I now know that the CIA promoted crack to keep the black man down like the AIDS. Then they got P. Diddy and the brothers to do the gangsta rap to get kids to sell drugs and the police arrests them to fill the jails of the Prison-Industrial complex owned by the same Jews pushing Obama care that own the media. Fuck you Obama and the Manchurian Horse you keep riding.
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Truthers 21

10:56 pm November, 29 hermit said...

Boxing Day is all part of the Zionist conspiracy.
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K

10:02 pm December, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I thought this fuck was
A douchebag until I saw
Adam Carolla’s. “To Catch A Contractor”
.
Sweet fuck what a whiny asshole.! I will kill this asshole on site! Move over Mike Holmes, there is a bigger asshole.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsNfe6I7PhE
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Haiku?

2:55 am December, 2 Wonky said...

Hi Baghunters,
I pinged DB1 a short while back after I came here & saw the February 24th post.

And since it was just Thanksgiving, I was reminded again of things to be thankful-for.

So I just wanted to echo my thoughts to him out here also.

Thanks to all the great commenters so very much for all the impossible laughs and wildly weirdly inventive jokes (& honestly-shocking thought-pictures they stirred) over the years.

What a lucky thing to have around, even if for just awhile.

Funniest place & funniest people ever on the internet.

Cracked’s articles & The Superficial’s commenters never even stood a chance against the likes of DB1, Crucial, Flyteeth, Sock, Douchal, Wheezer, Scrotato, Pfah, or even Von Baggenstein; -and many many more I’ll remember exactly 30 minutes after writing this.

I wish DB1 & everyone nothing but greater and greater success in all their future efforts.

Thanks again very much. In Samurai-Scrote We Trust.

Warmest Regards,

-Wonky

10:27 pm December, 3 DarkSock said...

Meanwhile, back on March 29th, 2005, you were challenged to a double whammy: a combination Friday Haiku AND Caption This:
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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/03/friday-haiku-360/
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13

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