Saturday, February 28, 2015

Shmecky Von Dillpickle Headlocks Clementine

113006

I often reflect on the many permutations of douchemock and hottlust that have burrowed like so many rivulets through the sediment of pop culture timeshock. When HCwDB began the mock, it was a serious time. Then it was a playful time. And the mock was enjoyed by all.

Now it is a serious time again.

 

Humorless.

Angrier.

Gender wars and dating battles taken from playful banter to dark resentment.

I’m not sure what to make of the ratcheting up of tension and loss of humor in today’s confused, decadent and most certainly decoherent anti-humor post-humor thunderdome.

But alls I do know is that Shmecky Von Dillpickle is a shmegtaint. And everyone should take a breath, stop getting so pissed off, and allow ourselves to unite in the principle that all of us, each and every one, can agree that Shmecky’s headlock of Clementine is the pestilent hair taint upon a mongerel’s tick bitten posterior.

For if we cannot agree to that, I put it to you Greg, what can we agree upon?

# posted by admin
1:06 am March, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

Wiggerbaggery a virulent strain of the bag is upsetting but I doesn’t worry as the type of sneetch attracted to the Wiggabag is usually not worth getting upset about as seen in the pic above.

1:23 am March, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Spock beat Khan by 10 years.
.
Spooooooooooooooooooooooock.

2:19 am March, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooned.
.
The “Menagerie” was perhaps the most accurate portrayal of marriage and modernity in TV history.
.

3:45 am March, 1 DarkSock said...

He needs to be sodomized with a quality vinyl copy of “Der Kommisar”, sideways, with Gun Oil™ personal lubrication, 100% silicone, because I’m not ISIS or shit, and she needs to be giggle-supplicated with foot-rubs as she watches me fail in GTA 5 as Trevor.

5:26 am March, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Fucking right it some dark times.
.

6:23 am March, 1 The Dude said...

Schmecky Von Bitchpickle needs a slap upside his pouty head. Get yer slimy hands off our Clementine, you creepy smegmatic schmegasoid ape!

12:29 pm March, 1 Capt. James T. Douche said...

This guy is the Don Fanucci of fry cooks

7:09 pm March, 1 Charles Douchewin said...

Ok.
.
For example, I’m choosing to believe this is Woody Harrelson, on the set of Wigga Pleaze II.
.
.
.
.
Sonz.

10:11 pm March, 1 Wheezer said...

Hey ‘Sock, did you get married or something?

10:21 pm March, 1 Wheezer said...

That link could be NSFW^^, even though I’m not Jacques or anything…..

5:13 pm March, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I think this fool is taking the “this is the Rob Lowe that peaked in high school” thing a little too far.
.
beeyotches

6:11 pm March, 2 Douche-o-rama said...

Damn, that girl has a manly face…

A cross between John Stamos and David Hasselhoff…
Could she be a product of modern science?

8:30 pm March, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ Don’t blame me or Charles Douchewin for this one.
.
I’ll bet this fool smells like a cross between dumpster slime and an eighth grade boys locker room.

8:30 pm March, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Hey Rev
.
Goin’ looney or somethin?
.
http://money.cnn.com/2015/03/02/news/spock-canada/index.html

10:43 pm March, 2 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Dr.
.
That is a great fucking idea. I’m going to get some fivers.
.
On a related note, Obama is a big pussy and the frost is six feet deep this winter up in da tundra. Fuck off cold.
.
Spocks

12:09 am March, 3 Charles Douchewin said...

^^ Nice catch, Doc. Bunsen.
.
Best. Wilfrid. Laurier. Hack. Ever
.
Rev, you can Spock-hack the new plastic $20s – just tip the eyebrows up on the Queen.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Goinpeace, CleMANtine.

2:28 am March, 3 DarkSock said...

Et Tu Douche? wins teh net neutered internet this week with his snarky posts; it’s verily worth a click or two to see the twin bulbous easter eggs I posited in his post…posited I says…
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/04/fraiku-9/

4:52 pm March, 3 Dickie Fingers said...

Shmecky is the first of the Von Dill Pickles to graduate.

Hamburger U. Alum.

11:14 pm March, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Is it wrong to feel guilty only when it wasn’t a hooker?
.
Asking for a friend that ate strange.

3:23 pm March, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her eyes are so far apart she classifies as a Shark.
.
The back of the hand tatt is the defication equivalent of have an explosive diarrhea event in your pants and never changing out of them.
.

3:24 pm March, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her eyes are so far part they are in different time zones.

3:24 pm March, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her eyes are so far apart she can see the sun rise with one eye and the sun set with the other eye, at the same time.

3:27 pm March, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her eyes are so far apart the only way she can get “Arabian Goggles” is if you have the scrotum of Reed Richards.

3:30 pm March, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her eyes are so far apart Wall-Eyed Pike point and laugh.

3:40 pm March, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her eyes are so far apart she uses a drive in movie theater screen as a virtual reality glasses.

3:45 pm March, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

http://www.independent.co.uk/incoming/article10082837.ece/alternates/w460/wood.JPG
.
Her eyes are so far apart, she sees through poles.

4:56 pm March, 4 Dickie Fingers said...

He’s getting ready to poke her in the eyes, Stooges style.

Did the math get harder while I was away?

6:11 pm March, 4 The Dude said...

Her eyes are so far apart, they’re in different zip codes.

7:38 pm March, 4 Charles Douchewin said...

Ok.
.
Now, I’m choosing to believe that behind those glasses, his eyes look like this.
.
And every lion from Disney’s Lion King, looks like Clementine.
#Disneyfetish

2:29 am March, 5 DarkSock said...

Her eyes are so far apart they rub on her ass

2:31 am March, 5 FLYTEETHTE said...

FAOGHOTHE SHLAPHOARES AHM BAKK IN COAUNTY AN YOUGH PEENORZ AER STIHL HEHAR

3:28 am March, 5 admin said...

Shiver me fingers!
In 2005, White Beast
Doth blow verily…
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=82043&action=edit&message=6

3:29 am March, 5 DarkSock said...

Yarrrr….I mean,
.
Shiver me fingers!
In 2005, White Beast
Doth blow verily…
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=82043&action=edit&message=6

3:31 am March, 5 DarkSock said...

Almost cut off my damn fretting fingers drunkenly cutting a subwoofer bass port tube with a chop saw with a broken blade I almost cut my fingers off with attempting to cut an oversized 8×8 post…scofflaws and ne’er-do-wells…

1:22 pm March, 5 The Dude said...

I’m thinking Schecky Dickstain looks like this under his glasses:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/09/78/5f/09785f38c05eb8c37e4fa99dffb7088c.jpg

2:12 pm March, 5 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her eyes are so far apart she has to worry about sticking a que tip in them when she cleans her ears.

2:13 pm March, 5 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her eyes are so far apart her peripheral vision picks up object located right in front or behind her.

9:51 pm March, 5 Wheezer said...

I think I’m gonna actually have the jump on Vin here…..
.
Just in case all y’all wanna get in some puckin’ and/or fappin’…..I don’t wanna do it alone. That sounds bad, doesn’t it?
.
N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-nineteen!

11:10 pm March, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d pay $10,000 to bang the Bruin girls. $12,000 with anal on all five tight young sphincti. No more.
.
Viagrants

12:45 am March, 6 admin said...

Harrison Ford just crashed his single-engine plane onto a golf course. Eyewitnesses say it appeared to be because he was flying So Low…
.
.
.
.
Solo….?
.
.
.
*tap* *tap* is this thing on?

12:46 am March, 6 DarkSock said...

^jeez Admin that was corny as hell. *throws tomato*

12:48 am March, 6 DarkSock said...

her eyes are so far apart her sunglasses look like headphones

1:01 am March, 6 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Picturing Harrison Ford driving the Millennium Falcon around at sub-light speed in the light-speed lane with the left turn signal continually blinking… that thing is getting up there in age too, got like 120,000+ light years on it. Chewie has to pour gas into the carburetor while Han tries to crank it which it then lets out a thunderous backfire before turning over.

Shmecky about to get some stink finger off of the Gyllenhaal kids retarded cousin. Is it even legal to fingerblast ‘tards?? Not that Shmecky cares but…

1:50 am March, 6 DarkSock said...

.

1:52 am March, 6 DarkSock said...

her eyes are so far apart she can see both sides of the abortion issue

12:52 pm March, 6 The Dude said...

Her eyes are so far apart because she enjoys being skull-fucked.
.
She must have an incredible ~outlook~ on life.
.
She can see right around you.
.
She has eyes on the sides of her head.
.
She composes eyeku every Friday.

10:21 pm March, 6 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Them Boston Ice Chicks gave me a Wicked Bonah! Wicked Bonah, I says.

1:03 pm March, 7 Dickie Fingers said...

If she lies on her side too long one of her eyes will migrate, flounder style.

Leave a Reply

What is 4 + 8 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)