Saturday, August 1, 2015

Billy Wankowsky Sings Yacht Rock to Youthful Kelly

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Billy Wankowsky has a secret.

That secret is Yacht Rock.

What is Yacht Rock? That lame douchebro fratchoad music for over forty years of lip biting, high fiving, boat sailing and Bud Light Lime summers.

Like Melville’s symbiotic whale/fish interplay that circumnavigates their douchey-ass trawlers, Fratrock and Douchechoad are a perfect margarita blend of trust fund pablum and culture blender generi-spittle.

All should beware when fratchoads like Billy hum along to remixed Doobie Brothers and fry up some ‘awesome dogs, yo’ on their boat grill. For theirs is a self contained ecosystem. A wretched hive of scam and Valium. The perfect modus operendi for wanky trusty rusty twatwaddles. Whilst lame soft rock seventh chords strummed to falsetto repetition provides the generic soundtrack to their aging, deadened, sun ripened soul shard.

But the greatest tragedy lies in what is slayed on their veritable whale hunt of pop culture somnambulism. For their overplayed ‘classic rock’ soundtrack is not merely accompaniment. It offers the soothing Steelydanitude of inappropriate dazzle. The harmonic wailings that woo ubersucklefondle quality of Youthful Kelly and her purity of holistic hottitude.

And that is true tragedy of the spectral rotting whale corpse beached on the sands of a grossly unexamined life.

Happy summer from the DB1!

# posted by admin
12:15 am August, 2 Scooby Douche said...

First!

12:15 am August, 2 Scooby Douche said...

Where has the mock gone…..?

3:56 pm August, 2 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Either vomitface pictured above is on a family vacation in the caribbean and is taking a selfie with his daughter or niece, or this pic is part of a photo album from Jeffrey Epstein’s south seas underage brothel.
Either way, vomitface needs to be doused in gasoline and we need to light the match.

5:48 pm August, 2 Ted Brogan said...

I miss you, boss.

2:13 pm August, 3 The Dude said...

I gotta play devil’s advocate for a second here: what if this guy took a month off after curing cancer or ghostbusting?

Oh yeah, that guy from Ghostbusting is dead. See what I mean?

2:17 pm August, 3 The Dude said...

^ Harold Ramis

7:16 pm August, 4 Vin Douchal said...

In these days of instant gratification, 140 character news stories and instant P.C. mea culpas from anyone with an opinion to spout it’s nice to know that SOME people can see through the screaming and poo flinging and realize that not only are we a society of self -centered righteously inharmonious assholes, we’re also as fuccen stupid as we’ve ever been, if not more so
.
It’s like years of advancement by the likes of Hawkins, Einstein, Kübler-Ross and the true understanding of the human condition they convey is not only bouncing off of deaf ears, it’s off into an ammonia cloud of irrelevance due to lack of attention from all except the minute minority of truly enlightened people.
.
Sure, the John Stewarts/John Olivers/Bill O’Reillys of the world can point out our absurdities but they are powerless to convince anyone to change. And that’s the way they want it, for job security
.
.
STFU, I mean you, every fuccen person alive, I’ve got porn to watch, HBO/Showtime action shows and baseball to attend to and struggling to kick this two can a day Kodiak habit is worse than sitting through a coed, boozeless baby shower. Nicotine gum is like the plastic food on the display items at IKEA, you see it, it’s there but it doesn’t do anything for you
.
.
Contrarians

7:16 pm August, 4 Vin Douchal said...

In these days of instant gratification, 140 character news stories and instant P.C. mea culpas from anyone with an opinion to spout it’s nice to know that SOME people can see through the screaming and poo flinging and realize that not only are we a society of self -centered righteously inharmonious assholes, we’re also as fuccen stupid as we’ve ever been, if not more so
.
It’s like years of advancement by the likes of Hawkins, Einstein, Kübler-Ross and the true understanding of the human condition they convey is not only bouncing off of deaf ears, it’s off into an ammonia cloud of irrelevance due to lack of attention from all except the minute minority of truly enlightened people.
.
Sure, the John Stewarts/John Olivers/Bill O’Reillys of the world can point out our absurdities but they are powerless to convince anyone to change. And that’s the way they want it, for job security
.
.
STFU, I mean you, every fuccen person alive, I’ve got porn to watch, HBO/Showtime action shows and baseball to attend to and struggling to kick this two can a day Kodiak habit is worse than sitting through a coed, boozeless baby shower. Nicotine gum is like the plastic food on the display items at IKEA, you see it, it’s there but it doesn’t do anything for you
.
.
Contrarians

7:17 pm August, 4 Vin Douchal said...

oops, sue me

7:20 pm August, 4 Vin Douchal said...

And, THIS

4:49 pm August, 5 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I love the Brits…
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htjzCIjqKcY
.

3:24 am August, 6 DarkSock said...

Ed Hardy Har Har was on fire this week – fire, I says – so he wins the wicked step-daughter Easter Egg:
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/04/fraiku-17/

3:32 am August, 6 DarkSock said...

Lookin’ at the past with Beer Goggles, circa May 1, 2005….
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/05/fry-poo/

4:01 pm August, 8 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Just as odious is the Baby Boomer Beach Crowd (BBBC) that thinks Jimmy Buffet is cool and erupt in a group douchecheer singalong every time a Saggy Dick DJ plays Margaritaville. Saggy Dick, I says.
.
I just spent two weeks at the beach and would have welcomed some good old guinea douchebags sightings, but instead got overrun by Yacht Club Collar Ups of the Shabby Chic ilk; board shorts, tank tops, ratty flip flops driving Range Rovers, Denalis and other Monster Douche Mobiles.
.
These fuckwits think life is like a big ole beer commercial with one-note hicks like Buffet and the Zac Brown Band as the soundtrack. Fuck off, I says. Give me the Porsche Brothers Douches any day over these Goofy Rich poseurs wearing $500 beach ensembles.

11:27 am August, 10 Carlos Danger said...

He is know as Billy “Kid Yacht Rock” Wankowsky Somehow he drops the yacht keys in the blender every year.

6:04 pm August, 25 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Disturbing- you can’t tell where his arm pit hair ends and chest hair begins and then is seems to grow right up his chin onto his head- I might suggest he just a walking ball of pubic hair.

5:14 pm September, 8 MC900FootDouchebag said...

It gets worse…
.
I believe this to be Paulina Gretzky and he pro golfer husband, Whatshisname.
.
https://instagram.com/p/inCqM_MjxU/?taken-by=paulinagretzky
.
He truly was The Great one if that’s what a load of his grape juice produces.

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