Friday, June 17, 2016

Shemga McSaxomophone’s Jazz Hands Violate Sophia

Saxamaphone

If toxic hottie/doucheybaggery were jazz, this would be Billie Holliday’s first performance of “Strange Fruit” crossed with Dave Brubeck’s “Take Five” and finished off by a Django Reinhardt flamenco riff.

Which is to say a unique amalgam of improvisational choadnuttery.

From Shemga’s chumptastic head tilt to Sophia’s doe eyed vaguely 80s-era Laura San Giacomo luscious Mayan Eye of Coitus, the dialectics of choadal dissonance innovate tonal patterns beyond the everyday fungorgia. For the stench of hair spike semi-employed wank-tool pawing pooch suckle thigh innocence rends the power chords, riffs into dissonance, and transcends into the sublime.

And by sublime, I mean Billy from St. Elmo’s fire sublime.

Which is to say, not.

# posted by douchebag1
2:05 am June, 17 Jeet Kune Douche said...

FRISTEEZ!
CHrist almighty, FINALLY a decent looking chica!
Shemga seems to be unaware that Sophia is…well…essentially unaware of him. Her stance and expression suggest that she believes Shemga to be part of her background scenery – like a potted plant, for example.
But Shemga will be ok in the long run – after all, clearly he likes blowing on big tubez.

10:09 am June, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

Boss
.
If we are talking 80’s saxophone baggery I submit that Tim Cappelio was the blueprint. As seen here and mocked here by SNL.
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDrTT5KbJfc
.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/124875

4:28 pm June, 17 Fred N. said...

Tis a hot chick, this is true. But we are forced to point out the cellulite dimples in the legs, and use of a black skirt to hide the big bum, and the acne on the arms, and…

12:23 am June, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I didn’t see a guy in that pic. I did see a saxophone though.
It reminds me of fucking Bill Clinton back in the 90’s, riding the trickle-down economic Hail Mary policy he won on. Sorry, that was Reagan and Clinton got credit for Ronnie’s work. Evil Empire…..Fucking muslims. SAme thing. We need wars to keep people from getting out shit.

12:28 am June, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^^^^^^Our shit. I predicted the geopolitical system we are living under instead of democracy as a young Gatsbyesque, late 1980’s I believe. Good times.

12:36 am June, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The world needs more smokin hot dudes like this guy in Old Orlando..
.
In all of my life……, I never would have thought that a gay islamist of some ilk would kill a bunch of his lifestyle friends. I really never thought that the thought police (no respect) would be calling it a hate crime and blaming it on “my” guns and by extension, Americans too..
.
Liquor
Guns
Beer
Titties

2:51 am June, 18 Jeet Kune Douche said...

@Fred N – I concur with yor observations. I did not wish to point out the cellulite thigh and arm zittery lest I be excoriated as a racist misogynist cisgender heteronormative white male patriarchist on this SJW website.
Of course, if the shoe fits………

TRUMP 2016!!!

10:45 pm June, 19 hermit said...

As a member of the above mentioned
L
G
T
B
community I can attest that Sofia has neither cellulite nor varicose veins. She shaves her legs and armpits with a serrated steak knife and suffers from necrosis of the nose, cheeks, lips and breasts resulting from her infected, childhood smallpox vaccination.
Jizzy Gillespie there was undoubtedly over-inoculated during his Musical Youth and force-fed Ritalin and Ninja Turtle Vitamins. He can’t play that saxophone any better than Bubba Clinton or Grover Cleveland, who once buggered Chester Arthur in the Lincoln bedroom while passing the dutchie on the left hand side.
Take a good fuckin’ look at that photo, my friends and fellow Sons. A repugnant pair of self-indulgent, entitled children. Over-mothered and undereducated.
This is our future, and there ain’t enough gun-slinging gay muslims to wipe them all out.
.
.
I weep. Like that 70’s Injun.
.
https://youtu.be/epCKjaStFu0

10:52 pm June, 19 hermit said...

Ever notice how EVERY YouTube comments thread, no matter how innocuous the video, devolves into hatred and name calling?
Love it.
I’m gonna’ write a letter to that address at the end of the 70’s PSA and see what I can do to save the planet.

1:52 am June, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

Jizzy Gillespie FTW!!

10:34 pm June, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The sweetest words I have heard lately from the old wife were today. She said, “Reverend Chad. My 10,000 rounds of miscellaneous ammo are waiting for me at the Canada Post kiosk at the Shopper’s Drug Mart. There’s a package at a courier depot today with something in it. Do you know what it is?’
.
I says it’s a cheap fucking AR-15 for our fucking 25th anniversary present to you old haggothe. You can have a nicer one when you can fucking shoot, and shit.
.
She blew me and got me a beer.

7:34 pm June, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@Hermit 10:52
.
You win
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9tKncAdlHQ

8:03 pm June, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Hermit?
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omS2hEF5qoA

11:15 pm June, 21 hermit said...

Dr. B.
I tried the double slit experiment and fractured my pelvis.

2:09 pm June, 22 Jeet Kune Douche said...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N12sAB51kes

I’d still bang Sophia, though – arm zitz, thigh cellulite and all.

3:52 pm June, 23 The Dude said...

She looks like Lindsey Lohan wishes she looked.
.
He looks like one a da cops from Reno 911.
.
Jizzy Gillespie = awesome! thanks hermit

3:48 pm June, 24 Vin Douchal said...

John Chodetrain

3:49 pm June, 24 Vin Douchal said...

Messio Parker

3:52 pm June, 24 Vin Douchal said...

Dave Shnoz

4:05 pm June, 24 Vin Douchal said...

No shit though, dudes, is Lenny Pickett the greatest sax player ever?
.
.

T.O.P. in the Lenny days
.
.
The Lennys: Pickett and Williams.

6:03 pm June, 24 The Dude said...

Wayne Sharter

9:43 am June, 26 Douchesdownunder said...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZcmTl_1ER8

11:28 pm June, 28 Charles Douchewin said...

Prepear for summer! Suns.

12:24 pm June, 30 Will said...

I’ve read on OddsBusters that chicks sometimes have a problem with guys who gamble, play, is that true?

10:59 am July, 1 hermit said...

Charlie D. has got me “out there having fun in the warm California sun” with that tight, nostalgic ass pear. That understated, old school, fifties dame has the natural sculpted body of a twelve year old schoolboy. Hubba, Hubba! So much sweeter than the hedonistic bleeths so often portrayed hanging at the Vegas septic tanks with nothing but a piece of dental floss jammed up their cooch and a spandex boot-strap to mask their enflamed nipples in lieu of a proper bathing suit. (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
Sadly that once- attractive broad is now a wrinkled octogenarian with hip implants, advanced Crohn’s Disease and three ungrateful children who only visit her at the old folk’s home when they need money.

8:02 pm July, 1 Carlos Danger said...

Happy 4th my fellow Americans. You to Rev, even though you celebrate 4th of July on April 26 up there.

12:31 pm July, 3 hermit said...

I hope the Rev isn’t dead. I was anxious to hear his slant on the Brexit, and whether he feels as if Canada and Vermont should now follow suit and withdtaw from the League of Nations.

4:49 pm July, 3 Charles Douchewin said...

Talk about a Canadian suit(!): http://www.gq.com/story/justin-trudeau-style-washington-dc-trip-suit
.
And by Canadian suit, I mean: https://canadiantux.com
.
.
.
Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight, we present to you: Hermit – and his astounding paeans to pear!

6:59 pm July, 4 Et Tu Douche? said...

An oldie but a goodie. Hermit FTW!!!!!
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2011/07/ullar-jorbergs-mustache-says-happy-july-4th/

8:47 pm July, 4 Jeet Kune Douche said...

@Charles Douchewin – that ‘canadian tux’ page looks like David Bowie’s uglier, wierder brother wearing a giant burlap sack.

Ya know, I’ve seen some SCREAMING hawt chicas at the strip clubs in Vancouver and Ottawa. Couldn’t they find a better model than THAT thing?

1:59 pm July, 5 Carlos Danger said...

She not much to look at, but that’s a damn good looking sheet of plywood.

7:38 pm July, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Holy fuckers have I been drunk and stoned. Good mindspace though cause of all the armaments. The
Brexit party was heard loud and proud out here in the stix. My Trump rallies really get some of the “tourists” (big city folk) ripping mad. Trudeau just signed the fucking UN arms treaty. Fucking commie fag muslim tyrant boy. I’m up to five packs of smokes a day for fuck sake. Assholes.
.
Nigel Farage is a fucking hero. He tied the mother down. Fucking EU is a bunch of sausage and waffle eaters bowing to Angela Merkel’s snake dance of East German communism.
.
The world is all rigged folks. I coached Trump early last year on the issues and he seems to have listened. Osama’s eulogistical speech in Canadastanian Parliament made even the most progresives spew at his globalist fantasy.
.
Hillary Clinton is a sick woman with incontinence issues. Fuck her!! Five times, the fucking whore. The bad jew Zionists are taking over sons. Arm up. Get fit. Get rations. Bury guns. Do whatever you have to do to resist the FEMA camps.
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tqm0mVDrQSk
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl5CuCmePBw
.
As has been said before, “It is time for all good men to come to the aid of the party. Patriot Party.
.
Everytime Obama lies, and AR-15 gets its wings. And shit.

7:53 pm July, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

If you want to know the truth about the EU. Listen to the somber Mr. Rees-Mogg. He was an Oxford chum of a professor friend of mine. Trump and Gen-X will save the world from the raping Zion globalists twisting the screws tighter by the day. Rees-Mogg is the brains behind Farage and would make a proper leader.
.
“Marxism is a thuggish thief who stalks the mind at night.” Kroeger 2016
.
The misses looks awesome when the flash of her AR shines off her glistening old saggers.
.
Workers of the west unite.
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Gu7-Dl93fM

10:14 pm July, 5 hermit said...

Re: The Fourth of July parade I wrote of in 2011which Et Tu was kind enough to reference at 6:49 pm.
.
This year had a new twist as reported in the article below. Honestly, Sons, this article is about my little town which is, by the way Rev, a sanctuary city for Canadian refugees.
.
Glistening old saggers
.
http://cw33.com/2016/07/05/man-drives-lying-african-obama-float-in-fourth-of-july-parade/

6:31 am July, 6 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Gontz,
You have revealed the magic key to reviving this site and getting its viewership up to the millions per day.
Your rants have a decidedly pro-trump, right wing ring to them – rants with which I mostly agree and heartily enjoy.
But there is a large group of evil-hearted, narcissistic, sanctimonious authoritarian turds who would revel in their hatred of this site, if they only knew it existed:
SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIORS.
We need to make them aware of this place.
The question is – how?

9:04 pm July, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That lying Obama thing is fucking funny Hermit. The African King prince slowly regressing to the level of his hated Hillary and breaking the consititution at every chance. His legacy is mud. Shitty stinly wipe ass with left hand moslim mud.
.
@Jeet Kune Douche
.
That would be fun and easy to get hits. However, I believe that DB1 is a hollywood elite and co-conspirator in globalism. And after all he and the dudes did to keep me sane, I will not turn this into a right-wing site. There may however be a http://www.reverendchadkroegerisstonedapatriotagainstislamandhillary.org site coming soon. Cause Im done if all the school shit now and stoooned as fuck.

9:06 pm July, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Freedom.
.
MAGA and shit, Sons. Where’s Dark Sock and Wedgie.
.
MAGA

9:09 pm July, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Trump rally in the grove via interwhebs is on in 24 minutes. The tribe of locals is assembled. The fire is on. The weed is vegging. And the old Escalade with the rust stained Grateful Dead sticker is blasting out the noise.
.
We have a new drinking game where everyone smokes, does a shot, chugs a Blue, and fires randomly into the air everytime Trump says, “Crooked.”
.
MAGA

9:11 pm July, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I think that I could send Hermit a $100 money order, and he may choose to forward it to the Trump Campaign. That is illegal in Canada Sons. I am I right when I sat that.

10:08 pm July, 6 hermit said...

Tell ya’ what Rev. Let’s cut out the middle man. Send me the hundred bucks and I’ll put a Trump ’16 yard sign in front of the hovel, amidst the dog turds, beer cans and shell casings.

10:15 pm July, 6 hermit said...

The Rev’s website is incredible.

10:51 pm July, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That it would take Donald Trump, who is about to turn this thing into The Celebrity Supporter (respect), to nationalize your beloved country is as sublime as it is ostentatious. Geopolitical Practitioners like myself have talked for years about Angela Merkel’s dripping euro pantywaste on this site.
.
I want a hat Hermit. MAGA!

11:56 pm July, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I had a revelation. DB1, in his wisdom, became politically incorrect when he started this shit to make fun of the Douchebags.
.
DB1 caused Trump.

1:13 pm July, 7 Carlos Danger said...

Jazzhole

8:38 pm July, 9 Charles Douchewin said...

Dear Dr. Reverend Chad Kroeger, and/or DarkSock,

When you’ve reworked this show’s format:
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLKW7r44Sb8
.
to your bailiwick, and’ve sold it to A&E, Discovery, or Showcase – please invite me to the cast party.

5:58 pm July, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“Gunning with Kelli” will be popular with older dudes when I start my documentary on new 50 year old gun enthusiast. The Mrs. is a bit saggy, but still pretty. She will be an internet sensation, unless we join in the coming race wars as a poorly-regulated militia.
.
Fuck it all. Vote for Trump or enjoy the quick demise of the homeland. Arm up boys.
. \
Where you living now Dr. Bunsoon???

6:31 pm July, 10 hermit said...

I’d like to be cleaning Rachel’s crabs from between my teeth the morning after.

12:41 am July, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m taking bets on Martial Law tomorrow. And I met a distant neighbour on the road last night. A moslem fellow of good repose. His name is Diki. Diki Soiehuuj.
.
I told him about the twin AR-15’s. He says he just wants to do some business. I have to keep my head on my shoulders about this dude, Sons.
.
Know Thy Enema

1:46 pm July, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I forgot to check in over the past few months as I’ve been brushing up on my analingus and charcoal pencil drawing techniques. And drinking and masturbating.

10:55 pm July, 14 hermit said...

I come to you, quite drunk, from my antediluvian desk top, the very one I used when HCwDB was in its heyday. It’s still functional, though fraught with virus and errors in sync, 1987 Microsoft word processor chugging along like an old man in sweat pants.
Friday night was a magical night in the late seventies when HCwDB dominated pop-culture social media. After a furious and sometime rancorous day of Friday haiku, DB1 would start the ball rolling with an entertaining, varied, yet specious Friday Thoughts and Links. Enigmatic Lämp would beat all comers to the punch, coming in first in the comments thread, proclaiming his undying love for ass pear, the kind of lustful, agape love rarely seen in our present era. All the heavy hitters would line up and rotate through the matrix, spewing wisdom and mildly erotic scotch whiskey. A heady, simpler time before Steve Jobs succumbed to the virus. A time when Hillary Clinton was heavy with child and porch beef was still considered appropriate table fare in Western society.
.
Sadly, DarkSock was gunned down in a hail of gunfire on the filthy, tawdry streets of Dallas by Robocop’s retarded little brother and will never be heard from again. Jesus wept.
.
.
And so did I.

11:23 pm July, 14 hermit said...

Of late, I’ve been smoking that pungent, skunk-smellin’ marijuana my son gave me. I forgot today’s Thursday.
Stoooooooooooned!!!!!

3:36 pm July, 18 Carlos Danger said...

RIP Darksock. That’s how I want to go out.

3:37 pm July, 18 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Sock lives?

11:37 pm July, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

Here’s hoping the Rev made the passage, on his paddle boat, across Lake Erie to Cleveland safely.
.
Is it me of does Donald Trump Jr’s wife look like a naughty naughty milf?

3:31 pm July, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I second the naughty on that Trump in law. How many more times does Dark Sock have to die until we all have guns?
.
The 20th was a good day for my 25th anniversary this week. My wife and I exchanged new vows and AR-15’s whilst Newt Gingrich regaled us over the outdoor speaker to the known horror of the world untold by Hollywood.
.
To celebrate the next day at the local Ribfest, where I spotted one of my stolen skateboards on my way to the beer tent. The thief and his late teen/early 20’ish gang of unemployeds were quite hostile to my interrogation. As per the new world order, they called the cops before they started the swarming of the burly, handsome old man.
.
Old Rev has bloody knuckles. bruises, and a few skateboard scratches, but no skateboard. The cops told me that witnesses were amazed by the quick movements of the old cat as he struggled out from the pile of smelly boy/men and started grabbing a manbun here and an earring there letting loose decades of fistful rage on the young gang. No charges were laid as they escorted me out of the park..
.
Let’s Make North America Great Again, sons.

8:57 pm July, 23 hermit said...

Fuck them punks up Rev.

11:03 pm July, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

http://www.breitbart.com/clinton-cash-movie/
.
WATCH THIS MOVIE AND READ THE KORAN + THE HADITHS OF MUHAMED (NO FUCI?K?IN RESPECT).
.
Rev Chad is at war with modernity in its progressive form. I AM NOT A FCUKING SLAVE SON!!!!

10:38 am July, 24 Et Tu Douche? said...

Rev Chad no only is he a lover but a fighter too. Way to go Rev!!.

5:21 pm July, 25 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Yo!
Last update was JUNE 17!
What the f***?

Get crackin’, DB1. You wanna get paid this month? Get to work!

Make sure it’s extra-raunchy this time. Yer slippin’, son.

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