HCwDB of the Year
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Saturday, December 15, 2018
Baby It’s Choad Outside
‘Tis the Season for the Greazin’!
Happy Holidays to all my longtime HCwDB fans/readers/’bag mockers who occasionally pop back in to this long retired website to say hi.
Your humble narrator is safely ensconced in middle aged ennui. Little running around time these days. Our world has taken a dark, douchey turn, that’s for sure. A lot less humorous. A lot less fun.
But we’ll always have the late aughts and the mocking of rancid Ed Hardy grease and faux hawks to keep us warm by the aging fire of our declining years.
So sayeth our 2008 Douchie Award Winners, The Metaphysical Hooligan and Carly Hott, pictured here in prime scrotal/hott contradiction.
Never forget the stupid years. They don’t seem so bad when the frivolous turns into something else.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011HCwDB of the Year: Gynochin and Brunette Rhea
Alas and alack we have a winner! And by winner, I mean scrotal damnation and eternal hellfire wrapped in a boobie burrito.
The voters have spoketh. And Gynochin and Rhea were the most toxic cohabit of the 2011 Hottie/Douchey era.
From their monthly victory back in February, and including Gynochin with Perky Peri and Gynochin and Rhea and Gynopenis Nose, theirs were a trip down douche-face hott wretchitude wrongness.
Special props to douche equis, who remembered that Gynochin also made two other fantastically douche-facey appearances on the site, first in late 2010 with Gynochin’s Having None of It and then in Friday Thoughts and Links Gynoface.
For extreme doucheyness in presence not just of Hott Rhea, but those other tasty purity hotts, this is a Yearly well earned.
‘Bag hunters, huntresses and boobie hottie suckle thighs, here are your 2011 Douchie Award winners (losers), and the authors of their mock:
Clearest Proof of Natural Selection: Peter Pumpin’head and Mary Mammageddon (DarkSock)
Hottest Girl Next Door Hott: Hottie Heather (douche equis)
Douchiest Hand Gesture: He is Not the Greatest (tall guy)
Greasiest Grease Stain: Mister Zebracrotch(musicfanatic)
Most Trashcan to the Head Worthy: Gynochin (Medusa Oblongata)
Douchiest Hair: The Kennedy Headwound ‘Bag
The Ricky: Morty the Happy Rocker (Mr. White)
Froiest Fro: D.J. Froholio
Hottest Librarian Hott: Megan (The Dude)
Most Expensive First Date Hott: Champagne Katie (Doc Bunsen Honeydouche)
Most Euro Eurobag: Dieter Von Choaalsmark (The Reverend Chad Kroeger)
Douchiest ‘Bag Trend: The “Ink Dicky” (Mr. Scrotato Head)
Most Vegasy Vegasbag: Lancelot Boy Melvin (Choad the Douche Sprocket)
Mascot of the Year: Douchepug
The Douchebaguette: Tokidoki Barbie (Mr. Scrotato Head)
Best Haiku: darksock (idfma)
Douchiest Video of the Year: Lil’ Wang
Orangest Orange: Dieter
Douchiest ‘Bag Who May Be a Lesbian in Drag: Troll Dog (Wedgie)
The Yellowtail: Morty (Mandouchian Candidate)
Greatest Crisis of Modernity: The Cell Phone Bathroom Self Portrait (Hermit)
The John Largeman: Zen Beard Guy (Et tu Douche?)
Douchiest Douche-Face: Tighty Whitey Douche (doucheywallnuts)
Douchiest Facial Fung: Brothabag Leon (Douche Springsteen)
Most Annoying Rockerbag: Pukey Bowie (CB Popped)
Best Golden Globes #1: Tiny Dancer Maria
Best Golden Globes #2: Stephanie McGee
Herpiest Herpster: The Herpster
Douchiest Creature From Ancient Greek Myth: Poppa Squatter (Jacques Doucheteau)
Comment of the Year (Co-Winners): Hermit and Jacques Doucheteau (Wheezer)
Most Likely to be Part of the HCwDB Show at the Guggenheim Museum in 2023: Eros and Alterity
“Celebrity” HCwDB Couple of the Year: Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey (Vin Douchal)
Hottest Hott of the Year #1: Sucklechomp Amanda
Hottest Hott of the Year #2: Bikini Clara
Smells Like Poo: Quoth The Raven, “What a Douche!” (Creature)
And, for lifetime contributions to the dark arts of douchebaggery in presence of Hot Chick, your 2011 Irving G. Thallbag Lifetime Achievement Award: Smoot
Funny, funny shizz, a tip of the URC to all who participated in the 2011 Douchie Awards. Most triumphant.
If you have some extra time this holiday season, I highly recommend going back and rereading some of these posts. For the comedic linguistic deconstructions by the regulars who handed out these awards are superlative. And boobie hottie suckle thigh redux is bonus.
Lets not forget our 2011 class of entrance into the hallowed Hall of Mock for meritorious service in the comments thread:
Hermit
tall guy
Chris in ‘Baghdad
Douchble Helix
the douche is alright
Nancy Dreuche
Choad the Douche Sprocket
Stephanie
The Dude
Dude McCrudeshoes
Sir David Douchenborough
And infrequent commenters but powerhouse submitters of some of the great pics of the past year,Il Douché and Bag A.
There were at least twenty to twenty-five more quality A-Level regs who merited consideration, so a tip of the URC to all those who make the threads the main thing that keeps me powering through year after year.
Well, there it is. Enjoy. Revel. Appreciate the 2011 Douchie Awards, for they is done.
Friday, December 18, 2009HCwDB of the Year: Smoot and Crystal
What more can be said, as we crown our HCwDB couple for 2009?
Only that our voting thread was epic deconstruction, and should be studied by talmudic scholars for many years to come.
Smoot and Crystal. Cystal and Smoot.
All that is hottie/douchey and douchey/hottie about our world we live in in 2009.
The run begins, followed by pic #2, pic #3 , pic #4, pic #5, pic #6, pic #7, pic #8, pic #9, pic #10 with King D and pic #11.
A well earned prize of superdouchosity and tasty hottitude.
Well done, everyone. Except Smoot’s parents.
Here are your 2009 Douchie Award Winners:
Douchiest Hair: Hairy Belafonte
Most Expensive First Date Hott: Rebecca The Loop Girl
Douchiest Tattoo: Rated “P” For Poo
Douchiest Facial Expression: The Punch-Face
Clearest Proof of Natural Selection: The Incredible Yolk
Douchiest “Athlete”: Jeff Reed
Hottest Librarian Hott: Dewey Hott
Douchiest Hand Gesture: The Hypothetical Gun
Jerziest Jerz: Guido Buttchinsky
Greasiest Grease Stain: A Clockwork Orange
The Ricky Award: Sammy
Sexiest Back Curve: The Barrowbag’s Alana
Douchiest Imitation of Deathtongue: The Hurt Licker
Best Friday Ass Pear: Ass Pear La Plante
Best Golden Globes: Raquel
Best Golden Globes II: The Eiffel Towers
Orangest Orange: Cheeto Man
Hottest Girl Next Door Hott: Cynthia
Douchiest Home Video: Mikey Batz Frolics in the Parking Lot
Most European Eurobag: The Eurobag
Crimsonest Crimson: Crimson Ted
Most Annoying ‘Bagling: Suburban Pimp
Greatest Crisis of Modernity: The Sterilizer
Douchiest Hipsterbag: The Hipsterbag
Douchiest Facial Hair: The ‘Stachebagger
Douchiest New ‘Bag Trend: Groin Shave Reveal
Douchiest Baguette: Lips McGee
Douchiest Hat Tilt: Bucky
Douchiest ‘Bagcessory: Blackerry Bob
Smells Like Poo: Poo
Most Likely to be a Part of the HCwDB Show at the Guggenheim in 2023: “Pool Pear”. Additional Art Awards to: Ass Pear in Chains, Still Life with Wheelbarrow,and FratsnHotts Playing Pool.
The Yellowtail: The Leatherbag
Celebrity HCwDB of the Year: Tiger Woods and the Nanny
Hottest Hotts of the Year: Rachelle and Clarissa
And of course…
The Irving Thallbag Lifetime Achievement Award: Donkey Douche
Rather than do a ‘Bag hunter and huntress of the Year, I’ve decided to induct a Class of 2009 of our best and brightest ‘bag mockers from the comments thread. Joining the 2008 Class (Baron Von Goolo, DarkSock and the Late Pfah) will be the following:
Troy Tempest, Steve L, Wheezer, Medusa Oblongata, creature, Crucial Head, Mr. White, Archidoucheis, Mr. Biggs, Vin Douchal, Sergent Scrote Stain, boatbutter, Captain Bringdown, Whoop-di-douche, Jacques Doucheteau, massengill and Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche.
Also special ‘Baghunter Pic Awards to George S. and Il Douché.
This is not to discount the many other superb ‘bag hunters and huntresses, all of whom remain eligible for the 2010 induction class (with a number of promising leads already). Only that we most canonize those whose tireless commitment to mocking/lusting carries this site onward into a new decade.
Them’s your 2009 Douchie Awards.
Your humble narrator, The DB1, just arrived in New York for three weeks of alcoholism, pursuing urbane New York hotties who brush by him quickly, and, of course, extensive mocking of Bridge and Tunnel Guids.
Yup. I’se is gettin’ drunk already.
