Blurry Bathroom Choads Voted
Blurry Bathroom Choads and Southern Hooch Hott voted in the HCwDB of the Week, while showing off toxic GSR (Groin Shave Reveal).
Have you voted yet?
HCwDB of the Week
A quiet weekend on the HCwDB alpaca ranch for your humble narrator. I watered the Azaleas. I groomed the Gila Monsters and milked the kumquats. Now it’s time to get down to bidness.
Here’s your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Shiyen and DJ Smelly Bottom
Shiyen’s adventures in douchescrotery continued here and here.
It’s about time we bring a HCwDB of the week that inolves a hott entering the world of douche, and not the other way around.
Shiyen is most certainly hottness. Anyone who doubts her attractiveness should juggle a kumquat.
Yet more significantly, her journey into the land of uberscrote is what this site is designed to document and expose to the disinfecting light of societal mock.
Like dudes with lip rails and “Rockstar” hats. And Shiyen’s bitable thigh.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Cartoonbags, aka Kara and Toon.
Spectacle of uberdouchosity in the club? MMA/UFC hyper masculine “tough” guy” with carefully trimmed chin pube dribble? Gach.
Boobies that implode like Cadmium-9 in the Haldron Supercollider?
We have it here.
Toon is superhuman uberdouchian.
Kara is enhanced curves of surgical assistance lust.
Boobies?
Yes.
Yes.
And Yes.
Together, they make Affliction.
But is the skank factor enough to unbalance the hottie/douchey equation so as not to win the HCwDB of the Week? That remains to be seen.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Captain Rehab and Ubiquitous Luane
How ubiquitous is Luane?
She appeared in Where’s Trojan Helmet? as well as with another greasy Vegas choad in the site update post.
In each pic she looks to be gnawable pseudo-librarian with a healthy dash of raunch skank.
Which was an early recipe practiced by the Quakers.
In each pic she cuddles with or near a pustule. For that, for bringing Ubiquitous Red Cup with her in her nomination pic, and for Captain Rehab’s pollution of water, this pic is a worthy coupling indeed.
(Dis)honorable mention to Mandarin Orange, who goes straight to our hallowed Closet of Poo, the quality hottness of the Giggle Hotties at the Grande Cafe, as well as the quality hottness of Brunette Clarissa who may well get her shot at the 2010 Douchies for Girl Next Door Hottness.
But three may enter.
Only one may emerge poo-torious.
Which of these three pics has that perfect balance of scrotey choadey and sexy thigh gnaw?
Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.
Adam Carolla Breaks down HCwDB
For those who missed this last year, bernethy sets an Adam Carolla monologue to pics from HCwDB. An enjoyable rant for a Sunday.
EDIT: Some in the comments thread wonder if I support the central thesis that Carolla posits. I do not. While I feel Carolla articulates the central paradox at the heart of douche culture, he does not examine the impact of mass culture shift that is always possible in our perpetually renegotiated media space. Uberchoads of scrotal spectacle were not inscribed as sexually viable until very recently, beginning in the early 00s with the rise of the metro boy bands. Culture can and will shift again, through the power of collective mock.
Mandarin Orange
I’m pretty sure Alison and Samantha asked for no MSG with their Orange Chicken.
Looks like our hallowed Closet of Poo is about to gain its newest member.
EDIT: Pic cropped to cut out the hot chick on the right, as per her email request.
Friday Thoughts and Links
Your humble narrator is giggly and excitable on this Friday. I consider the punchable doucheface (pictured here).
But also the lovely brunette smile that powers industry, starts wars, motivates artisans and causes bumblebees to fly into windows.
I would chew on her shoulder like a Malaysian Tree Frog with the runs.
Things are busy here at HCwDB headquarters. Gearing up for the site redo, heavily into obsessively tracking how the show is doing on MTV, and trying to get the movie made.
Which involves lots of sitting around on my rug, staring at my dying ferns that keep shedding all over my rug, and wondering why Babe 2: Pig in the City didn’t get more respek.
Here’s your links:
Here’s the only proper way to respond to fans of The Jersey Shore.
The makers of Axe Bodyspray were fined by the government for polluting the air. About time our society takes action.
The always cutting edge hepcats with their fingers on the pulse of the youth over at The Weekly Standard give HCwDB a shout-out.
There were many creature horror films in the 1980s. None better than Critters. Siskel and Ebert knew what was up.
R.I.P. to the strange, unique, eccentric and brilliantly subversive adult film actor Jamie Gillis, who died of cancer last week at the age of 66. A uniquely American rebel and a true actor from porn’s weird, avant-garde and groundbreaking cinema golden age.
How’s about a Peardrop? It’s like flesh raindrops uponst my belly soul.
Okay, you’ve been good. Not only do you get Peardrop, but you get Rodeocowgirlpear.
Dig on that. And celebrate. For the Weekend is here. And the ‘bags continue to be mocked.
Shiyen Finds Ubiquitous Red Cup
Shiyen’s journey through the world of American douchewankery is beginning to echo the transmedial cultural mythic retranslation of The King and I’s Uncle Tom’s Cabin sequence.
Das Booty Call
Say what you will about greasy Eurochoad.
No really.
Say what you will.
Like “Vie Gehts, und douchewank?” Or maybe, “I loved you as the bad guy in Hot Dog: The Movie.” Or perhaps, “Is that grease on your head, or did Jurgen Hambrecht slip on a cheeseburger?”
AnnaLeisa Von Boobsmark regrets everything.
Friday Haiku
Yea, tho ’twere douchebags,
And douchette in Rehab square,
Ass Pear offers hope.
Middle guy is blank
Why such a waste of good space?
Tatt up, stupid douche.
— wedgie
Dude up on the porch,
Has lost something important.
Can’t find dignity.
— scrotum pole
Winter Twenty-ten:
An epic Douche Nor’Easter
Spreads to Southern Climes
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Both agreed Vegas
Just wasn’t much fun with their
Parole Officer.
— Mr. Scrotato Head
Bitch needs a sandwich
Hiroshima tatt needs work
Beanpole douche just smiles
— Dr. Bunson Honeydouche
Tatted up “MILF” makes
Me want to gouge my eyes. Where
did modesty go?
— Dicy
Shiyen Continues to Choose Poorly
Shiyen’s mother, Shin-Lii, is lighting incense right now to apologize to the spirits of their ancestors for Shiyen’s familial disgrace.
Tony “just likes Asian chicks butts, yo.” Because “they’s smooth.”
Reader Mail: The Britbag
—-
So apparently i’m british, and a douchebag… Nice. I have absolutely no idea how YOU came across the picture and, although i’m sure some people enjoy total strangers ripping into them on the net, I personally don’t. So, the facial expression, fair call. i can see why one would think that.
Ironically, i was posing like someone you might expect to find on this very site (although now i’m questioning the validity of that). It’s amazing how crucial a role context plays, hey?. And as for all the lovely, lovely comments that have been posted about me personally, as a result of this, kindly get f*cked!
Thanks,
‘Britbag’
P.S. If it hasn’t sunk in yet, the picture and comments are getting taken down. Excellent!
—–
It’s k-k-k-ken!! Coming to k-k-k-kill me!!
Wait, what was the middle one again?
Since this cunning linguist forgot to tell me which pic it is that he’s whining about (although, for the Holmeses among us, the obvious clue may be found in ‘Britbag’), I’ll run this pic of some random dude and party girls who may or may not be British. Because I’m accurate like that.
