Reader Mail: The Oz-Metro Douche (OMD)
Wednesday’s Kiwi ‘Bag brought us more emails from the Southern Hemisphere:
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Hey dude,
I’m a long time reader who has been waiting literally years to find a quality, original picture to submit (see attached). I believe that this picture captures the essence of the Oz-Metro Douche (OMD), which I should mention are an unfortunate but not uncommon occurrence where I live in Perth, Western Australia.
Notice the matching douchey attire which includes (but is not limited to) scooped neck t-shirts, fake leather jackets and in the case of the douche on the right, a ‘salmon’ coloured under-singlet. The Asian-hottie in the middle is very tasty indeed.
I’d be interested to hear your thoughts mate… Keep the hottie/douche medleys coming.
All the best,
DouchemasterJ
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As I mentioned when discussing the Kiwi ‘Bag, I get a bunch of submissions from the Australia/New Zealand/Isle of Atlantis/Live at Budokan region. Yet I can’t run very many of them. Most of the douchiest ‘bags from this area of the globe just look so darn nice. Smiley. Happy. Even these two matching cheese-heads are hard to truly mock because they’re just so happy to be there.
Which is actually a good thing. It means the Grieco Virus hasn’t fully spread around the world with the same virulence we see in Europe and South and North America.
But oh those tasty Naomi Wattsian Aussie hotts. They can road my warriors and Baz my Luhrmanns any day. Mate.
Friday Haiku
Supermang takes Lana,
To his “Fortress of Douchitude,”
Busts x-ray chin strap.
Li’l Oompa Loompa
Can’t you see, this hott’s too big
For your shortcomings
— Dicy
Daily Planet called:
“Lois, we have scoop for you.”
She heard: “Scoop some poo.”
— Wheezer
The Kardouchians
Cannot keep up with Doctor
Girlfriend and Monarch
— Jean Claude Van Douche
Mang is not super.
He’s all-black like the Dark Blight.
I’d crush her batcave.
— End the Haberdouchery
SuperMang lacks size
But more than makes up for it
With stench of ten men
— Yahoo Scrotius
Mummenschanz douchebag?
Lana’s eyes tell the real truth
More like Munchinschanz
— Mr. Scrotato Head
He is from Smallville
He is small from head to toe
that includes his nads
— Mr. Choad’s Wild Ride
The Douches Wear Prada
Anne Hathaway really needs to start choosing better projects.
Where's Waldouche?: Orange Jerzius Edition
Somewhere in this lineup of assorted spicy paprika Latina hotts, I’ve carefully hidden an Orange Jerzey Pudwack.
Look closely.
Can you find him?
Where’s Waldouche?: Orange Jerzius Edition
Somewhere in this lineup of assorted spicy paprika Latina hotts, I’ve carefully hidden an Orange Jerzey Pudwack.
Look closely.
Can you find him?
SuperMang
Look!! Up in the sky!!
It’s a turd!!
It’s a poo!!
It’s… SuperMang!!
Yeah. I got nothin’ when ginormous pendulous grab-worthy aquaboobies are calling to me with the hypnotic dualism we see popping out on Lois in Tru-3D Pandora Na’vi James Cameron style.
I would bitch slap an arthritic Canadian caribou just for the chance to sniff the igloo where Lois once left a blanket while racing in the Iditarod.
Ask DB1: The Male Tongue Piercing
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DB1-
What’s the deal with guys getting their tongue’s pierced with that metal ball stud thing? Isn’t the whole point of that to give BJs? If the guy is gay, I get it, it makes sense.
But straight dudes? wtf? Does that thing work on the female? And, either way, is that douchey or what?
Signed,
– Scrotes Away
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Yes. Yes it is.
The Guppy
Part yuppy.
Part gynecological pap smear.
100% Trustachoadian.
Delightful Belly Dancer Jessica cries out for melted jellies fed to her lightly by Peruvian dwarves whilst I suckle upon her grandmother’s darning socks in the linen closet.
Princess Dandelion and the Knights of Poppedpuddia
Some of C.S. Lewis’s lesser known short stories should’ve remained unpublished.
The Kiwi 'Bag
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Hello there,
Long time fan, first time submitter. As an expat Kiwi (now safely escaped to more northern climes), I’ve been devastated to see that Auckland’s social scene has beome infested with kiwidouches (it was never like that in my day)
keep up the great work.
-Jay
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Everyone I meet from England, New Zealand and Australia is just so darn friendly. Even the douches are friendly. They smile when pulling the boob grab.
