The Appendix Lick
Challenging “Groin Shave Reveal” as one of the key 2009 Douchal exhibitionist developments, this may well be the new Doggie ‘Baggin.
Chinese tatt translation:
He who’s crotch smell like lobster give crabs.
Reader Mail: The Pigskin 'Bag
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DB1:
Up front, I’m violating one of the terms of submission – not a hottie in sight. I shot these at the Browns-Bengals game after a friend of mine and I spied the Douchebag candidate one section over. He flirted with some hotts, but nothing I could snap a picture of.
He was kind of like the Loch Ness Monster. I could never get a clear photo of this guy with my cameraphone. A couple times he disappeared in a sea of brown and orange jerseys or was blocked by another Browns fan who walked by. You can kind of tell by the video that he was getting a little suspicious of the guy pointing the camera phone in his direction.
What’s the ratio of Pigskin Bags to regular fans at a game? Judging from the population density of the area that involved the three douchebags, I would guess it’s about six per section.
Chris from Browns Stadium Section 111
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We will now term “Six per section” as the “Chris 111 Constant.” A unit of measurement that is not exact, but can be used for estimation when dealing with large crowds. The next question is how many of them were HCwDB? I would estimate 1 or 2 per 6, with the other four being rogue pud.
Reader Mail: The Pigskin ‘Bag
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DB1:
Up front, I’m violating one of the terms of submission – not a hottie in sight. I shot these at the Browns-Bengals game after a friend of mine and I spied the Douchebag candidate one section over. He flirted with some hotts, but nothing I could snap a picture of.
He was kind of like the Loch Ness Monster. I could never get a clear photo of this guy with my cameraphone. A couple times he disappeared in a sea of brown and orange jerseys or was blocked by another Browns fan who walked by. You can kind of tell by the video that he was getting a little suspicious of the guy pointing the camera phone in his direction.
What’s the ratio of Pigskin Bags to regular fans at a game? Judging from the population density of the area that involved the three douchebags, I would guess it’s about six per section.
Chris from Browns Stadium Section 111
—–
We will now term “Six per section” as the “Chris 111 Constant.” A unit of measurement that is not exact, but can be used for estimation when dealing with large crowds. The next question is how many of them were HCwDB? I would estimate 1 or 2 per 6, with the other four being rogue pud.
Caption This Pic
Lenny demonstrated for Gramps how the Doggie ‘Bag would totally help him clean up at the Shady Palms Retirement Home in Coconut Grove. And by him, I mean Lenny.
Ask DB1: The Spectral Scrote
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Greetings DB1!
Of late, I have been wondering about the existential aspect of douchebaggery.
Around here (Portland/Vancouver area of OR/WA), we seem to have a plethora of young men who although they have the tatts, hat tilt, Ed Hardy, and “gang” signs, the level of scrotal infestation still seems less than believable. They remind me of the “urban cowboy” outbreak in the early 80’s, where although those infected would dress and talk like a “cowboy”, it was obvious that they were in fact, poseurs.
Is it actually possible to be a poseur douche? Or is the mere desire to be of a scrotal nature give these subjects an automatic doucheosity?
I am wondering if Descartes’ concept of “Cogito douche, ergo sum douche” applies here, or if there is an actual doucheo-cultural integration that must take place for these DSP (douchebag shaped poseurs) to become fully tainted with a true doucheosity.
Any insight you may be able to give on this conundrum is much appreciated.
sincerely,
–“DB 3,564.2”
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As Virilio and Baudrillard have explained, we live in the age where the simulation has replaced the authentic in terms of meaning, signifier and cultural locator.
Ask yourself, why are so many movies coming out about avatars and mechanistic bodies replacing real ones through virtual control?
These films speak to the anxieties of the breakdown between the corporeal and technology’s extension of reality. By seeking to demarcate between image and one’s “real” self, as you ask, you are drawing a binary without distinction. As Baudrillard explained, Disneyland is the new real, and America itself is a simulation/recreation of European based colonial signifiers. “Mainstreet” simulations within a fictive nostalgic hue ratcheted up into spectacle. Disneyland was the first douchification of suburbia. The hyper-real conflation between super-reality spectacle as marker of the authentic.
The pixel image glowing on a monitor cannot be disentangled from the painting on the wall of a museum. The authentic no longer exists in the age of virtual reproduction of mechanical reproduction. Image has superseded body, and can only be reconfigured and recontextualized. But never reverted back to its previous place outside of the self.
In short, the douche echoes the douche, but is in fact, the douche. The age of mechanical reproduction has given way to the simulation of reproduction within the virtual realm, even when re-corporealized on the individual.
Squeezy E
It’s time that we acknowledge that the New York Yankees are the official team logo of scroteassery.
The Sterilizer
What’s that sound?
Female ovaries, the world over, committing suicide.
Hair High?
Very, very high.
Redd Norton
Redd Norton’s nipples scar our society like a pincus worm tunneling into the foot of an African tribesman on walkabout.
Hucky Sheen Casts a Protest Vote
Hucky Sheen is furious that he’s not up for the HCwDB of the Month. His hat is tilted with extra anger as he arm locks an Arizonian Blonde.
In protest, Hucky just doggie bagged a pantless, female Will Ferrell.
