Who Needs Groin Shave?
Eagle eyed reader I.U.C.E. catches HCwDB of the Week winner Crabs McGee in the following banner ad.
It all makes sense now. Groin shaving cuts fat and builds muscle.
But what’s with Superman getting RIPPED in “only 4 weeks?” I thought it had to do with his molecular DNA growing up near a red sun or something.
Ramon Who Works at Best Buy
Ramon, stop annoying the hotts with your dribble chin and bling, and tell me again about the difference between 60hz and 120hz.
Louise's "Hot Loaves with Douchebags" Tag
——
Dear DB1,
This picture does not contain a hott – I am taking the photo – however I felt the need to share my tale with you. This event happened a mere 30 minutes ago, so I am still recovering from my brush with the douche.
I was at my local supermarket, happily going about my business, when I rounded the corner to the meat section to be confronted with a massive douchbag sans hott. At first I was like a deer in the headlights in shock and awe at the spectacle in front of me, but then my anti-douche instinct kicked in. I realised that I had to get a good, clear photograph of the douche with a hott.
The douche had perhaps caught my scent and walked into my aisle, looked me square in the eye and gave me a “ ‘sup?”. I faltered, gave a weak, panicked laugh and ran away quickly. I regrouped in the dairy section, then looked up to see the ‘bag heading to the bakery area. I cautiously went around the back to the deli and from a distance took a quick, surreptitious photo with my iPhone.
As I lowered my phone, the ‘bag noticed me looking at him, and decided to put on a show that will haunt me forever.
He proceeded to get an item off the lowest bread rack, not in the normal ‘bend at the knees’ way – oh no – he went the full ‘bend and snap’ action, ass straining in his tight camouflage pants, arms tensed as if to say ‘enjoy the gun show’. Alarmed and scared for my safety, I scooted quickly to the cashier and out the door, not daring to look back lest the douche catch my eye.
In summary DB1, I tried my best to capture a douche/hott moment and all I got was this lousy photo,
-Louise
—-
Good attempt at a ‘tag, Louise, but it concerns me that you describe your direct interaction with said choad as causing a “weak, panicked laugh.” For that means the spectacle is still having its intended effect. Even in the bread section. Good story though, and while there’s no hottness, I’m going with it. Because I like bread.
Louise’s “Hot Loaves with Douchebags” Tag
——
Dear DB1,
This picture does not contain a hott – I am taking the photo – however I felt the need to share my tale with you. This event happened a mere 30 minutes ago, so I am still recovering from my brush with the douche.
I was at my local supermarket, happily going about my business, when I rounded the corner to the meat section to be confronted with a massive douchbag sans hott. At first I was like a deer in the headlights in shock and awe at the spectacle in front of me, but then my anti-douche instinct kicked in. I realised that I had to get a good, clear photograph of the douche with a hott.
The douche had perhaps caught my scent and walked into my aisle, looked me square in the eye and gave me a “ ‘sup?”. I faltered, gave a weak, panicked laugh and ran away quickly. I regrouped in the dairy section, then looked up to see the ‘bag heading to the bakery area. I cautiously went around the back to the deli and from a distance took a quick, surreptitious photo with my iPhone.
As I lowered my phone, the ‘bag noticed me looking at him, and decided to put on a show that will haunt me forever.
He proceeded to get an item off the lowest bread rack, not in the normal ‘bend at the knees’ way – oh no – he went the full ‘bend and snap’ action, ass straining in his tight camouflage pants, arms tensed as if to say ‘enjoy the gun show’. Alarmed and scared for my safety, I scooted quickly to the cashier and out the door, not daring to look back lest the douche catch my eye.
In summary DB1, I tried my best to capture a douche/hott moment and all I got was this lousy photo,
-Louise
—-
Good attempt at a ‘tag, Louise, but it concerns me that you describe your direct interaction with said choad as causing a “weak, panicked laugh.” For that means the spectacle is still having its intended effect. Even in the bread section. Good story though, and while there’s no hottness, I’m going with it. Because I like bread.
Sign Language for "Emobag"
Rumor has it, literary hack Dan Brown is hard at work drafting his new book about deciphering hand gestures on douchewanks in Age of Enlightenment paintings.
Yup, it’s called “The Da-Douchey Code.”
You saw where I was going with that a mile away. I should’ve gone with Renaissance. Like a hack novelist that inspires bad Ron Howard movies is going to get an obscure French philosophical reference.
I blame last night’s Hostess Apple Fruit Pie.
Sign Language for “Emobag”
Rumor has it, literary hack Dan Brown is hard at work drafting his new book about deciphering hand gestures on douchewanks in Age of Enlightenment paintings.
Yup, it’s called “The Da-Douchey Code.”
You saw where I was going with that a mile away. I should’ve gone with Renaissance. Like a hack novelist that inspires bad Ron Howard movies is going to get an obscure French philosophical reference.
I blame last night’s Hostess Apple Fruit Pie.
Happy Oktoberfest!
Ja!
Das heir blau-out ist sehr douchey!
Wehr ist mien liebershnitzel so ist mein hump ze leg like und cracked up weinerliebschen.
Marsha's Crab Sandwich
PIC DELETED
Ever get the sense Marsha can’t leave the house without getting crushed by oiled up guiberdopes?
Yeah, “guiberdope” isn’t a word. I just made it up. But man, if that don’t sum up these motorheads, then I don’t know what for.
Marsha’s Crab Sandwich
PIC DELETED
Ever get the sense Marsha can’t leave the house without getting crushed by oiled up guiberdopes?
Yeah, “guiberdope” isn’t a word. I just made it up. But man, if that don’t sum up these motorheads, then I don’t know what for.
Ask DB1: The Bluetoothbag
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DB1-
I was at a local gas station a while back and saw a douchemobile come up to the next pump.
A low-riding, neon-light lit, subwoofer thumpin little piece 4 cylider of some sort. I chuckle to myself as I watch some tall, skinning dude in a baby-blue doucheketball outfit with gold chains and hat tilt strut to the pump.
Now, if this was not enough to earn a douche tag, as we fill up, walkin the station and stand in line to pay, I notice he has not one but two blue tooth headsets on, one in each ear.
Would said douchewank have earned a douche based only on the dual bluetooths? I wish I would have had my phone handy, I would have snapped a picture.
Keep on douchin’ it up, DB1,
sincerely,
— Minnescrota
—-
Bluetoothbaggery is almost certainly an automatic stage-2 ‘bag violation. Even the name. “Bluetooth.” It sounds like Ed Hardy’s latest line of douche vodkas. If you are not at work, and do not suffer from paralysis of the arms, you can lift a damn phone to your ear.
