Corey’s Jerz Tag
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Hey!
I’m a huge fan of the site and thought maybe you’d put this photo up! I was chilling along the Jersey shore with some friends and this dbag somehow found his way into our group. I was not pleased…apparently he was hooking up with one of my friends without me knowing.
Keep up the great work! And let me know if you can put up the pic…that douche is definitely worthy grrr… lol ok talk to you later!
– Corey
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Nice tag Corey, albeit a brief and vague email as to the circumstnaces of the vent. As to this douche you’ve tagged, I thought he was pretty funny in Failure to Launch.
Anthony Peedis
That’s right Blue Balled Chili Pooper.
Under the bling I found, well, more bling. And stupid hand gesture.
As to the little doe eyed and frail-hott Dina, I would tuck you into bed while shouting obscenities in Gaelic and dressed as a French dock worker. Then I would slowly massage your toes. With melted Altoids. And brill cream.
And a small Guatemalan assistant named Pedro. To help with the cleanup.
The Beach Troll 'Bag
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I woke up this morning feeling pretty good.
First I dusted the ash from the veranda. Then I fed the tree frogs, watered the azaleas and salted the snails.
I drove into town and picked up some trail mix for this afternoon’s spelunking adventure in the caves of Androzani.
But then I see this.
Beach Troll Poo rubbing up on a ice-cream cherry sundae lollipop snozzberry delight.
And a rule comes to me that is as obvious as the Zoroastrian is devoted:
If you blowdry up your hair to go to the freaking beach, you’re a douche. End of discussion.
Now I’m gettin’ a coffee.
The Beach Troll ‘Bag
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I woke up this morning feeling pretty good.
First I dusted the ash from the veranda. Then I fed the tree frogs, watered the azaleas and salted the snails.
I drove into town and picked up some trail mix for this afternoon’s spelunking adventure in the caves of Androzani.
But then I see this.
Beach Troll Poo rubbing up on a ice-cream cherry sundae lollipop snozzberry delight.
And a rule comes to me that is as obvious as the Zoroastrian is devoted:
If you blowdry up your hair to go to the freaking beach, you’re a douche. End of discussion.
Now I’m gettin’ a coffee.
Ask DB1: Why So Few Red Hotts?
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DB1,
Being the faithful reader that I am, I’ve noticed that there are very VERY few redheaded hotts that show up in the HCwDB scrotiverse.
Do douchebags inherently fear redheads? is there something in the scarlet hottness that works as a natural douchebag repellent?
Are redheads simply immune to the Bleethification factor that so commonly infects blondes, and my favorite – brunettes?
Help us DB1, you’re our only hope.
Sincerely,
Scarlett Bro’hansen
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You are correct, Scarlett B, and the answer has to do with the competition of spectacle. The Red Hott inherently stands out from a crowd of the boobie hottie woo-hotties, and therefore competes with the douchescrote’s need to peacock.
Inversion of the gaze requires the male spectacle to seek female generi-hotts so as not to shatter the construct. And by construct, I mean I would whipcream her kneecaps then cry softly to sleep in the pantry.
Reader Mail: The Miami Beach 'Bag
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DB1,
I give you the prototypical South Beach douche. Like most South Beach scrotes, he isn’t from South Beach or even South Florida. He regularly pops bottles at the club, preferably a flavored Vodka.
The sad part is this prime example of the South Beach douche is constantly surrounded by Miami hotties. The world is rotten at its core.
If Long Island is Mecca, Miami is the equivalent of Dubai. Glitzy, sparkly, and douchey.
Sincerely,
-J. Alfred Prufcock
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But on the bright side, Miami rhymes with “Rye hammy.”
Mmm… rye hammy. The DB1 is hungry.
Reader Mail: The Miami Beach ‘Bag
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DB1,
I give you the prototypical South Beach douche. Like most South Beach scrotes, he isn’t from South Beach or even South Florida. He regularly pops bottles at the club, preferably a flavored Vodka.
The sad part is this prime example of the South Beach douche is constantly surrounded by Miami hotties. The world is rotten at its core.
If Long Island is Mecca, Miami is the equivalent of Dubai. Glitzy, sparkly, and douchey.
Sincerely,
-J. Alfred Prufcock
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But on the bright side, Miami rhymes with “Rye hammy.”
Mmm… rye hammy. The DB1 is hungry.
Clubber's Wang
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Moving on from the Smoot coronation, lets dial our hottie/douchey hunt back to the standard aging Club Choad and the Party Girl Sweets he macks on.
With shirtless orange chest, designer dog tags and silly pec tatt.
Nicely done, Clubber Wang. Your origami hair made both of the Jenny Sisters giggle.
Clubber’s Wang
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Moving on from the Smoot coronation, lets dial our hottie/douchey hunt back to the standard aging Club Choad and the Party Girl Sweets he macks on.
With shirtless orange chest, designer dog tags and silly pec tatt.
Nicely done, Clubber Wang. Your origami hair made both of the Jenny Sisters giggle.
Smoot Stoically Thanks You for Voting
To celebrate his dominating win in the HCwDB of the Month, Smoot went out, greased up his hair tip, found a Jenny Party Girl, and posed emotionlessly.
