Where's Waldouche? Brunette Lineup Edition
Lets cleanse the palette after my Perez rant with a lineup of four tasty brunettes and one carefully hidden party-boy Waldouche.
Waldouche is carefully placed amidst two quality shoulder suckles and a tasty hott stomach begging me to make the “pooch” noise on it.
Look closely.
Can you find him?
Where’s Waldouche? Brunette Lineup Edition
Lets cleanse the palette after my Perez rant with a lineup of four tasty brunettes and one carefully hidden party-boy Waldouche.
Waldouche is carefully placed amidst two quality shoulder suckles and a tasty hott stomach begging me to make the “pooch” noise on it.
Look closely.
Can you find him?
Suspenders of Disbelief
Because sometimes Ubiquitous White Douchebelt is not enough to keep your pants on.
Translate That Forehead Untannery
This here’s the mug from Friday’s Translate That Tatt.
Yet I’m fascinated by that weird gap of paleness between his hairline and his fake-tanned forehead.
Is it a skin condition? Vitiligo? Was it where the baseball cap was tilted when sitting in the tanning salon?
And what’s with noted character actor William Fitchner in the background?
Honorary Douchebag of the Month: Perez Hilton
For wasting the collective world’s attention on inanity and purile poo, I’m giving a long overdue honorary Douchebag of the Month to ass pimple, blogger and whiny drama queen Perez Hilton.
Normally I don’t target the gaybags for the simple fact that it is those who douche it up to get the hotts that rankle me.
But for the fact that, despite all attempts to filter any and all knowledge of this Perez Hilton character from my brain, I still know that he got into a fight with William of the Black Eyed Peas last night, pisses me the hell off.
After someone emailed me this whining testimonal, it was time to give out an award to this preening, vacuous waste of space.
Do I care if Mr. Peas punched first? Do I care that you drew a penis mouth on Lindsey Lohan for the 400th consecutive day in a row?
Hedda Hopper called. She says you suck.
You are Warholian superstar pastiche without the self awareness. You are dim echo of 1980s gay counterculture, reprocessed and defanged as a slightly edgier version of the typical host on “E!” You make Michael Musto look like Oscar Wilde.
All the Lohans and Parises and Jessica Simpsons of the world, penises drawn on their faces, will never bring you comfort, Mr. Hilton. Your successful spew is still the spew of 57 websites and nothing on. Except penises drawn on Lindsey Lohan.
I may only make fun of Hot Chicks and Douchebags in my little corner of the simulacrum. But at least when I get into fights, I don’t think the world needs to know about every detail. You have become what you beheld, and no amount of ironic name moniker will save you from the fact you are driftwood monkey poo on a sea of crystalline narcissism and overhyped redundancies.
Take your blank page and fill it with the latest starlet drama. Repeat it enough times and the noise will be loud and fame enhanced. But it’s simply a feedback loop of white-noise douchosity. Clown.
Now get off my internets and go back to penis drawing.
Steven King's The Tongue
A brief exerpt from Steven King’s The Tongue:
—-
It was late at night that Johnny’s tongue came out. Like a tube sock of taint, it would wrap itself around his young, coquettish victims, using only its douchey-ass blue piercing as an eye.
Poor Sally. Before she knew it, The Tongue was upon her. The Tongue moved quickly into her ear canal, sucking her soul into a vat of toxic jerzery.
—–
What? Steven King’s new book has embedded hyperlinks. It’s the latest thing.
Steven King’s The Tongue
A brief exerpt from Steven King’s The Tongue:
—-
It was late at night that Johnny’s tongue came out. Like a tube sock of taint, it would wrap itself around his young, coquettish victims, using only its douchey-ass blue piercing as an eye.
Poor Sally. Before she knew it, The Tongue was upon her. The Tongue moved quickly into her ear canal, sucking her soul into a vat of toxic jerzery.
—–
What? Steven King’s new book has embedded hyperlinks. It’s the latest thing.
No More "Eurobags and Inflat-a-hotts"
In one of the fastest takedown requests in recent months, not one but both of the Tuscan Eurodouches wrote in with takedown requests.
Firstly, the nice one:
——-
Good work, I knew someday my photographed intoxication would come back to haunt me. This was actually taken on my birthday about 5 or 6 years ago, yes that was me with the awful see through shirt. Please take this down and burn it for me. More importantly, where did you get the photo?
– (Euroscrote #1)
———–
And then, the dickish one:
———
This Photo was taken from py private files and you are not authorized to use it. Please remove it from the site immediately. Thank you,
– (Euroscrote #2)
———
“Private files”? What is this, Matlock?
Which just goes to show us. The nottadouche turned out to be the true pudwacker, and the douche turned out to have a nice sense of self deprecation.
Hmm. I think we’ve all learned our lesson here.
Which is, of course, that boobies are squeezy.
No More “Eurobags and Inflat-a-hotts”
In one of the fastest takedown requests in recent months, not one but both of the Tuscan Eurodouches wrote in with takedown requests.
Firstly, the nice one:
——-
Good work, I knew someday my photographed intoxication would come back to haunt me. This was actually taken on my birthday about 5 or 6 years ago, yes that was me with the awful see through shirt. Please take this down and burn it for me. More importantly, where did you get the photo?
– (Euroscrote #1)
———–
And then, the dickish one:
———
This Photo was taken from py private files and you are not authorized to use it. Please remove it from the site immediately. Thank you,
– (Euroscrote #2)
———
“Private files”? What is this, Matlock?
Which just goes to show us. The nottadouche turned out to be the true pudwacker, and the douche turned out to have a nice sense of self deprecation.
Hmm. I think we’ve all learned our lesson here.
Which is, of course, that boobies are squeezy.
Fakebaggery / Not Fakebaggery
PIC DELETED
Help me out.
Is this an authentoscrote?
Or some fratclown playing ‘bag dressup to get Katie and Vanessa to pay attention to him at the Kappa Kappa Hey mixer?
EDIT: The takedown email confirmed that this tool was, indeed, a serious douche, and not dressing up.
