Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Eurobags and Inflat-a-hotts

PIC DELETED

There’s no redemption possible here.

The Tuscan Scrotes have flown over to party in Vegas with chests and bling fully revealed. They are extreme Euro-poo.

But the Vegas Inflat-a-Hotts are no better. Too far gone for saving. Stage-4 Bleeths. Pure Douchebaguette, with no hope of reversal.

Doomed to small one-bedroom rentals outside of Reno for their next forty years of a life filled with scratch tickets and Sizzler coupons.

Luke Wilson's Tumor

If Luke Wilson shat out a tumor, and that Tumor got a bunch of puffins and stars tattooed on his arm, and that Tumor then headed to Vegas to hit on Kylie Minogue, we’d have this pic right here.

Luke Wilson’s Tumor

If Luke Wilson shat out a tumor, and that Tumor got a bunch of puffins and stars tattooed on his arm, and that Tumor then headed to Vegas to hit on Kylie Minogue, we’d have this pic right here.

Shirtless Old Guy With Hott Blonde in Grandma's Attic Voted

Shirtless Old Guy with Hott Blonde in Grandma’s Attic just voted in the Weekly.

Have you?

Shirtless Old Guy With Hott Blonde in Grandma’s Attic Voted

Shirtless Old Guy with Hott Blonde in Grandma’s Attic just voted in the Weekly.

Have you?

HCwDB of the Month

Here it is. The Monthly.

The point at which the last four hottie/douchey Weekly Winners must now compete for a coveted slot in the HCwDB of the Year at the annual Douchie Awards in December. This is where you vote. You pic. You smack that pud.

I turn the court over to you, and humbly present the Final Four. Here are your finalists:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Guido Buttchinsky and Tonya

Words that rhyme with “orange” include:

1. shmorange
2. Chlorange
3. Gorgonrange
4. Jerz Guid

A triple A/X play (belt, shirt, headband) sends Mr. Buttchinsky from the merely douchey into the scrotally sublime.

Tonya and her Big Gulp are everyday girl next door cute. Tonya’s friend/mom has furry coat.

Together they not only sandwich the Orange, but the background lighting actually is orange.

That alone renders this pic worth all of our collective meditation on.

But the coupling itself is weak. Is the Guido/Tonya cohabit rankling enough to win the Monthly? We shall see.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: E-Blo and Assorted Lady Friends

Lets remember the legendary run. Pics 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6.

I used to believe that a true HCwDB pic should stand on its own as a singular piece of scrotal art. But I now allow for a body of work to influence a larger ascendance. And by body of work, I mean receding hair gelled forward.

Each pic of the Electric Blight Orchestra helped further complete this comprehensive portrait of blank.

This canvass of null.

This void of noid.

E-Blo has become a legend of both female grope and vacant, nihilist stare of a future of bleakness and human decline.

But what of Britney? She is sweet and wholesome, but also awkward.

And what of the green Gatorade? Will it be drank?

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Lumpy

I’ve made an executive decision to swap out HCwDB winner Tudo with Lumpy, who was the close runner-up to Guido Buttchinksy and deserves his own shot in the Monthly.

Something about Tudo’s pro-Vegas genericism just seemed wrong. So I made the decision to bring back the uberhottitude of Steph.

And the increasingly greasingly Lumpy.

lets not forget the Lumpster’s run with blonde hott and Ass Pear here and here.

Lumpy Ass Pear alone might qualify for a 2009 Douchie Award for its artistic composition.

Besides. I needed to look at Steph again. Judge me if you must. But she tingles my nethers and enhances my coital potential.

Lumpy is regular guy real-world douchitude. And Steph is the hottest of the four hotts. Can she carry his Lumpiness to an upset here in the Monthly?

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: The Krackenbag and Candice (Candace)

The Krackenbag, long an anonymous uber-douche in the shadow of the legendary Joey Porsche, now steps out and claims his own Weekly.

Check the checklist:

1. Chest shavey reveal
2. Chinstrap
3. Gelled up Long Island Blowout
4. Punchable douche-face

But is Candice aka Candace enough on the hott scale?

Her understated boobs and come-hither stare all suggest a hottness well worth celebrating.

But, as with every great HCwDB pic, the question is the cohabitation. The hottie/douchey dialectics.

Which of these four pics brings enough schroad-kill and boob-hott to create a toxic wrongness that rises to the top (bottom) to win (lose) the prize?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

Lets All Laugh at Klaus

With all that’s going on in Iran today, I took down the douchey-ass video of Arabs proving to the world they can be as douche as Westerners. And yes, I know Persians are not Arabs. That was the satire — American ignorance. But it’s too painful a real world reminder of the events going on in the world.

So instead, lets all unite by laughing at Klaus.

In spite of his sexy if dominant looking Fräulein , Klaus is all that is douchey in Dusseldorf.

But if you’d still like to laugh at douchey Arabs, here’s the video.

Maria and Future Gas Attendant Union Member #304

Clearly we have an uberdouche of chinstrapfung proportions. Of that there can be no debate. His ant-line chin fung deserves mock.

But what to make of Maria? Part of me is convinced she is plump lipped tasty boobed phenomenal hottitude.

Other parts of me are thrown by the excessive makeup.

Heck with it.

It’s Saturday and I’m already cracked into my fourth PBR. I’m a’goin’ with it. I vote Hot Chick.

Ask DB1: Baby 'Bag Ribs

—-
DB1 –

Scared!
Mike
—-

There is only one solution, Mike. Sell him into the North Prussian white slave market.

Bedouin spice traders often conscript young apprentices to till the harvest soil, fetch rice bundles and stitch Nikes. You will get good price.

You should easily get 10-20Gs for the little one. Even with the tatts and bling lowering his value by approximately 10-15% in a deflated market.

Ask DB1: Baby ‘Bag Ribs

—-
DB1 –

Scared!
Mike
—-

There is only one solution, Mike. Sell him into the North Prussian white slave market.

Bedouin spice traders often conscript young apprentices to till the harvest soil, fetch rice bundles and stitch Nikes. You will get good price.

You should easily get 10-20Gs for the little one. Even with the tatts and bling lowering his value by approximately 10-15% in a deflated market.