Moms Gone Wild
Seriously Claire and Suzanne. You’re still relatively hot.
You don’t need to fight your fading youth by making the “Four Horns” with Dieter and Franz from Dusseldorf.
Pop Quiz: "This is what ____ Looks Like"
Answer the following by choosing the best response to fill in the blank:
This is what _____ looks like:
a) a human bunion
b) the result of my colitis
c) happens when Paid-to-Pose Hotts lose a bet
d) Hispanic Ray Romano
e) pud
Answer now:
Pop Quiz: “This is what ____ Looks Like”
Answer the following by choosing the best response to fill in the blank:
This is what _____ looks like:
a) a human bunion
b) the result of my colitis
c) happens when Paid-to-Pose Hotts lose a bet
d) Hispanic Ray Romano
e) pud
Answer now:
White Out
Nothing says off-the-hook crazy like a “White Party” held in an abandoned Office Max.
Reader Mail: Suburban Kid Growing Up in Guido-Ville
suburban kid growing up in Guido-ville writes in:
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Hey fellow douche hater.
I’ve been lurking your glorious and ever so loved sight for quite some time and finally, the corner of my eye perked at some contact info and I immediately went for it.
First allow me to introduce myself. I am a suburban kid growing up in Guido-ville, Staten Island, where 60-75 percent of the douchiest, amazingly idiotic tangerine kids are born and raised. I’ve seen some scary shit dude.
But, I also made some observations that, well, cut these douche bags some slack. Yes! I said it. If this scheme or false image is in fact “working” for these ass holes, then why challenge it? If the identity crisis is present, the best thing these douches can do is use it to what has been working for them. Hotties!
I’m just saying, you don’t hate on retarded people for being retarded, do you? Well in a sense, douche bags just aren’t that much different.
– Staten Islander
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Well your thesis was intriguing, but to argue for forgiveness of the douche due to the “working” of their game goes against my entire premise. Therefore I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Rusty The Frill Necked Lizard
That reminds me. Did I remember to feed Rusty, my frill necked lizard before leaving this morning?
And to whomever designed functional women’s shorts that tiny and cameltoey, God bless you, and may all your children be fertile.
Colin Feral
Colin Feral’s favorite band?
Four Non-Non-Blondes.
Yeah. I can hear what you’re thinking. I blame my alcoholism for that joke, too.
Douchie Pop
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Douchie Pop?
Wednesday Limerick
There once was a greasebag who’d rehearse,
How to smash into ladies groin-first,
He fondled the blondes,
In the hopes they’d respond,
But he smelled like the worst of Bratwurst.
Three Clowns
Tara had heard the legends of the Three Clowns in the school yard.
An urban legend of three clowns so scrotey, that together they formed what became known as the giant vortex of taint poo.
But never did Tara believe they were real. No combinations of plaid pants, 70 degree hat tilts, hand gestures and Jesus bling could come together so strongly and so waftingly.
Until one day, Tara smelled dead rodent.
And knew that the rumors were true.
