The 2008 Douchies: The Nominees Are…
The 2008 Douchies are coming. December 8th.
Still a couple of weeks away. But here’s where I need your help.
The Douchies work over a two week period. Each day a different category is voted on, while the Monthly finalists are broken up into sub-finals groups of three each. The three sub-group winners go on to the final vote, HCwDB of the Year.
But the other categories still need nominees. That’s where you come in.
Help me narrow down the field and sort out the hott-wheat from the douche-chaff. Here’s the current list of categories in which nominees are still open:
Hottest Hott
Best Golden Globes
Smells Like Poo
Most Expensive First Date Hott
Douchiest Hair
Douchiest Facial Expression
Most Annoying ‘Bagling
The Ricky (aka “Douchiest Everybag”)
Greatest Crisis of Modernity
Hottest Girl-Next-Door Hott
Most Innovative New ‘Bag Maneuver
Most Likely to be Part of the Permanent Collection of the Guggenheim in 2023
Clearest Proof of Natural Selection
Best ‘Bag Hunter of the Year (Comments Threads)
Best ‘Bag Huntress of the Year (Comments Threads)
Douchiest TV Show of the Year
Douchiest HCwDB Celebrity Couple of the Year
Help me out. Which pics deserve recognition? And by recognition, I mean spew.
List your nominees in the comments threads. Or if you need more time, return to this thread when you have time to sort through.
I’ll be taking suggestions right up until we start. And what a glorious, half-drunk Awards Show this will be.
Sir Sucks-a-Lot
There so much wrong in this pic of Sir Sucks-a-Lot mugging a Taylor Dayne cutie, one hardly knows where to begin.
But lets start with that tie.
Ask DB1: Dating a Bleeth
—-
Dear DB1,
For the last few months I have been hanging out with this girl from work. She is very attractive, smart, and independent. Needless to say, I’m very attracted to this hottie.
However, there is a small problem. Recently, she started “bleething” ever so slightly. Hanging out with rockstar wannabe guys and slowly turning into a douchebaguette.
I’m in a Catch-22 situation here DB1. Either I let her go into the douche abyss, or…I try to keep her from the dark side. Is she worth saving?
In need of your guidance,
LL E-Dogg
—
Whether or not to attempt to pull a hott back from the dark descent into douchescrotewankpooery must be determined on a case by case basis, LLED.
Certain permutations offer hope. For instance, if she flashes gang signs but has not yet started to make sneery facial gestures, there is potential redemption. But if she wears giant D&G sunglasses, snaps gum, and screams “Wooo!” whenever she hears a Katy Perry song, there is no hope and you must move on.
Caption This Pic
Dad, would you mind if we skipped Parents Day on campus this semester?
Hypothetical HCwDB of the Week: Hate Assberry
While we didn’t do a Weekly vote this week, I think it’s a safe bet that Hate Assberry and his variety of PTP bar hotts would’ve had a solid shot at winning.
Note the sleeveless white dress shirt Hate’s bustin’ out while Kanye sings on the teevee.
They also found the actor cast to play “Young Ponch” in the J.J. Abrams directed “CHiPs” reboot.
Blondie is trampy sexy in all the right ways. She probably speaks in an annoying nasal voice, but I would suffer through her vague plans to go back to technical school just for the opportunity to stare at her boobs while she fiddled with her Long Island Iced Tea straw.
The Point
There’s a point to this picture, I just can’t figure out what it is.
Haha, because point means… ah nevermind.
I’m getting a coffee.
Tonguey McCooties
Okay, we need a chaser after that five part shower mugging. So here’s Tonguey McCooties.
Yeah, I know. Not the cleverest name. But I just had three PBRs and half a box of Lil’ Debbie Snack Cakes. So bear with.
I loved that hair the first time around. When it was killing hot chicks in Creepshow II.
Oh sweet Mamacita.
Beware the Tongue Cooties.
Doucheclowns in the Shower, Pt. 5
Properly inebriated, the Alpha Doucheclown maneuvers Green Bikini Hott into an underpass, where boob nuzzling can occur.
And a nation weeps.
Another HCwDB coupling has found union.
And yet, we can find redress for our grievance.
By mocking.
Doucheclowns in the Shower, Pt. 4
Alone at last, Alpha Doucheclown moves in for the bite. Notice the mandana still perfectly in place.
GBH seems drunk and confused. Her resistance is down…
Doucheclowns in the Shower, Pt. 3
Post-showered yet pre-bodysprayed, the Doucheclowns prance about, circling their prey.
Note Beta Doucheclown makes his kissy move, while Green Bikini Hott displays her perfectly formed humpty hump.
Alpha Doucheclown watches nervously, warily holding onto GBH’s wrist to prevent too much bumper display in front of Beta ‘Bag.
What will happen in Part 4?…
