Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Where's Dumbass?

PIC DELETED

Somewhere, buried within this lineup of soft curvy hottie boobie suckle thigh, I’ve carefully hidden a heaping serving of fratdouche dumbassery.

Look closely.

Can you find him?

Donkey Douche Doesn't Even Need to Try, He Just Gets Quality Ass

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Thing is i don’t even need to try , i just get quality ass! Always will , always have!! I look better on a bad day than 99% of all the hate’n douchebag cock fags that write in to this site! All these tards wish they have gotten the tail i have in my life. I could die happy at 30 ….can’t say the same for all you losers. Grow some fk’n nuts and post a real pic of me and my girl on this site(not some bs photoshopped pic**real funny, now people have to send in fake pics =wow!=**). Show all the millions of losers out there what a real couple looks like! All the chubs with one hand on the computer and one on their tiny dicks masurbating to my gf , I salute you! Keep on wishing you had tail like that. ***and by the way i will stick up for fish slap and for socrates, i know both of them, and i will say they also are awesome people who handle their own and can get ass, all you don’t be jealous!***
DD

i also am including a real pic of me from that night, me and chris(my lips are not purple, i didnt age, my shirt is not leather, my hair aint grey ) (i love the hat’n, it makes me tick!)
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I enjoyed DD’s response on many levels, but most of all for the genius of “hat’n.” It bothers me that I didn’t think of that contraction first.

Friday Haiku

No more Hallow’s Eve,
Dumbass tilts douche-hat and pouts,
Sandra mugged, for reals.

Swedish & Meatball.
Normally a good combo,
But not in this case.

— boatbutter

Sanjeev tries to act
gangsta and fails, but Elke
doesn’t seem to care

— father guido sardouchey

Bottle-blondie Nell
Finds herself molested by
this Dudley Douche-Right.

— don’t wheeze the douche!

Maybe Habib is
Communicating with her
Using Norse Code

– crucial head

Halloween HCwDB Contest Winner: Paul N.

A tremendous response to the HCwDB Halloween contest, with costumes so hilariously hottie/douchey, I’m having a hard time telling them apart from the real thing.

It was nearly impossible to pick a winner, but pick I did. Congrats to Paul N and his brave girlfriend, who took tacky hottie/douchery to a whole new plane of existence.

That costume has it all. Orange Face. Bling. Ed Hardy. Grey Goose. Boobies.

Great work. I tip my cup of the ‘Train in your honor. You win the autographed copy of my book. Claim your prize, sir and madam.

Here’s the Top 10 Superb Hottie/Douchey Finalists (in random order):

1. KH and Asian Sailorette storm the beaches at Douchemandy.
2. Brett M Guidos it Up in style.
3. Carson Y Macks. And then muscles it up to some boobies.
4. Cathie B brings the Winehouse while her boyfriend busts ‘Bag.
5. Cory B’s costume is so good, I almost ran it as a real pic.
6. Crissy and her boyfriend bring tremendous hottie/douchey forces into play.
7. Seth M busts literal signage, multi-colors and two hotts. Good work, Seth.
8. The Anti-Douche and his Hott overwhelm with a perfect Halloween combo.
9. Tom L and his Smokin’ Hott are almost too realistic. Are you sure this is Halloween?
10. I’m not convinced Dante is really in costume. But the limo is genius.

10a. Cim’s costume finds the key to the DB1’s heart.

And here’s a sampling of some of the other notable submits:

Baggin M ‘bags it up.
Brian C gets down.
Dante and his Boyz formed a Halloween douche posse.
Donk Diggler goes to town.
Gaw says “Whassup?”
Erik K is orange.
FSDU’s Douche Costume is minimal but his hott is for real. Goddamn.
Frankie forgets the Hott but makes a helluva douche.
Les Douches are actually kind of scaring me.
Double X has the costume, but where are the kissy lips?
Paul A earns a kiss for his costumed douchosity.
Billy B has the perfect costume and sidekick, but no hotts, sadly.
The Minnesotans know how to mock the douche.
Michael M goes “Double Pop” with a Sailor Cutie in tow.
Steve Makes Kissy Lips with a Naughty Nun.
Jordan J’s Tatts look just a tad too real to be costumey douche.
Billy B Busts a Move
LL is a Douche Bandit with yet another Sailor Hott.
GT and Alice make a surreal hott/douche coupling.
EDIT: Screw the Batbag, lets keep this lineup pure. Here’s Mike and Randy, who just sent me one last pic to make the cut.

Massive props to everyone who sent in a pic. The creativity and effort were positively antidouchian. If you didn’t see your pic here, don’t be upset, I’m just hungover, ran out of space and attention span this morning, and desperately need a coffee.

Wow. This post took two+ hours, but it was worth it.

Take your time and enjoy the creativity and the boobies.

Caption This Pic

Shuffling through the well over a hundred Halloween HCwDB pics submitted and eatin’ my Apple Jacks. In the meantime, here’s a Caption This Pic:

Kendra couldn’t tell what was making her more uncomfortable, Tony’s cassette belt-buckle, or the dog that kept sniffing her bumper.

Donkey Douche Forever

Let us not forget those hallowed Hottie/Douchey couples whose template, nay, archetype, establishes all that comes after it. Donkey Douche and his Persian Minx were one of the first breakout doucherstar couplings on this site in 2007.

Is the D.D. beginning to look like Sam Rockwell mated with a tangerine? Perhaps.

But while the Donkster’s body may sag with age, his Cheetos Glow will never stop. Ever.

Not for a thousand years.

Chupacabro

Someone call the National Enquirer!

We’ve tagged ourselves the legendary Chupacabro.

Known for sneaking around small South American villages and giving the goats fauxhawks, the Chupacabro is the stuff of legend.

Douche legend.

3:10 To Pooma

Oh pouty Mamacita. Life has been hard in the dusty plains of the old west.

I know your mule has been giving you trouble, and the Sheriff runs roughshod over the townsfolk.

But must you ride into town and take up with two oily chest displaying douchewanks?

Surely there are better options.

Superdana

How does a Mandana go up that high? Is it even physically possible? Or is this a Criss Angel Mindfreak?

Does a sagging 42 year old clinging to faded memories about his “slammin'” youth back in the late 80s really hide the corporeal decay through use of a giant swath of head cloth? Uhm, no. No he doesn’t.

But even more importantly, boobies.

Large, firm, round, tatines that sing gospel hymns of tabernacle choir and shake like jello after you add too much water and didn’t freeze it long enough.

Yup.

The DB1 is in a post-election haze. All is right with the world. And the Apple Jacks are sugary.

HCwDB of the Week: Brian Earlicker

So who won the election?

What? Geez, you’d think there was another election that happened somewhere. Lets stick to priorities people. Mocking ‘bags and staring at boobs.

gold5: Brian Earlicker FTW. Dragon Fist isn’t so bad (he’s just a short guy tryin to make it in the world) and the other two are wanna-bes who haven’t flowered into full douche-dom yet. It’s no contest really.

chris in ‘baghdad: they’re all swine, every one of them. but as an old Denver Broncos fan from the ’70s, I gotta go with Lila’s (artificial) Alzadoes

jonathan: Look, up in the sky. It’s a snake-style kiss attack. It’s a playboy bunny mocking a tiny package. It’s EARLICKER FTW!!!

douchey mcdouche: I struggled with this one, but in the end it’s Earlicker based on a gut reaction. And by “gut reaction” I mean nausea.

tristan: Gotta be ear licker, the ear lick move while wearing a rosary is complete douche.

monty: LILA ALZADOES!

marita: i’ve decided that because of the rosary, brian gonna have to get my vote. this means that leagues of zealous catholics want him tarred and feathered, drawn and quartered, and burned at the stake. im the most cynical catholic I know and it even makes me want to uppercut a woodland creature.

Ol’ Bag: Earlicker is pure douche. Lila looks as if she is choking back down a little vomit…would that she would have spewed it on him just as the pic was taken. If she is the mom to the chick in the Haiku pic….I’ll stick with the mom.

But Fist of Power also felt the wrath of voters confused by the shirt-tatt and Fist of, well, power.

Charles Nelson Douchely: Fist of power. Mainly due to the fact he likely purchased that shirt to tide him over until he get get the actual tattoo that looks just like that.

And the nicker brings smart voting strategy into play:

Earlicker’s going to win, so I’m voting for 2nd place, and I’m taking the homies. That picture angers me like nothing in the past few weeks . . .

And rumpelscroteskin agrees:

I like the Earlicker and Lila, but I’ve seen the tongue move before. Not very new. She looks great.

I give my vote to the HOMIES, but only because of that sensational brunette hottie, who has to be the best looking gal of the bunch. And what is that fellow doing with shaved armpits? Hasn’t he ever heard of a shower and Old Spice?

Well said, and props to every voter who did their patriotic duty this election season and stepped up to vote with the Yin/Yang polarities of lust and rage for a hott/douche.

I’ll turn it over to Darksock for the final vote on this, the day after election day:

Earlicker/Boobies. If only the Republicans had run on that ticket there would be 50 red states tomorrow.

And by red I mean brown.

And really, does it matter who won the President or Senate races? Well, yes. It does. But the 2008 Douchies are next month.

There is douche-mocking to be done.