French Axe is for Showers
Fordouche Baggins snaps this pic for us of an oh-so-aptly titled French Axe Bodyspray display in Paris.
At first you may not notice the genius. Look closer. Read the fine print (click on the image for closer examination).
Note the lovely synergy of language, semiotics, global product and snickering.
Chumlee's Philosophical Quest
Ever since Plato first argued that knowledge is a series of unchanging truths, we have looked at the douche-scrote as a fixed entity.
However, when in the late 4th Century, Augustine posited that the human body is not inherently douchey, the potential for degreasing entered into the realm of the metaphysic.
When in 1605, Sir Francis Bacon asked us to position our preconceptions of douche and bleeth as an obstruction to enlightenment, it was only a matter of time before Immanuel Kant introduced subjectivity and boobie lust as two fundamental biases that serve as limiting concepts on our ability to understand nature in toto.
Witness Chumlee’s ‘Bag Hand Gesture, pictured here.
He sees, but he does not see. His hands signify the limits of perception, and the biases of the mind in presence of boobie hottie suckle thigh.
Chumlee acknowledges a Kantian framework, even as his fingers suggest a fifth grade hand gesture for female genitalia.
For, in spite of his douchey hat and punch-worthy face, Chumlee cannot deny his philosophical journey. Just as Beatrice seeks out truth through conscious detachment. She inverts her own understandings of boobies within Husserl’s object/subject noemata. She witnesses her boobies from afar, as if they are not her own. She only sees them as others do.
For they are soft and squishy.
WTF Guy
I always enjoy when a ‘bag hunter manages to get in frame and share our “WTF?”
And yes, Pleather Jacket Turd has been featured a few times before. But I’ve never given him a fixed identity.
Then again, neither did his parents.
What? Too harsh? Okay, his chin fung is stupid.
Winning Hearts, Minds and Ass
Navy Officer V/R writes in from Hong Kong, where he’s douching it up for our amusement:
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This pic is straight out of Hong Kong during a Navy port visit. Miami Vice suits, stunner shades, and kissy faces. I think this qualifies. What do you say, DB1?
By the way, I’m the douchebag in the red suit…Sometimes I have to make fun of myself, I love this site and visit it every morning on the ship. I told my friends I was going to send this picture to see if you put it up.
-V/R
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Not since my time spent drunk on rice wine at the Kowloon race track chasing rickshaws through shantytown have I been so confused as to how to respond.
I applaud you for pulling delightful wonton dumpling hotts, yet am fearful that your irono-baggery is spreading actual ‘baggery as part of the global infection of American Douche Virus.
Instead I will simply tip my cup of the ‘train, and scream Aiya!! Gwailo!
HCwDB of the Week: The Last Dragon
There were some that complained that this was a lesser week for the Hott/Douche.
I disagree.
The Dragon’s nose tentacles are a new douchal innovation. Gerta is firm, Norweigan IKEA knuckle wrapping, sexually repressed, dysfunction. Together, they make poo. the often present anonymous explains:
The Last Dragon, whose ominous neck scar indicates a Terminator hides behind that synthetic human skin and bloodied V-neck. A metrosexual Terminator, with course hair like a 10 year old “Real hair!” GI Joe doll discovered while emptying the garage, next to an oil painting of William Howard Taft, who would also disapprove and vote Dragon FTW.
Well put, TOPA. And yes, William Howard Taft did indeed vote Last Dragon. Other thoughts:
massengill: In the Spirit of Halloween, I’ve got to give it to The Last Dragon. He looks like the love child of SisQo and the Bride of Frankenstein.
senor budd: The Last Dragon should be disturbing to all who gaze upon it.
rock-n-rool-douchie-pooooooooo: Gotta be Last Dragon FTW. Grecian Formula’s supposed to make your hair DARKER, isn’t it? You used the wrong stuff, idiot!
vinny scumbaglia: Oh yes, your Snot Fu is strong, although your hott is lacking, this is a photographic singularity that might just be able to go a few rounds in the monthly, and by rounds I mean a few rounds from the chamber of Acey Douchey’s roscoe.
crucial head: The Last Dragon looks like a giant fecal log being squeezed out of a polar bear’s rectum. As if polar bears didn’t have enough to worry about.
badvlad: I have to vote for Scrotegun. His hairhelmet, which appears to be formed from some impervious gray miracle polymer and the flames emitting from his notril make for a truly disturbing sight.
archidouchies: Is he the baddest douche in the club? ‘Sho Nuff! Is he the scummiest platinum-headed laser snotter this side of the Mississippi? ‘Sho Nuff!
mr. biggs: Last Dragon, whose smirk forces all lightheartedness out of the picture as he claims his territory to the world. Meanwhile, hott’s engagement in this photo is undeniable. Their hips are locked together in a hopelessness that rivals Christ’s crucifixion, and hott’s gaze is just screaming “daddy I’ll date who I want and you can’t do anything about it.” I’d like to see that look in a few years.
Well argued, round table. Coming in second was the ragin’ crawfish, Crawdaddy. miss muffin explains:
The last dragon just doesn’t seem pouty of whiny enough. When I first saw his picture, I felt sorry for him, because I thought he was a grey haired survivor of neck surgery, with blood still on his shirt. His girl is the hottest of the three contestants, but even his vicious stare cannot make him douchier than Crawdaddy.
and bluefish makes the case for the stool squeezing Iggy Plop:
I have to give it to Iggy, because if I don’t, he will finish the ancient sigil slowly being inked in on his arm and an ancient unspeakable monstrosity will rise from the depths of the uncharted ocean and eat my brain.
Also, his woman is damn fine, in that crazy post-punk barely-dressed kind of way. And that’s a great way to be fine.
It is true that if that tatt gets finished, The Mist will envelop a supermarket in rural Maine. but anonymous puts it best:
2 and 3 are pretenders…the last dragon has everything we have come to expect from weekly winners: ridiculous hair, stupid shirt, lame wrist accessory, and, of course, unwarranted domination of an innocent hot.
True. So true. The Last Dragon wins the vote. But enough to beat out Samurai Scrote in the Monthly? We shall see.
HCwDB 2.0 on Hold
Well, the long in negotiation investor group that was going to put some serious coin into HCwDB and build this site out fell through last week. We can thank the Belvedere ordering assclowns on Wall Street.
I’d hoped to build out a larger playground for both casual visitors and regulars to play with pics in our sand simulacrum, but no such luck.
So back to me and my sad-ass tech skills holding the site together with spit n’ twine. And boobies. Lots and lots of boobies.
However, now’s a good time to ask, if you could add anything to the site, what would it be? What direction would you like HCwDB to head in? Creative thoughts? Tools? Functionality? A Slap the Grieco Flash game?
Drop a suggestion or advice in the comments thread, or email me and let me know your thoughts.
The Grafitti 'Bag
Here’s the thing.
It’s not 1988. New York urban blight doesn’t justify a form of street poetry expression on subway cars as a statement on corporate greed and city neglect.
Grafitti artists are now displayed in the Guggenheim and the Whitney.
Give it up, Rico. We know you’re just busting the spray cans to get to paint Jenna’s supple thighs. Which is… actually a really good strategy.
But your Yankee cap is still douche.
Straight Up Now Tell Me
At what point in 2008 did ‘Bag Adouchrements cross over to start resembling Paula Abdul circa 1989?
And is bronze doll on the right a sexy Scarlett Johanssen type, or the woman killed in Goldfinger?
Although them boobies are poppin’ fresh, thats a bit too much shine for me.
Oh who’m I kidding. I’d wrap them in tinfoil and sautee with a light garlic butter creme.
Caption This Pic
The San Diego Zoo’s latest themed exhibit, “Ass Munch Hotts and Greasebags,” proved an immediate hit.
Fung for President!
Look who’s entering presidential politics!
HCwDB reader and Fung Party National Chairperson James Scrotville captured this pic on his way to work this morning.
That’s none other than Fung, running on the “Orange First” campaign ticket. Fung also advocates federal funding for eyebrow tweasing, a voucher program for chest shaves, and a Federally mandated, tiered, bling taxation system.
Fung wants your vote.
