Appendectomy
An appendectomy is surgery to remove the appendix. See also: Appendicitis
The appendix is a small, finger-shaped sac extending from the first part of the large intestine. It is removed when it becomes inflamed or infected. An infected appendix can leak and infect the entire abdominal area, which can be deadly. See: Peritonitis.
An appendectomy is done under general anesthesia, which means you are asleep and do not feel any pain during the surgery. The surgeon makes a small cut in the lower right side of your belly area and removes the appendix.
If the appendix ruptured or a pocket of infection (abscess) formed, your abdomen will be thoroughly washed out during surgery. A small tube may be left in the belly area to help drain out fluids, pus or general douchebaggery.
The Spiky Koala
When you’re more concerned with getting a picture of yourself attempting to bite into a pretty girl you’ve backed into a shrubbery than in the girl herself, you are a cactus douche.
You can see Koala’s thought process: Wait’ll I get this on Facebook! Da boyz’ll know who’s king!
Run away, Sherilyn Fenn cute. He’s not just one of the guys.
This Guy
Who has a finger pointing at the camera and is a huge pile of excredouche?
This guy!!
Heh. I always wanted to do that joke.
It’s Saturday morning. My bowl of Lucky Charms isn’t doing much to help the Night Train that decided to slap me upside the head at 2am. But not like I’d slap Baby Brunette’s butt check bottoms on the left. The one with the power thighs that could crush walnuts flung at 80mph off a racetrack in Daytona.
Come to me, my thunder thighed petunia. And bring your three friends.
"Whither the Douchebag?"
I was heading into my local Trader Joes to stock up on Peanut Butter Joe-Joe’s cookies when he stopped me. A young boy, maybe five or six years old. He was playing with a tennis ball and waiting for his mom by the entrance.
“Whither the douchebag?” he asked me, his eyes confused.
Unsure if he meant “wither” or “whither” in the old English sense of “to what purpose,” I asked him to repeat what he’d just said.
“Whither the douchebag?” he asked again.
I realized he meant to inquire as to douchebaggery’s origins. It was a surprising question from a kid so young. Perhaps he’d glimpsed the tatted up uberdouche visage of Xenu somewhere. Somehow the land of Armani-Exchanged tools had invaded and overwhelmed his young senses.
A question so complex deserved a proper answer.
“Kid,” I replied. “The collar pops not from without, but from within. As you grow older, you must fight it. Do not fear the douche. Confront it. Overwhelm it. And enlightenment will be yours.”
He nodded.
“Thanks.” he said quietly.
I wasn’t sure if he fully understood. But as I went inside I’d hoped I’d set his young mind on the right path of de-douchification and enlightenment. The path of self inscription.
I felt I’d made a difference. At least a little bit.
Later, at the checkout line, I hit on his mom.
Pippy 'Bagstocking
PIC DELETED
I know you’re already sick of Pippy, but it’s Friday, and I’m running out of quality pics submitted this week.
Besides, there’s a certain genius consistency in ‘bag reflex. It’s like a form of douche Tourette’s Syndrome.
Ordering a pizza? Sideways hand gesture. Flagging down a taxi? Sideways hand gesture. Begging your parole officer not to report the Tijuana weekend? Sideways hand gesture.
And Perfect Ski Bunny Hott remains the fruits of my loins. I’ll even let her bring her brunette friend along. Because I’m generous like that.
Gabe's Night Life
Why do I get the feeling that Gabe from the accounts services department at J. Walter Thompson likes to spend his weekends dressing up as a pimp and telling the mature hotts that his name is “Javier,” and he’s from Colombia on “business”?
Give it up, Gabe. She ain’t buying.
Oh, and a memo from Tim in accounting: It’s your turn to bring the donuts to the office meeting on Monday.
Chippy
I don’t know if Erik Estradouche is really that bad, probably not, I just want to know why the hell my college birthday parties never looked like this.
I see you, little white lingerie princess, yes I do… Have you been naughty? Would you like to me to talcum your bottom, then spend two hours in the garage washing your car while you run up charges on my credit card?
Dammit. I knew it.
Friday Haiku
Jaundiced alien
Facehugger laid eggs in hott,
Take off, nuke from sky.
it’s Tori Spelling
clubbing with Steven Tyler.
Apocalypse now.
— pfah
Grandpa loved red skulls
Botox bag clueless while
Molesting my sister
— something horrible
Bleethed out buxom blonde
Stoned roadie for Buckcherry
Bag hand gestures match
— the davinci choad
The boobs are massive
Skeletor is the devil
The world is ending
— danny noonan
hey michael jackson
good to see you like girls now
so what made you change?
— johnny scrotten
Miamy Scammy
Ah yes, the lesser known Ben and Jerry’s ice-cream flavor, Miamy Scammy. It’s made with vanilla ice cream, Italian flavoring, Axe Body spray and chunks of mud from Miami Beach.
Can’t understand why it never caught on.
The Hoverbag
We haven’t had a good Hoverbag on the site in awhile. Generally speaking, we define Hoverbags as any scrotal pud that mucks up an otherwise perfectly good lesbian kiss pic.
They’re rendered douche status simply for showing up. Thus, an otherwise harmless dude like Little Joey here becomes Hoverbag simply for attempting the “double shocker” while smoking a stogie behind your classic sophomore year college coeds in their “experimental phase.”
And let us all celebrate the college coed “experimental phase” period. It lasts about a year before they each hunt down a stockbroker husband and move to Staten Island.
