The Homie Pirates
While the couple dancing is annoying, check out the two Homie Pirates in the background, head bobbing approvingly.
Until the music takes hold of one.
And he must dance.
Smile, You're Orange
The History of the Orange:
Sour varieties of oranges have been cultivated since well before the Middle Ages, the sweet ones appearing only in the 15th Century.
From Southern Asia, the orange spread to Syria, Persia, Italy, Spain and Portugal, and then on a voyage of Columbus, to the West Indies.
Spanish explorers took it to Florida and Spanish missionaries took it to California, where it took root among oily douchewanks and club going choads.
EDIT: Picture “Fixed”
Hattica!! Hattica!!
The Hatbags sandwiching the fantastic retro 1980s Playboy Hott bring two questions to mind.
1. Why bother with a shirt if you’re simply going to do the ab lift?
2. Does the Underwear Poke Maneuver always rising between 1.5-2.5 inches above jean-level simulate actual climate change?
Silver belt may be ridiculous, but it hugs the huggiest hips this side of a Malaysian waterfall. She is a roots showing main course of perfectibility. I would nuzzle her armpits like a dyslexic anteater.
Ask DB1: Forehead Grease
—-
Dear DB1,
Could you elaborate on the forehead grease?
What is it? And why is it?
-SteveX
—-
To answer your question Steve, I sent samples from four foreheads featured in the Hall of Scrote to the HCwDB Hudsucker Industries Labs in Brisbane, Australia. Here’s what came back:
Average chemical breakdown of HCwDB Forehead Grease Samples:
47% – Human sweat
14% – L.A. Looks “You Got the Look!” Extra Hold Hair Gel
12% – Axe Bodyspray dried and crusted residue
11% – Jessica Simpson Late Night Infomercial Acne Cream
7% – The Ethereal Douche Spirit
4% – Pleather
2% – Night Fever Musk from 2002
1% – Herp Sore Virus #5263B
.41% – Mascara
.23% – “The Mark of the ‘Bag”
.18% – Herp Sore Virus #1252C
.12% – Grey Goose Distilled Vapors
.04% – Lindsey Lohan
Wednesday Limerick
There was once was a playa named Bert,
With lines of dialogue written on his shirt.
A dancer named Suze,
Thought, “He’s as fruity as Cruise,”
But, like with Katie Holmes, he’s got dirt.
Honorary Douchebag of the Month: Eric Bauman from Ebaum's World
Some total assface named Eric “Ebaum” Bauman who runs a site called Ebaum’s World actually stole the basic idea of my site for a bit. Without giving me a credit. Pretty ridiculous.
Not only that, he used 25 pics from the site and ran them on “ebaum’s world” under the title Hot Chicks with Ass Hats.
Classy.
I’ve had pics and bits grabbed and used by tons of sites, but so long as they gave me a credit, I was fine with it. Even TMZ gave my site a credit after starting up a “Douchebag of the Week.”
So here’s to you, Ebaum. Too cool to give a simple credit. Just rewrite the title of my site.
You are a douchebag without hot chick.
May your nuts get roasted on an open fire.
Orangeman and Froby
Perhaps this pic doesn’t fulfill all the obligations of the dual requirements for both Hot Chick and Douchebag. I’ll leave it to you to figure out what is missing.
But I believe the question “Got MILF?” was first posited by Nietzsche in his book, “Also Sprach Zaradouchebag.”
So there was no way I wasn’t posting OrangeMan and Froby.
Smirk it Up, Longface
Which is classier?
The gold tights, the glove, the boob grab douche maneuver or the fact Young Sally Kellerman appears to be fondling his raisins?
Pepe Le Poo
Amazingly, Pepe Le Poo’s strange and nasty odor is not enough to keep away a Chiquita Rose. Pepe’s alien fungus spreads quickly down his arm. Soon he will mutate into a Triffid.
I’m attracted to Chiquita, yet she appears strong enough to kick my ass two times without breaking a fingernail or dropping a bracelet.
This troubles me. Yet also excites me.
Her Salma Hayek sultryness betrays a belly dancing exoticism that sings songs of Lebanese otherness in one ear, while she throws a drink in my other ear.
And really, who throws a drink in someones ear? Stop it now, Chiquita. I didn’t mean to grab your boobies.
The Guy-Who-Ruins-The-Lez-Kiss-Pic Douche
There’s always one. The friend of a friend who no one else at the party knows.
The turd who jumps in and ruins the best moment from the best party of second semester of your sophomore year.
We all remember that guy.
If you’re at a party and this happens, take quick steps to remedy the situation. Give him three things:
1. A swift kick to the groin
2. Hand him the can of beer with the ashes and butts put out in it, which he will drink from. Because he’s a moron.
3. Throw him out in the hallway before someone puts on Aerosmith and the two hotts start the second act.
