The Olive Loaf
Grab a table and hang on, folks. The Olive Loaf is riding into town. And he’s got his eyes on boobies.
What can stop the Olive Loaf Experience?
Hosing him down?
Taking away his hair braid extensions?
Having angry nuns forcibly remove the rosary from his neck at knife-point?
I do not know the answer to these perplexing questions. But I do know that I would oil paint her purse in day-glo 1960s colors just for the chance to drink her electric koolaid and fly over her cuckoo’s nests. Or into them. Or onto them. Mmm… nests.
That’s it. This pic put me over the edge. Where’s my bottle of J.D.
The Walrus
Here’s a classic example of sweetness and heaping grease scrote wrongness.
How did this coupling come to pass?
What cultural forces brought together Sexy Sadie and The Walrus? Is there any possible way to liberate her from the grip of pinky ring choad? Could she be shown that The Walrus offends our collective aesthetic?
Or is she cursed to drive down that dark New Jersey highway forever?
Alls I know is the furry collar jacket without t-shirt, is pure class, Walrus. Goo goo ga joob.
Twin Peaks
Is this one of the Twin ‘Bags that won the Weekly back in May?
Looks like a Halloween pic, which I normally don’t run. Except when it features a ‘bag who decided to dress up for Halloween as an even bigger ‘bag.
And naturally, find himself surrounded by Jenny and Sally, the Hott Sisters. Majoring in Fashion Design, but with a dream to someday be the go-to hair and makeup team on the set of “Gossip Girl.”
Don’t worry cuties. Your time will come.
Just ditch the Twin. Especially Jenny with the carnal gaze. I’ve never looked sexier, sitting in my floor on in my underwear, Jenny. So I can understand your lustful glances.
Afflicted
For those scoring at home, “Affliction” shirts are +2 when scoring douchestrological rank.
Two matching “Affliction” shirts in a standard ‘bag sandwich formation around a tasty ham hottie?
I don’t even have the tools to measure or rank the douche echo from such an event. It is off the charts.
Then factor in the combo hair spike, and I’m sent into a spiraling social decline.
In other words I make fun of them while enjoying a tasty Hostess HoHo snack cake.
Cracker Jack
I was wondering what would be a good look to wear out tonight.
Then it dawned on me. I’m going with the combo striped shirt, black tie, douche-face, sunglasses, mandana + baseball cap combo, and top it off with a Captain America Decoder Ring from a box of Cracker Jack.
Yeah. That’s the plan.
I will then gang tackle a drunk cutie in ski goggles, hook my arm around her, and repeatedly head-butt her ear.
Or would that make me a screaming uberchoad?
Why yes. Yes it would.
I see Paris, I see France
I see something something.
Although I’d rather I hadn’t.
Really. Please. Put it away.
You’re distracting me from curvy femme on femme cuddling. Which is also the name for a great early 80s thrash punk band.
Abs and Frogs
It’s like Mardi Gras at the Tiki Hut.
With perfect abs on college cuties.
And a frog.
No offense. I’m sure he’s a nice guy. Probably not even a ‘bag on any real level. But a frog.
The Douchewank
What has two fingers, looks like Kevin Dillon mated with Quentin Tarantino, and smells like a raging pile of douchewank?
This guy.
Blinded in a freakish kiln explosion because he was making her a pot? Maybe. But the sunglasses and douche-lips are enough. He is d-wank.
Not that I’m into the model/replicant look on my hotties. I prefer them real. Or at least realistic.
But he is choad. And so we mock his sunglasses at night and Pee Wee Herman bowtie.
Rock and Roll 'Bag
He… wants to rock and roll all niiiiight… and work at Denny’s all day…
So which is more annoying? The armpit sweat spot, the ridiculous douche-face, or Kato with the dribbling chin fungus, double fisting beer while catatonically smoking a cig?
Platinum Blonde makes me vaguely uneasy but, as they say in Oslo, boobies.
Wednesday Limerick
There is a disease they call douche-face,
When spotted on choads you should use mace,
For hotties exposed,
Will find douche-face transposed,
And end up living out of a suitcase.
