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Tuesday, January 4, 2005
Friday Thoughts n' Links
DarkSock here, drivin’ and cryin’ with the wheel in hand of this mofo, well past the iceberg, cackling as the lifeboats burn. Son.
There’s no telling what DB1 has been doing in his down-time since he decided to put ‘er down.
Lord knows he rode that rocket as long as a body could.
It’s an understatement to say that over years he has show us things…we have all seen some things that cannot be unseen.
Bleethes of all shapes and sizes; sadly if DB1 has shown us anything it is that their beauty is skin-deep and simply does not last. It’s hard to put one’s finger in it. Err, on it.
But you didn’t time-travel all the way to the Year 2005 for pensive ruminations on ruminants, did’ja? No. Didn’t think so. *sigh*
Here’s yer Gratuitous Offering o’Pear that will surely keep the faithful coming (and returning, also):
Taut Pear. (Courtesy of Alert Renober D. Wallnuts)
Beloved Hall-Of-Hot Fenny “LaPlante” Pear ***GLORY BE UNTO ALL***.
Post-Fenny Palette-Cleanse Jacques Memorial Disturbing Yet Mercifully Small Hodor Pear.
Holy Yoga Triangle renoB Pear.
One-Eyed Purple People-Eater Pear.
Stare-Out-There-Peach-Fuzz-Pear.
Sorry-for-Tourniquet-Pear-So-Here-Is-Highly-Experimental-Frontal-Fuzzy-Pear-Son Pear.
Until next time, faithful Elite – as we say in the French Quarter – “J’ai fait pipi dans un cheval une fois!”
Tuesday, January 4, 2005Friday Thoughts n' Links
DarkSock here, drivin’ and cryin’ with the wheel in hand of this mofo, well past the iceberg, cackling as the lifeboats burn. Son.
There’s no telling what DB1 has been doing in his down-time since he decided to put ‘er down.
Lord knows he rode that rocket as long as a body could.
It’s an understatement to say that over years he has show us things…we have all seen some things that cannot be unseen.
Bleethes of all shapes and sizes; sadly if DB1 has shown us anything it is that their beauty is skin-deep and simply does not last. It’s hard to put one’s finger in it. Err, on it.
But you didn’t time-travel all the way to the Year 2005 for pensive ruminations on ruminants, did’ja? No. Didn’t think so. *sigh*
Here’s yer Gratuitous Offering o’Pear that will surely keep the faithful coming (and returning, also):
Taut Pear. (Courtesy of Alert Renober D. Wallnuts)
Beloved Hall-Of-Hot Fenny “LaPlante” Pear ***GLORY BE UNTO ALL***.
Post-Fenny Palette-Cleanse Jacques Memorial Disturbing Yet Mercifully Small Hodor Pear.
Holy Yoga Triangle renoB Pear.
One-Eyed Purple People-Eater Pear.
Stare-Out-There-Peach-Fuzz-Pear.
Sorry-for-Tourniquet-Pear-So-Here-Is-Highly-Experimental-Frontal-Fuzzy-Pear-Son Pear.
Until next time, faithful Elite – as we say in the French Quarter – “J’ai fait pipi dans un cheval une fois!”
Monday, January 3, 2005The Undersexed World of Jacques Doucheteau – Episode 4: The Sleeping Sharts of Miami
I work with some very strange people. I mean, we all do…but the folks I work with are REALLY effed up. I could write a new HBO comedy series based on my work life, but nobody would buy it due to it being “not believable”.
For starters, I work in a manufacturing plant, which by itself attracts plenty of lower class, underprivileged, low IQ, no-college, white trash, crackhead, maniac, weirdos already. Not to mention this plant is situated in one of the more “socially diverse” cities in Oregon, replete with a nice mix of urbanized hippies, rural rednecks, suburban meth moms, college-age pot heads and pseudo-bohemian hipsters all drawn together by their lack of education and incentive to do anything worthwhile with their life.
I have to deal with folks like Halona Crow Foot, who up until a few months ago was known as Frank. Originally a strange Native American man with an obsession for anything that shoots projectiles and kills living things, showed up one day wearing full make-up and Go-Go boots, insisting on being called by “her” new name. Management was already about to fire him…sorry, her…for falling asleep on the forklift…WHILE DRIVING…and causing an accident, but now is faced with the awkward position of firing a newly-converted transsexual. Not that they’re necessary afraid of a lawsuit, but they don’t want to be thought of a “unprogressive”. So they kept Halona on for as long as they could until he (she) got into another accident, failed the drug test, and they had to fire him (her) in order to keep their workman’s comp insurance. That didn’t stop her (him) from spending the next three weeks with a sign and sundress out front of the plant protesting the “discriminatory practices” of the company. We’re off a freeway, and NOBODY pays attention to a fat woman with a goatee protesting stupid crap. Well, that is until she showed up one day with an AR-15 over each shoulder yelling something about the 2nd Amendment and little bighorn. That’s when the cops were called.
Or there’s Keith, one of only three African Americans that works for a company of 250, and the only flaming gay man that we know of on site. He’s also a conservative Republican, which is of note because whenever politics comes up in a conversation it usually ends with him calling Obama a “purple lipped monkey bastard” and some rant about how we should kill all the poverty stricken and homeless. He still has a job, and is guaranteed one despite him testing the bounds of our anti-harassment policy by continually threatening some of the younger men on the staff with violent ass rape. Seriously, what is HR to do? Tell the NAACP that “yeah, we fired the one gay black man on staff because he’s always saying the ‘N’ word, calling Obama a ‘purple lipped monkey’, and threatening to rape all the new guys because of how much ‘fresh white ass’ turns him on.” No jury in the world would convict this guy.
Oh yeah, the picture above. Three guys all wearing board shorts, sporting Jesus bling (albeit only one of them), oversized sunglasses, lobster abs, overly manicured facial hair, and just general pumped up douchiness are an affront to civilized discourse and conduct. Big flippin’ deal.
However miss dark-haired Jenny gives a subdued grin and sublime belly pooch I would paddle most heartily with the stretched out skin from my last hemorrhoidal lesion. Most heartily says I. I would drag my tongue through a WWI-era trench of putrid corpses and mustard gas whilst perfectly enunciating every syllable singing “Five Fruit Flies Flew” at 256 BPM for the oft chance to get the skin on my derriere scorched off with a lighter and can of WD-40 produced in China by a 23-year-old woman with pancreatic cancer who watched 15 seconds of the same makeup tips Youtube clip that Jenny saw back in 2010 and has since forgotten about completely. Damn gurl.
Sunday, January 2, 2005Your New King is Remiss in his Duties
I bequeath Lord Darksock this small slice of the space-time continuum and he abandons/shirks his duties with only one update?
For shame, horse peer.
For shame.
Saturday, January 1, 2005Bonus Haiku Round: Smells like spleen spirit
What is going through
Club Hottie’s mind right now, folks?
Share, using Haiku!
*****
“Dear Lord!”, thought Darlene,
His breath smells like Chris Farley
Farted through a carp…
Saturday, January 1, 20052005ku
Back in time haiku
Only for the chosen few
To mock dribble chin
*************
Small hand cleans the ears
For those with gyroscopic wax
And and gritty wax.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Her prom date backed out
Mitch, ex-con school janitor,
fills in for picture
— Magnum Douche P.I. said…
Tiny mushroom cloud
Another atrocity
On chin of asshole
— Jacques Doucheteau
The long long ago
Before they knew the true true
They had not the Smart.
— Crucial Atlas
The death of this site
Is like that bitch Glenn Close in
Fatal Attraction
— hermit said…
It puts the future
In the basket or it gets
The singularity
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Maybe if I grow
Chin Fung no one will look at
My massive eyebrows
— DoucheyWallnuts
Dyspeptic douchebag
Trying to enjoy this night
Whilst squealching huge farts
— Vin Douchal
Saturday, January 1, 20052005ku
Back in time haiku
Only for the chosen few
To mock dribble chin
*************
Small hand cleans the ears
For those with gyroscopic wax
And and gritty wax.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Her prom date backed out
Mitch, ex-con school janitor,
fills in for picture
— Magnum Douche P.I. said…
Tiny mushroom cloud
Another atrocity
On chin of asshole
— Jacques Doucheteau
The long long ago
Before they knew the true true
They had not the Smart.
— Crucial Atlas
The death of this site
Is like that bitch Glenn Close in
Fatal Attraction
— hermit said…
It puts the future
In the basket or it gets
The singularity
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Maybe if I grow
Chin Fung no one will look at
My massive eyebrows
— DoucheyWallnuts
Dyspeptic douchebag
Trying to enjoy this night
Whilst squealching huge farts
— Vin Douchal
