Friday, February 22, 2008

    Friday Haiku


    The pale globe sets ‘ere,
    Hark! Aye, ’tis the douche-face lick.
    Wrong. So very wrong.

    Mama’s little boy
    She’s given birth, something’s wrong
    baby is a douche

    — george dubya douche

    dont look now hottie
    but your ashtray’s licking you
    put out smoke in eye

    — bcs

    Spider-man comic
    Stenciled on this douchebag’s arm
    Stan Lee is not pleased

    — mr. white

    hott – cigarette burn
    to face best way to fight off
    gene simmons douchebag

    — summer’s eve satchel

    wifebeater douche licks,
    hot has pooch face, great hogans
    I miss breast feeding

    — douche bigalow

    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, February 22, 2008

    Night Oranger


    Sister Douchebag, oh your tan has come,
    As you know that you’re the only one,
    To say, lets spray,
    Where you going, what you douching for,
    You know those boys,
    Don’t want to spray no more with you,
    It’s true.

    You’re scrotoring
    What’s your price for flight
    In finding mister tight,
    You’ll be orange tonight…

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, February 21, 2008

    Redbag / Not a Redbag


    Okay, so Red’s not really that ‘baggy. More like caught in a bad moment.

    But Reindeer Girl-Next-Door has that innocent pouty bedroom eyes of a vicodaned up Hilton sister on a three day bender through Tahoe.

    So maybe it ain’t the best HCwDB pic. I’m already drunk and it’s 2pm. So up goes Red.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, February 21, 2008

    The Boobonic Plague


    And here we were thinking it was rats that spread the 14th Century plague.

    When all that time, it was this guy.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, February 21, 2008

    Rhode Scholars


    Irish Eyes writes in:

    —-
    DB1-

    GodDAMN, your site is genious. I have spent endless hours of horror on HCwDB, perusing bleeth and choad… You are providing a much-needed service, sir.

    However, Jersey–while it may be the original spawning site of the doucheplague–is by no means exclusive to all things scrote.

    Rhode Island, that festering toilet of Mafioso wannabes and s@#tty clubs with lame house music, has a douchebag community that is quite spectacular in its own right.

    Not cool enough to be Boston, or hip enough to be NYC, the Providence-Johnston-Warwick area is known as a quasi-Bermuda Triangle…you can send a fresh-faced, truly nice kid of 18 into one of those dance ghettoes, and he will invariably emerge as the newest member of ClubDouche.

    Keep up the excellent work!
    —-

    Some call it the smallest state in the United States.

    I call it a half hour drive.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, February 21, 2008

    The Vampire Boob


    Ever lie in bed and night and think to yourself, “Hey, I wonder what a creepy old vampire with a fake rubber boob in his mouth would look like partying with two college chicks?”

    Well wonder no more.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, February 20, 2008

    Deep in the Scrote of Texas


    Dallas.

    Some call it a city in Texas.

    Others, a cheesy primetime soap opera from the 1980s. Still others, Jack’s upstairs neighbor.

    I call it one of the Five.

    Along with Chicago, Miami, Las Vegas and the Jersey/L.I. Corridor. One of the originary Grieco Virus nexus points.

    And so very, very poo.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, February 20, 2008

    'Strailian Autopsy II


    Oh, Australia.

    First, Olivia Newton-John.

    Now this.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, February 20, 2008

    Wednesday Limerick


    Two no-shirt spiky haired trains,
    The rain in Spain couldn’t purge their stain,
    The blond is Hott,
    Although slightly fembot,
    So lets ship this nasty oil slick back to Bahrain.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, February 20, 2008

    Tiki Wiki


    Add army cargo pants to the “white belt” category of emerging 2008 douchal trends.

    And yes, I see you, perky Lithuanian Princess in the white hat. You’ve been on the site before. But each time I want to tickle your inner thigh with a tiny ostrich feather and a satchel of licorice.

    I also see you brought your friend with the belly button star-tatt. Kendra. The one majoring in “hair styling” over at Florida State.

    You can bring her, too.

    Just flush the muscle turds down the sink first.

    # posted by douchebag1
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