Monday, May 17, 2010

HCwDB of the Week

Our last Weekly before the next Monthly, and it’s a good one. Last week was a surprisingly potent blend of HC and DB. The choices were hard to cull to three. But cull I must. So lets crank up this here place and get on our Mock. Bring it.

Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Night Oranger and Chrissie

What more can be said about a shirtless orange dude sporting camel toe? Only this: Mother Theresa can suck it.

There is no God.

Hashem hates us.

Ganesh was like, “Yo, I’m out.” Can’t blame you, Ganesh.

And poor Chrissie. Despite the strange makeup and granny undies, she’s pure like snowflake. Innocent and boobuous. Although perhaps of stumpy legs.

But I like stumpy legs.

Together, they make HC/DB AC/DC. I don’t know what that means. But I’m hung over and in the East Village today, and New York smells like lilacs and garbage.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Yo Jimbo and the Kuyuko Girls

And lets not forget the sequel: Yo Jimbo Finds Tampopo

In the realm of the senses, this pic smells, tastes, looks, touches, sounds and senses ghosts like poo.

The Seven Samurai just up and quit, took their swords and went back to their villages.

Miike just made a 90 minute hi-def handheld video about poop. It didn’t have anything to do with this pic. It’s actually just his new film ,”I Reject Your Elitist Attempt to Call me An Auteur.”

I have no idea what I’m writing.

Did I mention I’m hung over and in New York? The urbanite young femmes tempt me with miniskirt and coquettish pout.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Nicole and the Cabbage Face

A rare Saturday HCwDB pic to make the finals, there’s just something about this pic that rankles me.

It’s the face. The Cabbage Face needs a team of angry Liliputians armed with matchstick pitchforks to go to town on his nads until society is sure he won’t reproduce.

Did I just embrace Eugenics as a systemic ideology of social good?

Yes. Yes I did.

And Nicole is pure pouty talcum bottom goodness.

Her voice is high pitched and nasal, but I don’t care. And I read her the Bernstein Bears before gnawing upon her ankles while cranking Bad Brains on her iTunes.

(Dis)honorable mention to the bohoemeth that is Hulk Brogan, The O-Face, The Jenga Crew, the perfect six-pack of boobs in Billy has a Thought, and the toxic Billy Corsican, who’s bunny was just too paid-to-pose to qualify as true HCwDB.

Hmmm. Note to self: Overuse of “Billy” as a name.

And then there’s Pumpito. Who is safely ensconced in our Closet of Poo, and will not be mentioned again. Yeesh.

Smell the toxicity of pud and ubergnaw of boobies, and then make your choice, as always, in the comments thread.

Vote now, fellow ‘bag hunters. We must mock together, or we will surely mock alone.

# posted by douchebag1
7:07 am May, 17 teh_abominable_snowdouche said...

‘sup everyone? Finally built up the courage to create a friggin’ WordPress account, so let the mocking ensue.

First off: F*ck Fish Slap!

Now, my vote goes to Nicole and Cabbage Face. All the candidouches are scrote taint sap. And to me, Nicole looks the hottest. I just get the feeling that there’s something there we’re not seeing. You know? Like a perfectly curved teet or something. Anyhow, Cabbage Face FTL.

7:18 am May, 17 Wheezer said...

Though the sphincter-lipped Cabbage Face disgusts me with his poo smell and Night Oranger is literally dripping with Axe grease, I cast my vote for Yo Jimbo and the Kuyuko Girls FTW. I’m sort of an “anti-pfah” in that I find Asian women attractive anyway, but there are five of them in the second photo (where Jimbo’s choad buddy is barely ancillary).

Yo Jimbo added a steady diet of ‘roids and Preparation H to his game (and his abs), enough to where his penis has withdrawn back up through his urethra. That kind of talent deserves a Weekly.

7:30 am May, 17 Ultra Bagnus said...

Yo Jimbo simply dominates the taint-fest this week. So much so that it frightens one poor lo mein hot, and gleefully amuses another. Yo Jimbo knows how to douche it out! I think he may have combined every possible known douche accessory into one catastrophic collection of scrote.

7:30 am May, 17 Jimmy said...

GOing to have to go with the Night Oranger and Sister Chrissie. The fact that the orange disease is spreading amongst those who are not originally pale is a deadly harbinger of things to come. This greased jerkoff looks like Jimmy Superfly Snuka mated with an Oompa Loompa. The DG belt really brings the whole outfit together and brands him douche worthy for the weekly.

Chrissie on the other hand is a very natural looking beauty, just the type I like. I don’t get so enraged when the hott in question is a Bleethe, but this comely lass appears to have no traces of the virus.

7:41 am May, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

Night Oranger and Chrissie while mockable do not have what it takes this week, she is semi-hott and worthy however the granny panties whether a gag or not disqualify her, as for NO my thinking is he’s a sensitive H-Mo and not afraid to be who he is, which in this case is some sort of off Broadway dancer/ballerina. The camel toe, gsr, and jherri curl is disturbing but I think he doesn’t care.

Nicole & Cabbage Face just don’t have it.

FTW I select Yo Jimbo and the Kuyuko Girls. Asian Hott has always intrigued me and there seems to be something naughty going on in both of their eyes. Yo Jimbo has all the adoucherements with his mandana, cock ring second belt, ab reveal, groin shave reveal, fingerless gloves, sleeveless denim etc. He is everything douche and thus deserves the win.

7:46 am May, 17 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

One word – male camel toe. (okay, three words)

.

As much as I’d like to see Cabbage have his lips removed with a rusty hacksaw, I’d like to see Night Oranger’s nads get the business end of this mechanical golf club swinger set to full bast even more.

.

And even though her taste in attire is odd, I can see sweet Chrissie’s innocense within. I’m insightful like that.

.

NO and Chrissie FTW.

7:47 am May, 17 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Yo! Jimbo! FTW. And by win, I mean a swift kick in the ‘nads.

Good effort, Cabbage Face, but you can’t out duel Jimbo’s ridiculousness. Just. Can’t. Do. It.

Night Oranger: is that a cameltoe I spy?

7:51 am May, 17 scrotum pole said...

The Night Oranger’s greasy, pube-like ringlets sicken me almost as bad as his camel-toe and stubbly groin-shave.

Conversely, Chrissie conjures up an image of Mary Ellen Walton in a Depends under garment. Which, I suppose is appropriate and somehow strangely erotic.

In fact she makes me hornier than John Boy, after a frustrating night spent awkwardly groping virgins at the Saturday Night Box Social down at Ike Godsey’s General Store.

8:02 am May, 17 ehcuodouche said...

I vote for cabbage face because he has a head like a fucking orange.

8:04 am May, 17 Chad Kroeger said...

As a newly ordained minister in the Universal Life Church I must spew my drunken wrath at Night Oranger for taking Sister Christian away from her candy striper duties at Our Lady of Fatima Medical Center and Gentlemen’s Club.

St. Thomas Aquinas posited that, ” A man has the free choice to the extent that he is rational.” Night Oranger proves with his hair and skin display that he is not. As St. Thomas agrees with Aristotle, he is POO.

8:09 am May, 17 Bag A said...

Night Oranger….

Because you’re scrotering!

8:31 am May, 17 Douchble Helix said...

They’re all poo.

Night Oranger because it’s an excellent, excellent name.

8:35 am May, 17 Dex said...

Hands-down, I have to give this to Yo Jimbo and the Kuyuko girls. Looking at this picture makes my neck hair stand on end, and my blood fizz ever so slightly. It’s not that Jimbo is anything new, because he isn’t. And it’s not that the Kuyuko girls are super-hot, because they aren’t. This image is simply a paragon of everything that is annoying. You can smell their stink, poorly masked by Axe body spray and Japanese perfumes, illegal in most countries due to anti-whaling laws. You can hear his ridiculous Jerz accent, and the glass-cutting squeal of the Kuyoko girl’s chitter-chatter.

This image transcends the individuals in it. It is greater than the sum of its parts. It coalesces into some Lovecraftian horror, a tentacled monster from beyond the limits of sanity. I don’t want to punch any of the three subjects of this image. I want to destroy their combined essence, and scatter the remnants across the cosmos.

8:44 am May, 17 Maxim Kovalenko said...

Night Oranger. Male Camel Toe and GSR ruin my day, and my lunch.

8:45 am May, 17 The Blessed Scrotini said...

I’m voting Night Oranger. When you have to pop the douche strategy from 25 years ago (Jheri Curl, tight pants, headband) just to score the hott, you don’t just know douche — you ARE douche.

8:54 am May, 17 Sir Harry S. Flashdouche said...

Cabbage Face FTW!!!!

8:54 am May, 17 DarkSock said...

Night Oranger looks like a 2nd rate European gay porn actor who decided he’d pattern himself as Kenny G-Spot, blower of various skin flutes and meat whistles and Dong oboes. For this alone I cast my vote (and by vote I mean poo) towards Night Oranger and the marble collection in his pants.

.

Scrotering indeed.

9:01 am May, 17 Bagnonymous said...

I say Yo Jimbo and the Kuyuko girls. Total ass-brained male model selling out some fake douchey image for yet another “underground” chic clothing line. LAME!

.

While Nicole is absolutely cute as a button, I think her cabbage-headed date is hamming it up for a laugh. And while the NIght Oranger pic is scary, I prefer to think that their outfits are part of some crazy South American dance troupe’s recital of the Midnight Madness album in it’s entirety via interpretive dance.

9:28 am May, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Bagnonymous

“while the NIght Oranger pic is scary, I prefer to think that their outfits are part of some crazy South American dance troupe’s recital”

I think you nailed it right on the head, I wanna say brazilian

9:36 am May, 17 Scroberto Baggio said...

Night Oranger. The one-man Milli Vanilli of our generation.

9:43 am May, 17 Douches Wild said...

Nicole and the cabbage patch pud FTW. His faux insolence is actually genuine and therein lies the key to the celestial firmaments of scrotality: HE HASN’T GOT A CLUE that he is a tool. The other candidates register some inner reservation about their conduct and teeter at the frontier between adequacy and the Scrotal Zone, but fail to make that final passage. Nicole is happily adrift is a sea of conflicting desires.

10:00 am May, 17 Mr. White said...

Night Oranger looks a screen shot of what my former high school classmates would envision as “classy porn.” And I don’t mean 80s porn–I mean they’d do this now. The cognitive dissonance is hurting me too much to vote for them. (And by “cognitive dissonance” I mean “simultaneous mouth and rectal discharge.”)

Cabbage Patch takes it. He’s innovating in this own way, what with the 70s-era tuxedo jacket, a turquoise v-neck going way lower than necessary or desirable on any guy, Arnold’s shades from the first “Terminator” flick, and kissy lips. Nicole is sweet innocence. I want to fire a shotgun round point-blank into CP’s chest and tell her to “come with me if you want to boink.” Then we’d run off and make pipe bombs in a rural motel, punctuated by bouts of tender love-making.

10:17 am May, 17 Hong Kong Douchey said...

Night Oranger FTW. He reminds me of the Rico Suave guy. That’s all I’m going to say about that, ’cause I’m definitely not going down THAT road.

10:24 am May, 17 Douchelips said...

I have to go with Cabbage Face for the win. Why? It’s my favorite Douche gesture…the Douchelips!

10:35 am May, 17 dbBen said...

Cabbage Face

Xavier Roberts saw the pic and punched an actual baby in the face.

Meanwhile, Christian Audigier just trademarked “Cabbage Bratz”

All fauxhawks, pastels, and sunglasses baby, so hip…so hip.

10:43 am May, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Night Oranger. His hair is so greasy that BP has a $40 million 5-phase response plan and Riser Insertion Tube Tool prepared for the next time he goes swimming in the gulf. That, and moose knuckle. Crissie makes me question my aversion to girls from Tuscaloosa trailer parks who hide their navel.

10:47 am May, 17 colossus of choads said...

Night Oranger, although brillianty monikered, looks like some stage play and the other shit is just shit that happens in Japan, all the time.

So – Cabbageman because he did it to himself, and thinks he looks good.

10:54 am May, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Yo Jimbo FTW! Why? This Ben Stiller wannabe has universal taint going for him. He’s crossed cultural barriers to infect the Land of the Rising Sun. He must be kept indoors and away from Hiroshima and Nagasaki survivors lest they see that the end is truly near. And he “scored” multiple hotts (Asian women don’t do it for me, sorry). Night Oranger has that early 80’s jerry curl/Michael Jackson video bad guy thing goin’ on but the MCT just kills it. And Cabbage Face just reminds me of Wayne Rooney. Put some tubes in his neck and paint him green and you have Shrek.

10:55 am May, 17 Douchesquire said...

Yo Jimbo and associated asian whores FTW. Even though I think its an ad campaign cause it all looks so damned staged. Because he’s. pointing. at. his. abs. and I hate the ab lobster and this douche reminds me why.

Night Oranger is clearly batting for the other team.

Didnt cabbage face play “corky” on that show a long time ago?

11:04 am May, 17 Douchey the Great said...

It’s gotta be Yo Jimbo and I think our esteemed host said it best, “this pic smells, tastes, looks, touches, sounds and senses ghosts like poo.” You, me and the little green men on Mars watching us all agree.

Also having Pumpito in the Closet of Poo is like Peyton Manning in the Hall of Fame, it’s just obvious.

11:18 am May, 17 Baron Von Goolo said...

Yo Jimbo knew if there was one thing Japanese girls most loved about his dominance in the Weekly, it was the way his egocentric sideshow of adolescent peacockery was always able to squander the invaluable potential and fleeting vigor of his youth.

11:20 am May, 17 Baron Von Goolo said...

Oooooooh! “Scrotering.” I get it now. Ha.

11:26 am May, 17 Bob Mcadouche said...

Yo Jimbo is the only choice. Pulling up his designer vest and tank top to point to his abs? If this is not the only choice for the weekly, then we have all lost our way.

11:30 am May, 17 Deltus said...

Night Oranger is certainly douche, and Cabbage brings forth the greatest urge to smack him in the face with something large. But I gotta go with Jimbo and the asian hotts on this one. He’s truly dedicated to being a complete scrotewank 24/7/365, whereas the other two are only half as dedicated. The Kuyuko Girls are hotter than the other two, as well.

Yo Jimbo and the Kuyuko Girls FTW.

11:49 am May, 17 Bag Margera said...

Yo Jimbo is all that is douche. Night Orange’s hott is lacking. He’s a freak of nature. Nothing more. And while Cabbage face is certainly a cabbage face with an uninterested beauty on his arm, Yo Jimbo is clearly a huge source of bleething. I vote Yo Jimbo because he and every asian cutie in his radius sports that same bastardized western import b-boy and b-girl template. He is an infectus disease on cuties everywhere.

11:53 am May, 17 Bagnonymous said...

@ myself, 9:01am:

There’s no apostrophe in the possessive form of “its”, you bumbling neanderthal! Now, more self-flagellation!

12:00 pm May, 17 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Tally one vote for The Fecal Cabbage Smarmlippiturd and his tasty Nicole. The mere fact that Señor Cabbage isn’t sporting any noticable bruises, gashes, or scars speaks volumes about the cowardice of our society… and his father. This man should be beaten. With large leather bound books. Regularly. No wounds AND an innocent hott touching him via skin to skin contact? I smell a weekly… and depression.

12:08 pm May, 17 One for the Choad said...

Yo Jimbo FTW, mainly for getting closer to my fantasy of two Asian girls at once than I ever will. That, and he’s poo.

12:26 pm May, 17 Architeuthis Dux said...

You ever see The Crow? You remember that part where the dude gets stabbed with all the knives in all his organs? In alphabetical order? I want that to happen to Jimbo.

12:38 pm May, 17 melvil duchi said...

Nicole and the Cabbage Face

cause Cabbage Face and Gonzi from way back in January are long lost brothers and I like the 80s pop culture items that have not relevance today.

12:50 pm May, 17 Anonne Huntress said...

Night Oranger ftw. After that, I just stopped reading and let the pictures do the talking, and the other guys just grunted in agreement.

1:03 pm May, 17 Toolio said...

Hands down – Yo Jimbo and the Kuyuko Girls.

1:56 pm May, 17 Mr. Biggs said...

Cabbage Patch – meh, bad pose, bad hangover. Yo Jimbo’s just too clownish overall to be taken seriously. Again, only Night Oranger has the seriousness and dedication to be a true douchebag. He looks like he came up with the look while coked up and talking to the Costa Rican bouncer at a VIP lounge.

2:00 pm May, 17 Douche Boyardee's Cheese and Bagaroni said...

Night Oranger and Chrissie get my vote. Seeing Male Moose Knuckle and GSR brings upon me the same reaction as to when the people of South Park read “The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs”. Uncontrollable, violent vomiting.

2:03 pm May, 17 G said...

Have to go with Cabbage Face…its rotund, which leaves me to believe that it has been pummeled a few times over the years, and is now in a permanent swollen state, unlike the bulge in his pants, which will never see the light of day with that hott which is Nicole…she just looks like she wants to get down and dirty…

2:07 pm May, 17 Toby said...

Night Oranger FTW. He gives citrus fruit a bad name.

2:35 pm May, 17 Vin Douchal said...

At least this week we’re down to 2 out of three GSRs for the weekly. I was starting to wonder about you, Db1 ….

Which is why Nicole and the Cabbage Face FTW , please.

3:18 pm May, 17 End the Haberdouchery said...

The Night Oranger and his giant cameltoe for the win.

3:22 pm May, 17 mr.reeve said...

Jimbo Slice and the Kuyuko massage girls get my vote.

Jimbo is a giant douche nozzle and needs to be mocked properly by winning this week. FTW The “Look at my abs!” point and not one but two sleeveless shirts should be enough to win it.

3:32 pm May, 17 doucheywallnuts said...

Night Oranger FTW. Once again I’m playing the narcissism card in my selection of NOran, as he not only has better abs, he is more into himself as evidenced by his totally bare torso.

Yojimbo is sporting a six-pack that would make any douchebag proud – and may in fact even be DBotW quality abs – but the rest of his body is covered. He might have the chest of an 11-year old girl or a 60-year old man and we have no view of his guns either.

So on this basis NOran is a fine selection. Cabbage Face is no doubtadouche, but a run-of-the-mill douche.

3:35 pm May, 17 I douche, therefore I am said...

I’d have to go with Yo Jimbo, because douchewankery can hardly get more self-explanatory than this…

Night Oranger has that look that says: “Hey Mr. Photographer, wanna meet me in my hotel room later on?” So he really isn’t any threat to our beloved hotts.

And finally Cabbage Face: He does look pretty douchey, but in a thoroughly unspectacular way

3:45 pm May, 17 Mr. Bungle said...

My initial reaction is to go with the obvious choice in Yo Jimbo and the Kuyuko Girls, but when I look at The Cabbage Face I want to punch him, and therefore he gets my vote this week. Someone should tell him he’s got a chocolate milk mustache from the box lunch his mommy packed him to the club.

3:51 pm May, 17 massengill said...

If you think that our youth are messed up, why don’t you try it out after a coupla A-bombs. I am not saying Japanese ‘bags don’t deserve a good mocking every now and again, but I’m reticent.

.

I’ve spent literally MINUTES looking at pictures of Lucia Micarelli, real-life violinist and street violinist (Annie) on HBO’s Treme trying to determine if she is not Nicole of Nicole and the Cabbage Face. I can’t say with certainty that it is NOT her, but I can’t rightly say it iIS her either (though my proclivity is toward the negative). If it is her, than this putz just landed a photo-op with a famous person and I DQ it (though he is an incredible douche-specimen).

.

If it isn’t her, she definitely lacks the pureness (in looks at least) of Sister Chrissie. And Cabbage Face (as far as we can tell) lacks male camel-toe.

.

Night Oranger and Sister Chrissie FTW.

5:06 pm May, 17 Douchble Helix said...

After all the effort he put into it, is anybody going to say something to teh_abominable_snowdouche ?

5:07 pm May, 17 Count Douche-a-La said...

Casa La Douche cast it’s vote for Yo Jimbo and the Kuyuko Girls. Axl Rose gave up that look in 1990. We are pleased to see that someone picked it up out of the dumpster and gave it a new home. And by pleased we mean horrified!

5:34 pm May, 17 Doucheperado said...

Cabbage-face. Obviously. The white tuxedo jacket, the D-neck shirt, the faux-hawk and that facial expression that’s just begging for an overhand right. And, oh yeah, he’s the only ‘bag this week with a bona fide Hot Chick.

5:49 pm May, 17 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Since I someday want to be reincarnated as a cute Asian girl, I must vote for Yo Jimbo in the hopes that his type will be eradicated by the time my reincarnation occurs.

6:04 pm May, 17 Troy Tempest said...

Yo Jimbo. Because every time I look at him, my colon makes a fist.

6:09 pm May, 17 Dicy said...

I’m going to have to say Yo Jimbo FTW. I’m not impressed with any of the hotts so I left my vote up to the biggest doche. Yo Jimbo easily fits that bill with his stereotypical ridiculous appearance.

6:26 pm May, 17 Soy Bomb said...

I’m not going to vote this week in protest due to my fave, Young Mitch being shut-out of the weekly. God, I loved that douche.

6:28 pm May, 17 Soy Bomb said...

Alright fine. Yo Jimbo and the Kuyuko Girls FTW(L). But I’m not going to say why, out of protest.

.

.

.

.

.

Jesus Christ, just look at him. Total Douche Lord.

6:38 pm May, 17 creature said...

I vote for the rice cookie douche sandwich of Yo Kimbo

6:40 pm May, 17 notadouche said...

Cabbage Face. . . he has the hottest hot.

I would eat her lumpy undercooked mashed potatoes and claim they were the best I’d ever had. I swear.

6:41 pm May, 17 The Reverend Schnorr said...

Night Oranger and Chrissie.

6:48 pm May, 17 Bigphatnotadouche said...

DB1 say sget out and vote – I vote for Night oranger.

7:04 pm May, 17 Douches Wild said...

Night Oranger seems to be the douchiest of the douchebags. Crissy is sweet.

7:12 pm May, 17 Paul Muad'douche, the Kwisatz Scroterach said...

Wasn’t Yo Jimbo an extra in the Brian Bosworth epic Stone Cold? Regardless, he is the most worthy of a hydrochloric acid bath of this week’s douchebags. And, given that none of this week’s Hotts are game changers, and I dig magic pixie Japanese Girls, I’m going to have to vote Yo jimbo and the Kuyuko girls for this week’s HCwDBotW.

7:26 pm May, 17 Will said...

Cabbage face…

7:38 pm May, 17 Vinny Scumbaglia said...

First off, thanks for ensconcing Pumpito in a secure place. That his handle was derived from the revered Pumpy allowed me all to readily to associate him with the deadpan boob grab, which of course Pumpito can perform on himself, which of course is disturbing.

Which of course leads me to my tedious breakdown of the contestants and then of course to my vote.

And, of course, I don’t mean any of that, because I will just cut to the chase, because of course these douches are fodder for bolder specimens, and of course by bolder I mean who cares.

Night Oranger and Chrissie get my vote, for poor lighting, excruciating color design, most hot-points-deducting outfit on a hott, and,. of course, best douche cameltoe.

–VS

7:49 pm May, 17 Fatness said...

Night Oranger and Chrissie

Simply because I never want to see any of them again, but these two make me hate humans less than the others.

8:58 pm May, 17 Lord Grace Doo Doo of Squatingham said...

Night Oranger all the way, not because he looks like one of the guys who used to carry around a ghetto blaster on his shoulder at my local park in the 70’s… not because he looks like the “Head Spin” stand in for Shabba Doo Quinones during the filming of “Breakin'” and certainly not because he made a forturne selling his natural shiny, greasy auqua velva smelling excretions to Johnson Products as the secret ingredient in Afro Sheen but simply because of the stark contrast of the Hott to this Twaut

9:20 pm May, 17 Bro M. Chomsky said...

Cabbage face ftw. This turd floats in what was the sweetest of the original punch bowls.

10:40 pm May, 17 Steve L. said...

if Jordano the up and coming douchebag wants to start up a “carrer in fashion and modeling”, he has no choice but to look to the Night Oranger as his mentor. anybody can put on a pair of sunglasses, make a face, and tell you that they’re “working hard to better [their] lifestyle,” but only the Night Oranger knows how to create a respectable lifestyle.

and by “respectable” i mean… oh god let’s just get it over with. Night Oranger & Chrissie FTFMLW (for the fashion, modeling, and lifestyle win).

p.s. i’m sure granny panties and chastity belts are part of “lifestyle” too. somehow, one way or another.

10:43 pm May, 17 Fat, Drunk, and Douchey said...

Cabbage face does not instill any real hatred. And his hott (?) doesn’t even seem to notice him. No rage.

.

Night Oranger has GSR, a mandanna, orange skin, and is apparently trying to bring back the classic look of El Debarge. But Chrissie does nothing for me. No vote for you!

.

Has to be YoJimbo and his rub-n-tug girls. He has mandana, black nail polish, spray-on ab accentuator, aviators, and an aura that screams “I think I am much more of a bad ass than I am.”. Fuck him. And the Kuyuko girls could take me on the seven steps to heaven any day.

10:48 pm May, 17 Baleen said...

While the Night Oranger pic creeps the shit out of me unlike the others but the douche looks like a gay interpretive dancer.

.

Yo Jimbo is uberscrote yet fits the same prdictable template as seen often here before.

.

Now Cabbage Face. Here’s an fine expample of sheer stupidity. A modern bagling who was raised on X-Box, Taco Bell, summer detention, and cheap inhalents. The Hott is heroin chic and he’s the black tar under the rim of my toilet bowl.

.

Cabbage Face

11:07 pm May, 17 tall guy said...

My vote is for #3. Cabbage Face. What a sad promise on the future of the world we live in.

11:27 pm May, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

Night Oranger and Chrissie FTW, in their purple haze, because it’s not only douchey to wearbelted white knit pants that tight, it’s just plain embarrassing to onlookers to be studying his taint in such detail. Leave that to his urologist. Or maybe Chrissie.

12:57 am May, 18 teh_abominable_snowdouche said...

@Douchble Helix

I’m nobody. Can’t wait to slam down some haiku’s though.

Damn I missed you guys.

3:24 am May, 18 Douchey McDouche said...

Nicole and Cabbage Face.

4:11 am May, 18 Douche Equis said...

Nicole and Cabbage Face. The others are fakes / poseurs. N&CF are weak, but authentic.

5:24 am May, 18 BMC said...

Yo Jimbo.

8:39 am May, 18 Peter Ilyich Doucheovsky said...

Gotta be Cabbage Face. The sunglasses and Chest Shave Reveal are enough to make me want to punch a puppy in it’s newly formed gential region. Little violent? Maybe. It’s been a weird couple days, and Cabbage looks like a cast member of Miami Vice: The Musical!

12:48 pm May, 18 Medusa Oblongata said...

All three of these pics are causing me some sort of burpy-reflux thing. I imagine it could be the entire Chipotle carnitas burrito that I devoured in less than three minutes. However, having a cast-iron stomach in regards to food (did I mention I ate horse meat about 7 times in Italy?) I’m going to have to attribute my churning innards to the ghastly visages I see before me. Therefore, I must cast my vote based on the single most disturbing element of all three photos, and that would be the Almond Joy. You know, the crabapple smuggling. The moose knuckle. Night Oranger’s pants nuggets. This is a crime against humanity and must be punished to the fullest extent of the law and by the law I mean the flatulence when this burrito works its way through the Great Gorgon Pipeline. Night Oranger FTW.

2:12 pm May, 18 Douche Dastardly said...

Nicole is delicate deliciousness. She looks like she could be the slightly less attractive cousin of quartasian Mia Sara Hott (Still one of my favorites) who would be so excited to have one of her cousins older friends hang out with her in the rec room and play classic Atari.

Then while she is in the bathroom I would inhale the seat covers that were graced with the rumps of these 2 young ladies. I was going to make a joystick joke right now but my hearts not in it.

M’eh.

Let’s not forget about that puffy cheek pile of panda crap. Yeah that’s right Cabbage I’m talking about you!

Cabbage for the weekly because to much cabbage makes your stool a little loose and this one here his pint size serving of runny poo.

5:38 pm May, 18 Doucheasorus Maximus said...

Kinda lame FTW contest. I’ll go with Nicole only because she’s the hottest in the line-up.

9:50 pm May, 18 Stephanie said...

Did night oranger color the ends of his hair purple? WTF?

Night oranger and chrissie sounds like two pose-able plastic dolls from the 60’s which my dog chewed on.

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