Thursday, December 15, 2011

Hottest Hott of the Year: Bracket #2

Because why not have two winners? Mmmm… femaleness. Here’s your all brunette lineup. Becomes I loves me some brunettes.

Hottest Hott of the Year Finalist #1: Bikini Clara

Enhanced? Perhaps.

But her sweet wholesome face and Mayan Eye of Coitus perfectly compliment a taut and viable womb structure that’s established for lengthy fertility.

Let us also not forget the creamy milky skin tone of sunset Bahama spackle pooch.

Long have Zoroastrian monks castrated the sheep in silent protest for the Godless void of mass suckle pooch denial as to the likes of Bikini Clara.

And yes, that last sentence made no linguistic sense.

But it made perfect sense is a toe nibble sort of way.

Besides, didn’t the post-structuralists prove that words contain inherent slippages of meaning that dead-end in referents that never resolve? Derrida said that, I believe.

Butt pooch.

Hottest Hott of the Year Finalist #2: Brunette Rhea

Yes, she’s part of an HCwDB team competing in the Yearly, but that don’t mean Brunette Rhea don’t get her shot in the HHotY as well.

And that’s a lot of double negatives.

And let’s not forget:

Gynochin and Rhea and Gynopenis Nose.

While the Gyn and Rhea are odds on to compete for the HCwDB of the Year in a day or so, we should not deny Rhea her chance to be lovely in the Paulest McCartneyest sense.

Lovely.

Lovely.

Butt slap.

Hottest Hott of the Year Finalist #3: Oiled Up Sophie

Lo, how we almost forgot this powerhouse specimen of female perfection.

From back in October in a Friday Thoughts and Links, Oiled Up Sophie was so suckle grab, she not only helped us to ignore the doucheyness of Bro Johnson, she gave us glimpses of perfect crush thigh asphyxiation fantasy.

And lets not forget pic #2 of Oiled Up Sophie Goodness.

Hers are the thighs that thundered down from Zeus’s chariot screaming “SMACK ME AND YOUR ESOPHOGUS WILL SUFFER IN GLORIOUS SPASMS OF ECCLESIASTIC DELIGHT!!

Or something to that effect in such so many words.

Yup.

Nearing the end of the Douchies and the DB1 is getting loopy.

Hottest Hott of the Year Finalist #4: Stephie

And because I like to mix in some wholesome real world exotic beauties in the competition, there’s Emperor Hairoheato’s Stephie. Well, I’m tweaking her name to Stephie.

Okay, so I probably overused the name Stephanie this year. But whatevs. Deal with it.

From back in June, Stephie’s co-habit with Emperor Hairoheato caused much consternation.

And lets not forget Stephie at the Prom. On the third moon of Yavin. Before the Empire attacked the rebel base.

Honorable Hott mentions go to Lounge Lizard Larry’z Columbian Colette, Cindy-Anne, who probably would’ve made the finals if not for the porn vibe and Bleeth face, Eurohott Terezia, Somewhere in Glendale’s unconventional but tasty beauty, Varooshka, and Perfect Suckle Chomp Salina.

Butt these are your four. And by butt I mean butt. and by four I mean fondle.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
6:54 am December, 15 Doucheywallnuts said...

Bikini Clara FTW, and FTW I mean I am sporting wood.

6:55 am December, 15 Eponymous Douche said...

Flock of Benji best have Daddy Warbucks ’cause Steffi outta his league, yo.

6:57 am December, 15 Eponymous Douche said...

Sophie makes me happy in my bad place.

7:02 am December, 15 Et Tu Douche? said...

Oiled Up Sophie and her rib crunching thighs FTW!!!

7:05 am December, 15 Et Tu Douche? said...

Here’s hoping there’s a 3rd & 4th bracket as I’m still holding out hope that Layla and her FMB’s get some recogniton LI Bob & Layla

7:06 am December, 15 Hurl Scheibe said...

I’m just an oily slick on the wind up world of a nervous tick.

Oiled Up Sophie FTW!!

ROUGHNECKS!!

7:10 am December, 15 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Stephie by a MILE. Voted in her 9th grade class as “Least Likely Ever to Bleeth,” the accolades keep coming. So her taste for Japanese douchepuds leaves something to be desired. The rest of her is highly desired.

7:19 am December, 15 Eponymous Douche said...

Crotch structure reveals that Sophie is in possession of the coveted snapper, and I ain’t talkin’ lawn mower, know what I’m sayin’?

7:30 am December, 15 army (ret) douche said...

bikini clara, bonus the bag is a notta.

7:38 am December, 15 FoghornLeghorn said...

Rhea looks like she just stepped out of “The Stepford Wives”, Sophie’s hat and very substantial thighs bother me, and Stephie could be my little sister’s bestie who just made some poor life choices. I just can’t see any of them as the Hottest Hott.
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Clara, on the other hand, is perfect. She’s been around long enough to know that posing with a douche is just part of the job. She seems confident and completely at ease wearing a bikini to a party where everyone else is in winter clothing. Finally, the look of erotic promise on her face has been haunting my dreams since she first appeared here.
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Bikini Clara for the win.

7:43 am December, 15 Nancy Dreuche said...

Terezia wuz robbed. Must have been her abnormally high belly button that got her booted out. Anywho, to cast a vote in a category that should probably enrage me and spark numerous debates on how rating someone by their looks alone is a horrible practice and causes many an eating disorder and feeds the cosmetic surgery industry is something we can get into at another time. I’m here to vote for the hotts damnit. And once again I see that my longtime fav for this category, Evil Bert was also snubbed again. Again, a discussion for another time.
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My vote goes to Stephie because we all know that Emporer Judge Ito is the Ducky to her Molly Ringwalds character in that one movie I’ve never had the patience to sit all the way through.
On a related note 16 Manhandles would be a great title for a gay porno. Anyway, that means Stef is free for the pickins fellas. Shes smart enough to hang out with gay dudes until the right non douchebag comes along. Wait, did I just turn this into another shameless self promotion? Probably, but girls gotta do whatt a girls gotta do.
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Steph for HOH. She would class that place up a little.

7:46 am December, 15 Nancy Dreuche said...

On second thought Steph is kinda young. Um vote switched to Bikini Clara. On account of her boobs.

7:46 am December, 15 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Sophie’s navel is longer than Tolstoy, Brunette Rhea looks more vapid than a Jay McInerny heroine, and Stephie has the worst taste in men since Zelda Fitzgerald.
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.That leaves Bikini Clara and her enhanced mamms and plastered hair by default.
.
. Bikini Clara FTW.

7:46 am December, 15 Medusa Oblongata said...

Bikini Clara. I think this is the first time I’ve seen one of these bikini girls in a bar that didn’t look like a desperate, coked-up slut. Her expression seems to say, “Hey, mister, I’m lost. Can you tell me where the beach is?” Awwwww. Come with me, Clara, I’ll help you find the beach. And I will weep softly while I massage tanning lotion into your shoulders and blame it on sand in my eye.

7:46 am December, 15 the douche is alright said...

Rhea

7:53 am December, 15 Justin said...

OUS all the way. Sophie really “pumps my nads”, reminds me of my girlfriend…she’s from the Niagara Falls area, you wouldn’t know her.

7:57 am December, 15 tall guy said...

I’d betray my natural inclinations to vote for anyone other than Bikini Clara. (Dumbstruck) Rhea I like. There’s a naivety about her, but it screams insincerity. Although for the record, I’d willingly play straight man to (using the term in its old school sense not in a gay sense – not that there’s anything wrong with that) to her less than convincing portrayal of innocence. The borderline orangeness of Stephie reminds me of the checkout chick who served me at Coles in Chatswood Chase yesterday. Too orange and too young. Oiled up Sophie: like, I just don’t get what it is about her. Small. firm tits? Check! FGSR? Check! Blankety Blank expression? Check! Boner for her? Well obvi it could happen, but next to Bikini Clara she, along with the rest of this admirably dark-haired field, runs a distinct second. Bikini Clara FTW! Up early today, fellow ‘Bagsters. Might even be in the ocean pre-sunrise.

8:02 am December, 15 Wedgie said...

Oiled up Sophie; it’s the fedora that brings out my inner gangsta.
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Alfonses..

8:03 am December, 15 Bag A said...

Bikini Clara FTW. And by FTW, I mean I’ve just spackled my keyboard.

8:09 am December, 15 Douchble Helix said...

How does each of Sophie’s legs shrivel in different pics?
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I’d like to know the criteria by which Cindy-Anne was eliminated. Same for Varooshka.
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Which reminds me, where’s that blond virgin in the prom limo? The one with the soft and shiny boobage that you soul-crushers denied my HoH nom?

8:12 am December, 15 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Bikini Clara FTW. Tasteful fake cans and ironed hair aside, she’s the quill. sploink.

Oiled-Up Sophie would give new meaning to “bust a nut” with those testicles-smashing thighs, hammering your berries together hard enough to achieve critical mass and mushroom cloud.
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Palm-Iranians

8:22 am December, 15 Red Headed Woman said...

Clara.

8:26 am December, 15 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Bikini Ciara looks like a poor mans Elizabeth Banks getting ready to make a little extra cash at Sturgis, hence the black and greasy die job. Body is banging, but enhanced. I have to go with Rhea for sheer natural girl next door hotness.
+
Rhea FTW and a quick bathroom break.

8:26 am December, 15 Mandouchian Candidate said...

dye job, you fuccin idiot^^

8:35 am December, 15 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

I cant vote for anybody else.
When I think of Oiled-up Sophie I touch myself.

8:44 am December, 15 Douchey McDouche said...

Rhea

8:56 am December, 15 Douche Springsteen said...

Oiled Up Sophie. There’s something about a hott in a hat that only men over age 60 should wear that makes them 2.38 times hotter. Also, Mayan Eye of Coitus says “Buddy, I could make you weep without breaking a sweat”. And another thing, she just looks that much better whilst standing next to a douchebag in kung-fu pants who walked into the tattoo parlor all coked up and said “Fuck it man, we don’t need a design, just make it look BAD ASS!!!”

9:03 am December, 15 Bueller said...

Oiled Up Sophie

9:05 am December, 15 kneejerk said...

sophie

9:14 am December, 15 Charles Douchewin said...

I would run – wearing live sea otters as shoes – though a victoria’s secret editon of a PETA “I’d rather go naked than wear fur” convention,
just for the chance to shuffle behind sophie wherever she goes, using said otters to clean up her inevitable oil slick.

9:20 am December, 15 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Nice imagery man. I hope DB1 puts together a best ode to hott cuz this should be in there.

9:24 am December, 15 dhill0125 said...

stephie & clara are incredible, sophie’s body is ridiculous, but the innocent look & eyes of brunette rhea tops all. God why is she with a pud like gynochin.

rhea ftw

9:24 am December, 15 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Oiled Up Sophie

9:26 am December, 15 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Bikini Clara. If her bikini bottom were even one centimeter lower the entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir would instantaneously burst into song belting out Queen’s “Bicycle Race” in a cheesy latin accent accompanied by the Malaysian Pops Orchestra, all dressed in drag and Japanese Kabuki face.
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It would be an amazing sight.
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Clara’s shorn and glistening nethers that is.

9:36 am December, 15 Vin Douchal said...

Rhea has kissable lips. Even though I can’t see them.
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Oiled up Sophie has the expression of the cockiest cheerleader in high school and is still using it as her confidence factor ten years later
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Bikini Clara is put together but she’s wearing a bathing suit around fully dressed dudes leading us to believe she’s the skanky entertainment at an otherwise sausage fest.
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Stephanie is either trying to show us her snoofquatch with that pose or farting out the Thai Fusion she had for dinner. Judging by the stains on Emperor Hairoheato’s tie it’s probably the latter
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Rhea FTW based on the fact that she’s in a club with Gynochin giving her instant Bleeth status. This is about Bleeths , right? And she’s hott as tabasco in your dicckhole. Don’t try that, trust me

9:47 am December, 15 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Thanks @Mr. Scrotato and @Vin for giving me the hardest laugh(s) I’ve had in a week….

9:53 am December, 15 Ol' Dirty Douchebag said...

I’m the last guy to complain about enhancements but it’s Sophie for me because I’ve been bad and she what to do about it. Ignore me.

9:59 am December, 15 jonezy said...

OH GLORIOUS CLARA! you are divine.
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but I also toss a whattup?! nod to Stephanie for her real world, perhaps under-aged hottitude

10:03 am December, 15 CB Popped said...

Damn, tabasco in my pee hole sounds harsh….

But I’d let Rhea do that to me if she felt like it. I’d even allow her to use a medical wooden q-tip for application.

There is phenomenal womb structure everywhere, but FTW Rhea.

10:03 am December, 15 Steve said...

Brunette Rhea. Big eyes FTW.

10:08 am December, 15 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Clara has a nice bikini bod, but I’m put off by her hair. Is it made of Vinyl?
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Like the sun, Rhea is as hot as nuclear fusion, and like the sun, Rhea is also millions of miles away, contemplating such deep thoughts as “how do starfish pee?” But she and Gyno have been dominating the categories, and I’m benching her for this one.
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Sophie is hott. The hottest hott of the year? No.
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Stephie for the win. As hott as any other contender despite her young age, and dark hair and almond eyes are under represented.

10:14 am December, 15 Ted Brogan said...

Oiled-up Sophie. Clara is soooo close, but I guess the natural boobies give Sophie the win.

10:15 am December, 15 Fyodor Dostedouchesky said...

Clara FTW. All worthy contenders but this is really no contest. Love the pre-Bleeth Tiffany-Amber-Thiessen-Saxe-Coburg-Gotha vibe she is channeling

10:22 am December, 15 baffomet said...

Bikini Clara creates a rise in my levis.

10:41 am December, 15 CB Popped said...

Oiled up Clara would be very interesting.

10:46 am December, 15 DarkSock said...

Bikini Clara, you pompous fuck-teats!
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I’d sodomize a sleeping grizzly bear using a live and angry skull-fucked nurse shark just for the privilege of fingering her neighbor’s yard dog.
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She has the boobs that makes one throw carp at the Pope just in the hopes that she’ll see footage of you being pummeled by the silly-looking Swiss Guard as she clicks bored and pensive through the Red Roof Inn’s courtesy channels while she’s being railed from behind by Dick Cheney’s wheezing and overpaid doppleganger, away for a tax law convention in Topeka, Kansas. John Largeman, distracted next door through the thin hotel walls by the sounds of the hefty old man’s short-stroke pot-bellied lungings slapping against Tara’s taught ass like a slow golf clap, mutters in disapproval has he deftly pops the top off of the complimentary hand lotion with one thumb, and clicks up the volume. On the screen is Oiled Up Sophie in FuckDoll Sandwich, Volume 11: Double Dicker Sandwich”.
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Bikini Clara for the win.
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Spankers.

10:49 am December, 15 RAPETIME said...

Bikini Clara. That is all.

10:51 am December, 15 Eponymous Douche said...

Clara is like a Barbie doll, not because of her unnatural otherworldly features but because she looks to be made of plastic right down to her bald spot.

Rhea looks like her mind once had a thought that passed it by like a stranger in a crowd, but then promptly went back to sleep. Plus her rack sags. Bad news for one so young.

Stephie’s innocence is all wrapped up in invoices and tips. She’s gotta pay her pimp at the end of the night.

Sophie would do the Hammel Camel on your johnny and then leap off to her next appointment. That don’t bother me none. She’s cute. Plus, snapper.

11:00 am December, 15 Ich verstehe sie ist heiß said...

This is a tough call. Bikini Clara has, as we say in Austria, großenmilschenbrüsten, and for that I give a hearty “ja” while my schneckelschwanz does a Hitler salute. Unfortunately, her appearance is just a bit too polished — she has the look of a wallet-draining pro who leaves a trail of blue-ball devastation in her wake.

Next up we have the unbelievable hotness of oiled-up Sophie. Yes, she probably weighs 155lbs but she’s 6 feet tall for Christ’s sake. If she mounts your face she’ll probably dislocate your jaw, but you’ll love every second of it. What you won’t love is the drunken Tuesday 4am phone calls where she cries and begs you to pick her up from her “friend” Steve’s house. And you’ll hate yourself for driving over there and picking her up, thinking that maybe she’ll break your jaw again but instead she passes out in her own vomit while you jack it in your apartment bathroom, quietly weeping.

While leaves us with Stephie. Sweet, adorable Stephie. Sweet, filthy, adorable Stephie. Sweet, filthy, dirty, adorable Stephie who has a secret drawer of exciting undergarments. Stephie doesn’t show a lot of skin because she doesn’t have to. And she’s so young that she hasn’t even realized the universe-destroying power of her hotness, which is the only possible explanation for her allowing her photograph to be taken within a 100 meter radius of Emperor Hairoheato.

There is no other choice but Stephie.

Ja.

11:03 am December, 15 Sophie L'Huilé said...

I want to thank all of you oil lovers that voted for me. And to those of you haters that didn’t, please reconsider. I’ll let you scrub your soiled your underwear on my washboard abs. And if you still don’t want to vote for me, I’ll crush your skull like a walnut in a Christmas Nutcracker with my thighs.

11:10 am December, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Brunette Rhea is wholesome doe-eyed Disney princess innocence perfection. She looks like Belle from Beauty and the Beast.
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Whoa, totally didn’t intend to share that last link from my private collection.

11:15 am December, 15 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Sophie, you should kick it here more often. I like the polite hotts. Plus its sort of a sausagefest in here i.e. my kinda odds.

11:15 am December, 15 Vin Douchal said...

The ‘Sock’s reaction to Fuck-Teats:
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11:19 am December, 15 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Jacques D, you’re in between me and Sophie. Also, thankfully your second link doesn’t work on my computer, because I’m sure its an Asian schoolgirl getting sharted on by The Pope. And I don’t like to look at that stuff until at least after 5.

11:21 am December, 15 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

^I’m more of an Ariel type of guy…. I mean if I spanked to cartoons, which I don’t as far as any of you know.

11:23 am December, 15 The Dude said...

Bikini Clara, because she makes an otherwise potential nottadouche into a fishslap candidate just for being that close to her.

11:27 am December, 15 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Dude McCrude, do you like her with or without the legs?
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A-hole New World

11:34 am December, 15 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Dreuche, I never had a preference one way or the other… which you could interpret to mean a lot of very strange things.

11:50 am December, 15 Sophie L'Huilé said...

Miss Nancy, I would be delighted to help you straighten out the sausage casings in this establishment. But first, these boys must vote for my oiled physique!!

11:52 am December, 15 Tanath said...

Always a tough category, but I’m going to have to go with Bikini Clara for the win…

12:04 pm December, 15 Charles Douchewin said...

@ Nancy, thanks for the props!
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@ DarkSock, I’m awed by your ability to anastomose together two HHotY contestants plus so much disturbing imagery – in a single ode. I’m having alot of trouble scrubbing the visual of events surrounding the phrase ” like a slow golf clap”.
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Based on the quality of that ode, I seriously considered changing my vote to Bikini Clara.
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But I’m sticking with Sophie, because I understand she exudes that oil herself, and it can be used to power flex-fuel cars.

12:32 pm December, 15 Troy Tempest said...

Rhea. Why? Because she looks like the only one of the bunch who doesn’t have some kind of serious neurosis. She doesn’t look like the sharpest knife in he drawer, but she also doesn’t look like some kind of a whiny inflate-o-skank.

12:40 pm December, 15 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

DarkSock seems to have a bit of the Rev. in him today. Let’s hope not literally, and that it is not catchy.

12:44 pm December, 15 Wheezer said...

Bikini Clara just may be the prettiest of the four (and by “four,” I mean “eight”), but I’m casting my vote for Oiled Up Sophie>/b>. Why? Take a look at her expressions in both photos. She’s disgusted by the stench of poo, Axe, and Prep H. Then look at how the other hotts don’t seem to mind being with their “men.”
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That recognizance of choadscrotery elevates Oiled Up Sophie to winner of this bracket.

12:45 pm December, 15 Wheezer said...

And if I knew how to fuccen PROOFREAD^^ my HTML brackets, I’d be a winner of some kind as well. Maybe.
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HTML nerds.

12:45 pm December, 15 Douchble Helix said...

“Emperor Hairoheato” wins in the “Best Douchebag’ Name” category.

1:25 pm December, 15 Stephanie said...

Steph

1:30 pm December, 15 melvil_duchi said...

Brunette Rhea

1:40 pm December, 15 Sophie L'Huilé said...

Wheezer is a man of dscriminating tastes.

2:31 pm December, 15 Douchie Spellcheck said...

To all those who say “Oiled up Sophie” I reply

But,

Her

Face?

Rhea FTW

4:57 pm December, 15 Sergeant Poop said...

I’ll keep this short and to the point, just like my penis.

Brunette Rhea

9:00 pm December, 15 Elwood BluezBag said...

Oiled Up Sophie! Pants down, the hottest.

9:03 pm December, 15 ehcuodouche said...

As much as I like my quartasian hotts, I have to go with Rhea. Probably cause of Gynochin i have to go ‘rhea.

9:08 pm December, 15 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Clara

9:32 pm December, 15 Nostradouchus said...

Rhea. The girl next door look is hot, and I don’t like the attitude Sophie is giving me….plus she needs to go grow some funbags.

12:07 am December, 16 Jacques Doucheteau said...

What’ s wrong with spanking it to cartoons anyway? You haven’t truly lived until you’ve spanked it to every Disney animated feature made in the ’50s.
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Yes, that includes Lady and the Tramp.

1:06 am December, 16 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Look:
Stephie wins in this group hands down – with honorable mention/wanklust approval for Sophie and Clara, of course.
BUT:
It is a CRIME – no, a SIN – that VAROOSHKA was not included in the voting. I’d pop the pustules on Rosie Mcdonald’s asscheeks just for the privilege of having Varooshka contemptuously scorn me.

1:47 am December, 16 Whoop-di-douche said...

Okey-dokey, it’s Oiled-Up-Sophie.
Boobs get their own category…and while Sophie’s are’t that oversized or spectacularly sprung, her thighs and midsection are just OUTSTANDING. I’m sure she could outrun a gazelle, outhop a kangaroo, and strangle a stallion and other lusty males with those
well-developed and lusty hamstrings…ooh la la.

2:49 am December, 16 JK said...

Rhea!

6:45 am December, 16 Eponymous Douche said...

Who is Rosie McDonald?

8:56 am December, 16 merle baggard said...

Sophie

6:33 am December, 17 douche equis said...

I can put it better than merle baggard did. However, as usual, voting late I can’t put it better than one of the other voters, in this case Whoop-di-douche, so consider him quoted here. Oiled-up Sophie’s fabulous thighs and tummy (and lovely face, you hatters) for the win. Boobs are not everything.

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