Monday, January 2, 2012

HCwDB of the Week: Andy Swirlwind and Freida Garcia

Giving out the first HCwDB of the Week of the New Year means I get to go back and dig through all those hottie/douchey blights that appeared before the Douchie Awards began.

Which is both enlightening and horrifying.

Looking back, I’d definitely consider this rank coupling, showing perfect ass pear and coquettish giggle bobble in presence of odious armtatt and doucheface the most heinous hott/douche travesty of the bunch.

First appearing in late November as “Bring Me the Butt of Freida Garcia,” the Peckinpah allusion alone brings quality reference to the table.

However, there was much competition, as a number of great submits came in before the Douchie Awards began. And by great, I mean soul crushing. Consider Fisthole. Or better yet, don’t. Or last week’s assholic party boat wankshed, Mr. Boatbagus. Or classic Vegas schrud, Wez Retires to Boca. Or the eliminated on account of potential gaybaggery, Lando Tanktoppian. Even Stoagy McBain and Ed Sucky deserve additional mock.

But these is the worst/best. And so we find our first selection of 2012, and first entrant in the next HCwDB of the Month.

# posted by douchebag1
8:05 am January, 2 Wedgie said...

A bit less hungover.

8:15 am January, 2 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s dirty and that’s a good thing. He doesn’t have any effect on me after I learned this morning that Spike has a new show called Ink Masters hosted by Dave Navarro. Sweet fucking tits on a stick the world is ending.

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On a happier note the Mayor of Atlanta is ordering that the city be burned in advance of a General Sherman like Union shit-tsunami firestorm of football greatness by the soon to be Superbowl 46 Champion New York Giants megalith of shit-kicking power force over the decrepit Falcons and their Confederacy of FAIL.

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Y’all

8:32 am January, 2 ehcuodouche said...

He looks like he got dug up about 30 minutes ago and she didn’t have time to wash the body off properly.

9:04 am January, 2 DarkSock said...

Silly Canadian…stick to Hockey.

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Saints will clench Superbowl #46, much like Freida would clench my boiled love peanut.

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I drank an atrocious amount last night.

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Counselors.

9:26 am January, 2 Douche of Hazard said...

“First to Cum”? why would advertise that?

9:36 am January, 2 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

“Fist no one” words to live by, ‘I cant afford an Ed Hardy so I made one with my crayon’ dude. Here’s a quarter, now piss off back to the truckstop to peddle handjobs.

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Post peroxide Melissa Lauren hott does nothin for me.

9:50 am January, 2 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

I’m with @Dude on this one: standard issue bottle blond doesn’t inspire even the slightest sporting of wood.

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.He inspires a wooden mallet to his jizz-stained kissy face.

9:51 am January, 2 tall guy said...

Yeah the fact that Frieda probably assumes that staged look she’s giving with the drinking straw is in some way sexy annoys me. But only because it makes me want to bang her. Andy Swirlwind is a sweaty cockneck, too.

10:45 am January, 2 Wheezer said...

So will Petri Gallagher (or if you have a better name, please suggest one) be in the running next week, or is he too much of a gaybag?

11:30 am January, 2 Southern Scrotic said...

She’s got that Lindsey Lohan thing going for her.

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I can feel it on my skin.

12:43 pm January, 2 Douchble Helix said...

Lotts of hotts to choose from. But the best name was Lando Tanktoppian.

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Who writes this stuff?

12:43 pm January, 2 army (ret) douche said...

She is a cookie cuter blonde hott. He needs his face fixed with a shovel.

2:13 pm January, 2 The Dude said...

Andy reminds me of Death Tongue. One and the same?

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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2008/02/deathtongue/

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Happy Fuccen New Year, early risers.

4:49 pm January, 2 Nancy Dreuche said...

How he is holding that cup makes me uncomfortable.

8:22 pm January, 2 The Dude said...

If I was a tatt-obsessed douchebag, I’d get my tattoos pointed so I could read them, because fuck everybody else.

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Oh yeah, he can read his tatt’s in the mirror. Never mind.

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Reflections

9:33 pm January, 2 Nostradouchus said...

Nice gut, dude.

And his boobs are bigger than hers….

9:39 pm January, 2 Medusa Oblongata said...

So this is what HPV looks like at 10,000x magnification.

10:57 pm January, 2 Douchble Helix said...

The Dude- you may be right about this guy being Deathtongue. I’m not gonna look into it very closely.

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But, damn! That was from February, 2008! Amazing!

11:27 pm January, 2 The Dude said...

Death Tongue could have happened to my eyes and mind in 1008, I’d have to remember it because the damage to my soul was permanent.

4:34 am January, 3 CB Popped said...

Jesus that was a vile display of humanity to start of the New Year.

Stoagy running the full collar pop, with the unique addition of a single red die, the size of one of his balls, being appropriated as a zipper enhancement.

6:19 am January, 3 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Lord, this would get posted on my birthday.

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He can leave. She can give me a present.

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