Saturday, January 3, 2015

2015 Smoot Says “Groooo”

smoot11-725909

Wherein once a Gregorian chant intoned by the Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo de Silos lilted across the flora of pristine rainforests.

Now a plaintive cry winds its way across the landscape of Vegas bottle service beholden only to hottie/douchey memory.

For it may be a simple syllabic grunt.

A primal gutturality of overextended credit card and extreme cardio pilates.

But it is also an aural beacon. A sonic marker. As if a thousand Israeli Shofars cried out as one and were suddenly douchey.

For within that dulcet pedantic cry lies a blend of emotive purity and pristine pectoral flex.

Smoot hath seen the New Year dawn.

And it is Groooo.

# posted by douchebag1
2:46 am January, 3 DarkSock said...

I peed in a horse once.

2:57 am January, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

A sea horse?

3:56 am January, 3 DarkSock said...

Groo gets fellated by his own belt buckle.

He puts the “fella” in “fellate”

4:37 am January, 3 DarkSock said...

As ‘Sock recovers from Holiday Bender, go forth to belated April 1 2005 Haiku to see the April Fools:
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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/04/friday-ish-hungover-haiku/
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19

12:29 pm January, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

Groo puts the “ouch” in “douche”

12:31 pm January, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

Groo puts the “Bi” in “Biceps”

12:32 pm January, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

Crystal has a great ass, just sayin.

4:58 pm January, 3 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

I AM SMOOT!

4:59 pm January, 3 Ted Brogan said...

Crystal looks like she spent a little too much time under the heat lamp.

5:00 pm January, 3 Ted Brogan said...

I’m still unpleased about my gravatar. /me thinks that boss needs to clear out the icon cache or something.

5:02 pm January, 3 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

The last five years have not been kind to Smoot.
.
Crystal could use a new signature move. The stuck-out tongue must be pretty dry after all these years.

8:05 pm January, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She needs a gyroscope treatment. He needs a smote. Son.

8:06 pm January, 3 Captain Obvious said...

She has a big arse, Son. And shit.
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Buuuurrrrrrp.

8:08 pm January, 3 SLAPPWHOAR said...

HER ASSE NEED A T0O HAND FUCKEN CUPPING, FAGGOATHS.
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SUNs
.
13

8:10 pm January, 3 Where's Wedgie said...

I’d arse fuck through that fat bottom with my big fuccen mushroom tip.

8:58 pm January, 3 Charles Douchewin said...

Nothing fails like success, eh Smoot?.
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Except for rhinestone skull belt buckles.
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Krystal has arms like gams.
Gams, I says!

1:21 am January, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

This is one cute Jewess. I think a mixed Jew of Sephardim and Askenazim lineage.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmdiI-jUZhI
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Generic Viagra gets my purple veiner fully erect. Hard Jesus-sized hard. Shalom habba gibbirz.
.
13

3:55 pm January, 4 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Where the hell would one even purchase a garish belt buckle like that ?

9:43 pm January, 4 Guid is Good said...

Crystal’s career as a body double for the cumshot shoot looks to have had a negative side effect.

11:40 pm January, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I think not having regular posts on the home page has lowered our Bleeth Expectations.

1:11 am January, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

HER ASSE NEED A T0O HAND FUCKEN CUPPING, FAGGOATHS.
.
SUNs
.
13

6:10 am January, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That Groo is one cockadoodie dirty bird, Mister Man.

2:57 pm January, 5 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This pic depresses me almost as much as Stuart Scott dying.
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17

2:59 pm January, 5 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I gotta give props to his barber for knowing how to make a flat-top douchehawk.
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12 boo-yahs

3:16 pm January, 5 Vin Douchal said...

2015 Vin Douchal says “Fuck you Smoot”

10:38 pm January, 5 The Artist Formerly Known As Nancy Dreuche said...

2 Things

1. Shit, I’d thought some of you would be dead by now. No offense Rev Chad.

2. To a douche free 2015! Wait, then why am I back here. Oh yeah because I’m drunk AND to rub it in.

3. Younger and taller dudes is where it’s at these days so…Peace suckas!

Shit. That’s 3 things.

10:43 pm January, 5 The Godfather said...

Ah…Revenge. She is a dish best served cold.

12:53 am January, 6 Et Tu Douche? said...

Nancy Dreuche reemerges.
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“Wait, then why am I back here. Oh yeah because I’m drunk AND to rub it in.”
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Are you sure you didn’t mean to say “I’m drunk AND to rub one out?”

1:01 am January, 6 The Artist Formerly Known As Nancy Dreuche said...

A little bit of Column A. A little bit of Column B Et Tu. Well played OLD boy. Well played.

1:10 am January, 6 The Artist Formerly Known As Nancy Dreuche said...

C’mon Et Tu it’s been over 5 years since I’ve gotten laid. You understand right bro?

2:24 am January, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

You are a cunt Nancy. Dirty, festering labia infected by dildo sharing cunt. Did I mention fuck off you cunt?
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Nancy smells like that scent you get when you forget the styrofoam thing that had chicken on it that you ate on Monday. But it’s Friday and it was really hot and you were busy and out for a few nights. And you go into the kitchen and realize when you got the munch on that the chicken styrofoam has maggots on it. Or fish. No matter.
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Fuck off Nancy you fucking cunty cunt cunt cunt!
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And fat.
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She’s so fat when she sits around, she stinks like fish and chicken poon. Fuch yhou NAncy.
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Sons
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15

2:40 am January, 6 The Artist Formerly Known As Nancy Dreuche said...

I love you too Rev, you festering pile you. You are the Coyote to my Road Runner. How are your poor kids?

3:28 am January, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Fuck you Nancy! The fat one grew out of her fat and is perfectly socialized and the retarded little one is known locally as the ballet savant you used-up Dragon Whoar cunt.
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Nancy?
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Yes.
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What is your favourite flavour of frogurt?
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Colon Slime
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Fuck off you fucking Shiksa!
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Stinky Puss Retard.

4:00 am January, 6 The Artist Formerly Known As Nancy Dreuche said...

Tis true. Colon Slime tastes just like chicken. Glad to hear the little ones are well.
.
.

Stinky Puss Retard would be a great band name. Even better than RUSH I dare say.
.
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#nohomo Happy New Year Fagoths!

6:39 am January, 6 Sir David Douchenborough said...

That hair never goes away. It is like he is wearing the Douchy Pyramids of Griecza or something.

Oh, and has it been almost 9 years? I thought the Recession took care of them. No..wait..nevermind.

1:01 pm January, 6 hermit said...

Smoot has been a douchebag for so long one might be inclined to give him a notta based on perseverance and longevity. Kinda’ like this guy.

1:34 pm January, 6 Dickie Fingers said...

I bet Crystal has all kinds of stupid shit tatted on that industrial ass.

3:14 pm January, 6 Charles Douchewin said...

I don’t know about you all, but whenever The Rev lights into Nancy, I hear “Red” Deutsch’s voice, e.g.:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9IKYNOA3D0&list=PLopySCGzRCrUpZ_6GiruFo4VENPFSlu7t&index=5
.
Like all good Jersey youth of a bygone age, I first heard “The Red Tapes” on a grainy bootleg cassette.
Together, the prank-callers and Red became a Mentos-and-Soda of hate. It was the most badass thing my grade-school self had ever heard.
.
And now, I hear it all over again whenever the Rev sees red.

4:37 pm January, 6 Dickie Fingers said...

Nancy and the Rev are back together again.

6:23 pm January, 6 MC900FootDouchebag said...

Glad to see that mocking the douche continues into 2015. Also glad to see the Rob Lowe Direct TV ad with “Meathead Rob Lowe.”
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsmhKOpDz9w

6:31 pm January, 6 The Artist Formerly Known As Nancy Dreuche said...

Ah Dickie, don’t get the Rev all worked up thinking I’m gonna stick around and bust his balls like the old days. Lord knows his drug addled mind and congested heart can’t take the pressure I can bring. This place is bad for my newly gained mental “stability” and bums the shit outta me too if we’re being honest. I dont want to have to increase my meds just to be able to check in here. I was just stopping in to pass on a wish for good tidings in the new year and since I’m finally ready to settle down I’ll be doing less fucking around in haunts such as this. Also the new math question at the end is super insulting.

And let the record show I did say “No offense” Rev in my original post.

Now carry on. I won’t let the door hit me on the way out.

7:17 pm January, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Just fuck off Nancy and stay away you peanut butter crotch dog fucker analingus cunt.
.
Did I saw that she licks dogs asses after they get her off.? Absofuckinglutly you cunt. Go fucking die like the fucker I new that burned above the planes in one of the towers. I hated that fucker. Money grubbing chubby rich daddy sycophant corporate nepotism climber.
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Wifebeating fraud cocksuckers.

10:55 pm January, 6 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

But tell us how you really feel! 😉

11:35 pm January, 6 FredN. said...

Oh my.

3:46 am January, 7 DarkSock said...

FREE TED BROOOOOOGAN!!!!!!!
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.
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13

3:47 am January, 7 DarkSock said...

Nancy…pics or GTFO
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11
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Tall Guys

3:48 am January, 7 DarkSock said...

The sexual tension between RevChad & Nancy…you could cut it with a butter knife.
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Butter, I says…
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Hey 19

3:52 am January, 7 DarkSock said...

I would serve 3 seasons as George Ull’s towel fluffer and then writhe through 2 years ofJaneane Garofalo’s embittered tampons whilst fending off 17 shamed starving vampyres just for the privilege of sniffing the ass of the dog of Crystal’s unreported house cleaner.
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Sons.
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Fart.
. 16

4:37 am January, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d let Nancy put her hairy balls in my mouth for a chance to ass suck that chicks big junk.
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I think Nancy’s vagina looks like this but with a green foam and a shake or two of blue waffles.
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http://goatse.info/

12:12 pm January, 7 hermit said...

Nancy is like the unremarkable two-year-old who, frustrated by her inability to gain attention from the adults in the room by being charming, humorous or likable, defiantly flings the plate of spaghetti off its high chair tray, then looks around the room as if to say, “Now try to ignore me!”

12:12 pm January, 7 hermit said...

OK calling the rest of us “adults” is a stretch.

1:28 pm January, 7 Dickie Fingers said...

Thanks for stopping by Nancy. Happy 2015. Best wishes on the prolapses and pork product addiction.

5:58 pm January, 7 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I think Analingus is a lost art.
.
So, as I’ve asked before, is the site a thing again or are these main page posts a passing fancy of the boss? Passing fancy, I says.

8:55 pm January, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

As much as Nancy is a cunt, I’d still smote Islamists to protect her or any of you my brothers.
.
Remember Pearl Harbour.
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Sons.

9:05 pm January, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

If we did not have Islamists in our countries, and a generation grown aware of Islam as an alternative, we wouldn’t have this shit like happened in Canada and now France, and Britain and all the other pussy countries holding their tongues. CNN has yet to state names or nationalities to not hurt someones feelings. Fuck off liberal pipesmoking beardos. They are coming to kill our ass. load up on water and bullets Sons. I’m loading up with weed, machetes, light beer, ans pharmaceuticals.
.
And those French-Canadian fucks that were called deranged or what the fuck only did this after learning about it on these here broadbands. I’m got my bug-out bag ready and a little shitty plot of hardpan soil 20 miles away with an old storm cellar just in case. I gotta thank Grandpa Kroeger for helping out with the bunker.
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What is it with the French fucks! Smoot the Muslims? I’m go get drunk in the old Escalade on blocks with Steve the Neighbour.
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https://creepingsharia.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/palestinianstate.gif?w=468&h=352
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I meant Remember 9/11.

1:49 pm January, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

DarkSock has his own empire?
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http://www.darksockmedia.com/author/admin/
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24 religions too many

2:00 pm January, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Say it ain’t so DarkSock
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http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/7jrn

3:36 pm January, 8 Dickie Fingers said...

It looks like his belt buckle caught a wiff from one of them and puked on his pants.

4:42 pm January, 8 Vin Douchal said...

Smoot’s shits have male pattern baldness

4:42 pm January, 8 Vin Douchal said...

Smoot’s shits have higher SAT scores than Smoot

4:44 pm January, 8 Vin Douchal said...

Smoot’s shits are highly flammable and actually have the sign on their side as he pinches them off

4:45 pm January, 8 Vin Douchal said...

Smoot’s shits give blood every 3 weeks by wringing themselves out into a vial

4:47 pm January, 8 Vin Douchal said...

“Smoot’s Shits” was the working title of Frank Zappa’s first album

4:48 pm January, 8 Vin Douchal said...

Smoot’s shits won a Miami area fantasy football pool

4:53 pm January, 8 Vin Douchal said...

Smoot’s shits have a cameo appearance in Pitbull’s Timber video
.
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Oh wait, that’s Ke$ha

4:53 pm January, 8 Vin Douchal said...

Smoot’s shits have higher SAT scores than Ke$ha

7:40 pm January, 8 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

Pretty much anything has a higher SAT score than Ke$ha.

8:35 pm January, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

You guys haven’t met my students.

8:52 pm January, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

My students make Ke$sha look like Richard Feynman.

9:03 pm January, 8 Charles Douchewin said...

^My students make me wish I had a class of Ke$has.
.
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But not all, some are wicked smaht.
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Others would make some regs find it hard to post from prison.
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#Gohomeandchange

9:50 pm January, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I am open for invitations as Guest Lecturer. My favourite topic lately is. “Pussy Fucking Westerns Don’t Realize These Islamists Are For Real – #FUCK ISLAM
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#FUCK ISLAM SON
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I decorated my house with cartoons of Mohammed while I was making Rick Simpson Oil for Granny Mrs. Kroeger’s radiation nausea.

3:32 am January, 9 DarkSock said...

Fraiku, yo:
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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/04/friday-haiku-363/

8:57 pm January, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Rev Chad has joined Anonymous?
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WDDWlt7fkk
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21 gun salute

9:52 pm January, 9 MC900FootDouchebag said...

Latvian hockey fan DBs.
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Though I’d like to Hitler the rumps of those blondes.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYSRbeYswGQ

5:14 pm January, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

A short advertisement for my brothers to the south living under Sharia-enforced censorship.
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#INTERISLAMNOW #IHATEMUSLIMS #COMEANDGETMEFAGGOTHUMANRIGHTSCOMMISSIONCOCKSUCKERS
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https://creepingsharia.wordpress.com/files/2008/03/muhammed_tegning_bom_79952e_.jpg

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