Wednesday, October 7, 2015

The Manicorn

Manicorn

So Man buns are now a thing.

One that cannot, nay, must not stand. Not with hair band. Nor clip.

Whether appearing on quasi-celebrities or just in classic douchepose selfies, we are witnessing the spread of an insidious follicular blight.

For this douche ooze bridges the generations. An amalgam of hippie nostalgia, metrosexual choadery, and the emergent lumbersexual gender crossing vortex of confusion to produce a giant circular Princess Leia hairpoo.

Lo, the moment is bleak. Enough to make me break my self-imposed HCwDB silence. Not even spiritual appeal to OatesStache can cure my disquiet.

I dub these festions of toxic rot ‘Manicorns.’  For mock is our only hope. It may not stop the onslaught of next-wave ‘Baggery. But it can at least mitigate the cultural reprehension.

1:18 am October, 8 admin said...

I once shat into a Folgers can

2:49 am October, 8 DarkSock said...

Speaking of Man-Buns…
.
I don’t suppose to tell you People how to live your lives…until NOW.
.
The Burger King halloween whopper with the Black Bun…go RIGHT FUCKING NOW and order two and eat those fuckers. Don’t even chew. Fuck…GET THREE
.
It makes your poop green. I mean Gumpy-motherfuccen-GREEN. I’m on day two and my shit is so green it turns the water in the bowl green, like Captain Crunch Crunchberries turns the milk pink….
.
This is the BEST THING to happen to me in two years…seriously…I’ma cry….
.
So…..Greeeen….

2:57 am October, 8 DarkSock said...

My shit so green it’s turning brown as fall approaches

2:57 am October, 8 DarkSock said...

My shit so green Dennis Rodman using it as eye shadow

2:58 am October, 8 DarkSock said...

My shit so green the Jolly Green Giant freezes it and molds it into attachments for his wife’s Sybian

2:59 am October, 8 DarkSock said...

My shit so green when I wipe it looks like football knee pads after the first tackle on fresh turf.

2:59 am October, 8 DarkSock said...

My shit so green I gotta wipe with money so’s I don’t freak out.
.
Dolla Bill, Yo

3:00 am October, 8 DarkSock said...

My shit so green when I poop it looks like Willie Nelson vomiting broccoli

3:01 am October, 8 DarkSock said...

WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!!!!!!!111!!11!!11!!!!!!

3:14 am October, 8 DarkSock said...

Oh, yeah…The Dude won the Pear for the belated Senile Fraiku round…check it out:
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/05/friday-haiku-darksock-is-senile-edition/

3:23 am October, 8 DarkSock said...

My shit is so green it looks like the aurora bore-anus

3:24 am October, 8 DarkSock said...

My shit is so green my asshole looks like the Irish version of the Imperial Japanese flag.
.
Medical FACT.

3:54 am October, 8 DarkSock said...

In honour of the verdant side effects of the beloved Halloween Whopper, I give you for your October Fraiku…Bruno Von GreenPoop.
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/05/fraiku-greenpoop-edition/

2:04 pm October, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I heard “Sock’s poop is so green they’re letting him do the “laundry” for the NY Jets and Philthadelphia Eagles.

2:08 pm October, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I heard “Sock’s poop is so green he’s providing organ transplants for the Hulk.

2:10 pm October, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I heard “Sock’s poop is so green leprechauns were lining up for his new fall fashion line.

2:11 pm October, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

BTW Boss, STOP THE IMPOSED SILENCE! We need you in the trenches.

4:23 pm October, 8 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Uhhh…….
Need some help here.
Not sure what I’m looking at in the foto.
What I’m seeing is a chick on the right with a nice white & blue summer dress and a giant hat hiding what appears to be a butter face. Whatever her facial features, that bod cries out to be done.
Next to the chica, however…….
It looks like it has long blond hair tied in a bun. It also has something hung around its neck, like a handkerchief all rolled up and tied off, as a decorative accoutrement.
It then has tight jeans that are….jesus…..ROLLED UP over bare feet that are in…..I’m not seeing this, please, God….BOAT SHOES.
Gents – is that thing next to the brunette hat chick some sort of Bitch? Is it a pre-op tranny, a neutered thing, a mincing switch hitter, Peter Pan, or a girl in an Old Navy halloween costume?

I don’t think “manicorn” is a good description – sounds waaaay too masculine as a descriptor of the Thing standing next to that brunette.

4:29 pm October, 8 Jeet Kune Douche said...

A few suggestions for an alternate descriptor:

He-Twat.
Faux Dude.
RuPaul In Training.
Liberace Afterbirth.

Need some help, gents.

4:34 pm October, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ Macaulay Culkin has not aged well.

4:55 pm October, 8 Et Tu Douche? said...

The look is very Euro Soccer Bag, David Beckham comes to mind and he is Bag incarnate.
.
Zlatan Ibrahimović rocks a bun but he’s bad ass, has a smoking hot Milf wife who has her own business and he can kick most peoples ass!!. He get’s a pass

12:11 pm October, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ Gareth Bale does not however.

3:20 pm October, 9 Donald Dump said...

Yo. Is this still the place where married dudes with low T and Dad bod hang out to look at the Home Alone kid’s sloppy seconds to try and get their glory day boners back?

Another question, does looking a Justin Bieber’s dick pics make you gay? Asking for a friend.

Cards in 3 baby!!!!!

3:23 pm October, 9 Donald Dump said...

Blonde librarian hot with the bun on the left is giving me the Mayan Eye of Regret.

4:10 pm October, 9 Et Tu Douche? said...

@ Doc B,

Gareth Bale is a mess, he needs to go back to the EPL.
.
Nany aka Donald Dump,
How dare you pick on the Rev, I await his arrival at which point he’ll sort you out as always does.

4:27 pm October, 9 Donald Dump said...

@Et Tu, Rev is still batin’ to those Bieber nudes, eh?

4:32 pm October, 9 Donald Dump said...

Rev needs Lenny the Box to apply a liberal dose of the T Gel to Revs underboob before he can make a proper response.

7:00 pm October, 9 hermit said...

“……emergent lumbersexual gender crossing vortex of confusion” FTW.

7:12 pm October, 9 hermit said...

The “classic douchepose” meatheaded homo taking selfies in the public restroom needs to meet Jim Rockford.

8:36 pm October, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger Waiting to be reincarnated from Hell Fire said...

Hey Nancy! Fuck you fucking cunt wipe fat self-loathing pig. Run out of girl-guide cookies, or girl guides, got you mad. Take a flaming redhot aluminum baseball bat and cauterize that bat cave you call a vagina you fucking ditch pig. No man ever wants to enter lest he see the face of the Medusa (respect) and turns serpentine to slither into a compost pile of Dominos and chicken cocks to avoid your infernal fuckface. Maybe I need a Viagra to keep fucking the same bitch in Hell for eternity. But I do not, repeat, do not have saggy tits any more after receiving fitness advice from one of the dudes before I passed into the ether. I hope ISIS amputates your pimply coned tits and rape your fat ass with an AK. Blowiing your proplapsed cunt away in the process. But I think you smell too bad from all of the vigorous finger action you give yourself while you cream to Ellen re-runs. Take a fucking shower you she beast.

8:58 pm October, 9 hermit said...

^ DAMN SON!~!!

9:11 pm October, 9 Donald Dump said...

Damn Rev. A kick to the gunt would have been nicer. You got my number that’s for sure. Pimply coned tits FTW.

I hope you didn’t bust your last dusty nut writing that screed. As your arthritic hand tugs ever so gently at your gangrenous pud take your other hand and wipe away those crocodile tears. Tammy isn’t coming back. Your diabetic toe and your cousin fucking really squigs her out.

Do us a favor and embalm yourself already.

Make This Site Great Again

9:15 pm October, 9 Donald Dump said...

Oh yeah, what the hell are Girl Guides? Is that what you clowns in America’s hat call Girl Scouts? Give Lenny and the kids my best.

3:39 pm October, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger Waiting to be reincarnated from Hell Fire said...

I will speak frankly….I will be blunt….Jesus might love you but I think you’re a cunt
A dyke and a biggot…a bitch with an itch
And Lower West Oz’s shit-laureate witch

If you can’t share this planet with a Martian with a penis….then hop on your broomstick and fly the Hell back to Venus.

But don’t press you’re luck…I am a member of “FUCK”

“FUCK ” is an acronym for “Fed Up Cunt Kickers”….we are fed up with cunts…..and the sycophant boot lickers.

4:12 pm October, 10 Donald Dump said...

Your mellifluous poetry soothes the cold cackles of my witchy cunty heart. I’ll be thinking of you as I blaze up a fatty (no I’m not gonna set fire to myself. It’s what the kids call smoking a blunt.) on this Indeginous People’s 3 day holiday with no kids no buzzkill husband or responsibilities to harsh my mellow. Keep toiling in your fields but know that the good shit is grown in Cali by a one eyed mute eunuch named Tony with cerebral palsy and hip displasia. You the king Tony!

4:16 pm October, 10 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Has N E 1 identified the brunette chica?

2:48 pm October, 11 Donald Dump said...

I’ve been thinking of writing some fan fiction about the bromantic adventures of Lenny the Box and our honorable RevChad. What do you guys think, Yay or Eh?

1:26 am October, 12 Magnum Douche P. I. said...

Just when u think this little site has become tiresome……. NEVER !!!!

1:31 am October, 13 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Arright, that TEARS it.
Forget about concealed carry or even Open carry – I wanna be able to haul around a flamethrower in case I see one of those man-bun sportin’ a fedora TWAT BOIS on the street. Or at the Mall. Or at work. OR AT A GAS STATION.
I’m gonna listen to some Krisiun just to get that foto outta my skull…

7:29 am October, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger Waiting to be reincarnated from Hell Fire said...

http://whatzbuzzing.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/wow.jpg
.
Find the yellow shorts. Look at the Mons view. I see vulvas.

1:15 pm October, 13 MC900FootDouchebag said...

I’ve hated this hairstyle since a guy I know called it a “top knot” like 10 years ago. Men aren’t supposed to put their hair up like some cock chugging homos. No offense to you homos.

2:56 pm October, 13 Rick Vigorous said...

I think this is Nancy’s fantasy night:
.
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/i-abducted-reptile-aliens-who-6624927#rlabs=2%20rt$sitewide%20p$6

11:06 pm October, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger Waiting to be reincarnated from Hell Fire said...

This is the way I used to POO! On the weed.
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=7&v=YbYWhdLO43Q
.
Deadnaughts

11:08 pm October, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger Waiting to be reincarnated from Hell Fire said...

HILARY’s SOUL IS ALREADY IN HELLFIRE. Go Bernie you angry old (respect) commie Jew (respect) Vermonter (respect).
.
I’m trying to get topside before ski season.

12:58 am October, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger Waiting to be reincarnated from Hell Fire said...

1:07 am October, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger Waiting to be reincarnated from Hell Fire said...

http://giphy.com/gifs/monkey-throwing-poop-UCPxCzwwZ0KJi

9:49 pm October, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger Waiting to be reincarnated from Hell Fire said...

I used to dig ISIS.
.

1:59 am October, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger Waiting to be reincarnated from Hell Fire said...

“Almost anything, including, but not limited to….one’s morals, scrupals, and unscruples,…, can be spun into some type of bias towards homogeneity. At some point in time, from my perpspective”
.
The Reverend Chad Kroeger Waiting to be reincarnated from Hell Fire said…Wednesday October 14, at 11:32 EST.
.
Die Clinton

2:00 am October, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger Waiting to be reincarnated from Hell Fire said...

Topsiders

2:00 am October, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger Waiting to be reincarnated from Hell Fire said...

Sons. Ans shitg.

9:50 pm October, 15 Charles Douchewin said...

And now, for tonight’s NEWS:
.
– Parallel-universe-DB1 riles the ladies: http://www.loweringthebar.net/2015/10/meerkat-expert-liable-for-injuring-monkey-handler-in-llama-keeper-dispute.html
.
– And I don’t know what’s better: this article (with any speculation of a Rev-Quaid connection), or ‘Star Whackers’ :
.
http://www.loweringthebar.net/2015/10/randy-quaid-caught-trying-to-sneak-back-into-u-s.html

1:01 am October, 16 DarkSock said...

DW won the Green Whopper Poo Fraiku round; click here if you want to see what Green can do for you…
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/05/fraiku-greenpoop-edition/

2:28 am October, 16 DarkSock said...

I fly around, skimming above the shimmering moist surface, searching in 2005 for the elusive shaved Womp Rat….
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/05/fraiku-19/

11:15 am October, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Jeet said it best up top…
.
The rolled up skinny jeans and sneakers a 13-year old girl would laugh at are the stuff that would get a man thrown off a building by ISIS.

11:35 pm October, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I saw 6 man buns/Manicorns at the gym today. To counteract the effects of said sightings I am drinking a lot of brown liquor.
.
So why isn’t the home page updated more regularly? You fuck.
.
Let’s Go Mets.
.

7:13 am October, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger Waiting to be reincarnated from Hell Fire said...

6:00 pm October, 21 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Thank you, Sir DoucheyWallnuts. I am Honored. 🙂

So:
Has N E 1 figured out who the chica is? I mean the brunette, not the blonde bunned mangina liberace afterbirth.

12:41 am October, 24 admin said...

Damn, MC 900… that’s one thick-ass Barbie.

Who’s the lesbian sitting next to her?




wait….I just found next Fraiku’s pikchure….

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