The Sports Bra
Is it me or are the tighty muscle-ts beginning to resemble sports bras?
Nice smug douche-sneer, Frank. Sure Kimmy just turned 19, and the Sorority trip to Vegas is “like, bitchin’.” But that doesn’t mean you have to apply the choke-headlock “embrace” so she can’t easily escape.
Kimmy’s belly pooch is crying out for me to recite W.H. Auden poetry above it, and then nibble on its softness like a caffeinated hedgehog on paint thinner.
Reader Mail: 'Bags with Sunglasses Are Old
PIC DELETED
Clubgoing party girl Mo writes in:
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DB1-
Have you ever noticed that douchebags usually wear shades at night and at clubs. The douchebag guys I know do this ’cause they’re way over 30 and have crows feet from all the partying. They want to maintain their youth and attract young naive girls. So, they wear dark shades to hide their eyes and crows feet. What’s sad is that the young 18-25 year old girls actually believe these guys are around their age. Gross!
– Mo
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Gross indeed, Mo. Gross, indeed.
Guys in their early 30s should definitely not chase 18-25 year old girls. I must go now and drink, and quietly weep in my Guinness.
Donkey Douche is Different Walks of Life
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Do me one favor , take that ridiculous pic of me off please , the one with that fkn animal print shirt (thing is that shirt was over 300 dollars , its roberto cavalli shirt from miami, guess it just didn’t work , it looks stupid , i never wore it again. We all make mistakes!)
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I may be in the minority, but I actually like that shirt. It has a certain honesty to it. And the fact it doesn’t have an A/X or “Ed Hardy” logo written on it earns it at least some respect.
Okay, who I am kidding. It’s douchey as hell.
Otherwise, props to DD for at least hanging in and taking the fire.
Breaking: Criss Angel Dating Playboy Bunny, Still a Huge Douche
Because I like to keep up with those other popular celebrity blogs, I thought I’d EXCLUSIVELY BREAK this BREAKING story:
Criss Angel smells like poo.
What?
You heard?
Dammit. Beaten by TMZ again.
Bob's Country Bunker
Waste Management Sanitation Artisan by day, rockstar dungeon fetishist by night, Bob lured the ladies to his Bunker with promises to see his horses.
And, of course, his sexy tri-pattern facial config.
HCwDB of the Month
Here it is. The last HCwDB of the Month before the 2008 Douchie Awards in mid-December. Who will earn the final slot to compete in that most coveted of all Douchie Awards; The 2008 HCwDB of the Year?
That, as always, is up to you.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Brian Earlicker and Lila’s Alzadoes
Yes, there is the “porny” vibe in this pic, and porn-types are usually disqualified for living a life of auto-douchery and constant “exposure” in every sense of the word.
But there’s something authentic here.
Authentically skeeze. A genuine moment of all that is wrong when douche mugs hott.
And blocking the football game with a nasty-ass tongue lick makes Brian Earlicker a contender.
Lila has wonderful Alzadoes. Yes they are fake. But they are also healthy and sing harmonic Disney songs with little bluebirds on their cleavite.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Chumlee
Chumlee brings that annoying greasy “model” type of ‘tude.
Plus the ferret facial fung, scoring a +3 on the alliteration scale.
And lets not forget the sexy, if zaftig, Beatrice, who brings large succulent baby feeders into play. Like Lila, the fake mamms are convincing enough to confuse a hungry toddler.
But it is Chumlee’s subversive douche that is truly rank. The D-neck t-shirt, the gray shock of hair, and the hand pose just ramp up the scale even further.
Finally, we must remember the guiding principle of this site. The proper hottie/douchey pic has a spectrality of douche. The desire to punch through your screen and slap the unholy combo occurring before you.
Tell me you don’t have that urge here.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: The Last Dragon
There is so much wrong in this pic, it’s hard to even comprehend the 1980s matte-effects work that render the glow into nostalgic filmic douche of yesteryear.
First, lets stat with Douche Leroy.
The Sisqo white hairdo.
The bloody t-shirt.
The neck scar.
The leather wristdanna.
Then there’s Greta. The stern, emotionally dysfunctional hott whose traumatic period in Catholic School has made her so angry. Yet so naughty. Yet so perky.
Combine them, and the smell wafts of poo.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Samurai Scrote
The legend. The myth. The icon.
Samurai Scrote has acquired quite the cult following, with disciples running in the tens of ones.
Samurai Scrote’s legendary thread announces the power of douchery to transcend mere physical hand gesture or facial expression.
Samurai Scrote controls his douchery with the power of the mind.
Samurai Scrote understands that sequined Laura has a sexy girl next door thing that makes you want to bite into a seal at SeaWorld until it “arfs” in minor annoyance.
Samurai Scrote forgives you this desire.
For she is a slender island of salad dressing. An iceberg wedge of blue cheese joy.
But is having a cult following enough to win a Monthly? Or will one of the other toxic combos rise up and triumph in a sea of douchal poobaggery?
That, fellow ‘bag hunters, is up to you.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Reader Mail: DBs in Dubai
Libby and Rayna write in with a ‘bag tag from Dubai:
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Dear Hot Chicks With Douchebags,
My friend and I love your website and were excited when in Dubai recently to find the perfect douchebag to take pictures with to submit to your site. It made it all the more perfect when the douchey guy proceeded to follow us around the bar not realizing that the picture was just for fun.
Attached is a picture that turned out of my friend with the douchey guy (left) and his friend (right) that wanted to be in the picture also apparently. Please let us know if you have any questions 🙂
Best,
Libby and Rayna
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You know we’re kicking global ass when Persian Hotts in Dubai are mocking the Oilbags. Good work, ladies. I would Aladdin your lamps and then Persian your rugs.
Sunday Caption This Pic
Dieter says, “American booty!! Sie ist sehr gut!”
Saturday D&G
There is one douchal signifier that is most impressive about Brothabag Lonnie’s skeeze in the presence of two late 20s temp-worker hotts, and it’s not the douche-face.
Notice that hat tilt has migrated to belt buckle.
Fung Friday
It’s Fung Friday!!
And you know what that means. Actually, I hope you know what that means, because I sure don’t.
Fung, like DJ Bello, needs no hot chicks to form a douche singularity. As such, I will make an exception to the rules of my site, and post his hilarious, burnt umber ass.
Other random links as I clear out the pixel attic and chug a PBR on this post-Halloween, post-election Friday:
In Buffalo, New York, douchebags apparently refer to themselves as “Cricket.”
More Fun With French, from our ‘bag hunter in Paris.
Brothabag Leon pities the fool.
I know times are tight, but Walmart is stocking actual douche. Yes, that’s a real photo from their website. That’s what happens when you pay minimum wage to teenage web-site admins.
Peyton List wants to spank my bare bottom with some fishing twine and a partially damp shamwow.
Speaking of the shamwow, that spokesguy is a huge douche. You followin’ me, camera guy?
Uhm, I’ll take the chicken basket (from FailBlog)
