Hot Chick with Metsbag
EDIT: Looks like the original video got pulled off YouTube, and I’m pulling the replacement vid for lameness, so here’s a classic from way back in 2007: Hot Chicks with Metsbag.
The Toxic Mess
A couple of people wrote in to note that this morning’s pic, Cletus, the Slackjaw Douchebag may have in fact been actually “challenged,” not just douchally challenged.
So I’m swapping that pic out with this toxic mess.
I’m not sure what backstory lead to this conflation of greasy Eurodouche and slutty-hott Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Pinky Solid Color Bikini.
But I’d imagine it involves copeous amounts of alcohol, significant credit card debt, and a cold, unloving stepfather named “Frank.”
Friday Thoughts and Links
Some random Friday Links, as I clean out the pixel closet, and Brothabag Leon relaxes with Cathy in the Bahamas.
Which is douchier, buying Tag Bodyshots because you think it’ll get you women, or stealing it and getting busted?
And yes, I discovered that link on The Smoking Gun while examining my own link. The simulacrum is now pointing back to me.
The douchebags win!! Yayyyy!!!
Man Junk. Strong enough for a man. Made for a scrotewank. And it’s organic!
Scroteboy Slim was so upset that people accused him of lying about his Cornell Degree, he actually sent in a pic. Yes, that’s real. This is just getting sad.
Get Dane Cook Ringtones!! Uhm… no thanks.
Here’s another pic of my future ex-wife and doubles tennis partner, Hamster Hott. And another. Alls she needs are some cute little black rimmed librarian glasses, and then she could spank me with a ruler. And I’d be happy.
Caption This Pic
Stop calling him that! He prefers to go by ‘Richard.”
Friday Haiku
I’d like to welcome all the new readers visiting for the first time. Welcome to the Hot Chicks with Douchebags experience! Come for the douchebags. Stay for the boobies.
Here’s your Friday Haiku:
Arched-back hott, scrumptious.
Ripped L’Italiano douche cloth,
Points at small package.
More Haikus from the comments thread:
an italian flag?
from the looks of that sausage,
it’s from vienna.
— bcs
Small Italian link
with giant Asian melons
Bad lunch combo there
— doucheous Scrotimus
“Is that a raisin
In your Speedo, or are you
Just glad to see me?”
— boatbutter
Soaked in greasy brine
Ripped and balding old guido
Has Midget Gherkin
— clementine of cappadoucha
his bellybutton
looks like sideways vagina
or a second mouth
— johnny scrotten
Ask DB1: The Douche-Hott Singularity
Julia writes in:
—-
Douchebag1-
Some of the douches on your site actually don’t look that bad. I actually think many of them look similar to the girls with the bodys/tan/frosts/teeth.
Couldn’t it be said, that the “hot chicks” typify the lady douche, and if that were the case, isn’t the douche just meeting his equal? I think the pic you chose for your book cover, features two people of equal hotness and douchery. Was this your intention?
– Julia
—-
What you’re referring to Julia is the act of “Bleething,” in which Douche and Hott come together and the scrotal infection taints both. They become a singularity of fester.
Again it must be noted that all men, myself included, have been douche in service of the hott. Just as the Croatian Lungfish learns to swim intricate patterns to attract female Lungfish, so do we carve our hair and grease our foreheads to gain suckle thigh.
My mission quest is to save the hott by changing the culture. By rearranging the semiotics of discourse into a new alignment in which douchery is no longer necessary.
Then, and only then, will the boobies be free.
Terry
DJ Bello and Brothabag Leon back-to-back are a little too much to take, so lets dial it back down with a stage-1 Fratbag, Terry.
He’s barely a douche. Almost got a nottadouche pass. But note the white belt. And subtle “Shocker” gesture on his right hand.
Classy, Terry. Classy.
And I see you three sexy girl-next-door sorority sisters, Heather, Veronica and Betty. They came for that slammin’ disco ball effect.
It’s on sale at Radio Shack for only $29.95.
Brothabag Leon Loves Strictly Women
While we’re checking in on classic ‘bags, HCwDB legend Brothabag Leon has a message for us as well, from his actual MySpace account:
—-
Please pray for me. I had a check up today and I tested positive for SEXY. Im allergic to HATERS, My blood type is ROCKSTAR & the doctor said “THIS IS WHY IM HOT” IF U SCOPING MY PAGE, REQUEST ME, TOP FRIEND ME, AND ENJOY” NO GAY REQUESTS I LOVE STRICTLY WOMEN”
—-
Yeah, he sent me a takedown request last time, but I have no choice but to run this pic. It’s not an option. It’s a civic duty. For the world must know. Brothabag Leon tested positive for SEXY.
And Long Island Jenny has firm, childbearing hips that I greatly admire.
DJ Bello Wants to Say "Thank you, Haterz"
All you haterz, DJ Bello’s got a message for you.
Quato
Even in Sweden, the hotts are confused by D.J. scrotewankery.
But on the bright side, Quato’s repented his early mutant terrorist ways, and has made peace with larger society.
