Rare-Ass Yellow Cup
We have seen the Ubiquity of the Ubiquitous Red Cup (URC) make many appearances on the site.
But pictured here we have the extremely hard to find Rare-Ass Yellow Cup (RAYC).
Long thought extinct, the Rare-Ass Yellow Cup was recently snapped infiltrating a boat party in Montauk, Long Island. When asked to comment, Rare-Ass Yellow Cup had the following to say: Just giving URC a break from all this scrote.
It was then quieted when shaved head douche poured in a shot of Jager and yelled, “Woo.”
The Spy Who Mohawked Me
There’s a back-story here involving Cypress cargo transport, Slovakian thugs, digital codes and a hairdresser named Ramone.
Maybe it’s the hole in the wall of their basement torture chamber. Or maybe that John Deere tractor reconfigured to inflate boobies.
But something tells me this story begins and ends with a whole lot of wrong.
I just feel unclean.
Banana Boobie Eater
If there’s one cartoon I loved as a kid, it was Banana Boobie Eater.
Banana Boobie Eater totally blew away Robotech. Especially when the anime bananas went all crazy, kicked the crap out of some douche in a pink GSus shirt, and suckled on Danish Hott’s neck like a ninety year old Floridian sipping her prune juice.
Unless I’m getting my present moment and nostalgic childhood memories entangled up again.
I blame the teevee.
Friday Haiku
Three Cheers for Scroteface,
Pom Poms shake like firm grapefruits,
Buck Rogers Belt sucks.
Silver-clad pigtails
Defeating doucheosity?
Sadly, not this time
– sinfonian
Scroteface! Scroteface! He’s
Our Man! If he can’t do it,
Someother douchebag can!
— ronald mcdouchenald
Think they’re related
Certain they haven’t dated
Want boobs inflated.
– vacuum cleaner bagg
no alibi here
car show hotts cheer on
ford festiva fan
— let it bleeth
I love two blond hots
But Douchbag in the middle.
I DO NOT, DO NOT.
~BJL
Fire shirt on douchebag
What could save the shiny hotts?
My hope is real flames
– frozen orange douche
Zippy
At first, Zippy’s deceptively undouchey. Just your average Bennington student after a long round of herb enhanced Ultimate Frisbee.
Then you notice them. The unmistakable signs of douche. Hidden star tatts that summon the ethos of Fish Slap and Bra. Goofy ass hair bandana. Stupid wristband + watch combo.
Total douche? Not at all. But definitely stage 2.
I would slay Corsicans at the Battle of Ponte Novu while beat boxing in Gaelic just for the chance to tongue scrub Princess Hott’s linens after a sweaty and sleepless night. Hotts like that start wars.
John John
Now batting for the Yankees… the scrotestop… Hugh J. Douche…
Beware ladies. Rumor has it Athlete’s Foot can spread to other areas.
Jesus Criss
Celebudouche is always hard to quantify.
Does being famous inform scrotal facepuddery? Or is the need to shave patterns in the chin pubes and dress like a name brand refugee merely the mark of narcissistic ambition writ literal?
Pictured here we have noted scrotal prestidigitator, Criss Angel. We’ve previously seen Angel douching it up on the site here and here.
If John Mayer is conceptual douche, Criss Angel is the physical manifest. The Ghost of Douchemas future.
Mayerbag and Angelbag thus operate by what I like to term the Mangelbag Principle: the polarities at either end of the celebuscrotal spectrum that work in concert to spray putridude across our pop-culture wasteland.
Mayerbag embodies douchebag attitude as “sensitive irony” and without physical mark (until he added the sleeve tatts). Criss Angel is the inverse. Douche Manifest. Assbaggery gone supernova.
Between Mayerbag and Angelbag, we find the entire spectrum of celebutard paradigm. Scrotal performance in service of macking on Hollywood’s Five Easy Pieces (Simpson, Hilton, Spears, Lohan, Kardouchian).
And within their rainbow skittles of performative designer brand fakery, lies the entire paradigm that influences the mass replication of viral rankpooery.
Which is a roundabout way of saying he sucks.
h/t Go Fug Yourself
Inverted 'Bag Sandwich #412
As experienced douche-hunters know, Inverted ‘Bag Sandwich formation (IBS) is one of the more painful of the hott/douche cohabitations.
IBS, when two sexy boobie hotties sandwich a douche filling, is the inverse of Standard ‘Bag Sandwich formation (SBS), in which the hott is crushed between two slabs of scrote.
IBS formation has been known to cause Daoist Monks to set cute puppy wuppies on fire, and Hindi legend suggests that after viewing a particularly noxious IBS formation in Poona, India, Mahatma Gandhi forsook his vow of nonviolence, turned, and kicked a small orphan child in the nads.
No idea on if the Gandhi rumor is true or not. But would you be surprised?
Tighty Armani Sez…
Last month’s HCwDB of the Month winner, Tighty Armani, sez Bra is a punk.
He even brought his sidekick, “That Guy in the Jersey,” to this epic Scrote-Off.
Step aside ladies. It’s going down.
Wednesday Limerick
The once was a douche with a plight,
He showed a girl where he’d gotten a dog bite,
She rubbed it with glee,
For very drunk was she,
And didn’t know it was just a herp blight.
