HCwDB of the Month: Bra!!
As if there could be any doubt.
Burnsy hits the nail on the head: Bra. Never has a ‘Bag done so much with so little and said so much by saying nothing.
I think that’s what captures the scrotal spirit of Bra’s ridiculousness.
Bra!! is everybag, yet ubersquat. It is generic, yet highly specific. It is standard Floridian beach douche, yet it is also the end of the world as we know it, and I feel like a Pepsi.
Red Cup Diaries explains:
While the other contestants ooze scrote juice so much they want to make me punch a baby. But while they are adorned in the gross regalia of douchebaggery it’s all just an accesory to emphasize their scrotieness. Bra on the other hand doesn’t wear his baggery like a costume. He wears it like a skin. His baggery is a living organism that is much a part of him as a kidney.
It was an overwhelming Bramination:
boatbutter: Broheim, it’s gotta be Bra, bro!
Charles Bra!!nson: If I were alive I’d vote for Bra!!
Ol’ Dirty Douchebag: He. Has. No. Trousers. Bra FTW.
Lord Douchemunguous: Just when I think there’s no answer, I see that damn facial expression on the High King of Broheim, and I know it has to be… Bra! FTW.
However, as much as Bra!! dominated the voting, the others found support. 92bpms makes the case for The high stenchosity of the Canker Twins:
But I can’t give it to Bra, as much as everything about him is the douche, I just can’t. Not when the Canker Twins walk this earth. For they are douches far beyond our comprehension. Their hotts have been seduced by the douche side and yet we would still rest our chins upon their awesome boobage much like the two hotts are doing. The Twins sandwich their hotts and cast side-eyed glances.
To the Dogon of Mali this is the representation made flesh of their sacred stars, Sirius A and Sirius B (binary stars which we know of as the dog star). In this the Dogon foresee the return of the little blue douches that once lived in the dwellings high up on the cliffs of the Bandiagara escarpment. Soon the Niger river will be booming with the sound of trance, pontoon boats will be tied together and affliction t-shirts will be worn by all men. Meanwhile the Canker Twins will return to Pro Clips for a trim of their Vanilla Ice lines.
Well said, 92. And Kyle Scrote Jr. explains the Pipster’s pure-douche rage:
Pippy FTW.
He walks with a elemental, boiled-down-to-its-bare- essence douchosity that just makes me want to walk on his face for 9 innings in Douchetin Pedroia’s spikes.
And lets not forget the perfection of Sexy Sky Bunny. She is glorious.
massengill explains why the rage of Turd Flush should trump Bra!!’s fratdouchey ways:
I don’t really dislike Bra all that much. Yes, he looks like a tool in many of his pictures. Yes, his sense of humor probably consists of quoting “Old School.” But he just doesn’t seem like that bad of a guy. Plus, I love his love of soda pop.
Turd Flush FTW. He is a real douche. A douche’s douche. Accessorizing with the mandana and accessorizing his mandana with sunglasses: that is compound douchedom.
But Bra!! is legend, and we must all respek. As viva la revolucion puts it:
I have seldom seen anyone embrace unbridled scrotebaggery the way Bra does. While the other three contenders make valiant efforts to mask their lack of communal worth through the facade of meaninglessness, the mocking contempt with which Bra pulls off the quintessence of the douche belies a force heretofore unseen on this site. It would be a crime to vote against such a raging maelstrom of scroticity.
And Old ‘Bag Eyes Frank Scrotnatra sums it up:
The smirk, the stars, the liter of cola.
Simply Bra.
Bra FTW.
A well earned double star tatt victory, and we’ll see Bra!! in the yearly, broheim.
Brahemian Rhapsody
Who will win the Monthly? We will find out tomorrow, but here’s a hint.
Can you bradict the winner?
Kelly Hott and The Paw
There are many reasons to kill yourself after viewing this pic.
The chin pubes of unholy ragefire. The hair that can only be described as “scrotal dye.”
But before you leap off that cliff to your death, certain in the knowledge that no humane and just deity would allow such silk-tie wearing atrocity to paw Kelly Hott, know this:
You’re right.
Jump.
Reader Mail: MSU
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DB1-
Montclair State University (MSU), in Montclair new jersey is situated comfortably at an extraordinary hot spot for hot chicks with douches.
lying at the nexus of montclair, totowa, wayne, and clifton, new jersey, it sits at a geographic point where many disparate social forces interplay to create a peak in both douchebaggery and hotness-of-chicks.
a wonderful mix of southern and eastern european ancestry endows the women with unsurpassed physiques, while leaving most of the men torn between the base cultural practices of the guido, and the desire to climb the ladder and dip into the wealth of the city.
and of course, these phenomena are all accented by the age-demographic of the campus’s population.
– Amateur ‘Bagologist
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But do they smell like poo?
Yes. They probably do.
The Punctured Balloon
When I was six years old, Jeremy punctured my balloon at the kindergarten fair. It deflated into a saggy, wrinkled piece of rubber. And I cried.
Alas, all these years later, my childhood trauma at the kindergarten fair, reflected in a deflated douche nipple. Very traumatic.
Put on a shirt, Balloon Douche. You’re scarring our collective psyche all over again.
Caption This Pic
After accidentally butting his head and lower left chest area into Amy Winehouse’s makeup jar, Carlos consoled himself by traveling to Finland.
Mary's 'Bag Tag
Mary writes in with a facebook ‘bag tag:
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DB1-
This guy hit on me over the internet. He called me “Babez”…yes, with a “z”. He is scrote.
– Mary
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We’ve seen that shirt before on this site, and each time, worn by an ubertool. Or at least, an ubertool from early 2004. Double fisting a Bud Light and a Coke. Classy.
But there are two other reasons I ran this picture. And they are blonderifically mamtastic.
Fratburger
Is this authentobaggery? Or simply ironic poseur fratfakery?
Either way, I’d like to pelt his upper face area with raisins dipped in cowpie.
Then I’d whisk her away to a monestary where we’d read Gnostic texts from the 3rd Century before suckling on each others middle toes while listening to Fishbone.
He Don't Need No Bitch In His Life
While you’re mulling your vote in the Monthly, enjoy this selection of MySpace Poetry brought to you by the eloquent wordsmith, He Don’t Need No Bitch In His Life:
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HERES THE DEALLL I NEVER LOSE I DONT GIVE A F@#K WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WIN IM ME AND YOU ARE YOU THATS DONE!
I DONT NEED NO BITCH IN MY LIFE MOST OF THE TIME THEY COME AND GO MORE LIKE THE BIRDS IN THE WINTER IS THERE ANY GOOD ONES OUT THERE DOUBT IT SO HOW AM I LABLED A PLAYER IM A DECENT LOOKING KID THAT LOVES TO CHAT AND HOLD CONVOS HOW ARE GIRLS NOT GOING TO WRITE ME ON MYSPACE AND SAY WHATS UPPP GET OVER IT ITS A MILLION DOLLAR SITE FOR PEOPLE TO COMMUNICATE IF YOU DONT LIKE MY PAGE OR ME GET OFFF YOUR NOT GETTING PAID TO MASTURBATE TO ME.
I WAS BORN ON APRIL 4TH SO YEA IM AN ARIES COCKY STUBBORN AND VERY CARING OOPS ALSO AWESOME IN BED WHAT CAN I SAY I HONESTLY DONT NEED ANYONE IN THIS WORLD I DID EVERYTHING ON MY OWN LIVED ON MY OWN PAID FOR EVRYTHING ON MY OWN SO DONT THINK IM THIS SPOILED KID WHAT I LIKE TO DO HMMMM WATCH MOVIES…BOX…SEX…MAKE MONEY…. DRINK…HIKE… MUSIC..DID I SAY MONEY…I LOVE FOOTBALL DALLAS COWBOYS BABYYY!!!
BY THE WAY IM A ROCKSTAR WANNA SEE IF YOU CAN PARTY HARDER DOUBT IT 7 DAYS A WEEK BABY BUT IM CIVIL AND RESPONSIBLE SO DONT GET IT TWISTED … IM A VERY RANDOM PERSON 2 I WILL MAKE PPL GO NUTS I LOVE PIZZA HAS TO BE WELLDONE I LOVE THE BEACH BUT SOMETIMES I LOVE THE SNOW!? I LOVE SHOPPING AND BUYING THE HOTTEST S@#T AROUND I DONT GIVE A F@#K WHO HAS THE BLOWOUT AND HOW MUCH ITS PLAYED OUT THEN WHY ARE YOU F@#KING ME THEN DUH WTFFF I NEVER FOLLOWED THE TREND IT WAS JUST SOMETHING THAT WENT GOOD WITH ME ANOTHER THING I LISTEN TO ALL KINDS OF MUSIC MMMM I HATE WHEN LIL FAGETS RUN THIER MOUTH WHEN YOU SEE THEM TURN THERE HEADS OR THINK ITS ALL GOOD SOON OR A LATER WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUNDDD
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It’s like Pablo Neruda for the digital age.
HCwDB of the Month
Here it is, folks. The Monthly smackdown. The moment when the best/worst of the hott/douche square off in a winner-take-all greasefest. But while your humble narrator all things vulvic/horrific, The DB1 is recovering from his own weekend of hott saving and douche mocking, now is your chance to step in and render a verdict.
Which of these four couplings are toxic enough to be called HCwDB of the Month? Here’s your finalists:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: The Canker Twins
Having bested (worsted?) the surrealist dada photographic masterpiece that is Still Life with Coors Light, The Canker Twins are bringing their dual-douche power to the Monthly.
Sure the hotts are douchebaguettes.
But that tiny one still offers many qualities that I respect deeply on an intellectual and spiritual level.
You know you’d sell your second cousin to a kinky postal officer from Kentucky just for the chance to fondle her former accountant’s office supplies. Even tatted up post-Rehab Amy Winehouse has a bit of boobuous talent.
But really, the Cankers are the draw. Dual shaved heads? Yeesh.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Bra!!
Trivia Question: Where did Bra’s great grandparents emigrate from?
Answer: Brohemia.
What’s Bra’s favorite song in “Rent”?
Answer: La Vie Broheme.
Now I know what you’re thinking. Bra!! has become iconic in his short time on this site. Not only that, his dual star-tatts and variety of tasty cola beverages, as well as collection of spring break hotts, have already won him a spot in our hallowed Hall of Scrote.
But do not let these facts influence you.
Many in the HoS have gone on to lose a Monthly. Hall of Scroters earn entry for originality and innovation as much as for horrific greasing of the hotts. So is Bra!! a broheim enough to win the Monthly, brosky?
Broheim!! Another Pepsi!!
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Turd Flush
Rarely do humanoid excrements walk among us, but when they do, they pollute the hotts as badly as Turd Flush has.
So we must mock their racoon eyes, sneery sneer and douchey everything.
The slutt hotts are all that is great about a sexually free society, and all that is wrong at the same time.
For that, I love them.
I pledge them my first born.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Pippy
Who are we kidding?
Pippy has about as much chance of winning the Monthly as Blondie does of going back to school and finishing her Liberal Arts degree.
Not gunna happ’n.
I don’t mean to influence the vote, because I actually think Pippy has that noxious “everybag” quality that patrols the clubs and stinks up the universe in the process.
But against Turd Flush, Bra!! and The Canker Twins, even with the uberhottness of Sultry Ski Bunny Perfection, he’s got it tough.
She is delightful, though. I would most certainly snowboard over a pack of cute little kitteny kitten wittens in front of a class of horrified third graders just for the chance to get yelled at by her former teacher.
But don’t let me sway the voting.
Which of these four is worthy of the Monthly? That, my friends, is up to you.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
