Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Tina and Trina in the Swampland

Clowns to the left of them.

There they are, stuck in the middle with poo.

Yes, I’ve written that before. And I’ll write it again. So long as Tina and Trina keep getting caught in swampland cesspools of refried alpaca grain.

On an unrelated note, a belated R.I.P. to the great Gerry Rafferty, who passed back in January. Which means he didn’t live long enough to see this pic. So there’s that.

Jimbo The Crust

Jimbo the Crust has a huge thing for peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Little known fact.

Widely known fact: None of the Paid-to-Pose hotties here give a flying crap what sandwich Jimbo the Crust likes to eat.

Except Marcie. Ever since her ex-boyfriend told her she was fat and ugly, she’ll pretend to like anything if it means a dude’ll smile at her.

You figure out which one Marcie is.

Unfinished Tatt Guy Finishes His Tatt, Grows Chin Fung, Continues to Bleeth Sandy

Remember last year’s Unfinished Tatt Guy, he of douchey suburban ‘tude hitting on one of the purest of collegiate suckle thighs, the gorgeous Sandy?

Well here they are again.

A year later.

Sandy’s imminent destruction at the hands of stupid lighter tricks awaits.

And a nation rightly mourns this HCwDB tragedy, rends its garments in the proper Hebraic tradition, and spits on a clown.

For that is all that can be done to approximate justice after witness this horrific hottiey/douchey cohabit.

That and a period of pensive repose with a package of HoHos and a Mr. pibb

Hickbags Play Beer Pong, Celebrate the HCwDB of the Week

Poor Farmgirl Betty.

She daydreams by the tractor of being plucked like a dusky jewel from the closed-ended fate of her happenstance and deposited in better surroundings, with potential and future and apple cosmos like she saw on Sex and the City.

But reality intercedes. Jethro pounding shots. Summer pig carnivals. And eighteen kids milking the cows are all that awaits on the other side of that silo in the tractor race of time marching ever onward, inexplicably towards her fate.

Man, that’s depressing. Lets move on.

HCwDB of the Week: The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World and Brittney

Originally appearing in Saturday’s Comment of the Week, the name of this week’s Weekly winning (losing) douchebag comes courtesy of Douchewallnuts in the comments thread, who wrote:

“He’s never worn a shirt. Not even to church. He’s the most interesting douchebag in the world.”

Indeed he is, D.W. Indeed he is.

For creepy and toxic Groin Shave Reveal, the invention of new variations of subcutaneous vein bulge, necklace bling, six pound watch, and awful fishy fish speedo + brand name sunglasses, TMIDITW takes the proverbial douche cake.

Brittney is also tatt free purity of whiny voiced suckle thigh. But since we judge our pics only in the visual realm, and not the auditorial, her pooch suckle is spankable sparrow win.

Almost rans included The Limeys, 70s Fro Guy, and the creepily haired Marty Fungenstein and the Euro Giggles.

But pumped up poolside douchebaggery in presence of giggle blonde was too much to avoid.

Chalk up our final coupling before the next HCwDB of the Month, and your hirsute narrator for groin scratch and Raisin Bran. Cuz I’m eating healthy like that.