Monday, December 10, 2012

HCwDB of the Year: Bracket 1

It is here. It is on.

Your first of three brackets. Bring it:

HCwDB of the Year Finalists #1 (Bracket #1): Mutato The Bug-Eye Freak and Sister Christie

Our most recent Monthly winner starts things off with a ‘bang.

And by bang I mean she-bang. I mean she-bop.

I have no idea what I mean.

But this is the first classic out-doors douchey/hottie inchoate cohabit.

And it is rank festering poo.

But this is a four entrant category. Three winners in the semifinals, then 3×1 to the finals.

Or something like that.

So we’s gots a long ways to goes.

HCwDB of the Year Finalists #2 (Bracket #1): The Uberbros and Pear Alice

From back in March comes this Monthly winning idiocracy or inanity.

For sheer ridiculosity, the Uberbros bring the douche spectacle in shades.

And by shades, I mean ‘spray.

Skunk ‘spray.

The ‘Bros are peacocking ninnies of nincompoopery.

Pear Alice offers soft supple curvature of the finest choice Pear Wine.

Together, they make a bad night in Hoboken.

But enough to win entrance into the finals?

One more entrant in the first bracket, and it’s a doozy:

HCwDB of the Year Finalists #3 (Bracket #1): Kisseus Vomitorious and Margaret

Winning the monthly in July, the odious and tragic

Kisseus V had his inglorious run of ‘hawked makeouts with a variety of party hotts over the summer months, an epic scrotitude of grandious putridosity. Witness the run: I should’ve stayed in bed, drunken makeout, Naughty Nape Nanine, fauxhawk spittle, seal nads punch, threesomes with Margaret, toxic Jesus chew, and, finally, a new rose tattoo.

Thats’a some epic’a douchebaggery’a. And Margaret holds up her side of the hottness as well.

But enough to win bracket #1?

Now it’s your turn. Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
7:39 am December, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

KV, as he encapsulates the whole spectrum of dbaggery, which is quite a lot.

7:40 am December, 10 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kisseus and Margaret. Unwarranted, pathological narcissism is the difference here. Margaret’s solid Bleethy Goodness is just icing on this Crap Cake.

7:47 am December, 10 Olddog said...

That’s a lot to take on a Monday morning. But I guess I’ll second KV even though mine eye is drawn to Pear Alice like a moth to the flame.

7:50 am December, 10 Tanath said...

This is a tough one…I’m between the Bros and KV…

I’m going with KV because I believe using another douche to win you an award is cheating…a douche must stand on his own.

This isn’t a tag team match.

7:50 am December, 10 Red Headed Woman said...

Kisseus.

8:07 am December, 10 Blind Squirrel said...

KV: so sayeth the shepherd; so sayeth the flock.

8:08 am December, 10 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

The Spy vs. Spy tat on the bleeth’s back just ices it. Kisseus all the way. If they’re really a couple and not just random P2Ps, then these two deserve each other as much as Peter Pumpin’ and Mary Mams.

8:10 am December, 10 Los Douches said...

Margaret has the nastiest roots I’ve seen since I took out the 60-foot tall ficus tree in our parking lot. Pick a color, honey, one of the other.

What that said, gotta vote for The Uberbros and Pear Alice as she’s got enough pear for my needs and the two Uberbros are…well, those are some douchebags of a caliber we haven’t seen here in a long, long time. Thank God.

8:11 am December, 10 Ted Brogan said...

Christie is lovely. And coupled with Mutato (is that pronounced like “Potato” or “Potato”?), they are strong contenders. But there is not a lot going on in the pic. She is drinking water and he looks calm.

Left Uberbro has spent so much time carefully pasting his hair wings onto his ever-enlarging forehead, he is so enamored with the results that he doesn’t even notice that Alice (or her pear) is even there. When you combine the facial pubes with whatever the hell is going on with the rest of his hair and stupid face, you get a Facehugger from Alien.

Which brings us to Margaret and Kisseus Vomitorious. After fist-pumping at the club, frolicking and lifting up his shirt at any possible moment, he will have his way with Margaret. Margaret, now covered in sweat and cologne, is OK with those 10 seconds. Just like the tattoo on her back. YOLO, she sighs, deciding not to get tested.

KV and Margaret win this round. But shall not make it to the finals.

8:12 am December, 10 Dickie Fingers said...

My vote is for KV. Mutato should win an award or two.

8:19 am December, 10 FoghornLeghorn said...

KV in this round. Margaret makes me have dirty thoughts, bad roots, tattoos, and all. Go figure.

.

Alice’s pear should be enshrined somewhere.

8:31 am December, 10 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

KV. He pulls the red lobster look so authentically with the crustacean belly and the unnatural orangish-red glow that I just want to boil him in water and watch him kick a couple times!

8:33 am December, 10 I R A Darth Aggie said...

The Uberbros and Pear Alice FTW, and by win I mean Pear Alice. Innocent looking hott coupled with poo is always a winner. While Margaret and Sister Christie are hott in their own right, I get the sense that they’re voluntarily playing, and Pear Alice thinks the Uberbros look ridiculous.

.

So say we all.

8:53 am December, 10 Charles Douchewin said...

KV brings it.

.

And by “brings it” I mean he’s trying harder than Benzino.

8:54 am December, 10 DarkSock said...

KV is crushing this round like Stackhouse crushes whole turkeys and water drinkers. Son. The fact that Madge’s shelf life of her shelf is the same as carbon dated silicone is only lagniappe, like cool KY soothing a rasped-out anus.
.
Kisseus Vomitorious’s poo-hawk and Margaret’s silicone-stuft dairy socks win this bracket, but I send my best to Alice Pear. And by best I mean 3 months of saved ejaculate carefully scraped into an unwashed Winn Dixie mayonnaise jar.
.
Savers.

9:01 am December, 10 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, can be such a study in extremes as two simian protoqueers greasing all over a goddess so lovely that Aphrodite herself weepsturbates to her picture. I think Pear Alice must have vanished back into the Cyprian foam shortly after meeting the Uberbros, because no amount of cyberstalking will turn up another image of her.

9:04 am December, 10 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

It’s not gay if you’re in a three way. Unless you’re a douche and the other guy is a douche, then it’s totally gay because at some point someone not named Alice is going to wrap their gel encrusted fingers around someone else’s semi-flacid mini carrot and then someone named Alice is going to be in the front room sitting on the shitty chair next to the pile of X-Box games turning up the volume on the flatscreen so she doesn’t have to hear what she didn’t want to see going on in the other room because she needs a ride home but can’t take a cab after spending all her money to pay for every round of drinks at the club.

.

But gay is not a scoring category for HCwDBotY so I must cast my vote for Kisseus Vomitorious. And by cast my votes I mean honk Margaret’s Thatchers.

9:08 am December, 10 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

You can get anything you want at Alice’s Badonkadonk.

.

Hippy prosers.

9:14 am December, 10 Tits McGee said...

There is no denying KV is the biggest ripped-off scab of a mistake in this bracket, but I have to remind everyone this site is not called Bleeths with Douchebags.

Tanath makes a fair point that a douche should be able to stand on their own. I agree, but Margaret is a dye job bleeth whose tramp stamp has grown to her shoulders, and Mutato just doesn’t bring the flava.

Alice and Uberbros.

9:30 am December, 10 MoeDouche said...

The UberBros ’cause when you prefer to pose with Alice instead of caress this delish pear, you have outlived your existence on earth. The UberBros for the next round!

9:31 am December, 10 Billy The Scrote said...

I think KV takes the cake…I mean douche…douche cake.

9:46 am December, 10 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Every year I hate that I must vote in this contest-The contest shows that Douchebagery continues and we have yet to eradicate this plague from the earth. Each year we must resolve to continue that which DB1 began and to wipe from the planet this virus that eats at our soul. We dare not forget today that we are the heirs of that first revolution. Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans—born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage—and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this Nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world. Let every douchebag know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty. This much we pledge—and more.

Kisseus Vomitorious and Margaret

9:47 am December, 10 angelotseb said...

kisseus!

9:53 am December, 10 FredN. said...

Why does Kisseus have cameltoe in this pic?

Answer: because he has a vagina.

.

They can’t all be Australian DJ quality.

.

Kisseus for the win.

9:56 am December, 10 The Dude said...

Mutato represents for the steroid-enhanced traditional douchebag, and Alice represents the flapper-era hott, but Kisseus is truly atrocious. I vomit in his general direction, and cast my vote for him and his formerly hott bleeth.

10:16 am December, 10 Reverend Chad's Remote Hotspot Location said...

Pear Alice.

.

New technology unleashed from it’s box has allowed my show to go mobile like Uberbros brow spikes. Im not a big techie or Apple guy, but this shit is cool.

.

Two house bands battle this year to surpass the previous hosts who are battling iron lung and cock dysplacia.

.

Please welcome Slash and his merry band of outcast heroin-addled elves singing a nice Christmas song.

.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKz2U4fvA4U

10:28 am December, 10 hermit said...

Kisseus V could win based solely on wearing jockey shorts as outer clothing. Add the fact that he makes a gaudy display of what he values most, (his abs) makes him a complete failure. It’s tantamount to a wealthy investor wearing a sandwich board displaying his net worth, or an Eastern Lowland Gorilla pounding his chest in a garish display of power and territorial dominance.

Margaret has dark roots, large breasts and awkward, splayed legs.

10:33 am December, 10 Merle Baggard said...

KV and M, becuase his penis is smaller than mine.

10:50 am December, 10 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Margaret looks like a girl who sells cigarettes on the floor of the MGM Grand because she scared away too many customers as a waitress. She only vaguely resembles a hott chick in the same way that a crayon resembles a cigarette… that doesn’t mean I’m going to take up crayon smoking any time soon, though.

10:50 am December, 10 Gunna said...

After much thought I would have to go with The Uberbros and Pear Alice.

I would like to save her from years of watching UFC fights and Heineken drafts.

10:57 am December, 10 Edaddy said...

KV just based on his body of work.

11:25 am December, 10 Sergeant_Poop said...

In a landslide, it goes to the Uberbros and Pear Alice. Is Mutato a tool? Of course, but he he’s missing that certain douchy quality to qualify him and Sister Christie as HCwDB of the Year. For all I know, that sleeve tattoo is a result of a drunken weekend of horrible mistakes. And without that sleeve tattoo, he’s just a guy in sunglasses. Kisseus Vomitorious is clearly gay and gets the pass. The Uberbros, however, get a pass from no one. They consciously, or unconsciously, rather, styled their hair like that and thought they looked so badass that it would be a crime for the world not to see them, resulting in the dual bathroom camera phone shot. Pear Alice’s pear speaks for itself. This combination of douche and hot reigns so supreme that I recognized the picture instantly, nearly a year later.

12:34 pm December, 10 Wheezer said...

Kisseus Vomitorious won a Weekly as “Tommy Pak,” and to be up for a Yearly under another name means he has surpassed all other contenders.

.

I mean, there’s poo, and then there’s fuccen POO.

1:32 pm December, 10 skrag2112 said...

Kisseus looks like he/it will be the obvious winner, but my vote goes for the Uberbros. Like an Oreo cookie, except with the creamy center sandwiched between two dries cow flops.

1:44 pm December, 10 Steve Polychronopolous said...

vomitorium, maybe for the whole enchilada.

1:50 pm December, 10 hermit said...

Two questions:

.

1. How does Wheezer do it?

2. Can we just go ahead and hand KV the yearly now?

2. Does KV even own a shirt?

2:10 pm December, 10 hermit said...

^should read, ¿why does KV even own a shirt?

2:14 pm December, 10 Colossus of Choads said...

Uberbros.

No one should wear a stegosaurus plate on one’s head.

2:15 pm December, 10 Vin Douchal said...

All the hotts are smokin’ So,…

.

With these three Doucheers we can vote by changing the game of “Fuck-Marry-Kill” to “Maim-Disfigure-Kill”.

.

Maim- UberBros, tearing out their tonsils, Moe Stooge style, would be a great start

Disfigure- Mutato The Bug-Eye Freak, but seriously , he’s already disfigured

Kill- Kisseus Vomitorious . How great would it be to watch him fuck with the wrong badass and get tossed through a window?

.

So, by default that means dopey Kisseus Vomitorious and skanky Margaret FTW.

.

Blecchh, I shoulda ate lunch before doing this

2:46 pm December, 10 Ich verstehe sie ist heiß said...

Kisseus Vomitorious bought DB1’s book to pick up style tips. And while reading may not be his strong suit, applying Preparation H to his abs certainly is. If Zzyz were still alive, he’d be jelly. Margaret is Grade A Prime Bleeth. Don’t be fooled by that innocent middle-America smile and good posture — a glance in the mirror reveals the real disco coke bathroom 5 hour energy grey goose size seven poop-chute story that will soon air in an upcoming episode of ‘Intervention.’ Mutato may say ‘Groo’ and the uberbros may not be able to spell ‘Groo’, but KV *is* ‘Groo.’ It’s a subtle difference but a crucial one at this pivotal moment in douche history. KV delivers the hard smackdown in bracket 1; he will be tough to beat.

4:48 pm December, 10 Army (ret) Douche said...

may god have mercy on us all this is a clash of the irresistible force and the immovable object… I gotta vote for pear alice, 2 douches > 1 douche and right douche is obsessed with his phone.

5:41 pm December, 10 Jacques Doucheteau said...

All the other contenders are amateur douchebags, douching it up like animals on the weekend only to return to a dulldrum life of hawking iPhone covers at the Sprint kiosk in the mall. Kisseus Vomitorious is a fuccen pro. He breathes, eats, and lives douche like Axe is oxygen and Blue Label Vodka is fuccen ass puss. Because he subsists on ass puss. Fucc dat guy.

6:11 pm December, 10 Scooby Douche said...

I feel like an Obama voter in Utah, but I gotta cast my vote for Mutato. Two reasons:

1. Me like hotts. I visit this website many times per day to view hot, normal, women, who you can actually fantasize about taking home to your mom (after fulfilling a few other fantasies with her!), as opposed to bleethed STD-laden bar skanks. Christie is the only hott of these three that looks normal, clean and therefore perhaps desirable. Alice might be hott physically (I gots ta see the whole options package before I purchase the car), but the fact that she is standing in front of a mirror, allowing her picture to be taken with those two mutants, proves conclusively she did not complete any Ph.D. program. Stupid does not equal hott, IMHO. Margaret? Eeeewwww…. Seriously? Where’s the hott in that thing? Fake boobs, dreadfully ugly legs, back tatts, and that hair? My god, that hair!

2. Mutato goes full douche: Horrible, excessive tatts, gold chains, overdone sunglasses. And pumped. KV is pumped too, but that’s all he brings to the dance. To win the Yearly takes more effort that just working out. You must be a true Disciple of Douche. And Margaret? Eeeewwww…. But I repeat myself.

I rest my case.

7:48 pm December, 10 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

When you can outdouche two douches at once, you know you’ve won/lost it. Even though I have a great admiration for Alice’s magnificent pear, I gotta vote KV FTW.

8:14 pm December, 10 ehcuodouche said...

I have to go with Kissus for his full body of, uh, work. Most of it has resulted in severe stomach cramps and vomiting from yours truly, thanks to his constant barrage of underwear-wear and carcinogenic GSR. Congress allocated $50 million to the Superfund to help scrub the internet of his toxic waste.

Please someone tell that cougar that the black top/pink bottom dress makes her look pregnant and standing in the vicinity of Kissus makes her look Bleethed and old.

9:04 pm December, 10 Troy Tempest said...

Kisseus and Margaret. Because their shit stinks like rotting bile.

4:54 am December, 11 I douche, therefore I am said...

KV, for his vomitorious kisseousness

6:16 am December, 11 Ol' Dirty Douchebag said...

Uberbros and more importantly Pear Alice because I don’t want to see another picture of KV’s junk in the finals.

9:43 am December, 11 Dixie Recht said...

Uberbros and Pear Alice FTW.

.

Why? Look at these douches. They have hair gel on the stand. They are taking pictures of themselves! And their hair is done like a rooster. No bigger douchies have I ever seen.

.

These two in public is like asking for someone to bitch slap them into next week.

Again, Uberbros FTW!

5:05 am December, 12 douche equis said...

Holy cow, this could have been the finals.

.

But Margaret is nott, and although the ‘Bros are odious in the extreme, there’s not enough Lisa Pear there to fulfill the Hot Chicks part of this site’s moniker.

.

So I’m going with Mutato and Christie, a classic pairing who, nonetheless, will lose out in the finals to a more interesting couple. Potent but generic didn’t win last year, and I predict the same this time around.

5:06 am December, 12 douche equis said...

Christ, not enough ALICE Pear, whatever. There’s just not enough. Whatever name you attach.

5:13 am December, 12 douche equis said...

Jumpin’ Jesus on a pogo stick, I’ve now read the comments (after voting, as is my custom) and discovered that aside from myself, of all y’all only Scooby Douche and the oddly named Tits McGee have remembered that the name of this site is HOT CHICKS with douchebags. If there’s a HOT CHICK in the KV photo I guess I haven’t located her yet, and Pear Alice does not give us enough to lean on. Which I don’t mean the way you’re thinking.

.

Change your votes people, this is not right. There are at most 1.5 hot chicks up there, and only one pic has a complete one.

2:14 am December, 13 Stephanie said...

If I can still vote…Kisseus Vomitorious and Margaret. Where’s the hairspray and a match.

Leave a Reply

What is 13 + 12 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)