Matt Stafford Pop Quiz
Matt Stafford is to Chuck Norris as:
A. Tight ends are to wide receivers
B. Mike Tyson is to Cicile Tyson
C. John Landis helicopter accidents are to pyrotechnic accidents on the set of Pepsi commercials
D. Ironic 1980s pop culture crutch references are to actually coming up with real humor when the DB1 is hungover and not feeling creative
E. Boobies are to ass pear
Super 'Baggio Responds
Super ‘Baggio responds in the Friday Haiku comments thread:
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yes its me, the guy in the pic. I just wanted to drop by and say hello and that I love the site! Even when i’m on it:) At least you guys provide some sense of intellect and education. Some of these comments actually made me laugh out loud! That is what differentiates this site from others. It is actually funny, and not a bunch of people leaving absolutely hateful comments about someones personal life, or family, etc….keep up the good work and keep the laughs coming! p.s. – i know longer have highlighted hair…im learning, slowly…but I am learning. you see, HCWDB can change lives:)
—
Crap. Super ‘Baggion seems decent. And with a spectacular hott. Now what do I do? Well at least this pic is douchey. Mocking is still allowed based on the visual evidence.
Super ‘Baggio Responds
Super ‘Baggio responds in the Friday Haiku comments thread:
—-
yes its me, the guy in the pic. I just wanted to drop by and say hello and that I love the site! Even when i’m on it:) At least you guys provide some sense of intellect and education. Some of these comments actually made me laugh out loud! That is what differentiates this site from others. It is actually funny, and not a bunch of people leaving absolutely hateful comments about someones personal life, or family, etc….keep up the good work and keep the laughs coming! p.s. – i know longer have highlighted hair…im learning, slowly…but I am learning. you see, HCWDB can change lives:)
—
Crap. Super ‘Baggion seems decent. And with a spectacular hott. Now what do I do? Well at least this pic is douchey. Mocking is still allowed based on the visual evidence.
The Side Order of Freakshow
So I’m at the Coffee Bean this morning to order my daily iced Americano, when the counter guy asks me, “Would you like a heaping freakshow douchescrote mugging a Betty Page with tight butt with your order?”
Excuse me?, I responded.
“Would you like a heaping freakshow douchescrote mugging a Betty Page with tight butt with your order? We’re running a special.”
So I had to say yes.
Because can you really say no to a question like that?
Friday Thoughts and Links
A few points of order as The ‘Stachebagger gears up for Monday’s HCwDB of the Week.
This weekend, when I lose the hangover, I’ll be moving Bucky’s Kathy Hott to her well earned place in the Hall of Hott, and bumping Cheeto Man straight to the Closet of Poo.
Both have earned it through hard work, academic study, and lots of Red Bull.
Here’s your Friday Links:
This Ed Hardy Recipe Card is pretty accurate.
What recession? The Hamptonsbags are still partying.
“In my vagina two times he bites me!” But his teeths are very small.
My book is a guilty pleasure on Planet Tralfamador.
The HCwDB Wedding Ceremony? I actually think it was pretty hilarious. Here’s a Nottadouche and may it last more than five years (although I’m taking the under).
No matter what level of cool I achieve in life, I will never be Steve Buscemi in “New York Stories.”
And because I care deeply for your mental health after so many unholy hottie/scrotey couplings, here ya go, award winning Ass Pear.
Sail on silver girl.
Smoot Operator
Your humble narrator is pensive on this foggy Friday morn.
Maybe it was too many bottles of Thunderbird last night, as I wandered delirious and confused after an angry philosophical debate with a mongoose who favored Nietzsche over Kinky Friedman. Stupid mongoose.
Maybe it was that extra package of Hostess Fruit Pie that I knew I should skip, but which called to me at 2am with its processed imitation fruit fruity goodness.
But this morning, after I milked the alpacas, fondled the goats and fed the gila monsters I’m raising for pelt, I had to wonder.
Is the silly cartoon belt buckle the new signifier of cartoonish transformation of masculinity? Do doofy skullz create “post-human?”
In the age of the Hardy Plague, is it the simple adornment of this new form of “crotch signifier” that communicates the power of the masculine ass pear fondlage?
I know not.
So I chaw some more original bubble gum flavor “Big League Chew.” For that always helps my ruminations coagulate.
Ask DB1: "The Murse"
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Hey DB1,
I live in Vancouver which is sometimes referred to as “hollywood north” so while Van isn’t the douche epicenter that LA is, we do get our fair share.
I cant help but notice that, along with ed hardy/affliction/true religion jeans/etc many douchescrotes are fond of the man purse or “murse”. Basically a fanny pack wrapped around your torso that costs $800.
This falls right into line, along with manscaping, guyliner, tight-ass ts, piercings and accessorizing traits that the douche manifests.
Do you concur that “Murse” equals autodouche???
— Joe DoucheBaggio.
—-
Q.E.D. good sir. Quod Erat Douchemonstrandum.
Well argued, and we will add the Murse to the list of douchetributes to be tracked as we prep for the impending Ed Hardy Scrotocalypse in 2010.
Ask DB1: “The Murse”
—-
Hey DB1,
I live in Vancouver which is sometimes referred to as “hollywood north” so while Van isn’t the douche epicenter that LA is, we do get our fair share.
I cant help but notice that, along with ed hardy/affliction/true religion jeans/etc many douchescrotes are fond of the man purse or “murse”. Basically a fanny pack wrapped around your torso that costs $800.
This falls right into line, along with manscaping, guyliner, tight-ass ts, piercings and accessorizing traits that the douche manifests.
Do you concur that “Murse” equals autodouche???
— Joe DoucheBaggio.
—-
Q.E.D. good sir. Quod Erat Douchemonstrandum.
Well argued, and we will add the Murse to the list of douchetributes to be tracked as we prep for the impending Ed Hardy Scrotocalypse in 2010.
Friday Haiku
Nintendo time, kids,
“Super ‘Baggio’s World: Poo,”
Princess Peach, jump high!
Vatican reveals
Nun and Priest makeover show
Brought by Ed Hardy
— Jean Claude Van Douche
Frosted tipped douchebag
Cut on arm not deep enough
Next time slice clean through
– Justin
Smells like Ed Hardy
Only one getting close is
Paid To Pose Hott….Boobs!
— Dunkin Scrotenuts
Steroid injections,
Tanning Bed, breast implants, bling…
Still feel dead inside
– Anonymous
Wears a woman’s blouse
Arms like cellophane wrapped hams
Bleeth wants her shirt back
— HusslinHoosier
Classic 'Bag Sandwich #45: The "Double Doucher"
A tasty serving of boobie hottie suckle thigh roasted lightly in olive oil, then sandwiched between two slices of poomento loaf.
I call it The Double Doucher.
