Friday Haiku
Choads ‘n hott do shots,
Ubiquitous Red Cups know,
Fratbags smell like poo.
Second Amendment
Be damned; these here guns should be
outlawed and taken.
– Douche Wayne
today will be nuts.
I don’t even know this chick.
we should light our farts.
— Mr. Choad’s Wild Ride
Mary Louise P.
Retires from the show “Weeds”
Now on show called “Taints”
– Vin Douchal
Hott is very hott.
Boobies like tangy lemons.
They need my sucklage.
-Amerigo Vesdouchey
what chances does a
lonely red cup, for the love
of a surfer chick
– euripidouche
More Pouter Puff
Okay, for all those complaining that bizarro Lithuania pic, as genius as it was, wasn’t strictly HCwDB enough, here’s some Pouter Puff + Jenny Suckle Shoulder to carry you to tomorrow’s Friday Haiku.
Lithuania: Unclear on the HCwDB Concept
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Greetings DB1,
Take a look at best what we’ve got here in Lithuania. Not quite HCwDB, but we’re a third world country.
E.
—-
The ridiculously unbalanced ratio between the quality of suckle thigh and creepy Europbaggery on display in Eastern Europe is on an ongoing global crisis.
While Eurobags often don’t resemble the douchebaggery we know and loathe here in America, the suckle thighs still desperately need saving. By me. Using only a ball of twine, extensive licking of their kneecaps, and a large towel soaked in chickenfat.
Johnny Blaze Blazes On
What separates the truly spectacular douchewank from the average, everyday, ordinary pud?
Longevity. Consistency.
Hall of Scrote legend Johnny Blaze isn’t held down by a faltering economy.
Johnny Blaze laughs in the face of the passing of time.
The Blaze just finds some slammin’ Ed Hardy, a middle aged Oldbag dressed in pink and desperately holding on to fading glory, and an all natural brunette with great teeth.
And the Blaze Blazes on.
Cube Bert
Can we really judge a man for utilizing the “chin strap” to delineate chin from neck?
Yes.
Yes we can.
Or cast him in a Dire Straits video.
EDIT: In keeping with the general consensus, I hearby grant Cube Bert an official nottadouche. And props for some natural Latina Hottness on his arm.
Ask DB1: Whither the Follicle?
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Dear DB1,
I am 28 years old and I have a receding hairline.
I think comb-overs and other maneuvers to hide balding are silly and useless. From your website and the example of E-Blo, I have also learned that if I tried, I’d be douchey.
But if I wear (what’s left of) my hair pushed up and off of my scalp, bravely exposing naked skin where hair is supposed to be, I’m afraid I am going to stray into ‘blowout’ territory.
I’m going to have a haircut later today and need an urgent consultation on how to wear my hair so I can split the difference between comb-over and blowout. Douchiness crouches on every side! Help me to come through to the other side un-tainted.
Thank you,
– Douche Scrotewalker
—-
It’s about the gel levels, D.S., more so than the style itself. In the example provided here, Pinky McGuppiemouth macks on Theresa with only a stage-2 shirt offense (skulls = autodouche). His receding hairstyle would not be a problem, until he overgels to the point of crust.
Do not crest the crustline, D.S. Some product is fine, but if your hair looks like the sky in a Van Gogh, you’ve crossed the line.
Fro Yo
Fro Yo says: Hey kids, be cool. Stay in school.
Because Fro Yo likes to give back to the community.
A Nice Gentleman Who is Not a Douche
I can’t tell if I should mock this bizarro commingling of Latin King and Nordic Goth, or cower behind my bed and hope I do not end up with the proverbial cap in mine ass.
Ah screw it. What’s one more angry douche who wants to kick my ass?
His chin contains a swarm of angry carpenter ants, pissed about the lack of decor.
Elvira would read me Grimm fairytales in their original German, and then I would rub her toes with tea tree oil.
The Long Island Redcheek
PIC DELETED
Dave on the right? You get a nottadouche pass. Go in peace.
But Vinny? White stud belt, d-neck shirt, hand gesture and bling means we gotta ‘tag you a solid stage-3 Grieco Virus carrier.
Most perplexingly, what’s with the rosy cheeks?
Is it makeup?
Were you slapped on each side of his face with a halibut?
And finally we come to Roxanna. A fully formed and delightfully curvy figure that I would study and grope with feral intensity for a solid 30 seconds using only the hypothalamus part of my brain, before collapsing in exhaustion, and then turning on the teevee.
Caption This Pic
Excuse me, Miss, would you like to see my Jelly Dong?
Take your best shot in the comments thread.
