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Wednesday, January 26, 2005
test
If you could deliver a baghunter smackdown to this moron in front of Bulbous Boob’d Barbara, but could ONLY use seven (7) words o’ the King’s English…what would you utter unto him?
Natasha and Viktor are disappointed
Not everyone is happy that the Hot Chicks with Douchebags mocking of all things baggish persists…
Monday, January 24, 2005Dispatches from the world of D. Wallnuts – Joe D’s Schvantz
bat’s a swingin’
Legendary BagMeister Douchey Wallnuts reminisces on ol’ Joltin’ Joe for us:
“Joe DiMaggio’s Schvantz.”
How’s that for a sayin’? But that’s what the crew used to say when something weird or unexpected would happen. Why’s that you say? Well lemme tell ya.
Back sometimes in the late 50’s we got to be friendly, through Hef, with LeRoy Neiman – that artist who painted those pictures that up close all look like splotches of color thrown together but look like what they are supposed to look like when you stand back a bit – Na mean?
He painted all kinds a things, but loved broads and athletes the most. LeRoy had a collection a all kinds of photos ‘a athletes, and tole us he wanted to show us some a them, and one a these pictures was a picture of DiMaggio in the shower with one a his Yankee teammates, effin’ naked, cockk and all, and his Gabiles, too. Gabiles, I says.
Needless to say we was all like, “What the fvck is that all about!” We ain’t never seen a picture like that, not never, and the last thing we expected to see that day was a picture of Joltin’ Joe’s Joint. Joltin’Joe’s Joint, I says.
So from that day on, anytime we was surprised by somethin’ or saw somethin’ fvcked up, one ‘a the guys would say, “Joe D’s schvantz!“
Sunday, January 23, 2005Bunny Luv and FluffTurd are pleased to announce that this Douche Star is fully armed and operational.
DarkSock here; so starting next week I’ll start posting often, perhaps once a day. I got a treasure trove from Alert Reader and Legendary BagHunter Doc Bunsen of primo bag/hott co-mingling and the website is back in black without the math quiz (27) so stay tuned.
Also, I love Bunny Luv. And her Bunny Booty.
Saturday, January 22, 2005Friday Thoughts n’ Links n’ Underboob ‘n Such
DarkSock here with the Naked Truth. And for heralding that truth I’ve received a certain amount of well-deserved celebrity. Because this Jersey Jihad is our collective dream. We know what we stand for. The day Jay Louis (if that is his real name) lost a woo-hott to some greasy trust-fund troglodyte the gauntlet was thrown; shit got real. This site reached unimaginable peaks, and though the salad days have passed, we’re still holding it together here.
Oh, we have accomplished historic things. We have defined and attacked Nastiness and ugliness. Sometimes what you must witness is hard to grasp. We will cope by any means necessary. We reflect and struggle and render our judgments in solitude. Although probably not like Reverend Chad.
Yet we’re hardly scratched the surface of the virgin territory of What. Is. Douche.
Speaking of “virgin territory”, here’s why you slavering beasts keep clicking these links, like lab vermin waiting for them sweet sweet pellets o’ female topography:
Saturday, January 22, 2005Friday Haiku
Grampa is so sad;
He needs Viagra for sex.
She needs PolyGrip…
Please Explain This Spectacle…
Ladies, Gentlement and Canadian: Boss had emerged drunkenly from the Llama Pen to show me how to fix das bugs.
So…we have this photo.
Words – I have none.
Please explain. As ever, in the “comments” link.
Seriously, WTF is ongoing here…?
Thursday, January 20, 2005Monday Belated Friday Thoughts and Links
DarkSock here with a PSA…Some of the HCwDB alert readers may recently have noticed a slight upheaval as HCwDB switched servers (for example, my inability to figure out how to revert to my trademark blue text…) so the attached photo is my way of thanking you for sticking with The Fight through thick and thin. (I’m not sure, but this front page photo may actually be a rare prom photo of Plinky’s Mom.) We are a talented and diverse lot with many facets, much like NBC anchorman and noted rap artist Brian Williams. And we remain dedicated to using this vast array of talents for fighting douche/bleethe scourge wherever it rears its ugly heads.
So as a thank you for hanging in there I present you a Pearapalooza theme which is an oldy but a woodie: The genius of Queen and Freddie Mercury’s 1978 nude bicycle race. Without so much nudity, but still…here ya go:
Pink Uplift MoFo Party Plan Pear
Is That A Banana Or Am I Happy To See You
Nice Rack On The Back Bicycle Pear
There…are we now over the site glitch? Thought so.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005Friday thoughts & Links
Here you see unsung hero Yusef Mustafa. Yusef was, of course, designated to fly the 5th plane on Sept. 11 into the Statue of Liberty. So, like the other douchebag terrorists that night he went out clubbin’ with ho’s. Unlike them he decided to err on the side of boobies and pear; unlike his comrades he didn’t wake up in Hell. He walked away from that Jihad and is now a telemarketer for The Ketone Diet Plan™ by day, douchebag club-goer by night.
Hey, I never said this story had a happy ending. So now Yusef is our problem instead of the NSA’s. Let us continue The Mockk. Let us Get Their Goat. < –Totes M'Goats.
Today is the 83th Anniversary of Homer J. Simpson’s Famous Manifesto.
Speaking of Manifestos – Douchebait Manifesto.
It is also the 114th Anniversary of Stephen Hawking’s discovery of String Theory; most folks don’t know he had this epiphany at Fat Larry’s on Lady’s Night.
Bro-Bump for the Decline o’ Western Civilization.
East German girls need love too.
So, um…you need a banana for that split?
Alright you slavering wretches; that’s enough for this episode of “Dumb Whiteys Misbehaving In Club Land”. I’ll slap some gratuitous gratuity below then get back to my vacay, Son. I am OUTA HERE!!! Fetus don’t fail me now!!!
To The Fap-Cave, Robin!!!
Monday, January 17, 2005
Your weekend movies – numa numa nuts
DB1 has over the years cruelly inflicted us with numb-nuts frolicking in Jersey parking lots. This poses the question – does Euro-Douche electronica induce the douche virus? The answer, of course, is nearly always YES. However, as this large-boned kid illustrates, some wield a fierce and tragic resistance via auto-immune Nerd Virus.
And some are immune because they’re FUCCEN BAT-SHIT DOO-DAH KRAZY. Yeah…watch this one all the way through…I’m fairly certain that what you see at the 3:42 mark is the last sort of thing several now-deceased individuals ever saw on this Earth.
