Thursday, June 25, 2015

Someone Named Ariana Grande Wants You to Stop Judging Her For Dating Douchebags

Grande
A few weeks ago someone named Ariana Grande, who may or may not be a Starbucks promotion coupon code, complained that people need to stop judging celebrities based on who they’ve dated.

Apparently this ambulatory entertainment product has spent the past few years coupling with a series of pre-packaged plastic drone boy toy veneers shrink wrapped for mass consumption. And now she doesn’t like it when the internet gets mean. In a rant in some form of social media, this person of whom I have no idea (Disney princess? Heir to Kombucha Tea fortune?) complained thusly:

———
“I can’t wait to live in a world where people are not valued by who they’re dating / married to / attached to… but by their value as an individual… I have clearly not been having the boy questions in my interviews lately because I have come to the realization that I have SO. MUCH. MORE. to talk about… I’m saying this after literally eight years of feeling like I constantly had to have a boy by my side. After being on my own now for a few months I am realizing that that’s just not the case.”
———

There’s some other stuff in there about activism and gender roles, but I’m too lazy to retype it.

That being said, allow me to retort. Because we here at Hot Chicks with Douchebags like to stay up on current events in our quarterly half-assed posts.

Reducing public gossip/criticism to a reductive form of gender politics offers a slap in the face to the very real problem of systemic bias within the language and codes of patriarchal traditions.  It is the pseudo-intellectual whine of privilege. It does damage to the real cause it claims to support.

When a young performer chooses to enter the Foucauldian panopticon of new media ludicrousness, they make an implicit contract to perform as a dancing/dating/drinking/partying rhesus monkey grinding the organ grinder for the hordes of the unwashed.

This is not to excuse the venom and personal attacks that dominate the bottom-scraping chum tank of reprehensibility that defines the New Media wasteland.

It is only to observe that criticism comes with the perks of fame and fortune, as Gandhi once said. Every celebrity has learned this painful lesson since Clara Bow sucker punched Hedda Hopper at Hearst’s Brown Derby blowout back in the 20’s.

So let it be venti. So let it be done.

# posted by douchebag1
2:22 am June, 25 Jeet Kune Douche said...

She’s too tiny to be a Hott (5’0″) and all her BF’s are too estrogenized to be considered douches.
I say we condemn this twerpette and her twerp metrosessual skidmarks to the Hall of Poo.

4:19 am June, 25 DarkSock said...

Boss had me at “Bottom Scraping Chum Tank”, which is also the name of my new Burt Bacharach cover band.
.
ENOUGH OF THIS GAY BANTER. Ed Hardy Har Har won teh interwebs with his post last week, and I MUST say I put a VERY special Easter Egg in his posit as a reward. I can honestly say there’s ne’er been displayed on these pages a more taut, sweaty, full-sized muscular Pear than what’s hidden in his post….
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/04/double-belated-fraiku/

4:32 am June, 25 DarkSock said...

I’d wear a welder’s mask for this week’s Fraiku…
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/04/82221/

1:52 pm June, 25 Ted Brogan said...

Amen!

1:57 pm June, 25 MC900FootDouchebag said...

I wouldn’t mind Ariana-ing her not so Grandes though. And it’s not like these douches are going to fight me. Shit, if she’s 5’0″ like Jeet says… well, that guy is 5’4″ maybe.

3:37 pm June, 25 Vin Douchal said...

Ariana Grande reminds of that “The Fappening” occurred and the star of the show that brought Ariana to the limelight was indeed caught with her boobies out.
.
And by caught with her boobies out I mean Victoria Justice.
.
If 4/chan has taught us anything it’s, “….”, um, “…” , well nothing really. Come at me bro’s

5:27 am June, 26 Jeet Kune Douche said...

The non-Ariana midget in the pic cannot actually be a guy. Scientifically impossible. It’s too andro.
Either it’s a gelding, a hermaphrodite, a transformer or a eunuch.
If the creature/thing/object ever went HERE, it would be quickly reduced to a quivering jelly:

7:55 pm June, 28 DF said...

You are so lucky not to know who Ariane Grande is. But now you do, alas.

9:45 pm June, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Angie Dickenson has chunks a broads like this Anita Grande in her menses.

1:31 pm June, 29 The Dude said...

Areola Grande looks good, hope she doesn’t speak.

8:11 pm June, 29 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Can somebody make sure Rev Chad doesn’t see this?
.
http://www.cnn.com/interactive/2015/06/us/quiz-confederate-symbols/index.html

8:48 pm June, 29 Jeet Kune Douche said...

@ The Dude – she’s pretty, but she’s so tiny and young-looking that I feel like I’m looking at a kid. I feel protective, not attracted. Strange…

@Bunsen HoneyDouche – I’m a yankee and don’t like the stars & bars. But hey – if southerners like that crap, it’s really none of my damn yankee business.
But WE WON. 😉

10:14 pm June, 29 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

Analannie Grannie doesn’t look old enough to be a grannie.

2:07 pm July, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The explanation for everything:
.

8:17 pm July, 1 Jeet Kune Douche said...

That is nobel prize winning genius in that vid.

2:26 am July, 3 DarkSock said...

Dickey Fingers won t’h’ Internet for last week’s Fraiku, and in observance of the upcoming Fourth o’ July I added to his post 3 unique “flags” you can…”salute”…
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/04/82221/
.
Sons

2:33 am July, 3 DarkSock said...

It’s a Fourth of July Poo(l) party!
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/04/fourth-o-fraiku/

3:31 am July, 4 Wheezer said...

Please pass the eye bleach:
.
http://www.bodyrock.tv/beauty/exactly-merman-hair-replacing-man-bun/

5:08 pm July, 4 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Since today is the 4th:

3:57 am July, 5 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Demanding not to be judged on the basis of whom one associates with might have some merit in, say, a culture of arranged marriage.

Still, were that the case here, her protests would be like those who've proclaimed "I was just following orders!"

(Granted, Nazi prison guards were worse people.  They made better music, though.)

Considering she has her pick of men along the Spectrum of Douchebaggery, her decisions are all the more damnable.

2:10 am July, 10 DarkSock said...

D. Wallnuts won the Fourth o’ July Poo Party:
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/04/fourth-o-fraiku/

2:15 am July, 10 DarkSock said...

Who was livin’ Large back in April 27th, 2005?
.
YOU know who…
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/04/fraiku-large-edition/

3:32 pm July, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Bwa – HAHAHAHAHahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhahahahah..
.
.
Doughnut Licking now a scandal.
.
.
Because there’s nothing else newsworthy

7:38 pm July, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Let Old Glory Hole fly forever. Donuts?

1:32 am July, 15 admin said...

That’s right…you lick that donut…all’s slow-like….

1:24 am July, 23 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I really have no idea what’s going on in this picture.

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