Hall of Scrote
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Saturday, January 3, 2015
2015 Smoot Says “Groooo”
Wherein once a Gregorian chant intoned by the Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo de Silos lilted across the flora of pristine rainforests.
Now a plaintive cry winds its way across the landscape of Vegas bottle service beholden only to hottie/douchey memory.
For it may be a simple syllabic grunt.
A primal gutturality of overextended credit card and extreme cardio pilates.
But it is also an aural beacon. A sonic marker. As if a thousand Israeli Shofars cried out as one and were suddenly douchey.
For within that dulcet pedantic cry lies a blend of emotive purity and pristine pectoral flex.
Smoot hath seen the New Year dawn.
And it is Groooo.
Monday, July 21, 2014“Yea Though I Walk Through the Beaches of Douche”
Cast not thine holy douche spray uponst thy hottest of hotts. For the Tool is my Sherpa, I shall not spittle. Lo, into the abyss is Your stenchy facial fung and stupid hair. Let it not cast bodyspray uponst thine pear. For if it does, you will know Thine spirit hath foretold the unholy wrongness only whenst fondle is of purest suckle thigh by taintest of twatwaffle.
— Corinthian Leather, 25or6:4.
Sunday, February 23, 2014Donkey Douche Smells the Glove
Donkey Douche senses change is in the air. Time to flex!
Monday, January 13, 2014Four Prong Refuses to Go Gently into That Good Nightclub
Most of the ‘bags of yesteryore gave up.
Packed it in.
Took off the Ed Hardy.
Washed out the crust.
Resigned themselves to their idiotic tatts.
Got menial jobs.
But not the uberwads. Not Four Prong. Four Prong will not go gently into that not hitting on hot chicks good night. Like Dylan Thomas by way of Skrillex, the spikes carry on my wayward son into the great wide open.
And choadwankery burns bright in the chosen few. The proud. The Vegas Crustwank.
Monday, January 6, 2014Mack the Nozzle Refuses to Accept it's 2014
Somewhere in this hottie/douchey/tranny car crash of Paulwalkerian proportions (too soon?), HCwDB (non)legend Mack the Nozzle refuses to let go of 2008.
Refuses, he tells ya.
Eye tatts and stupidface will not go gently into that good after party.
Monday, December 23, 2013The Chandlerbag Bloats Out For Christmas
Sophie’s chestnuts are roasting over an open fire.
While Kelly’s instagram fuels the fantasies of many a little drummer boy.
Thursday, December 12, 2013Donkey Douche Finds Love
And when Mr. Douche slowly leaned over to whisper sweet nothings to Jerzey Sophie after enjoying their tasty prime rib… it went… a little something… like this.
Whoops. Strike that.
My mistake.
Lets try again.
It went… a little something… like this.
Saturday, December 7, 2013Your Saturday Donkey Douche
True ‘bag legends never go away.
They simply turn more crimson.
Thursday, October 24, 2013Gynochin Returns!
HCwDB legend and 2011 Douchebag of the Year Gynochin.
Still out there.
Still with douche-chin.
Still dressing up to impress Kathy Hott with his fertile gum lines.
Mayhap the Gynochin makes our hallowed Hall of Scrote?
The hot chick of Rhea speaks for her cuddle bottom. And the run of doucheyness near incredibly sexy hot chicks speaks for itself.
And then there’s this.
What say you?
Wednesday, October 23, 2013Benzino Takes a Break From Being a Heaping Asspimple
Sure it looks effortless.
But being a Heaping Asspimple in presence of sexy superhotties takes hard work, dedication to craft, and a commitment to superlative scrotewankery.
Every so often, a ‘bag legend deserves a break.
A chance to unwind, acting only as an average choadmunch would.
To paraphrase some forgotten Lilith Fair singer-songwriter of the musically deadened 1990s, What if Douchebag Was One of Us? If you will.
And so Benzino carries on, ever onward, until, like Coleridge once waxed poetic, the dead seagull falls.
