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Sunday, January 16, 2005
Friday Thoughts and Links: "Blinded by the lies, gelled up like a douche and now he's humpin' on my wife" edition
By now you’ve heard the saga of the “Kissing Congressman”, who is Louisiana state Republican Congressman Vance McAllister. This guy got caught on camera swapping saliva, shirt untucked, with married mother and silly name bearer Melissa Hixon Peacock. Both are married, with spouses and children. Okay, no biggie I guess; we’re all adults here. Shit happens; t’ain’t right but hey…
Then I saw the photo this dill-hole, sporting those be-greased Jersey locks, glistening like a dewy field of unpicked Jheri curls.
And THEN I read about how he thundered on the campaign trail about upholding the “sanctity of marriage”. O yes, uphold that shining torch for us lesser ones, ye shining beacon. Just don’t get it too close to your greasy-ass knot of a head. Look to your left; it’s the happy couple (wreckers). Is adultery douchery? Nah. Is cynical smug hypocrisy douchery? Bro, do you even vote?
Adds cuckolded Mr. Peacock of his former family friend, “While (he) ran as a religious man who cherished family values, he wasn’t actually religious. I know his beliefs. When he ran one of his commercials, he said ‘I need your prayers,’ and I asked, ‘When did you get religious?’ He said, ‘When I needed votes,'” Heath Peacock, 34, told CNN Tuesday. “He broke out the religious card and he’s about the most non-religious person I know.”
Case closed on Douche McCallister.
However, in the spirit of fair and balanced journalism, let us not leave out liberal icon and fervent gun-control advocate California State Democratic Senator Leland Yee. Who, as it turns out, also ran a lucrative gun-running biz after hours. He will soon get the chance to bid on Donkey Douche’s old cell. And cell-mate. Yee’s a virtual mullet – he’s (Democratic) Party in the front, Gun Show in the rear (room).
So we can all agree: New anti-leniency rule: sleazy politicians = Autodouche? Share your thoughts.
Like any serious and thorough scholar of the body politic I offer the supporting documentation for my thesis:
That Bikini’s takin’ Atoll on me Pear
No Thank You I’ve Had Enough Pear
Hot Tub Sexy Time Machine Pear
You gonna bust your ass in those Pear
double camel-toe backpack Pear
Okay…I gotta make it up to youse all for that last one. Cleanse your palettes with Flotation Pear.
Sons.
Saturday, January 15, 2005"What's All This, Then?" Wednesday
DarkSock here, proudly introducing our Newest Offering, “What’s All This, Then?”™ Wednesday (now offered a day early!).
As you can see in this archival footage from the late 60’s, the seeds of gauche low-brow club-baggery were planted decades ago in the era of Lizard King Jim Morrison, back when GAHHHH WTF IS THAT IN THE CORNER?!? KILL IT WITH A RUGBY BOOT!!!**
**If you have ANY idea what’s going on here, then by all means hold court, as always, in the comments section.
Friday, January 14, 2005And now a word from our sponsor…
Cullman Liquidation – Come see our selection of used mobile homes.
Or don’t.
Thursday, January 13, 2005Friday Thoughts and Links
DarkSock here for an abbreviated Thoughts n’ Links; no time for horsing around today. Just Llama do mah thang.
Okay, enough of that. This is what you came for:
Wednesday, January 12, 2005Haiku – Dennis Rodman / Carmen Electra Version
Rodman spreads virus;
North Korean helmets soon
Tilt 18 degrees.
***
Watch that thumb, Dennis.
1 degree separation
From Ms. Yasmine Bleethe.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005Friday Thoughts n' Links
DarkSock here, for a pensive Friday Thought and Links. Son.
Pensive, because, y’know, we’re fortunate to live here, in 2005, in a prosperous country protected against greedy f*ck-society me-first sociopath bankers that would, if left to their own devices, destroy the world economy. A country free from the e’er present threats of the world’s avowed anarchists.
No…ours is a country filled with unsung and selfless heroes. Such as Plinky’s Mom, who donated the trimmings from her labiaplasty for Lindsey Lohan’s lip reconstruction. (*YOBBITA-YOBBITA-YOBBITA-PHRAPPPFTH*)
A country where we are free from dilution by illegal aliens. (*AKK! AKKK AKKKK AKKK!*)
Where red-blooded U.S. men can do what they wish with their Best Girl. Unless a sign prohibits it. But you can always try and get her to see things your way.
Butt enough…let’s now see things OUR way:
Volleyball Bonanza Featuring The Holy White Pixel.
Unintentional Digital Man Pear That Jacques Doucheteau Would Prolly Still Hit. No Homo. Son.
Bulbous Bunny Booty Boner batin’ Pear.
Beloved Bulbous BeachBall I’m Starting To Get Kinda Drunk n’ Horny and Need to Go Do Somethin’ Pear.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005Friday Haiku 2005
The DoucheBag evolves;
Lurches forth on its flippers-
“Hey, Babes…want a drink?”
Sunday, January 9, 2005In a continuing series…
Caption THIS unfortunate Venn Diagram of a coupling between a standard issue ‘bag and an out-of-it female of the opposite persuasion.
And by “opposite persuasion” I mean non-lucid and incapable of self-directed motor function.
Sunday, January 9, 2005In a continuing series…
Caption THIS unfortunate Venn Diagram of a coupling between a standard issue ‘bag and an out-of-it female of the opposite persuasion.
And by “opposite persuasion” I mean non-lucid and incapable of self-directed motor function.
Sunday, January 9, 2005Caption This
Well…this oughta be fun…
