Thursday, October 5, 2017

This Month in HCwDB History: 10 Years Ago,The Oompa Prompas

Holy guacamole!

Has it really been a decade?

‘Tis true.

All ye glorious ‘bag hunters and hott lusters of yesteryear, it’s been an entire ten sun circles since we first discovered the legendary Hottie/Douchey suburban Jerz High School melted orange Julius that was the Oompa Prompas.

Those legendary crust warriors of Jersey Prom infamy live on today on internet search engines and in the hearts and stomachs of millions.

A decade.

Just as this humble website was reaching its ascendant heights in those halcyon days of the mid aughts, along came the crystalline distillation of all that had gone poo-licious in a rotting, fetid societal dump on the face of good taste and decorum.

We tried to warn the world of the dangers the Oompa Prompas represented. Even when off for some private quality bro time. As one does. Even if one is orange and spikey.

We did our best to sound the alarm.

We saw the signs of imminent decay all around us, fraying, shredding at all that we had built up in the latter decades of the twentieth century. We cried like canaries in the fist pumping club mines, screaming our warnings of the toxic man-children of privilege raging, raging, against the dying of their birthright. They were a danger to all that is good and holy. And we knew it.

And lo, the Trumpocalpyse struck back. Did it ever. Holy crap.

But I am not here to talk about our gawdawful present. Let just say Vegas is in my heart today. And I am here to reminisce about a more playful era.

For as HCwDB is a now an inter-relic, I can look back fondly from my retiree chair, take a bite of a HoHo, a sip of ‘Train, and marvel at all the glorious mock that was done back when actual websites were a thing and the world wasn’t hyper-controlled by the Twitbookle Borg.

So let us reflect on October of 2007.

Consider: In that one month alone we saw numerous legends of Hottie/Schlongy cohabit that went on to internet fame and (no)fortune.

In addition to the legends that are the Prompas, there was The Dude with a Lot of Popped Collars, who made a second, less famous appearance here. There was Batbag. And, of course, the condenced ballsackian mildew of Long Island: The ‘Bag Islander.

There were stench art legends like Douche or Dali, The Leprechaun, Captain Jack Spackle, The Armpit of America, The Ass Pimples and Aqua Brunette, Tony with the Car Dealership, Night of the Living Bed-Head, Vince Vaughnbag, Queen Bee and the Power Chord, Willy Wanker, The Velvet Helmet, Cuisinart Carl, The Olive Loaf and Yellow Dress Hott, and the brilliantly named Thornton Mellon Stewie Head.

Holy Sweet Jebus on a Corpus Christi Cracker. That’s alotta douche/hott legends. One month with enough scrotal display to keep a hundred pop culture historians unpacking inter-gender dynamics for a millennium and a fortnight.

IF you were there with me back then, I salute you. Holy crap it’s been a decade. Sadly, all the comments in the message boards from that era were accidentally deleted when the site was upgraded to its new servers. But trust me in saying, the Mockers back then were glorious in their savagery and wit.

HCwDB may be finished, but the mock will never die. We need it now more than ever.

And I still plan to see all of you when my genius is finally acknowledged at the HCwDB Art Show at the Guggenheim in 2023.

# posted by douchebag1
11:46 am October, 5 Tatsiana Groinshavia said...

Holy Jebus! We were truly blessed back in ’07 to have such concentrated douchebaggery…

By which I mean cursed.

Hypercarotenaemia was so hot back then!

Although Las Vegas might not be rocking Ed Hardy pool parties right now, it’s still in my thoughts… http://www.douchebagswithguns.com

2:15 pm October, 7 Douchble Helix said...

I used to blame your for Snookie.
She’s small Jersey potatoes.
Now we have the Noo Yawk All-Time King of the Hot Chick With Douchbags couple in the fucking White House.
That’s on you, too.

2:38 pm October, 8 creature said...

…sadly we had hoped that it was just Halloween dueling harvest moons

11:49 pm October, 10 jonezy said...

Wooow.
Bag Islander hot was a personal favorite – that Nina Simone limp wrist screaming “you can’t afford to take me to dinner” but coupled with a casual, relatable party vibe. Very nice. No wonder she won the monthly.
.
Quite certain douche or dali chick is the Mrs of possibly deceased peter pumpinator? (Or whatever we were calling him near the end of our mocking days)
.
Fish Slap was always a personal fave, and no joke, my mind wanders to my all-time favorite, Ricky, every few months. Go on with your bad self brotha.
.
Willy wanker woulda never made the cut in latter years, as smiling in enjoyment whilst in presence of the Hott became a disqualifier of total douchitude – he’d be on the higher planes of Cantebury’s 12 levels of Douchetales.
.
Did champagne Katie ever fully tip over? Does the Gator still lead a life of leisure or have the unpaid debts landed him in debtors prison? So many questions left to answer by 2023.

Cheers DB1
– jonezy

12:32 am October, 13 jbone said...

I missed this site a lot and wanted to see if it was still around. Then I saw Pumpy links and got really sad. I feel like he was the only person in 10 years that got, and embraced it. I remember calling some short douche at 3 in the morning that put his number in the comments. Good times. I hope everything is well for you douchebag1, this site has provided me with a lot of joy

1:02 am October, 17 JosephRor said...

https://allofcraig.org/

Leave a Reply